


Spectrum

by penceyprat



Category: Fall Out Boy, Mindless Self Indulgence, My Chemical Romance
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gender Dysphoria, Gender Issues, High School, Kid Mikey Way, Kid Pete Wentz, Kid Petekey, M/M, MTF Gerard, Mikey is the best brother in the world, Nerd Gerard Way, Punk Frank Iero, Sexuality, There's a goth witch punk gang and it's the actual cause of my death, Trans Character, ftm frank
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-02
Updated: 2015-11-09
Packaged: 2018-03-26 17:42:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 28
Words: 91,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3859144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/penceyprat/pseuds/penceyprat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The adventures of 'pretty boy' and 'dyke'. The story of the boy with the boobs who can pack a serious punch, and the girl with a dick and her all mighty powerful butt, and just how the two happen to meet and perhaps happen to fall for one another.</p><p>And the two's battles against dysphoria, the foes of the judgemental gaze of the outside world, and sometimes themselves, sometimes even each other, but in the end, they both know from that very first moment, the first eye contact: it's the two of them against the motherfucking world.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Just This Morning I Said 'No I Can't Start Another Fic Or I Will Just Die'...

If school was based more on how fucking amazing your butt looked and less on actual academia, Gee Way would be a straight A student, and then perhaps then there could be just one _straight_ thing about her.

Well admittedly, she was pansexual and not just exclusively into girls, but the pun worked better if such a small detail was overlooked momentarily.

Gee Way was your 'typical' sixteen year old girl: she spent at least four years in the bathroom every morning, because it wasn't like she'd had all that much practice when it came to make up, she was totally obsessed with a certain cute band member, with posters plastered all over her bedroom walls, she'd severely fucked up her sleeping schedule and all with the help of the world renowned, life ruiner that is tumblr dot com, and then there was of course, _that_.

 _That_.

Because Gee Way wasn't a typical teenage girl, or at least not as much as she'd liked to be, and the revelation of that came every time she faced her reflection in the morning and glared at her flat chested self, and _that_ , the fucking _dick_ between her legs, and she'd told herself a million times that it didn't matter, but it _did_ , and that was inescapable.

Because _technically_ , Gee was a Gerard and Gerard wasn't a boy, but she faced herself in the mirror each morning and just _knew_ that this body was not somewhere she belonged.

And it wasn't even anyone else's business, but it _was_ , and that was a reality Gee faced every single fucking day of her miserable, high school ruled existence; people at school were assholes, and surprisingly enough, despite it being a fucking _school_ , were uneducated assholes.

But then again, not once in Gee's life had she ever been told what to do about dysphoria or even what the difference between gender and sex was, and oh _god_ , boy _or_ girl, and then, dear god, there was the whole black and white sexuality bullshit: gay or straight, and of course gay was bad and straight was good, and there was nothing else, no others, no alternatives, no fucking _spectrum_.

Because that was what it was, a spectrum.

And Gee had found herself in the pansexual area of the sexuality spectrum, and the female one of the gender spectrum, and as such, in the eyes of many, she just didn't exist, or was possessed or something, although, those did tend to be more of the dramatic ones.

Your average kind of generic asshole would usually opt for 'faggot' or 'pretty boy', or just a plain old _'gay_ ', but seriously, who the fuck decided it was cool to use sexuality as an insult?

Of course, Gee wasn't stupid enough to expect that she could just turn up to school in a skirt when she had a dick underneath it and for no one to say a fucking thing, but she really had been hopeful that people would just shut the fuck up after she'd explained it to them, but _no_ , as we all know, your own gender is magically the fucking business of the whole fucking world and privacy doesn't exist, at least not in high school, anyway.

Gee had quite a few trans* friends online, mostly from tumblr, whom she talked to on a pretty regular basis, but never in her fucking life she had a real life encounter with anyone who wasn't straight and cis, and quite honestly, she felt like she'd fucking seen it all.

Things had been a little different at home when it came to her gender, but it wasn't exactly plain sailing and Gee just honestly didn't know why she'd expected it to be so in the first place.

She was fifteen, and it was June when she'd told them - it was a Wednesday and Gee's head was buzzing with nerves and the facts from the last hour of history still drifting around in her head like wisps, not yet been absorbed or discarded by any actual brain matter, _just there_. She'd sat her mum, her younger brother Mikey, who had been twelve at the time, now thirteen, and her dad down and faced them all with an awkward kind of nervous smile. Her dad had cracked some awkward joke about him being glad she was a boy and therefore this couldn't be an 'I'm pregnant moment' and he'd laughed to himself as Gee's heart had plummeted, and Mrs Way had told him to shut up, and Mikey sat there looking kind of confused because he was _just_ a little too young to fully get the joke.

And then, before Gee even knew what she was doing, she was meeting no one's gaze in particular, and just spurting it out: "I'm transgender, I'm a girl."

And the silence, and the quiet conversation: no one had said anything, just accepted it and kind of ignored it, and Gee ate their evening meal of lasagna with baited breath as she watched the non-verbal conversation between her parents.

Mikey had been the only one to actually speak throughout the course of the meal, piping up with a, "so what does transgender actually mean? Is it like-" Only for Mr Way to cut him off with a condescending and unreadable, " _Michael_."

It was a week later that Mikey finally got his answers, when he walked into Gee's room, and found her trying on a dress that she'd bought in secret. He'd just kind of stood in the doorway and stood there for a moment, before Gee happened upon her brother's reflection in the mirror and in consequence, practically had a heart attack.

"So what _does_ it mean?" He'd asked, closing the door behind him, and they both knew why; Mr and Mrs Way hadn't spoken a word, nor allowed a word of it to be spoken since Gee had even brought it up.

"It means that I'm not happy being a boy so I want to be a girl instead." Gee had condensed it a little, because Mikey was twelve and kind of naive too, innocent, perhaps, he was the dorky kid of kind and he definitely got teased at school, but it didn't seem to faze him at all, if he even _noticed_ it, that was.

"Okay. So do you wear dresses now?" Mikey had asked, gesturing to the black, just above knee length strapless dress that Gee had purchased just one day prior.

"Yeah, sometimes."

And that was that; Mikey had walked out, and gone back to reading comic books or whatever, and Gee, quite honestly, she'd started crying at the realisation that a fucking twelve year old kid was more accepting than two educated, middle aged parents.

But that was always how it had to be, wasn't it?

-

Gee hated school, to say the least, and it took nothing more than a certain asshole and a certain kind of overused insult to drive her to the point of insanity within mere minutes.

The asshole in question's name was even unknown to her, and in her head, she'd come to refer to him as 'Rock' because he was just about as dense as one, but it certainly showed a lot that this guy wasn't even on a first name basis with her, and still, he was more than happy to throw an insult that she'd hold stuck in the front of her mind for the rest of the day, or the rest of the week perhaps.

"Hey, _faggot_." And oh god, that _word_ , that fucking _word_ had her insides churning and every nerve in her body on fire.

She turned.

Gee turned and faced the guy despite the fact that she knew that she shouldn't and that the guy totally wasn't worth it, but still, she did, and 'Rock' smiled and waved like some fucking coke addict with a pole up his ass, and Gee threw a middle finger in return.

"Alright, pretty boy, you can fucking pack it in, because I know you've got balls under that skirt, and you know I'm not afraid to kick them."

Gee shook her head, turning away, sighing a little and biting her lip, possibly effectively smudging her lipstick in the process too, as she hurried off to maths, or whatever the fuck she had first, just _any_ lesson, _anywhere_ , just fucking, _anywhere_ away from this asshole.

"Listen to me, pretty boy-"

Gee slammed the double doors behind her, effectively silencing the asshole as she darted amongst the crowd of students; he probably wouldn't make an effort to follow her, but Gee didn't want to test her chances, not one little bit.

Because Gee maybe stupid, but she wasn't an _idiot_ , and this most definitely wasn't a Junior maths lesson and the nurse's office across the hall looked perfectly inviting, and within seconds, Gee Way was sporting a nasty ass dry cough and a headache that made everything kind of blurry and dizzy.

And it was Monday morning, and the nurse was far too hungover to give much of a fuck, and was more than prepared to let Gee just sit there for the remainder of maths, or even the remainder of entirety, perhaps.

Gee reckoned she'd like that.

-

Frank Iero's life based upon one very important principal: if it's not punk rock, then it's not for me, and he did kind of follow this like some sort of eleventh commandment, not that Frank had ever been particularly religious in the first place, sure he'd been to church like once when he was six with some uncle named Fernando, but Frank was pretty sure that the presence of such a 'memory' was the result of a particularly bad trip and not an _actual_ memory.

Frank was pretty tough, or at least, he reckoned so with the 'too many a day, my lungs are too fucked for me to care' smoker attitude and the totally kickass guitar he got for Christmas last year, he reckoned he was the fucking second coming of Danzig himself, and indeed, it was far fetched, but Frank was a fifteen year old boy and there was little else he could possibly fantasise about to keep himself happy.

 _Well_.

Frank reckoned he could easily come up with an alternative, _pleasurable_ fantasy to jack off to, but when it came to the actual goods, the _empty_ space between unfortunately skinny, pale thighs, Frank fell short, and it wasn't just that he had a small dick.

Frank Iero had _no_ dick.

Of course, he wasn't a fucking Barbie doll, there was certainly _something_ between his legs, but it most certainly wasn't what he wanted it to be.

And there was very little fifteen year old Frank Iero could do, other than gaze sullenly at his reflection in the mirror with a cigarette held loosely between his lips, because those fucking _boobs_ , and god, he would fucking cut them right off his fucking chest if he could, if he totally wouldn't just bleed out afterwards, and like, they were sensitive as fuck, and Frank couldn't even imagine _sawing them_ off.

So, Frank settled for a loose fitting shirt, a couple of sizes too big to conceal the _mistake_ God had made with his body, because Frank reckoned that if God existed and made people specially, one by one, and how he _intended_ them to specifically be, Frank reckoned that the big man upstairs would have perhaps just have put one moment's thought into just what he was putting between their legs.

But, hey, Frank could have very easily been the result of God accidentally elbowing the 'female' button, but Frank didn't want to believe that he was the result of any kind of accident just as much as he didn't want to believe in God, because _fuck him_ , or whatever.

It was that rebellious phase, that _overgrown_ rebellious phase, but the gender thing? That wasn't part of a phase, that was Frank, that was _him,_ and that was something he'd made very clear to his mum three months ago when he'd blurted it out whilst eating on trays in front of TV and with his dog, Sweetpea sat on his lap, and only now was she just beginning to get it.

Frank doubted she'd ever get it perfect, but at the very least, she _was_ trying, at least for the most part anyway.

Because it was _always_ 'Frankie' and never 'Frank', but at the very least, he hadn't heard the dreaded 'Francesca' in an awfully long time now, but he reckoned that the very next time he fucked up big time and came home at two _am_ instead of two _pm_ because there'd been these pills that he'd been dared to take, and Frank wasn't a fucking coward for sure, but when he would eventually come home and Mrs Iero would lose it, she'd slipped, and there'd be a 'Francesca' and a 'young lady', and Frank would lay awake for hours afterwards unable to just _forget_ about it.

There was no hope for that: this was everything, and people just didn't seem to understand.

Frank didn't particularly have ' _friends_ ' at school, of course, he spoke to people, but they didn't mean much to him: it was drugs, and smokes, and music in common, and bunking off gym class, and those things were just better with company, even if the company sucked ass.

Even if the company still called you 'Frankie' and made jokes about 'where your boobs had gone' and asked you if you were a 'dyke', and persisted in making stupid 'jokes' even after you'd thrown a fucking cigarette butt at their head.

Frank coped with it though, or at least, he did a pretty good job of making out that he did so, and perhaps that was enough of a tough facade for these jerks to actually keep hanging around with him.

Of course there was that one incident where some dude with like kind of green dreadlocks had touched his butt, well not touched, _groped_ ; the guy had fucking groped him, and Frank was in _shock_ , because this had been only a few weeks since he'd come to terms with his gender and started using he/him pronouns, and well, this _guy_.

"Did you fucking _grope_ me?" Frank had retorted, entirely just astonished, because he was a _dude_ , and if there was anything the people at his school feared more than that one geography teacher with a cane, it was homosexuality.

"Oh come on, princess, you're not a dyke, you keep saying so-" And the guy hadn't had much other than bullshit to say for himself, and well, present Frank was just forever regretful that he hadn't just _punched_ the guy.

"I'm a _dude_. I'm a _guy_ , a male, a _man_. And what are you- a _faggot_?" He hadn't particularly wanted to sink to that kind of level, but it certainly did the job, and well, he'd encountered very few issues after that, of course, besides the rumours that he was in fact not a dyke, but a faggot, which was a refreshing chance, but in no way a welcome one.

But Frank had learned, that despite what you might think, when it came to his _own_ gender, he did indeed, have very little say, or at least in the eyes of the assholes at school.

-

Frank had ended up being kind of late to school, and it was definitely something to do with the fact that he couldn't find his binder, but it fucking wasn't like he was leaving the house without it so his fucking English teacher was going to have to deal with it.

The bitch had never liked him, and the feelings were very much mutual, but at the very least, she was one of the few teachers who had neglected to make any kind of off comment regarding Frank's gender over the past few months.

However, he was _fucking_ ambushed, well, not _ambushed_ per say, but Frank made his way to his locker, and found the word 'dyke' scrawled rather lovingly across it in thick black marker pen, and an insidious sniggering across the hall made it rather obvious as to just who was responsible.

"You got a fucking _problem_?" Frank snapped, his tone perhaps just a little louder than intended, as he stood facing the culprit: a blonde boy from his music class, and if he knew anything, he knew that this kid was an utter fucking _prick_.

"You got a dick? Because I don't think so, come on, Frankie, have another look between your legs, you want my help? Or are you a big girl now? Can you do it for _yourself-"_ And Frank had maybe kind of lost it, with the guy ending up pinned against his own locker.

"Can you go fuck yourself? You want my help? Or are you a big boy now? Can you do it for yourself?" Frank mimicked, seriously considering just bashing this guy's skull against a locker, because although it certainly seemed like a fun way to spend the morning, he reckoned the rest of the day in isolation wouldn't be exactly so great.

"Oh you want to fuck me now do you, Frankie, come on-"

"You can pull yourself together, you know? And for a start, it's _Frank,_ and I'm a _boy_."

"Alright..." The guy paused, a small smirk twitching at the corners of his lips, "alright then, _Francesca_ -"

And before he could quite finish his sentence, Frank found his fist colliding with the guy's face, leaving him falling back against the lockers in something like shock.

"Oh, I wouldn't normally hit a girl, but if you insist." He found his way back up to his feet, aiming a pretty damn good blow to Frank's nose, and god, that _click_ , that... fucking... numbness, and blood: Frank was definitely bleeding, and he wouldn't doubt it if his nose was broken.

"Hey, you two break it up-" Some fucking secretary emerged from somewhere to yell at someone or something, just glanced in horror at the two of them. "You, come on, nurse's office right now." She gestured at Frank, who didn't fucking hesitate in a wonderful opportunity to waste away his English class in the comfy cushioned chairs of the nurse's office.

Frank made his way there, nodding at the nurse, who was fucking well aware of Frank's existence due to his more than just a little haywire medical history, and pretty much just threw all the tissues at him, and made a couple of phone calls as Frank was left to sit down beside a girl with shoulder length black hair, who quite honestly, looked _anything_ but happy to see him.

-


	2. An Encounter With The Emo Lesbian Mafia

Frank found himself in the school nurse's office on a more than regular basis, and it was even mostly down to his inadequate immune system, as opposed to his tendency to not really want to turn up to lessons, because okay, who actually _wanted_ to be in school?

But he spent enough time in there to the extent that the nurse knew him on a first name basis, and for a woman who barely ever looked up from her computer, that was a pretty impressive achievement.

The nurse had barely done as much as nod at Frank as he walked in, before looking back down at her computer with an interest that no one could have in just office work, and somehow, just _somehow_ , Frank had a sneaking suspicion that she did in fact have a Facebook tab or something hidden away in the corner.

Then again, Frank knew instantly that if he ever had some shitty ass office job, he'd spent about ninety percent of his time on tumblr, reblogging pictures of bands and aesthetically pleasing photos like his life depended on it, but of course, Frank just felt very strongly about maintaining his punk rock indie goth aesthetic, which was understandable.

In the silence of the room, he felt his attention directed to the girl sat beside him, who'd neglected to even acknowledge his presence, let alone speak up at all since he'd sat down beside her, and Frank was really trying his best not to take it personally, because realistically, it was nothing to do with him; it was just early in the morning, and quite honestly he, himself wasn't really in the mood for conversation with anybody, let alone a stranger.

"Frankie?"

Frank looked up, groaning internally at the use of that name, but fuck, he was used to it, and if the nurse failed to acknowledge his existence half the time, he couldn't even imagine her acknowledging his gender.

"It's Frank." He corrected her, not that she'd listen, but he could try, couldn't he?

"Whatever, honey, anyway, I should probably have a look at your nose, because the amount of blood coming from it is quickly becoming rather disconcerting." She got up from her desk, grabbing a wad of paper towels, which were apparently the only nursing supplies that schools were equipped with, and made her way over to Frank. 

"Yeah, that's pretty nasty." She added, attempting to mop up some of the blood. "You have a really high pain tolerance, Frankie, you know?"

"It's _Frank_." He corrected her once more, his tone perhaps just a little more snappy this time.

"Okay, _Frank_..." The nurse paused for a moment, dabbing at Frank's nose with a paper towel in an absent minded fashion. "Since when has it been 'Frank'?"

"A few months ago." He let out a sigh, holding the paper towel to his own nose as she pulled away a little.

"Just hold that to your nose and if it stops bleeding you'll probably be fine." You could tell that this woman had earned and deserved that nursing degree, and Frank felt absolutely one hundred percent safe in her care.

She was about to make her way back to her desk, and presumably Facebook, before she stopped in her tracks, glancing at the girl beside Frank with a curiosity. "What about you? What's wrong with you?"

Gee looked up, biting her lip a little as she looked up to face the nurse. "I feel sick and dizzy."

Frank smirked to himself, having heard that one a million times, and with the over-theatricised tones in her voice, it was pretty easy to tell that the only ailment she was suffering from was uncompleted maths homework or something of the like, however the nurse, with all her elite nursing experience, didn't seem to notice at all.

"Okay, if you're gonna be sick, there's a sink there - this carpet is new, you know? And do you know how hard it is to get this school to fork out more than ten dollars for anything other than the academic subjects? Well, judging by the state of the art rooms I think you do." She rolled her eyes, before taking a seat back at her desk and leaving Frank to stare at Gee with an unplaceable kind of curiosity.

"Oh, and what's your name? I know Frankie pretty well, you know, but you're new." She continued, and Frank had pretty much just given up trying to correct her at this point, and had resorted to letting out a disappointed kind of sigh and wondering why he'd ever expected anything in the first place.

"Gee Way." She answered, her gaze fixated down at her feet in a somewhat awkward gesture, as Frank tried wondered why his brain was making such a big deal of remembering that name, because it wasn't like this girl was at all important was it?

The nurse typed something onto her computer; it could be medical details, it could be her Facebook password, who knows? "What's that short for, Gee?"

And that was the very moment that Gee's heart sank to the very floor, because _fuck_ , it was so much worse when the boy she barely knew she was staring at her too. "Uhh..." She blushed, pulling her skirt down a little, before answering the quietest voice she could muster. "Gerard..."

And Frank sat there in astounded silence for a good few moments, convinced that he'd misheard her, because _fuck_ no, this couldn't be right - this couldn't be another real life trans person, could it? _Fuck_ , not he had to be mistaken, he _had_ to be.

" _Gerard_?" The nurse raised her eyebrows as she typed something into her computer. "That's a b-"

"I'm a girl." Gee cut in, her cheeks flushed a little. "It's Gee normally, anyway, that's just my full name... my birth name..."

And Frank reckoned that right then, right there, he had actually died. "Names shouldn't be gendered." He added, not quite brave enough to meet Gee's gaze, because _holyshittingfuck_. "They're just words, aren't they? It seems a bit well... fucked up..."

" _Frankie_." The nurse added from across the room. "Do I have to tell you about your language _again_?"

Frank let out a deep sigh: one thousand fucking percent done with her at this point. "It's _Frank_. Do I have to tell you that again?"

"Excuse me, young _lady_ , I maybe the nurse, but I'm still a teacher-"

"It's _Frank_." Frank choked out, getting to his feet. "It's fucking _Frank_."

He slammed the door to the nurse's office behind him, walking at twice his normal speed in an effort to get the fuck out of school before anyone noticed, because fuck this, fuck her, and fuck his nose, which was totally worse than it looked and he could totally deal with at home, for _sure_.

-

Frank curled up against his bedroom wall, trying his best not to cry or make a fuss, because fuck, at this point, his nose was the absolute _least_ of his problems. Yet still, it stung like a bitch, and Frank hadn't hesitated to hold a wet towel to it; he wasn't exactly sure what this was supposed to or help with, but the school nurse's approach to absolutely everything seemed to involve a wet paper towel in some way.

And then there was of course the famous incident last year in which she'd instructed someone to just 'walk off' their broken foot, because yes, well done on being the worst nurse in the entire fucking world.

However in comparison to the mess clouding his brain, the matter of a potentially bruised, probably not broken nose seemed utterly insignificant, because Frank Iero would be nothing short of a liar if he didn't say that his head was spinning, and it was fucking spinning for the girl with the black hair who'd sat beside him.

Perhaps this girl was the first sign of home for the human race that Frank had ever witnessed, or perhaps Frank was overdoing it with theatrics and fairytale fantasies, because perhaps this girl was just _that girl_ , perhaps someone who'd be in Frank's maths class next year or something, but no one important.

But, Frank knew that it didn't quite fit right, almost like this girl, this _fucking girl_ was somehow meant to be something and someone to Frank, and quite honestly, that was just a feeling that he could never even fathom shaking.

Because Frank would once again be a liar if he said that he didn't like idea of this girl, Gee Way, being someone worth his time, and someone who'd give the time to him, but that was a fucking pipedream, and Frank knew it.

He knew with every ' _Frankie'_ and ' _young lady_ ' and catcall and mess and slip up from his mother, and insults from people at school, he just _knew_ , he just knew that he wasn't special, and he wasn't worth enough to be worth Gee Way's time, because although Frank definitely felt somewhat of a connection there, even in just the nanosecond in which he'd perhaps considered half smiling at her, but there was _something_ , and Frank couldn't help but obsess over it.

Fuck, he was fucking his life up here, he actually was, but she was fucking _trans_ , he was sure of it - she was like him, and holy fuck, this was like some sort of dream, because never once had Frank Iero ever imagined meeting a trans person in real life, outside the realms of the internet and his dashboard, and stupid fucking Frank didn't even know what the fuck to say to her.

There were thousands of students at their school, and he didn't think Gee was in any of his classes, or even hung around the same area of school as he did, and the likelihood was that the two might not ever cross paths again, and Frank couldn't live with that; he just couldn't fucking... _fuck_... he wanted Gee to be his friend and he wanted it desperately.

And well, Frank Iero wasn't much for a good old Facebook stalk, but needs must, and he could definitely blame it on the bruised nose and what was somewhat of a headache haunting temples, because Frank needed excuses, he fucking did, because this was creepy and fucked up, and still Frank was typing 'Gee Way' into that little search box.

And thank Facebook for its mutual friends feature, and its excessive stalking feature, and fucking _everything_ , and just, this was almost too easy, and they had mutual friends so it totally wasn't _too_ weird just to add her and send her a message - just a simple 'hey' or something, and perhaps she'd even understand because she was trans too, but...

_But_.

As Frank continued to do some light 'visible to friends of friends' aided stalking, he found himself discovering more than one or two unfortunate truths. The obvious was of course that as he looked through Gee's profile pictures, he came to realise just how _insanely_ hot she was; he hadn't managed to get so much of a good look at her face earlier, but now it was almost like he'd seen too much.

Then of course, she was a junior, and Frank was a sophomore, which would do a pretty excellent job of explaining as to why they didn't have any classes together or anything of the like. But then there was the fucking antichrist itself in the form of a simple little 'married to Lindsey Ballato' like what the _fuck_ did that mean?

Fucking _Facebook marriage_ , because they were either simply very heterosexual best buds, or fucking practically married 'we've been dating for three years' kind of people, or fucking _gal pals_ , and of course we all knew which one was worse.

Frank decided to brush it off, because he wasn't exactly sure as to when Gee's relationship status had began to affect the possibility of a friendship between them; after a moment of pondering, he reckoned that it was the very moment he laid eyes upon her profile picture, but nope, he wasn't going to allow himself to do this - he wasn't going to fuck his life up, not _again_.

He then ventured into the 'about' section that most people have never updated since they were about twelve, but he tried his luck anyway, scanning over some basic location shit, and the school, and an unfortunate lack of information regarding her sexual orientation, because that would be too easy, but then beautifully and almost innocently laid at the bottom of the page was a website.

A URL to be exact: a tumblr URL.

And in that moment, Frank's face replicated the one of Pepe the frog, and it was beautiful sight, and it was most definitely unfortunate that he was alone and no one could capture the truly wondrous sight.

However, of course, Frank's heart sank to the bottom of the motherfucking ocean as he opened the URL in a new tab, only to find an untitled, _abandoned_ theme, which killed him enough to unsure that he almost didn't notice the beautiful little text in the description box stating that she'd moved to another URL.

And as Frank clicked upon this new URL, he found himself in the best luck he'd had all week, and an anonymous ask box, because fuck yes, Frank could most definitely do anonymous nice vague messages, definitely more than he could do awkward random Facebook adding as well.

-

Somehow Gee Way's illness had miraculously vanished come break time, and well, no one could even begin to imagine just how on earth such a miracle had occurred.

Luckily, the nurse was just a little bit more preoccupied with the fact that the boy called Frank had just fucking ran out of school, and hadn't really come to question the fact that Gee had simply sat in her office for a couple of hours, while having absolutely _nothing_ wrong with her.

However, Gee was slightly more preoccupied with _Frank_ too, because _fuck_ , Frank _not_ Frankie, and... it didn't quite add up but it _did_ , and Gee just almost couldn't quite believe it; it was almost like she'd just come to accept the fact that she'd never meet another decent human being at her school, besides Lindsey Ballato perhaps.

Lindsey wasn't really Gee's best friend, as in Lindsey had quite a few other friends: some sort of slightly intimidating girl gang that Gee didn't quite feel female enough to join, but Gee only had Lindsey, and Gee was a shy little daisy stood beside the strong, tall, radiant sunflower that was Lindsey Ballato.

The two had only met because they'd been sat next to one another in art class, and Gee reckoned that was absolutely the only time she'd ever be the slightest bit thankful for shittily constructed, pointless seating plans.

Lindsey was cool, so much _cooler_ than her, and Gee knew it, but Lindsey was cool enough to be cool, and supportive of Gee as she was, but Lindsey was an insanely attractive lesbian, and Gee was just sort of _there_ , in comparison.

"You're not paying attention to me." Lindsey was something like insanely blunt at least ninety percent of the time, and today was most certainly no exception as the two sat outside on the steps outside the art block.

Gee's cheeks flushed a horrible shade of red, as she stumbled to fit together some kind of response, "I'm... I'm.. I-"

"What's on your mind? Or perhaps, _who_... come on, Gee, tell me _who's_ on your mind?" Gee blinked at her, totally overwhelmed by Lindsey's ability to just fucking _know_ things... _remember_? "You've got that dopey look in your eyes, and you're blushing and smiling like a fucking idiot and who the fuck is it, Gee?"

"Okay, okay, _fuck_... I..." Gee shook her head, knowing that she was fucking done for already, but whatever, Lindsey wasn't the kind of person who'd go around telling people your shit, and Gee was eternally fucking faithful for that. "I was at the nurse's office this morning, and there was this _guy_ , and I... I'd never seen him before, you know? He's kind of short, I think maybe he's a sophomore or something, I don't know, but he's trans, I'm like ninety fucking percent sure that he's trans, and I just... I want to be his _best friend_ , you feel me? But that's weird, and he's just _Frank_ , and I don't even-"

"Sophomore, you say?" Lindsey asked, raised her eyebrows as she pulled her expression into a smirk. "Frances?" She called out across the courtyard, and a girl with shoulder length black hair and a kind of 'dead inside' look turned around. Gee reckoned that this was a definitely a member of Lindsey's punkass girl gang / feminist witch cult.

"Mmm?" The girl asked, raising an eyebrow in Gee's direction as she made her way over.

"You know some boy in your year called Frank?" Lindsey continued, grinning at Gee as she did so, who was just a little overwhelmed by the apparent emo lesbian mafia that he'd uncovered.

" _Why_?" She continued, glancing between Gee and Lindsey with a certain kind of apprehension.

"Gee has a total crush on him-"

"I do _not_!" Gee exclaimed, her cheeks a deep red.

"Whatever you say, honey." Lindsey shook her head, glancing back in Frances in direction with an impatient look to her gaze. "Come on Frances, you know _everyone_."

"Could you possibly mean Frankie-"

"Yeah, but he's Frank now, but he _was_ Frankie-"

"Oh yeah, that trans kid!" Frances exclaimed, her face lighting up as she spoke. "I remember him: he punched a guy a few months ago for calling him a dyke or something - it was fucking _epic._ Anyway so that's Frank Iero, he's fifteen, he has a habit of punching people, and I reckon he's on more drugs than he has fingers, and not like in a 'he's crazy' way, but like that kind is a fucking _crackhead_ , I shit you not, but he's not an asshole, he's not the worst person in the world, so go for it, if you want, although he is a boy without a dick, just saying."

"Yeah, and I'm a girl with one." Gee retorted, perhaps just a little snappier than she should have been in the presence of a member of the emo lesbian mafia, but _fuck_ , it wasn't like Frank wasn't going to end up ruining her life already.

" _Oh_..." Frances paused for a moment, looking Gee up and down, "Gee Way... yeah, I get it now. Your art's fucking cool, I tell you that, anyway, best of luck in getting laid- _hey_ , wait..." Frances turned to Lindsey. "I swear you've barely mentioned her before..."

Lindsey shrugged it off, blushing a little. "We've been friends a while, she's cool I promise."

"How cool?" Frances continued almost as if Gee wasn't sat right in front of her, but of course, Gee was pretty much _anything_ but offended.

" _Hella_ cool." Lindsey continued, turning to Gee with that 'I have an idea' grin that Gee had learned to avoid like she'd learned to avoid fuckboys. "She's fucking amazing, you know? Underrated, underdog, yet cute punk vibes-"

" _Vibes_ , who the fuck says 'vibes'?" Frances retorted, shaking her head.

"People cooler than you." Lindsey shook her head, grinning a little, leaving Frances to ignore her, waiting a moment, before turning to Gee, who'd been watching the two's interaction with a somewhat baffled look in her eyes.

"Hey, _Gee_ ," Frances turned to her with a deadly serious look in her eye, "how interested would you be in joining an all girl feminist witch gang?"

-


	3. Lindsey Ballato The Motherly Gothic Vulture

Gee Way didn't even open her laptop until something like six that evening: having been busy with more homework than she could ever care for, and then helping Mikey with his, which she still didn't understand, and the two had ended up googling on Mikey's laptop, which their parents really wouldn't have approved of, and well, Mikey always wanted to be good, but needs must, and it wasn't like Gee Way was much of an advocate for telling her parents anything after this whole mess with her gender that they were still insistent upon ignoring.

However, come ten past six, she'd made herself a sandwich and sat down in bed, putting her laptop in her lap and waiting what felt close to ten years for the damn thing to boot up.

She'd first gone to her iTunes, putting her headphones in, and her music library on shuffle, paying little attention to what she was actually listening to as she eventually found herself drifting towards the realms of Tumblr.

And, Gee was something like surprised and delighted to see the little red number one on her inbox, and yes, it was still red, because Gee had XKit, because fuck Tumblr and their shitty website.

It was an anonymous message, as they often were, and it was somewhat simple in nature, but she couldn't even dare to say that there'd been little thought put into it.

_'hey. I just want to tell you that you're amazing and beautiful and that when I saw you today, I think everything changed.'_

Gee's eyes widened as she read the message several times over, because _fuck_ , this person had to know her in real life then, and _fuck_ , she did _not_ want people at school to know about her blog: sure, blogging about cats and feminism, as Gee often did, seemed pretty harmless, but there were those personal posts, and well, although Gee never did mention names or anything, she didn't ever hold back her feelings.

However, as she read the message through another time, she concluded that perhaps this person's intentions were nothing but good, and with that, she responded to the message with a, ' _thank you. so you know me in real life? who are you?'._

Gee went back to her dashboard, reblogging a couple of pictures, before another red number one appeared in her inbox once again, and well, she was only human, and curiosity soon got the better of her.

_'We don't really know each other but I go to your school. You won't know me but I kind of want you to.'_

And Gee was both utterly flustered and grinning like an idiot as she typed out a reply: _'tell me who you are then.'_

And a few minutes later: minutes spent staring at her inbox, because by this point, Gee's interest had been sparked, a simple, one word reply was received: _'no_ '.

And then nothing, and Gee was practically driving herself insane over it, and within mere moments,

It just didn't make sense, because _who_ the fuck who think enough of her to stalk to her and find her blog and then send her anonymous messages, and fuck, it was someone she knew, well, not really, but someone she'd seen before, and... _god_... Gee shook her head, opening Facebook in another tab and turning to Lindsey for advice, as she often did,

_'some anon on tumblr just messaged me saying that I am 'amazing and beautiful' and that they saw me at school today'_

Lindsey replied within a few minutes, having been doing little more than scrolling through her newsfeed herself: _'well, you've got yourself a stalker then,'_ and a stupid smiley face emoji that Gee felt was burning a fucking _hole_ in her screen.

_'Lovely,'_ Gee shook her head, looking up, message half typed, as her bedroom door opened, and Mikey walked in, "one sec," she mumbled aloud as Mikey took a seat beside her on the bed, and Gee typed out a quick, _'gtg'_ , before closing the window as fast as physically possible.

"It's not your homework again, is it?" Gee asked, narrowing her eyes a little as she turned to Mikey, but from the far more sombre look in the thirteen year old's eyes, she knew that this was something different entirely.

"No, it's... _it's..."_ Mikey shook his head, blushing a little as he did so, Gee waiting in silence for him to continue, "this girl, she's a very pretty girl, she asked me on a date, and I said no, and I was really nice to her about it, but now she started a rumour that I'm gay... and... these kids keep coming up to me and screaming _'_ faggot' in my face..."

Gee shook her head, in something like disbelief, because they were fucking thirteen year olds, and still this shit had been drilled into their brains, and it was the worst thing in the world, and dear god, she never wanted Mikey to experience that kind of hatred.

"Can't you like tell the school that they're making up rumours and bullying you? Like tell your teacher, what's her name again?"

Mikey shook his head firmly, his gaze falling to the floor, "then they'd call me teachers pet, and I... I'm not even gay... I... I mean... should I have really just said yes to that pretty girl?"

"If you didn't want to go out with her then no you shouldn't have." Gee met Mikey's gaze as she spoke, making sure he understood.

"But she's pretty... am I weird for not liking her? Am I a freak... am I a... f-faggot?" And it was exactly then that Gee's heart broke right in two.

"Don't use that word, Mikey." She said, shaking her head firmly as she pulled her little brother into a hug. "You're none of those things, and if you _are_ gay, and you should be under no pressure to know at your age, or any age, but one day you will know what you are... whatever it is, it's fine with me, you know that? I'm _always_ going to love you, and you're always going to be my little brother, well, unless you don't want to be my _brother_ anymore, but... you know what I mean."

Mikey smiled at his sister: a genuine kind of smile that meant the absolute world to Gee, before his face faltered significantly at a sudden realisation, "it wouldn't be the same with mum and dad though, would it?"

Gee bit her lip, hating to agree with him, but Mikey was right, and there was no way around that.

"Why don't they like you being a girl?" He asked, it phrased as a genuine question, and Gee could never quite understand how Mikey could be so accepting and understanding, when their parents were anything but that.

"I don't know, Mikey, I really don't know."

-

"But what if she's not punk rock enough?" Jamia raised her eyebrows, lighting a cigarette as she engaged in somewhat casual, somewhat pointless conversation with a certain Lindsey Ballato. "I care a lot about my punk rock aesthetic, you know?"

"I know, I know." Lindsey let out a deep sigh, shaking her head a little as she turned to Frances for some form of support. "Gee's really punk rock, I promise-"

"If she's a prep, can I put my middle finger up at her?" Jessicka asked, grinning a little.

"I feel like we need to ban you from reading 'My Immortal' again..." Lindsey shook her head in disbelief, because Jessicka had this little problem with the slightly more than ironic appreciation of scene kid culture, and seriously someone needed to stop her before she started walking around wearing a Blood On The Dancefloor shirt or something equally as tragic.

"I feel like that's bullying." Jessicka grumbled, turning back to Alicia, who she had previously been in her own conversation with.

"And don't you reckon calling Gee a 'prep' is bullying too?" Chantal grinned a little, because everyone knew she was right, and Jessicka was definitely going to put her middle finger up at her for being such a prep, but Chantal reckoned that maybe, just maybe, she could deal with that.

"God, Chantal, you're such a prep." Alicia added, her tone just a little _too_ mocking in a way that Jessicka didn't particularly appreciate.

"A _prep_ -" Kitty shook her head in something like disbelief, only to be soon cut off as the youngest of the group of unfairly hot emos spoke up.

"Wait, _guys_ , that's her, isn't it, Lindsey?" Frances interrupted the group of squabbling, 'gothic' lesbians as a certain Gee Way made her way towards the bit of the park they were sat on.

Lindsey turned to face Gee, and as did the others, looking a lot like a pack of particularly attractive punk rock vultures, which was interesting, to say the least, "yeah, it is, hey," she raised her voice a little, gesturing towards the girl making her way towards them, "hey, _Gee_!"

She looked up, smiling at Lindsey, and looking just a little overwhelmed by the others, but Gee reckoned that with her current state, if someone was offering to be friends with her, especially the likes of the punk rock witch coven, she was absolutely in _no_ position to turn them down.

"Hey..." She blushed a little as she approached them, sitting down besides Lindsey, because who the fuck wasn't just a little intimidated by this cult of insanely hot, most likely vampiric girls.

"So, Gee..." Jamia spoke up first, glancing in Lindsey's direction first, almost as if she needed permission, because okay, Lindsey was looking an awful lot like she was Gee's mum right now, and Jamia had watched enough shitty animal documentaries to know that the mum is going to knock you the fuck out when you mess with her babies. "Just how punk rock are you?"

"Out of ten." Jessicka added, grinning at Gee in a slightly unnerving way.

"Well... uhh..." Gee blushed an awkward colour of pink, perhaps just a little nervous, but it wasn't at all irrational. "Maybe... uhh... out of ten? Six hundred and sixty six... you know, or something."

"You know what?" Alicia spoke up, grinning a little, "me and my wannabe Satanist aesthetic respect that?"

"Wannabe Satanist...?" Gee trailed off, more than just a little confused, and perhaps even concerned.

"Yeah, I mean, it's cool, I like pentagrams, and it's like goth as fuck, but I really don't like blood and oh god, animal sacrifice, and I swear the majority of Satanists are like twelve year old scene kids, and I'm not in any position to be taking life advice from Jessicka-"

" _Hey_ \- fuck you, Alicia, anyway, I'm an atheist, _actually_."

" _Actually."_ Frances added in a mocking tone of voice, shaking her head in Jessicka's direction, "I think you'll find that Jessicka's religion is 'My Immortal'-"

"Fuck you-"

"Hey, at least I don't want to secretly change my name to Enoby Dementia-"

"Actually, I think you'll find it's... Dark'ness Dementia, and with an apostrophe between 'Dark' and 'ness', because someone has some originality around here, _Frances_." 

"And, Gee, just how confused are you on a scale of one to ten right now?" Kitty interrupted them, turning to Gee as she attempted to include her just a little.

Gee shrugged, grinning a little, "six six six."

"Hey, Gee, do you... that guy-" Frances dodged around the subject awkwardly, making some kind of effort in regards to discretion, but Alicia was far too fucking curious for her own good.

"What guy?" Her face lit up in some sort of unnerving grin. "Hey, does he go to our school-"

"Chill, Alicia, _chill_." Chantal shook her head, turning back down to face her phone screen, finding that reading a WikiHow that detailed how to get away with murder was far more worth her time than this sort of conversation.

"His name's Frank... uhh... he's a sophomore... I-" Gee stuttered out, her cheeks flushing just a little, because she was totally thinking about Frank right now, and it was totally ruining her life and it was totally the worst thing ever and she totally hated it, but Frank was cute, and Frank was trans, and Frank was like some sort of gift, but she just couldn’t quite yet figure out as to whether he'd been sent from heaven or hell yet.

"Sophomore guys? God, stop copying Alicia, come on." Jessicka grinned, and Alicia gave her a much deserved 'friendly' slap for that one.

"That was _one_ guy, for fuck's sake, at least I didn't date snail Jeff-"

"In like fourth grade-"

" _Sixth_." Lindsey corrected, shaking her head a little. "It was sixth grade."

"Who's snail Jeff?" Gee piped up, slightly amusing by just the thought of what 'snail' could possibly connote in relation to an ex-boyfriend from something like four years ago.

"Oh, he's not a person, snail Jeff is actually a snail. Jessicka dated a snail when she was twelve, it was... uhh... a _weird_ relationship..." Jamia explained, grinning a little as she did so.

"Oh stop fucking with her, Jamia, you ass." Kitty shook her head in disbelief, turning to Gee as she gave her somewhat of a 'decent' explanation. "It's this weird kid called Jeff who kept snails and like wait did he-"

"He broke up with me because he wanted to spend more time with his snails, and I was like _woah_ , kid, are you fucking the snails, and he was like twelve, and I was like twelve, so I don't think he knew what snail fucking was, and I'm not even sure how I knew but, it's over now, and Alicia dates sophomores, and wait- is this... is this that... Frankie Iero? The trans one?"

"It's Frank now, but yeah." Frances corrected her, turning to Gee as she continued. "I can totally set you two up if you want?"

"God, _no_... I... I..." And Gee was blushing like hell, and she couldn't shake the feeling that everyone of these girls were far too good for her, but still she was laughing, and this was a much better waste of an afternoon than what she could have possibly conjured up alone.

And Lindsey was smiling like the proud, motherly gothic vulture she was, because she reckoned that she really hadn't seen Gee this happy in an awfully long time.

-

It was something like ten at night, and the darkness coated the streets like a blanket in a manner that served as nothing more than a simple reminder as how much Frank really shouldn't be out here.

And there was of course the added factor of that it was a school night, and if his mum wasn't working late tonight, she totally would have killed him.

But Frank needed a smoke, and he needed some scenery, and perhaps a bit more than a smoke, and perhaps a pedestrian bridge over a highway on the outskirts of two, and legs dangling through railings in a manner that couldn't be anything besides extremely dangerous, but of course, if it wasn't, Frank didn't see much point in bothering.

He'd nearly finished the packet of cigarettes, and although this was quite easily the worst news Frank had received all week, he at least had the compensation in the fact that once he finished his cigarettes he could start on the stronger stuff, and of course, that was what Frank really needed here, wasn't it? 

Because he was a nervous mess, and there was little escaping that.

Frank had punched another kid at school today; he found himself getting into fights a lot, and well, Frank wasn't exactly the kindest of people, and far too many assholes had used the change in his gender as an excuse to hit him now, because of course, you couldn't hit _girls_ could you?

Well at least, they'd accepted him as a boy to some degree, and Frank had to be grateful of that at the very least, but he wasn't, and he could do little more than sit and feel insanely sorry for himself, until he felt the space beside him filling by a boy significantly taller than him.

"You're not going to _jump_ are you, dude?" It was difficult to make the guy's face out in the darkness, but he looked a little older than Frank with a mess of brown curly hair in an afro style, and well, that was some pretty fabulous hair, Frank had to admit.

"No." Frank shook his head, smiling a little. "I'm just... I just needed to think, and some adventurous scenery, and yeah, I'm good, I'm fine, just perhaps a little stoned, but that's nothing in my world, I promise you."

"Kid, you look like you're twelve." The guy shook his head in disbelief, laughing a little, and with that, Frank felt an awful lot like pushing _him_ off the bridge.

"I'm fifteen, _actually_." Frank rolled his eyes, pausing for a moment before continuing. "I'm Frank, by the way, and what about yourself?"

"I'm Ray, I'm sixteen-"

"Fuck off, not much older than me are you at all?" Frank shook his head in something like disbelief.

"I'm nearly seventeen-"

"And I'm nearly going to punch you, dude..." Frank trailed off, glancing out across the horizon. "Sorry, I... I'm a bit of an asshole, but I've had it with short jokes, I can fucking promise you that."

"I get tall jokes all the time, dude, don't worry." Ray smiled at him, wondering if there was even any point in making it home by eleven, because Frank was interesting conversation, and Ray life was just about _anything_ but interesting. "I know your pain."

"No you don't, because you don't get gay jokes, you don't get trans jokes, you don't get sexist jokes, you don't get emo jokes, you don't get shit, dude." Frank paused for a moment, dropping his cigarette butt onto the highway below. "Fuck- I... I... sorry, and god, I wonder why I get into fights so much..."

"It's fine; you're upset, I can see that." And somehow, fucking _somehow_ Ray was still smiling at him, and it was at that exact moment that Frank knew he had to keep this one and force him to be his best friend.

"Fuck, can I be your best friend, seriously dude, can I give you my number- not in a gay way- I... fuck... I-"

"It's fine, I'm not an asshole." Ray grabbed his cellphone and let Frank add himself as a contact. "I'm not gay, though, just saying."

"I like girls anyway, but _biologically_ , motherfucking _biologically,_ I am a 'girl'... and therefore... there's the lesbian jokes, there's 'dyke' and there's- god... I just swear my gender identity is only relevant to people when they want it to be, like when they want to punch me, then _sure_ , then I'm a dude, because they can't punch girls, but... _fuck_..."

"People are assholes, some people just _don't_ understand, and that's something I feel like we're stuck with." Ray let out a sigh, "people are always going to be ignorant."

"And how come you're so understanding and I haven't met you yet? Like wait, you're cis, you're straight, and you-"

"I have two mums." Ray explained with a smile.

"God, what's that like? I can barely cope with one!" Frank exclaimed, shaking his head frantically, because okay, his mum definitely wasn't the worst person in the world, but she definitely wasn't the worst either.

"They're really nice actually. People say stuff about it at school, so I don't tend to mention it until people actually turn up at my house and they're like 'what the fuck where's your dad?'" 

Frank groaned, shaking his head a little. "Fucking people, man."

Ray nodded, meeting Frank's gaze. "Fucking _people._ "

-


	4. Petekey Is Ruining My Life I'm Sorry

Thirteen year old Mikey Way kept his head down, and tried his best not to look at the group of kids pointing at him and laughing; he'd become unfortunately accustomed to this kind of behaviour since he'd rejected that girl, and everything had changed in a way that Mikey could never really quite understand.

He didn't even want to hate them, he just wanted everyone and everything to be happy, he just wanted the world to get along and everyone to smile, but Mikey had lost all hope of that the very day Gee had come out and their parents had reacted so badly, which was something Mikey never saw himself fully understanding.

Part of him reckoned that he didn't even want to, but he didn't get particularly long to ponder upon that before their teacher walked into the classroom, and the group of kids fell into a silence, besides the odd snicker and glance as they made their ways back to their seats.

Mikey didn't look up as the teacher, Miss Jackson, led took a seat at the front of the classroom; she was late as usual, and she'd often argue that she had a meeting, but no one could quite figure out just why she had a meeting every morning that lasted for at least twenty minutes that none of the other teachers attended.

"Now, I expect you all to be nice to our new student, who's just moved here from Chicago, and I expect you all to make him welcome, because you know, new school, new state, new world, hey?" No one laughed, and Miss Jackson looked extremely personally offended. "So his name is Pete, and he's going to introduce himself."

As she turned to Pete, the class laughed a little in response to the rather wide eyed look of horror upon the thirteen year old's face, "uhh... I... I... I'm Pete? I... can I just... _sit down_?"

"Fine," Miss Jackson looked a little disgruntled, but shrugged it off, turning back to her laptop to do god knows what, "sit down where ever there's an empty seat."

And at that point, the whole damn classroom, the whole damn world, expected Pete to sit next to the kid with the stupid fringe and the even stupider jokes on the second row, or perhaps the girl who was friends with the girl who Mikey had rejected, if he was feeling particularly ballsy, but even despite the calls and gesturing from his newfound classmates, thirteen year old Pete Wentz noticed the boy with his head down on the back row.

Because back in Chicago, Pete was that kid, and there was no escaping that, because although this was a new start, Pete wasn't a new person, and with that, he walked to the back of the room and almost gave thirteen year old Mikey Way a heart attack as he sat down beside him.

And perhaps even the rest of the classroom, because in their minds, this was _not_ supposed to happen.

"Hey," Pete smiled, watching as the kid looked up at him: all wide eyed, confused, and somewhat intimidated, even half expecting this to be somewhat of a bad practical joke, "I'm Pete Wentz. What's your name?"

"M-Mikey Way." He stuttered out, glancing around the room, to find not the giggles and whispers he'd expected, but faces of shock and confusion akin to his own.

"Nice Anthrax shirt, Mikey Way." Pete smiled, deciding that then and there, he and Mikey would be friends, because Mikey was definitely the coolest person he'd _ever_ met.

"T-thanks... it was my... sister's, but... she doesn't wear it anymore." Mikey explained, blushing furiously as Pete continued to converse with him like nothing was astray.

"Why not? Does she not like them anymore?" Pete looked something like entirely disheartened by that fact.

Mikey shook his head with a small smile. "No, she doesn't wear these kinds of clothes anymore. She still likes them, although she's going through this slightly concerning Taylor Swift phase-"

"There's no such thing as a Taylor Swift phase, Mikey Way, you're a swiftie for life, that's final." And Pete was perhaps a little too sincere as he said it, because Mikey was cracking up, and smiling like an idiot, and Pete reckoned that Mikey Way's smile was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen.

"Pete?" And as if to smash the moment and their smiles in two, a certain asshole that went by the name of Sam called across the room. "Why are you sitting with _him_?" And the same laughter that had haunted Mikey's head for days.

Pete's face contorted into one of pure disappointment as he glanced between Mikey and Sam, and the rest of the class, "because he's my friend? Why do you say that like it's a bad thing?"

"You know he's a faggot, right?" Sam added, and the whole classroom erupted in laughter, and Miss Jackson still sat at the front at her laptop like she hadn't noticed at all.

"Why would that affect if I want to be friends with him or not?" Pete shook his head in disbelief. "Mikey’s my friend, and I think you might want to think twice before being an ass to my friend again."

"Or what?"

"Do you _want_ to find out?" Pete rose to his feet as Miss Jackson rather conveniently left the room for one reason or another, because she was indeed a very responsible teacher who totally shouldn't be fired.

"Sure." Sam laughed again, his eyes widening a little, as Pete stormed over to his desk and glared down at him, Mikey's heart thudding in his chest from the back of the room.

"Say it again, I dare you." Pete met Sam's eyes, and the whole class sat in a stunned silence, as Sam's lips parted once again.

"Mikey Way is a big faggot who wants it in his ass-"

Pete's fist connected with Sam's face before he could quite finish his sentence.

"Think about what you're saying about my friend Mikey Way, will you?" And with that, Pete went and sat back down beside Mikey, the rest of the class stunned into silence, and Sam stumbling to his feet, blood dripping from his nose as he made his way to what the class presumed was the nurse's office.

As Miss Jackson made her way back in, totally oblivious to what had just occurred, chatter filled the room again: gossip, again about Mikey, but of a totally different content this time.

"Why did you do that?" Mikey asked, his voice hushed and shaking a little as he still couldn't quite believe it.

"Because I think you should smile all the time and they're stopping you from doing that." Pete paused, glancing around the room once more, "your sexuality doesn't affect anything-"

"I'm not actually gay." Mikey added; he wasn't entirely sure why, but he did nevertheless.

Pete's expression faltered a little, but Mikey didn't quite notice, "that's fine too, of course it is."

And just like that Mikey Way smiled again, and Pete Wentz reckoned that everything was right with the world.

-

Gee Way was sat somewhat absentmindedly at the kitchen table, her parents out at work, and having the house to herself for what felt like the first time in forever, and was actually the first time since she'd came out, because apparently what she identified as decided just how 'responsible' she was.

Gee could never understand her parents, no matter how hard she tried, she just really _couldn't_ , and by this point, she'd kind of given up trying altogether, and in a way that was for the better, as simply ignoring one another seemed to work far better in this house than any hope of ever talking things out.

And perhaps Gee would settle with that for herself, as she came to soon realise that it was a good compromise, well by lacklustre standards anyway, but for Mikey? No. For Mikey she wanted everything, and some damn good understanding parents for a start.

Not even _fantastic_ parents, but parents that would look him in the eye if he ever came out in any way, shape, or form to them, because eye contact or prolonged conversation was not a luxury Gee received from her parents anymore, but of course, it wasn't a luxury she'd ever really desired.

And at this point, she'd just kind of accepted the fact that this was how things were going to be, and perhaps she could live with it if she didn't think about if for too long, but alternative was the cute sophomore boy called Frank, and Gee had already wanted to punch herself in the face enough today.

However, being a member of a punk witch cult had certainly improved her quality of life significantly, and Gee reckoned that she kind of owed her life to Lindsey Ballato at this point, but come on, what was new?

The sixteen year old jumped a little as the backdoor slammed, and her thirteen year old brother made his way into the kitchen, locking the door behind him, and throwing his school bag down in a manner that their mother would probably attempt to crucify him for, and just luckily for him, she wasn't here.

Mikey stood there: silent and frozen for a moment, like he'd been put on pause, before eventually breathing a rather deep sigh of relief and moving into a more neutral position, as he faced Gee, still sat a few metres away, still watching her brother with a certain curiosity.

"Mum's not here?" Mikey almost couldn't believe it: his parents having always been here ever since he could just about remember. Gee nodded in response, and Mikey looked like he was going to die of excitement. "Does this mean I don't have to do my homework right now- oh my _god_! Wait, why- Gee, have you _killed_ her or something?"

Gee laughed it off, rolling her eyes at Mikey, "obviously, Mikey, let's go bury the body- _no_ , they're both out at some work thing, I don't know, I've kind of just been sat here outside my room in a skirt and revelling at the fact that no one has threatened to shoot me yet."

Mikey let out some form of light hearted laughter and took a seat opposite his sister. "It's not fair how they treat you."

"I know, I _know_." Gee shook her head, meeting Mikey's gaze, and noticing something amiss, " _hey_ , Mikeyway, what’s up? There's something up, I can tell."

Mikey shook his head: genuinely unsure how the hell he was supposed to form some sort of coherence from the emotionally biased mess in his head. "Something happened at school today."

Gee raised her eyebrows, leaning in a little. "Are they still calling you names?"

"I don't know- I... it's to do with that, and it's... it's... confusing..." Mikey bit his lip, looking away and focusing on his reflection in the overly polished refrigerator door for a moment, before continuing, "there's this new kid, he's called Pete, and... he sat next to me today..."

Gee nodded, motioning for her brother to continue, however Mikey was something like choking on his own words. "And what happened after that?"

"People started telling him that I was a f-... you... k-know what... I... and... it was weird, because he chose to sit next to me; there were other seats, and no one told him to, and I didn't even look at him, but he was so nice... and he told me he liked my shirt, and that we were friends, and then... then... he punched this guy in the face who was saying stuff about me..."

Gee let out a disbelieving kind of laugh, her eyes widening a little, "oh my _god_ , Mikey, you hold the f- _hell_ on to him, you hear me?"

"No one said anything more to me after that." Mikey added, a small smile twitching at his lips, "I like Pete, I like him a lot; he's from Chicago, he just moved here, and he's super cool, and super funny, and this is... this just feels weird... I..."

"Why should it?" Gee asked, raising her eyebrows a little. "You weren't expecting this, I can imagine, and now you have the best friend in the world, and you don't ever let him go, you hear me?"

"Yeah." Mikey smiled, looking up to meet his sister's gaze.

"I want to meet this guy at some point, you know, and I want to tell him that he's my favourite person in the world... well, it's kind of tied, first place is like _you_ , Pete, Lindsey Ballato, and... F-"

"Who?" Mikey widened his eyes at that.

"Oh, it's no one, I... I just..." Gee shook her head in disbelief, because fuck her life, _fuck_ it. "There's this _guy_..."

Mikey rolled his eyes, shaking his head a little, "and you're in love with him?"

"No, I'm... it's different it's... he's like me, he's trans too, but we hardly ever speak, because he's a sophomore, but... I want to know him, you know what I mean? And I can't stop thinking about him, and-"

"What's his name again?" Mikey asked, grinning a little, because sure as hell, his sister was damn pathetic at times.

"Frank... he's called Frank and he's lovely." Gee shook her head, "and I have no guts to talk to him at all."

"Have you not tried stalking all his social media?" Mikey asked in a deadpan kind of manner.

"What- I... are you not going to do that with Pete?" Gee asked, giggling a little.

"What? I- Gee, I'm not, I'm not _in love_ with Pete- he's my _friend_ , you know, I-" Mikey shook his head, "nevermind, I'm tired, I'm going to my room."

Gee sat there for a moment, watching as Mikey made his way upstairs, "hey, Mikey- I'm _sorry_ , you know I love you, don't you?"

"I know." Mikey paused for a moment, "you're totally soppy and pathetic, and all lovestruck for this Frank though, like _ew_."

Gee laughed, shaking her head, "just wait, Mikes, just _wait_."

-

Frank found the notion of having a friend he actually liked and could trust somewhat bizarre, and that really did say a lot about his life and character, but that was besides the point, and Ray Toro was nice, and let him smoke in his bedroom, and therefore automatically Frank's best friend.

The two were sat on Frank's bed, but no homo, because Ray was surprisingly straight, and perhaps Frank had expected better, but whatever, he was totally pining over some stupid girl that was something like a million miles out of his league: like, Gee was Jupiter, and Frank was some piece of rock that had broken off Pluto twelve years ago.

"You alright? You look kind of... _off_..." Ray noted, soon noticing changes in people, even if he'd barely known Frank a few days, but the two had done very little other than talk and hang out, so Ray was already Frank's best friend in the world, and the feeling was mutual for the first time in forever.

"It's nothing." Frank laughed, choking a little on smoke as he did so, because Frank was skillful as fuck.

"Don't die on me, kid." Ray shook his head in disbelief.

"Don't call me _kid_ , you're like one year older than me, go fuck yourself.” Frank rolled his eyes, taking an extra long drag of his cigarette, and just for the absolute _hell_ of it.

"You're like five, are you even allowed to swear? And you're like three foot tall as well, you are literally a small child... who smokes like a whole packet of cigarettes a day-"

"Hey, I'd say _two_ packets, fight me, Toro, _fight me_." Frank shook his head in disbelief at the truly traumatising bullying his best friend was putting him through. "If you call me 'kid' or 'child' again, I will report you to childline-"

"What because you're such a _child_?" Ray raised his eyebrows, grinning, insistent that he'd won this one, as Frank threw him a half-hearted middle finger and laid down on the bed.

"Hey, can I... can I talk to you about something _stupid_?" Frank asked after a few moments of silence, and Ray nodded instantly, perhaps even a little intrigued as to what _Frank Iero_ could possibly call stupid and still want to talk about. "Well, there's this _girl-_ "

"Oh _god_..." Ray shook his head in disbelief, watching as Frank sat up again and rolled his eyes in Ray's direction.

"She's beautiful and totally out of my league, but she's trans too, and I... I want to be her best friend and/or date her, preferably both... I... she's literally just the best person in the world, like you feel me? But she's older than me and her friends literally look like they want to pin me to crucifix via my non-existent ballsack, and well, I kind of stalked her a little and I found her blog on Tumblr, and I sent her maybe a few anons, but I chickened out, and _god_... I am actually a teen movie cliché, aren't I?"

"You're not far off it, Frank, I can tell you that." Ray let out a laugh, pulling his laptop up from under the bed, "so, come on, what's her blog?"

" _No_ , no, _no_..." Frank shook his head firmly, pulling the laptop away from Ray, "I'll show you her Facebook, but not her blog, like, I feel like... there's a certain privacy with your blog and then people from school-"

"A certain privacy that doesn't apply to you?"

"Fuck off, look, I'm lovestruck, I'm not in the right mind-"

" _Lovestruck_?"

"Nope, I never said that at all- look, _look,_ here's her Facebook." And with that, Frank practically threw Ray's laptop back at him; the device upon on 'Gee Way's Facebook page.

" _Gee Way_..." Ray trailed off, his eyes widening a little, "I'm vaguely aware of her existence, you know? And I'm also vaguely aware of the fact that Lindsey Ballato will stab you through the gut if you go near here."

"I'm also unfortunately aware of that too." Frank admitted, shaking his head, "I just... look at how beautiful she is, just... she's just amazing, and I stalk her blog too much and I just... it's ruining my life, and I..."

"Well send her a message on tumblr explaining your situation." Ray said it like it was the simplest thing ever, and Frank seriously considered punching both Ray and himself in the face at that very moment.

"God no, like on anon, maybe, but she'll- she'll want to know who I am, and I..." Frank shook his head furiously, too caught up in the minor existential crisis he was having to notice Ray finding the link to Gee's old tumblr on her Facebook, and in turn, the new tumblr, and finally the ask box.

And Frank didn't even notice as Ray typed out an anonymous message, roughly explaining Frank's situation, and Frank remained oblivious even as Ray hit that send button.

But Ray knew from the mess Frank was in that he'd most definitely become all too aware of it as he casually stalked her blog tonight.

"So, hey, Frank, you done dying yet, because I want to get pizza?" Ray sat up, all too casually shutting his laptop and putting it back under his bed.

"Y-Yeah... I'm good, _pizza_ , yeah..." Frank shook his head, laughing a little as exhaled entirely too much nicotine at once. "You know what would be even better? Weed, or cocaine, for that matter-"

"I'm pushing it with letting you smoke in here, you know?" Ray shook his head, "you're ruining your life with all those drugs, you know?"

Frank shook his head, laughing a little, "how could my life _possibly_ get any worse?"

-


	5. The Goth Witch Cult Strikes Again

The deep end of the swimming pool for the first time: that's what Gee Way feels as she reads the anonymous message on her tumblr, and suddenly it's all too many stomach butterflies, and too little butterfly stroke, because she's drowning, and suddenly, the water seems less like that of a swimming pool and more like that of an ocean.

Because there's most certainly no life guard to pull her out again; it's water, deep down for miles: deep blue and bottle green, and clear, dark skies, alone at night, as the artificial light fades away, and the side she's clinging to dissolves out into more and more waves; she suspected the same has become of the pool bottom, but she didn't dare test that theory.

And then, out nowhere, the waves are pulling her down like hands: millions of tiny, bony, _cold_ hands with long fingers and tight grips like fish hooks at every piece skin: piercing it until the water is stained red with blood, and then a yank, as the waves pull over her head and everything she sees is this dirty kind of aquamarine, and coughing and spluttering, because she's dying right there, in that moment she's dying and there's little she can do about that besides embrace destiny at this point.

And come a few seconds later, Gee's already waffled through a mental goodbye to Mikey, and perhaps started on one to her parents as her lungs collapse, and her eyes close, because it's easier that way; just to let everything fade away.

And then suddenly, she's seven years old again, and it's white light and a stressed and terrified, "are you okay?" as she's choking on air.

Gee opened her eyes, her face stained with salt water ocean tears, and her whole body shaking as she shivered from phantom ice water, and the light is not poolside, but bedside, and this voice isn't of a life guard, but Mikey, young and fucking _terrified_ for his sister, but clinging onto her arm, and pulling her close as she came to realise that she just couldn't stop crying.

"Another panic attack?" Mikey let out a sigh, as Gee finally pulled away: hating every moment of this, not of his sister, of course, but the way her head decided to fuck with her, because it was horrible and he could hear her breathing: so exasperated and heavy that it was audible in the next room.

Gee nodded, and leaned into her brother's side, the two listening in silence as their mother cursed in her own room across the hallway, and the pair tried their best not to focus on the fact that Mrs Way wasn't in here comforting her daughter.

"Tell me about it? Why? What's happened?" Mikey asked a few minutes later, as Gee's heart beat seemed to regulate a little more, as opposed to pounding through her chest to the extent that Mikey could also feel it hurt too.

"It's nothing- I sound stupid, I- I..." Gee shook her head, tripping over her own words as she stumbled to stitch together some form of apology in place of nothing, because she'd done nothing wrong her besides being so judgemental of herself.

"You're not stupid, and you can tell me _anything_ , you know that, don't you, Gee?" And Mikey really meant it as he pulled his sister into another hug.

"There's this message." Gee turned to her laptop: lid slammed shut as her fingers had begun to shake, sitting just a few centimetres away. "On Tumblr," she added, grabbing the device, and turning it away from Mikey as she opened it, skimming the message once more, her breath quickening as she did so, before she passed her laptop to Mikey.

"There's this boy who knows too much about you," Mikey began to read aloud, glancing in Gee's direction to see if she objected to that; she hardly moved, and Mikey thought it best to just continue, "he goes to your school, and he showed me this blog, and he's head over heels for you, and he wants to talk to you, but he's an idiot, so you're going to need to think this through and do all of this for him, because he totally wants to fuck you, to put it crudely, and nice blog by the way, it's pretty sweet. Someone kind of know, but kind of don't."

"People at school- _no_ , my blog- fuck, it's going to go- _everyone_ at school, and I say things, and people, and _privacy_ , and who the fuck- I... I'm scared... I... how much of my blog do you think this boy's read? He knows everything, and it's okay if it's anonymous, but clearly now it's not, and he knows too much and I don't even know him, and he- might _tell_ people, and I... I can't... I..." Gee shook her head, grabbing her laptop back from Mikey, "I'm going to delete the message, I'm going to password protect the blog, _fuck_ , no one online cares, they- I'm gonna do it, I _have_ to. I can give my friends the password anyway, I-"

"Do you not want to try asking this person who they are? I know that they've gone about this the wrong way, but they might honestly have nice intentions." Mikey added, but Gee shook her head firmly in response as she turned on the password protect in settings.

"No, Mikey, it's high school, people like that don't exist, and unfortunately, you're going to understand that some day, and that's not fair, Mikey, because you're the _best_ brother ever, you know that?" Gee let out a deep sigh, as she put her laptop back down, and pulled Mikey in for another hug, because she didn't even care at this point, and still, she cared far too much.

"And you're the best _sister_ ever." And perhaps Mikey's emphasis on sister was enough, just enough to keep Gee going through that night, as they caught sound of their mother moving around in her room once again, and then the hallway, and Gee's bedroom door.

" _Michael_ , get to sleep, it's late." A stern voice and a glare that followed Mikey, as the brother stumbled to his feet, and made his exit with the utmost reluctance, and then as Mikey's bedroom door slammed, Mrs Way pulled her lips into a faked through and through kind of smile as she addressed Gee. "Oh, Gerard, honey, just a dream, come on, don't be silly, you're sixteen, you don't need to be upsetting your brother by getting him to tell you that it's not _real_ , just in your head, now come on, you've got school tomorrow too, haven't you, mister? And don't blame me when you're tired in the morning."

And with that, she left Gee sat, perhaps even more distressed than she'd ever been, on her bed, and as she was certain that her mother was back in bed, Gee parted her lips, and spoke aloud, repeating her mother, "and don't blame me when you're tired in the morning. And don't blame me when you're home alone in the bathroom with too many pills and it's all too late - that's what you really mean, isn't it?"

-

The notion of a password wasn't particularly anything special, but within a few moments, that little white box and the empty screen had sent Frank's whole world flying away into little pieces; it didn't make sense, but of course it did, because Gee needed privacy, of course, Frank could understand that, but Frank couldn't quite understand why he was someone she needed privacy from.

Of course, the answer simply lay in the fact that, despite the lovestruck mess Frank had fucked his head into it, Gee didn't know Frank at all; they'd met once, and it wasn't even much, but still it was Frank's whole world, and it had most definitely changed his life - for the better or for the worse, he didn't quite know yet.

He wondered what could have possibly driven her to this, and he wallowed in the realisation that he really couldn't just stay anonymous and 'safe' forever. What would Gee even have against him? This probably wasn't his fault, and perhaps Gee would be as happy to meet another trans person as he had been, but Frank wasn't sure; Frank could never be sure.

And Frank could never shake the notion that Gee was above him: too good for him, too perfect, too fucking good for this world, and with little escape from that fact.

_Fuck_ , Frank was going to... he was going to have to do something: perhaps find the password, _guess_ the password, or even just grow the balls to add her on Facebook; they even had mutual friends, so it wasn't that out of the ordinary, but of course, _then_ there was the matter of striking up conversation with her, and Frank reckoned he'd rather burn his own corpse alive than even consider doing that.

He stared at the white, empty screen for a while longer, pondering what to do, and what kind of mess his head was in right now, because he certainly cared far too much for someone he didn't really know at all, because he couldn't help but worry, and wonder if something horrible had happened to lead her to password protect the blog, but of course, there was now little Frank could do, besides glance to the clock on his laptop, and realise how late for school he was.

And in turn, realise how little he cared.

After a final moment of relentless, hopeless, contemplation, he slammed his laptop shut and lay it back on the bed, before pulling his hoodie on, and looking himself over in the mirror once more; he looked okay, he guessed, perhaps as okay as he was ever going to look, because Frank reckoned there'd never really be a day when he could look in the mirror and smile in satisfaction at the figure who met his gaze.

He was always too short, too skinny, too curvy, too fucking feminine, too fucking pretty, too fucking small in all the wrong places, and too big in all the wrong ones too; he just didn't fit, and his hair looked fucking stupid, but he liked it regardless, and he was so pale he could definitely give a vampire a run for their money, and none of those things mattered at all, but they did, because Frank stood there and cared, every _fucking_ morning, and there was no escaping that.

Frank was late, but he'd been expecting that, and his mother had looked him up and down several times as he made his way downstairs, after what seemed like forever. She paused, settling her gaze upon her son, before finally parting her lips, "what's wrong, honey? Something's up, isn't it? Are you getting ill again-"

"No, mum," Frank shook his head: all light-hearted laughter, and something that may have perhaps once been a smile, "I'm fine, I'm super fu- super, super fine. I'm great, I'm spectacular, it's just school, you know? _School_."

"What's wrong?" She repeated, raising her eyebrows a little as she did so. "I know you, Frankie, don't lie to me."

"Don't call me Frankie." He snapped back: almost like a reflex at this point, and his mother hung her head a little.

"Sorry..." She trailed off, biting her bottom lip, "I'm bad at this, god, I'm bad at this, I'm trying to be a good mother, I really am, but it's hard, you get that, don't you, _Frank_? And no matter how hard I try you're always upset: I feel like a fucking world class failure of a mother, _god_ -"

"You're not a failure: everyone makes mistakes." Frank let out a sigh, and pulled his mother into a hug, just embracing how late he would be now, because what the _fuck_ did it matter at this point.

"Tell me, Frank, just tell me, when will you be happy?" She let out a sigh, as Frank pulled away, and paused as he looked his mother in the eye, having unexpected that kind of question, especially this early in the morning.

"I don't know," he paused, shaking his head a little, "when I'm a boy, maybe?"

"But you _are_ a boy." She looked at him strangely, "you're _Frank_ , and I mess up, but that's just me, and that doesn't change that you're a boy-"

"Sure, I'm a boy in my head, I feel like a boy, that's always been there, that's always me, but... _physically_ , I'm nothing close to a boy, I look in the mirror, and the person looking back doesn't even feel like me at all-"

"God, I..." She shook her head in disbelief, biting her lip, because she was dangerously close to crying at this point, "do you want to take today off? We can talk, we can sort this out, because you're not okay, Frank, you're just getting good at lying to me, and I don't like that: I just want you to be happy."

And Frank really did consider it for a moment, but there was a voice at the back of his head, and the voice was shouting loud, and it was saying the most _stupid_ things, but still Frank listened, because he was stupid: the most stupid person in the world, in fact. "I would, but... I need to be at school today: I need to check that someone's okay."

Frank's mum paused for a moment, "who? Is this what upset you?"

"Kind of," Frank shrugged, a blush hugging his cheeks, "she's called Gee, I... I just... I don't know if she's okay right now, and she might not be and I want to make sure."

Mrs Iero smiled up at her son, "she makes you happy, doesn't she? God, of course she does, I can see it. I hope she's alright, Frank, I really do, but more than that, make sure that _you're_ alright, because she may be the most amazing girl in the world, but you've _always_ got to put yourself first, you know that, Frank?"

Frank nodded, but neither him nor Mrs Iero really knew whether he meant it or not, because Gee Way was too much, too good: a millions miles out of Frank's league, and all she wanted was privacy, and all Frank was doing was chasing after her like the hopeless piece of shit he was.

-

Frank made it into school for break time, which really wasn't going to look good on his record, but that was the least of his worries in that moment, because he had absolutely no idea where the hell Gee Way might hang out, seeing as he'd only actually seen her once, but he _had_ to know, he just had to know that she was here, that she was okay to that degree, or if that she wasn't, that one of her friends, perhaps Lindsey, perhaps someone else was making sure she was better eventually, because Frank cared _entirely_ too much.

But _god_ , he couldn't help himself, as he made his way to his locker, and grabbed a few books as quickly as he could, only to be interrupted by a strong hand on his shoulder, and the ' _oh fuck_ ' that went through his body as a result.

"Hey, _Frankie_ , I'm not happy, you know?" And before Frank could possibly 'know', he was shoved back against his locker, and finding himself looking that guy with the beard that was at least two years older than him in the eyes. "Where's my money? You know what money, kid, don't play dumb, you owe me money for the coke, and I need it, and-"

"I don't have it!" Frank protested, his eyes widening, because _fuck_ , fuck, _fuck_ , he'd forgotten about the money in the mess of all of this, and it had certainly done a wonderful job of ruining his life already.

"Don't lie to me, bitch." He grabbed Frank by his collar, and began rummaging in his jacket pockets, as Frank was held there, his feet just touching the ground, half short for breath, and half helpless, until, " _fuck_!"

And a collision with the floor on his attacker's part, as Frank fell back against the lockers and watched with wide eyes as three girls crowded around the guy he definitely didn't owe coke money to.

" _Fuck you_." A girl with dark hair, who seemed to be entirely buried in a black hoodie spat at him, before aiming one cringe worthy kick to the guy's balls, leaving Frank frozen in fear as to whether the three were going to turn on him next, because this seemed far too good to be in his favour here.

And as the guy scrambled to his feet, and addressed the three, Frank finally came to recognise just who these girls were, and had about four hundred heart attacks in response, because they were no less than three members of the elusive witch goth cult: the scariest fucking girls in the world, and Frank would be a liar if he said that seeing Jamia, Frances, and Chantal pretty much save his ass, wasn't the most intimidating thing ever.

"You're an asshole." Chantal met the guy's gaze with seemingly no fear, and Jamia slapped him across the face, perhaps just for the hell of it, and Frank knew like hell itself that he really did _not_ want to get any closer to Jamia Nestor at all.

"He owes me money-" The guy argued, his eyes widening, and Frank reckoned he'd never been acquainted with the goth witch coven before.

"No the way to fucking ask for it, is it?" Chantal shook her head, turning to Frank momentarily, "do you have his money?" Frank shook his head no. "Well, he doesn't have your money, and I know you're not the brightest, but beating the shit out of him is only going to want you to pay him back less, you got that?"

He nodded, perhaps just a little reluctantly. "Good," Jamia added, "now fuck off, and leave Frank alone, how about that?" 

He didn't need telling twice.

"What did you owe him money for?" Chantal asked as she approached Frank: still stood with his back pinned to the lockers in a state of half hearted terror. "Be _honest_."

"Coke." He let out a sigh, blushing a little, as Chantal raised her eyebrows, and glanced at Jamia, before turning away.

"You're a fucking idiot, Frank, I don't know what all the fuss is about: keep off the coke, and keep out of trouble, okay?" And with that, Chantal turned away, leaving Jamia to follow her after a moment.

Frances paused, having not uttered a word throughout the whole ordeal, and finding the confusion in Frank's eyes, and letting out one hell of a sigh in response, "exactly how confused are you on a scale of one to ten?"

"Something like a million." And it wasn't even an exaggeration, "like seriously, what the hell did I do to deserve that?"

"You didn't do anything at all, Frank." Frances turned and glanced at Chantal and Jamia further down the corridor. "I reckon Chantal doesn't even _like_ you, but still she saved your ass, and you want to know why, don't you?"

"Of course."

Frances paused, meeting Frank's gaze, "do you genuinely have no idea?"

And Frank couldn't help but feel like the world's biggest fucking idiot as he nodded.

" _God_ , you're oblivious, well... I guess..." Frances shook her head, "I don't know, it's not really my business, but for the reason your ass didn't get kicked today?" Frances looked him square in the eyes, and muttered the words, barely audibly but with the utmost sincerity:

" _Gee Way_."

-


	6. It's Chapter Six And They Finally Have A Conversation

She's late, and she wasn't entirely sure why she'd even bothered today; it wasn't a good day, by any means, and she looked not far off the definition of shit, because when Gee Way had faced her reflection in the mirror this morning, she couldn't even imagine calling the person that stared back a _'girl'_ , not even _'someone in a skirt'_ , but today, she felt like little more than a fucked up mess of a dude _pretending_ 'he' could be someone 'he' wasn't.

And Gee had wanted to fall right back to sleep the very instant she'd opened her eyes that morning, but she couldn't, because she had to make sure Mikey got to school okay, and make sure her mum didn't want to kill her too much this morning, and make sure she looked at least vaguely acceptable, and still, after what had felt like hours in the bathroom, she still didn't, and now here she was - out of place, of course she always felt out of place, but today she felt like she had a neon flashing sign strapped to her back that displayed all of her insecurities.

And there was little she could do to escape it.

She considered a trip to the nurse's office, because today, just _fuck_ , she couldn't do it; she simply couldn't: every part of her head was screaming at her - a mess, a mix of different words that didn't make sense at all.

Nothing made sense at all, and she knew that, and she _hated_ it, because there was little else to do.

And _fuck_ , she could hardly breathe, as she felt to the floor, pulling her knees up to her chest as she sat with her locker beside her, and in the empty hallways, as everyone had long gone to their classes, Gee Way started to _cry_.

She hadn't really allowed herself to cry, not _really_ , for a long time now, and perhaps this meant something, but it was likely that it meant little more than what kind of lie she could concoct for herself, and Gee could do little more than accept that.

Because this was how it was, all the time, she felt like she was drowning, she felt like she was about to fall under, but no one ever noticed, no one ever cared, because no one saw it like she did, and perhaps she didn't want them to, because even then, she still doubted that _anyone_ could ever possibly understand.

" _Hey..."_ And she experienced something close to a heart attack as the space beside her filled, and Gee Way came to realise that she wasn't quite as alone as she had hoped.

She blinked her eyes open: red and raw, and stained from the salt water, because still she could hardly breathe, but the face she saw beside her was everything: the hand pulling her up, even if just briefly, because it was _him_ , it was _Frank_ , Frank not Frankie from the nurses office all those weeks ago now, and perhaps the one person who could possibly ever understand.

"What's wrong?" He asked, watching as she shivered a little, her body continuing to tremble in the silence. "I'm going to skip the 'are you okay?' because I'm pretty sure I can work out the answer to that one myself."

And a prolonged silence as Gee felt herself looking from Frank to the floor, and back again, at least seven times, before the word just fell from her tongue, _“everything_."

Frank nodded, the corners of his lips twisting up into a smile, "I know. But what's made it worse right now?"

"I don't know." She paused, shaking her head a little, "just today... I just woke up and immediately wanted to fall straight back to sleep: today isn't a good day, it feels like it's just meant to be wrong and broken and fucked up and-"

"It doesn't have to be." Frank met her gaze, "as cheesy as it sounds, today is what you make of it, _everything_ is what you make of it, but I understand, or at least I hope I do, but I can relate at least, and I hope you remember us meeting a few weeks ago in the nurse's office, Gee, because I do... in fact, it's all I can think about... somehow, you mean a lot to me, and I've had little more than a vague attempt at conversation with you."

"It's the trans thing." Gee let out a sigh, "you're Frank not Frankie and I'm Gee not Gerard, and we don't fit and I think seeing that you exist changed an awful lot for me. You're important."

"Your friends stopped me getting my ass beat the other day because of you, apparently - Chantal, Jamia, and Frances."

Gee blushed a little, turning away from Frank as she did so, "yeah, I... I've mentioned you to them... do you want to talk about why you were getting beat up... or is it a... _thing_... I don't know?"

"It wasn't... it's just... I owe some guy some money for some drugs and he doesn't like that I'm poor as fuck." Frank ended up with the blunt approach, leaving Gee just a little dumbfounded.

"Drugs are gonna kill you someday, you know?"

"Of course, I know, why else the fuck do you think I do them?" Frank paused for a moment, shaking his head, as he got to his feet, "come on, shall we just go?"

" _Where_?"

"I don't know, somewhere better than here... you _understand_ , don't you?" Frank bit his lip, watching as Gee glanced at her locker and then back at Frank once again.

"I hardly know you."

"I know."

"I want to know you."

"So do I."

And yet more silence.

"What drugs did you owe that guy money for?" Gee paused, thinking it over, because _methheads_ , god, those were not people she wanted to associate with, but Frank... there was just something about him, and she couldn't for the life of her, figure out what.

"Coke, mostly." Frank took a step away, watching and hoping that Gee might follow; she didn't.

"So you're not a methhead then... just a _crack_ head." And Gee broke into something like a grin at that.

"There's a difference between coke and crack, Gee." Frank shook his head, "you're so innocent."

"Innocent's the wrong word, I promise you that." 

"Do you now?"

And a smirk, "I do."

"So not innocent enough to skip school with me and go back to my place and get drunk enough to talk about why you woke up and wanted to kill yourself this morning-"

"I never said I wanted to _kill myself_." Gee's gaze hit the floor. "I said go back to sleep."

"Oh, _fuck,_ fuck, I...I'm sorry, I've got it wrong... I just... I... I'm relating too much to me... I- we're different, I'm sorry, I just... I want there to be something here; there's _something_ here, I just, maybe there isn't-" And he was babbling, blushing and babbling: words all too fast and all too meaningless and meaningful at the same time.

"Frank?" She interrupted him, her gaze anywhere but his, because it meant all too much, and she wanted to keep it inside, to hide herself away, but she couldn't keep this up forever: she wouldn't let herself. Frank meant something, and that was that.

"Yeah?"

And then the most she'd ever admit to anyone:

"You weren't wrong."

-

Frank's house wasn't much, but Gee didn't exactly have the highest expectations, and that worked for the both of them.

Very little had been said since they'd left school; Gee had said entirely too much in that hallway after all, and she knew that, but she hadn't a clue regarding what to do about it, and just leaving it seemed awkward, because she had tried not to notice, but Frank had looked at her very differently since she'd just about admitted her deepest secret to him.

She wasn't entirely sure why she had done so, perhaps it was just the trans thing, but it wasn't - this was a _Frank_ thing, and Gee didn't quite know what that meant yet, but it most certainly meant something.

And there was no escaping that, not that Gee would even want to.

Frank's room was small: as small as Frank himself, even, with walls littered with posters that seemed to close in on you, and a wardrobe that looked like it was hardly used, with clothes littered around the room and an unmade bed, an open laptop, and last night's dinner on the bedside table.

"Sorry... I... I'm not a _neat_ person." Frank pulled it off with an awkward smile, as he grabbed the plate and shoved it outside, leaving Gee to close it behind him as he made a dive towards his laptop. "I should probably close down all the porn- I'm joking of course, I mean... I... I _totally_ don't watch porn-"

"Most people watch porn, Frank, it's normal." Gee let out a sigh, as she sat down beside Frank on the bed, in a totally platonic manner, because Gee had absolutely no feelings for Frank whatsoever, _of course_. 

"So, do _you_ watch porn?" Frank asked, blushing a little because of the nature of his question, but goddamn now he was curious, and he was totally going to think about this forever.

"Yeah, not often, though, I have a bitchy mum and a younger brother, it's hard to find time..." Gee paused, glancing away, "and then there's the whole... _getting off_ thing... like... I like to think that comfortable with myself, I mean, I look _pretty_ , don't I? I look like a girl, don't I, I... _pass_? Fuck... I... but that's with clothes on, that's with clothes and make up and... I _hate_ my dick."

"I'll have it if you want." Frank added, and he was just a little too serious. "Is it a good dick?"

"It's not a _bad_ dick..." Gee trailed off, meeting Frank's gaze, "we should just swap bodies you know?"

"I'd be down for that... then maybe I wouldn't be a midget for the first time in my life as well, but you'd be like four foot tall, how do you feel about that?" Frank grinned, leaning into Gee's side a little: getting close, perhaps _too_ close.

"You're not a midget, you're short and _cute_ -"

"Don't." Frank shook his head, sitting up a little, "I don't want to be fucking _cute_... and short, and _feminine_... I look... I just look like a _lesbian_. I look like a fucking dyke and I know I do, because it's not like I don't get told it enough; you look so fucking feminine, you look beautiful, and I'm some sort of mess of hormones and emotions that just don't quite match up."

"You're handsome." Gee corrected herself, leaning back on the bed, "you're _hot_ , you're masculine as fuck, but you can still be cute. Boys can totally be _cute_. You can be masculine _and_ cute. I think you're both."

"I think you're lying to me to make me feel better about myself." Frank shook his head, as he laid back against the mattress, Gee by his side.

"I'm not."

"If you say so." And silence, as Frank found himself at a loss for what to say, because he wanted to believe her, and _why_ , why the fuck would Gee lie to him? But he just couldn't quite look himself in the eye in the mirror and tell himself that he was masculine, and cute, and a _boy_ , a proper fucking boy, and god, he wanted to, he fucking wished he could, but it was like he was held back, and he just couldn't quite figure out what was stopping him. "When did you... you know, like when and how? Just tell me everything about your gender and yourself, really... we don't know a lot about each other do we, Gee?"

She smiled, meeting his gaze, "we really don't," and then heavy breathing, as Gee found herself to be fourteen again, and shaky and unsure and _lost_ : above all, _lost_. "I was fourteen, something like two years ago now, and I'd never really felt _masculine_ , and I wanted to be pretty and cute and you know be a _girl_ , and I... that was always a thing, at the back of my mind, but I was scared of it, and that part of me, and I just thought I was being weird, and that I'd grow out of it, but it wasn't like that: it's never like that, and I was trying to cope, trying to just ignore it, but I guess you know how well ignoring it works, and then I had recently joined Tumblr, you see, not for anything gender related: I had originally made a Doctor Who blog, actually, but I saw this post about trans identities, like a information post, and I was like what the fuck is this, well probably like what the heck, because I was an innocent little fourteen year old, but I read it, and I just... it was like everything suddenly made sense, and I was so _happy_." Gee paused, chancing a glance in Frank's direction, before continuing.

"And then, I..." Gee bit her lip, "you know what happens next, people don't accept it, and it gets fucked up and you start to hate yourself because as soon as you're comfortable in your mind as this girl, as Gee, you don't see that in the mirror, people don't see you as that, you feel like you're just... like your feelings aren't real, and like you're just... I don't know... overreacting? And I... I eventually got over it with the help of some friends on Tumblr, though, and I came out, and that fucking sucked, but I feel more like this is me now than I was two years ago... it's complicated, I know, I'm not making sense, but? How about you?"

"I was fourteen too... it was on Tumblr too, and at first I really did just think I was a lesbian, a really butch tiny lesbian who somehow hated 'her' own boobs... and I was just a 'tomboy' in my mum's eyes when I was younger, because it was just a phase, and I don't know at what point 'tomboy' involves into 'lesbian' because in people's minds, it does, and I... I kind of felt like that was pushed on me... the whole lesbian thing, and I guess it did make some sense, but I... really... I don't identify with femininity, and I... I... sent an anon to this shitty LGBT advice blog, well _shitty_ , it was probably quite good, I don't know, but I was asking about how confused I was, because I felt stuck in this identity that didn't quite define me, and I thought it was the gay thing, so I was researching so many sexualities and I was like why do none of them fucking _fit_? And the blog responded, bringing something up about me considering being non-binary or trans... and I had heard of those things, I mean, I had a Tumblr, but I hadn't really considered it, and I did some research, and _fuck_... I... it was so obvious from then on... I am a fucking _dude_ , and my mum was a bit weird about it first, but we're okay now for the most part, and she makes an effort to call me Frank, and of course she slips up, I mean, she's been calling me Frankie or Francesca for like fifteen years, and Frank for a few months, so yeah, but especially lately, she's been really fucking supportive about this... I think she's beginning to understand, you know?"

"I'm jealous of your mum, she sounds like Jesus in comparison to my parents who refuse to acknowledge me and my gender, and it's still _Gerard_ and _he_ to them, and like _fuck_ , my twelve year old brother could grasp it perfectly, but not those educated adults-"

"Adults suck." Frank let out a sigh, "I wonder what my dad would have thought... he didn't _die_ or anything, just left my mum when I was little, it's fine: I haven't seen him since I was six, I barely even think about him anymore, I don't know him - he's just an _asshole_."

"You have any siblings? My brother, Mikey, he's the best brother in the world, and I will fight you if you disagree." Gee laughed a little, "he's only thirteen but he's... he's so understanding, he's just so _nice_ , he's a fucking sweet kid, he's amazing, I'm so proud of him, and I hate how he has to grow up with these fucking _parents_ who wouldn't accept him if he was anything but straight and cis."

"Only child, or at least I reckon, I mean I could have like seven half-siblings seeing as I don't know where the fuck my dad is anymore, but like I doubt I'll ever meet them... I doubt I want to, though." Frank paused, just sitting there watching Gee for a moment. "Can I ask about your sexuality or is that a personal, or I don't know, _difficult_ thing for you?"

"It's fine." Gee turned to face Frank, the two now laying down on his bed, fucking _gazing_ at each other, and god this was such a mess, but if this was a mess than Gee reckoned she didn't want things to ever be clean again. "I'm pansexual, what about you?"

"I'd say I'm heterosexual, but I don't like the whole idea of sexuality relating to your own gender, so I like girls, I feel like there's a name for that, but-"

"So is that _vaginas_ or _femininity_ or... _girls_... or? Because you're being vague here? And sorry, I'm curious, especially if you're going to be so pretentious about it?" And Gee totally wasn't asking for personal reasons here.

" _Girls_. Gender expression and sexual organs have nothing to do with gender, do they? If you call yourself a girl then you're a girl. I like girls. Of course, I have _types_ , and perhaps I prefer slightly more feminine girls, but that doesn't relate to anything other than personal preference." Frank paused, shaking his head, "sorry, sexuality... I know a lot about sexuality... I get defensive, and you didn't mean anything, I'm sure, but, you know... so what about you? What's it like with you and pansexuality?"

"Well... it's just that gender is as irrelevant regarding whether I'm attracted to someone as what their favourite flavour of ice cream is. I just don't give a fuck, like I have types, of course, we all have a type, but that applies across all genders, and it's more so about personality for me, I reckon... I like people I can relate to, and like trust, and understand me, I don't know... I sound really fucking sappy now, but-"

"No, that's fucking, that's really amazing actually, that's interesting as hell, like different sexualities and gender expressions as so goddamn _interesting_ and I just wish I knew more LGBT people in real life, because you're like a needle in a haystack: a really pretty, amazing, fucking perfect needle in a haystack of assholes and people I wish would go jump off a cliff."

"I don't think anyone has ever complimented me by comparing me to a needle before: you're definitely the first, Frank." Gee let out some stupid breathy giggle that had Frank ready to stab himself through the gut, because _fuck_ , she was too fucking beautiful to be real at this point.

"Whatever, don't laugh at me, Gee." Frank blushed, avoiding her gaze in what was totally the most discreet gesture known to mankind.

"I'm laughing because you're funny, you're sweet, I don't even know what to say, but you're very special, Frank, not like special needs, but-" Gee was fucking tripping over her own words here, and fuck, she was so fucking _fucked_ and it wasn't like Frank was helping at all.

"Alright, no need to _patronise_ me; I'm just terrible at flirting, that's all."

-


	7. kid petekey is the cutest thing in the entire world im gonna stab myself

"That's so _fucking_ stupid." Pete laughed aloud, pointing to the school's new celebrity couple, in the form of Jason and Grace who were currently having some sort of fucked middle school wedding ceremony, with the 'vicar', some kid named Brian, reading some seriously altered versions of the wedding vows, which he was reading off his cellphone, and were probably from Yahoo Answers, or something.

It was stupid, yes, but also highly amusing.

Mikey looked up from his lunch; the two boys sat in the corner of the school field by the hedge, because they were so cool, and of course, the _middle_ of the field was too fucking mainstream, but seriously Mikey didn't give a fuck where he sat, he just cared that he sat with Pete, and somehow this fucking hedge seemed to appeal greatly to Pete, and therefore, the same could be said for Mikey.

Pete had seriously kind of saved his ass, though, because no one even as _looked_ at Mikey in the wrong way anymore, because, okay, Pete wasn't exactly the tallest or strongest of people, but he fucking had _balls_ , and this was middle school, no one fucked messed with that.

"They're using a Haribo ring, I'm going to _piss_ myself." Pete exclaimed, not seeming to give one single shit as to whether the fake wedding service actually heard him or not.

"Please, don't piss yourself." Mikey narrowed his eyes in Pete's direction.

"I'm just kidding, Mikeyway." His faced lit up with a smile, as he leaned closer to Mikey, even resting his head on his shoulder a little, and people would fucking talk, but Pete _would_ punch the shit out of them, and they wouldn't anymore.

Mikey really loved this, and it wasn't like he was abusing Pete's protection or something, like, he actually really liked the guy, but it certainly felt weird to be able to act however the fuck you wanted to at school without worrying about what people were going to say or do to you for it.

"I swear to god those two are going to be needing a goddamn divorce ceremony in like two days time, like, _dude_ , these relationships last like four minutes-"

"You say that like Grace isn't two months older than you." Mikey grinned a little, raising his eyebrows in Pete's direction.

"Fuck you, Mikeyway, I'm not the one getting married with a _Haribo_ ring." Pete shook his head in disbelief, nibbling at his sandwich a little, which had been abandoned in favour of Mikey, and the wondrous sight that was the wedding ceremony of two thirteen year olds.

"That's totally gonna be you in like two months time, though, who are you going to marry, though, that's the question." Mikey peered around the field, scouting the place for Pete's future spouse, however, he did seem to be overlooking one very viable option, that was indeed sat right beside Pete himself in front of some goddamn hedge that smelled kind of odd.

"I'm not getting married, Mikeyway." Pete laughed a little, shaking his head.

"Why not?" Mikey looked up, almost shell-shocked by the idea. "You _have_ to get married, some day, don't you? Like have kids and a family... and... all that..."

"No..." Pete shook his head, "Jesus, Mikey, is your mother the virgin Mary or something, because this isn't zero AD. You don't have to get married, you don't have to have kids, and I'm gonna do neither of those things."

"What are you going to do then?"

"I don't know, Mikeyway, I reckon I'm going to start a band, and we're going to travel the world and play shows like _everywhere_ , in _every_ goddamn city." And Mikey couldn't miss the way Pete's face lit up even at the thought of it.

"I'd miss you, you know, if you were half way across the world, and I was here... I don't know... doing _something_..."

"Well, then, Mikeyway, _join_ my band, it's that simple."

"I... I'm not- I'm not good at music or performing... _nah_... I mean, I _like_ music, but-"

"Yeah, you can be a groupie, it's fine." Pete grinned, leaning back against the grass, and leaving Mikey to mimic his actions, as the taller boy often did.

"Don't band members have to like... have... have... _sex_... with groupies?" And Pete couldn't help but laugh at Mikey's hushed utterance of the word 'sex'.

"You don't have to do anything you don't want to do, Mikey, for serious." Pete paused, smiling at his best friend, "but seriously, stop getting all awkward at the word 'sex', it's just fucking, it's normal, it's how we were all created, your parents have had sex, my parents have had sex, hey, Mikey, sorry to burst your bubble, but your _sister's_ probably had sex-"

" _Pete_!" Mikey exclaimed, blushing a horrible shade of red, but Pete simply couldn't think of the boy as anything but cute. "Why don't you want to get married, or have kids?" Mikey asked after a moment.

"Because I just don't like the idea of it, it seems a little dull, don't you, think? Like, sure, kids are cute, but I don't think I'm down for the whole family thing, and the whole... _wife_ , thing, _nah_... not my style. I don't want to marry a woman."

And Mikey lay there in silence for a moment, thinking everything over, Gee practically speaking to him in his head right then and there.

"How about marrying a man? Or a non-binary person?"

And Pete nearly had a heart attack. "I thought you were the whole raised with traditional family ideas, I blush at the word 'sex' kind of kid, not the... not the... junior gay marriage advocate... you told me you weren't even gay, how are you so open about this stuff?"

"My sister." Mikey smiled, because Gee was really the best fucking big sister in the world. "Her name's Gee, she's sixteen, and she's lovely, but my parents don't really like her, because they don't think she's 'normal'."

"Is your sister gay?" Pete asked, perhaps a little too excited about the idea of accepted homosexuality in Mikey's life, but of course, for totally non-personal reasons, because Pete Wentz was in no way at all homosexual, _god no_.

"She's pansexual, you know what that is, right?"

"Yeah, that's the all genders thing." 

"How do _you_ know all this?" Mikey raised his eyebrows, turning the tables.

"Mikeyway, I'm gonna be honest with you here, dude, but I have spent an extensive amount of time on the internet."

"So, what about you? Are you like gay, or anything?" Mikey asked, again totally _casually_ , and _platonically_.

"I don't know, Mikeyway, we'll see."

"What does that mean?"

"I'm only thirteen, I really haven't figured myself out, it's confusing, you know?"

"Is it?"

"Straight isn't the default, Mikey, think about it, I'm not like forcing anything onto you, but, just have a casual think, for your own good - it's better than repressing it." And then suddenly, "hey, look, Grace and Jason and fucking _kissing_ , this is the most disgusting thing I have ever seen."

And Mikey smiled, because he wasn't entirely sure what kind of thing he'd gotten himself into regarding his friendship with Pete, but he knew for sure that it was totally a good thing.

-

"So have you kissed yet?"

"No..."

"Fucking hell, _Gee_ , come on, girl, fucking kiss him."

"Don't bully her into anything, _okay_ , Jamia?"

"Fuck you, Lindsey, I'm just being nice."

Gee smiled and shook her head once more, because there was no way around the fact that there was a very real and very obvious reason as to just _why_ she was smiling like this, despite the grim expressions on the faces of the two girls beside her; the trio sat at a bench at lunchtime, Jamia perhaps having made some sort of acknowledgement of the fact that she had maths homework due in like ten minutes perhaps once five minutes ago, only to have soon discarded it for thoughts she'd deem more important, which of course included Gee and Frank's 'relationship'.

It wasn't a fucking relationship; Frank had perhaps made Gee blush once, and perhaps they were close and that was that, and Gee was doing a barely adequate job of convincing herself so, and in turn that she didn't need relationships or boyfriends right now, especially with the shit her parents were giving her for her gender, and god, she didn't want to give them another reason to criticise her, but it did make her wonder which one they'd chose.

She even wondered if they'd prefer a gay son over a daughter, she really did wonder if they'd go that far too prove a stubborn, fucked up point. She didn't doubt it, she'd never doubted their cruelty since that day, and she reckoned that Mikey never had too, and she _hated_ that because Mikey didn't deserve this kind of mess, because Mikey was just about the best brother in the world, and he didn't _deserve_ any kind of mess, he just deserved to be _happy._

"So, are you going to kiss him?" Jamia continued, her face lighting up with a grin, deeming Gee's practically non-existent love life far more important than the homework before her.

"I... I... I... don't know?" She blushed, hiding her face a little.

"Of course you know!" Jamia exclaimed, laughing it off a little, "come on, Gee, you need to, because Frank's a fucking coward, come on, he's not going to initiate it-"

"I don't think he's a coward." She added, shaking her head a little, "I think he's very brave, with being who he is in a world like this, because he gets shit for it, but still, he doesn't give up on himself, and he's amazing, and very fucking brave indeed."

"God, you're _lovestruck_ , Gee, come on, Jesus fucking Christ, kiss him already." Jamia shook her head in disbelief, nudging Lindsey a little as she did so.

"Leave it, Jamia, leave her to it - it's her life, and let her live it however she wants to." Lindsey let out a sigh, her eyes widening a little as she caught sight of a certain asshole gesturing at her from across the hall. " _Fuck_ , is that?"

" _Yeah_!" Jamia exclaimed, following Lindsey’s gaze. "It _is_."

"What?" Gee turned around, following the two girls' gaze to find none other than Frank fucking Iero stood kind of awkwardly a few metres away.

"Go and talk to him." Lindsey let out a sigh, and gestured between Frank and Gee.

"Go and _kiss_ him." Jamia grinned, leaving Gee red-faced as she stumbled to her feet and headed in Frank's direction.

"Hey, uhh... _fuck_ , I'm sorry about the other day." He shrugged a little, his cheeks tingeing red in a manner that Gee couldn't help but smile at.

"It's fine, Frank, honestly, look, it's my fault for chickening out and leaving after that, it's just I... I'm... I'm not good with, you know people and relationships, and I... I still... I don't know, it's hard to explain, I just kind of wasn't expecting it, but I was, because you're really fucking obvious, but cute too, but I just... I don't know what my head's doing right now."

"I get you." Frank let out a sigh, watching as Gee brushed a strand of hair from her face. "Do you want to maybe, I don't know... try again? The whole talking thing? I don't know?"

"Yeah, I do, Frank, I really do, and I'm not fucked up and upset today, so I reckon you might have a better chance here."

"A better chance of what?" Frank asked, raising his eyebrows a little.

"You know what, Frank." She shook her head, pulling away a little, "so like? Afterschool, or?"

"We could go now, but my mum's home today, so we'd have to go like to the park or something-"

"We could go to mine - my parents don't get back until six, and my brother's not going to really care that much." Gee's face lit up with a smile, because what the actual fuck was she doing here, and it was actually all Frank's fault, and somehow that didn't seem to alter her opinion of him at all.

"That'd be cool, actually."

"I'll just get my bag." Gee blushed, gesturing back to the table she'd been recently sat at, and made her way back over, reaching under the table and grabbing her bag.

"What are you doing, Gee Way?" Lindsey raised her eyebrows at her, exaggerating her facial expression perhaps just a little.

"We're skipping together, there's not much school left so it's fine, I mean, but yeah, we're going back to mine-"

"So you're going to _fuck_?" Jamia asked, grinning a little, Gee shook her head firmly. "Or at least _kiss_?"

"I don't know, Jamia, I really don't, now let me leave." And with that, Gee was pretty much in the position of signing her life over to Frank if he as much as asked, because there was just _something_ , fucking _something_ about the boy she'd met in the nurse's office several weeks ago now.

-

"You have a nice house."

"Thank you?" Gee blushed a little, not exactly sure what to say, as she dumped her bag at the doorstep, before turning to Frank, "do you want to just go up to my room- not like, you know like... _fuck_ \- no, not fuck, I'm sorry... this is totally Jamia's fault, you know, she's like pressuring me into kissing you, and it's like _god_ , Jamia it's my life, let me make my own damn decisions."

Frank laughed a little, a blush hugging his cheeks as he followed Gee up the stairs, because _god,_ the fact that Gee had even so much as thought about kissing him was enough to fuck him up completely.

"My room's kind of small, I'm sorry, but like, _hey_ , you're kind of small, aren't you, it'll be fine-"

"What the fuck you saying about my height?" Frank snapped, rolling his eyes a little, as he followed Gee inside and sat down on the bed, again, in a _totally_ non-sexual manner, because god, this was absolutely platonic, and God was going to personally smite anyone who disagreed, or something like that.

"You're small, Frank, come on, anyone can see that. I mean, maybe you can't, seeing as you're so short that you might need to get on your tiptoes, like can you even see me from down there-"

"Fuck off, oh my god." Frank shook his head in disbelief, "can I smoke in here? Or are like seven million alarms going to go off and your parents will shoot you or?"

"Not weed, _only_ cigarettes, okay?" And Gee was stern, because with someone like Frank, she kind of _had_ to be. "You smoke too much, you know?" She let out a sigh, as she sat down beside him.

"I'll fucking smoke all I want, fuck you." Frank rolled his eyes, throwing her a middle finger.

"Fine, fine, fine... I really shouldn't have said anything, should I?" She giggled a little, leaning into Frank's side as she did so, "hey, Frank, can I ask you something?" 

"Mmh?" And she took that to mean yes.

"Like, this is going to sound awkward, but I... like you know, relationships and sex and dating, and that kind of stuff, like... do you feel like your gender kind of affects that a bit? Like... I mean... like I don't know what I mean, but I get really self-conscious, and okay, I'm still a virgin, and maybe I don't want to be, but I'd feel really uncomfortable having sex, because I don't like seeing myself naked, and I really don't want other people to see me naked."

"Sex doesn't have to be naked." Frank added, raising his eyebrows a little. "I'm making assumptions about your sex habits here, but if you want to be fucked, you could be wearing a skirt and a top, and whoever was fucking you could just like lift the skirt up and fuck you like that - that's not naked."

"Yeah, I guess, but then there's the whole... I don't know... don't you think people would get freaked out if they look under a skirt and suddenly there's a dick?"

"You should probably mention that to them beforehand, yeah, but if they don't accept it, then why the fuck would you want to associate with someone like that anyway?" Frank smiled a little, taking a drag of his cigarette. "And now you want me to talk about my sex habits, don't you?"

"Kind of..." Gee blushed a little.

"Yeah, well, I'm not a virgin, but I haven't really had sex since I..., I've kissed people, yeah, since I started identifying as a dude, but before, I was full on lesbian slut, it was kind of weird actually... but I was always a bit uncomfortable with it, like this sounds bad, but I've never fucked sober, because I can't deal with myself sober for the most part, especially not like that... I mean, I've never liked my body much, but now it's just different, and I'm not even sure how I'd like to have sex anymore... I mean, yeah, of course I've thought about it, but like... the only obvious here is for me to get fucked in the ass, but I wouldn't say I'm much of a bottom, you know? And I like girls, so where the hell am I going to find a girl ready to fuck me in the ass?"

Gee laughed in a way that totally didn't symbolise 'I'd fuck you in the ass if you asked'. "You could try like a strap on or something?"

"I guess, but... I'm a fucking fifteen year old kid, where the hell am I going to get a strap on? And it kind of seems a bit weird, and then there's the matter of finding some girl who's not going to be weirded out by this, and I'm talking too much about sex, aren't I?"

"It's fine." Gee let out a sigh, and smiled at Frank. "It's not like you have to have sex though, do you?"

"No, of course not, and neither do you, so don't stress over it, okay, you're beautiful, you got that?"

"But... I, I don't want to be a fucking _virgin_ , I just-"

"You'd fuck someone, _anyone_ , just to say you're not a virgin?" Frank widened his eyes a little, not quite sure how to react as he saw Gee nodding in response. "Virginity's bullshit, it's a social construct, and it's made as if penetration is the only kind of sex, so therefore all lesbians who don't use dildos are technically virgins? It's bullshit, and it doesn't matter at all, Gee. It really fucking doesn't, and it's certainly not worth fucking yourself over with some dickhead who won't respect you."

"I guess." Gee nodded, letting out a sigh, "I really kind of want to do _something_ though? Like make out with someone, because I feel weird and awkward and left out, and I have a _really_ nice butt, like seriously, Frank, have you seen my butt? It's my greatest _ass_ et- okay, sorry, I'm being weird, you don't have to look at my ass if you don't want to."

Frank laughed it off, "what if I want to?"

"Come on, Frank, don't fuck with me." She shook her head, turning away a little.

"No seriously, Gee, I want to stare at your ass." Frank shook his head at just what he was doing right now, "how about you pick up your laptop from over there, and then you have an excuse to bend over- _only_ if you want to, of course, I'm fucking things up again, fuck, _fuck_ , I'm sorry-"

Gee shook her head, before getting to her feet, and making her way over to her laptop, and making much more of a show of picking it up than would ever be necessary.

" _Fuck_." Frank's eyes widened, "you weren't kidding about that butt, were you?"

-


	8. im such trash for this story smh

The two had found themselves in each other's presence more than they had ever expected to be lately, but of course, that was in no way a bad thing, because Gee had both a wonderful ass and the cutest giggle in the world, and Frank was literally so out of his depth that he was at the bottom of the fucking ocean, but it didn't matter at all, because Gee was fucking  _beautiful_  - there was no other way to put it.

And he was head over heels for her - there was no other way to put that either.

But of course, there was no way that Frank was going to admit that, not even to himself.

"Frank?" Gee asked, meeting his gaze with raised eyebrows, "are you okay? You've kind of just been staring for like ten minutes now."

Gee was finishing her art homework, which had been half abandoned with the conversation of the past hour, whereas now she had silence and a chance to focus, she still wasn't satisfied, because Frank looked just a little off and that mattered so much more.

Frank put his cigarette to his lips and exhaled loudly, "I'm fine..." he added, shrugging a little, "I'm just tired, that's all."

"Yeah, like I haven't heard that one a hundred times before." Gee laughed it off, putting her sketchbook down entirely, and moving to sit beside Frank. "You should really cut down on cigarettes, you know? That's like-"

"Shut up." Frank shook his head, rolling his eyes a little, "I'm fine, Gee, look, I'm just thinking about something, and it's making me just a little worried, even though I shouldn't be, but I can't talk to you about it because it's a secret, and I can't tell you,  _sorry_... so..." It wasn't the best of excuses, but Gee seemed to accept it, so Frank reckoned it was nothing short of a success.

"Stop worrying then,  _please_ , Frank, I don't like it when you're upset." Gee sighed out, leaning into Frank a little, "and stop smoking in my fucking bedroom, it's  _my_  fucking bedroom, and I could like kick you out the house whenever, so-"

"You wouldn't, though." Frank added, smiling to himself.

"Yeah, but... look, Frank, that's not the fucking point, okay? Look, I'm just saying, that if there's something on your mind you should really tell me." Gee continued, pushing her hair behind her ears, and leaning back against the wall a little, "look, anyway, my parents aren't coming back until eight tonight, so you can stay longer, if you want, of course-"

"Of course I want to, I love spending time with you Gee."

"Because I'm just so amazing-"

"S- I was going to tell you to shut up, but you know what? Yeah, actually, yeah, you really are." Frank admitted, blushing a little, before directing his gaze to the floor, "I think you're beautiful, Gee, like  _seriously_ , so fucking beautiful-"

"Stop it," She shook her head in protest, "fucking stop it, Frank, I'm... I mean, I'm cute, yeah, but beautiful's a long shot-"

"Shut the  _fuck_  up, Gee." Frank rolled his eyes, finishing his cigarette and stubbing it out against the wall.

"Stop fucking doing that." Gee added, gesturing towards the cigarette ash on her bedroom wall, "my parents are gonna notice, and then they're gonna think  _I_  smoke, and my mum will fucking set me alight-"

"Fine, fine,  _fine_..." Frank groaned, shaking his head, as he brushed the ash away, "but you look so  _beautiful_ , you know that, for real?"

"You only say that because you see this version of me that I've made, whereas, the 'me' on the inside, no... that's not beautiful at all... I hate- I fucking  _hate_  me... I... I mean, I like what I see when I look in the mirror like this, but I still feel like I'm lying to myself-"

"Why the  _fuck_  would you be lying to yourself, Gee?"

"Because when I take this all off I don't look a thing like I do with it on: I look like a  _guy_ , Frank, and it's just like I'm hiding it,  _pretending_ , and I hate that... I just want-  _fuck_ , I just want to be me, but it doesn't fucking work like that, so  _no_ , Frank, I’m  _not_  beautiful, and I don't think I will  _ever_ be."

" _Bullshit_." Frank snapped, catching Gee by surprise as he did so, "fucking  _bullshit_ , Gee, you're beautiful through and through, and I really do  _believe_  that."

"I could prove you wrong so fucking easily, Frank, I could wipe my make up off, I could take my fucking clothes off, and then... you'd be wrong, but I'm not going to do that, because maybe I do just want you to believe that I am beautiful, that I do look like this, because I want to pretend too-"

"Shut the  _fuck_ up _,_ Gee, I don't give a fuck what you look like, I... you're beautiful, that's just always going to be there." Frank let out a sigh, shaking his head a little, "I can't explain."

"Okay." Gee sighed out, leaning into his side again, "I think you're handsome, though, like seriously."

"Oh fuck off, Gee, I don't pass half as well as you do-"

"Frank stop being such a fucking idiot, will you?" Gee snapped, shaking her head, "passing is irrelevant, you're always going to be amazing, and I'm always going to think that."

"But I'm not going to be comfortable with myself,  _ever_ , you know? Because... I  _hate_  this, I hate me- I... just-"

"Frank don't you fucking  _dare_  tell me that you hate yourself, I... I'm gonna... I'm gonna have to-  _fuck_... I..." Gee shook her head, leaning back against the bed in disbelief.

"You make me hate myself a little less, I guess."

"That means so fucking much, Frank, you don't even know, but seriously, you shouldn't rely on me, I'm just... I'm just a person, I'm just  _me_ , one day, you're not going to have me, but-"

"I don't think I can manage that." Frank admitted, "you really are,  _everything_ , Gee-"

"You sound like you're gonna ask me to marry you in a minute, Frank, if I'm honest." Gee let out a sigh, "Mikey's gonna be home soon anyway, I want you to meet him, he's really nice, he's like the best ever, you know?"

"Mmm..." Frank shook his head, letting out a sigh, "yeah, Gee, I've got to go, you know?"

" _Oh_?"

"Yeah, Gee, look,  _fuck_ , I'm sorry, this is my fault, let's just leave it before things get worse, okay?"

Gee shrugged, her gaze falling to the ground, "okay..."

-

"I fucked up." Frank slammed his fist down against Ray's kitchen table, causing the taller boy to jump a little as he did so.

"Yeah... no offense, Frank, but you kind of did." Ray added, his voice perhaps a little overly cautious as he beckoned the fifteen year old over to him, "but there's nothing you can do now but leave it and apologise and talk it over tomorrow or something, you know that, don't you?"

"Yeah..." Frank trailed off, glancing at his reflection in the mirror on the wall and instantly regretting it. " _Fuck_ , she's just too good for me and this is God letting me down easy, isn't it?"

"Frank, I don't believe in God, but-" Ray began, but Frank had little patience, and even less tolerance for the kind of gingerly spoken responses Ray was giving him.

"I don't care, Ray, I don't fucking care, I just know that I fucked up, and this is me giving up, and it's fine, because it's not like I don't have good reason, is it?" Frank exhaled, pushing his hair back behind his ears, "I kind of regret going to talk to you, you know? It was the right decision, we all fucking know that, but I would quite honestly much prefer numbing everything out with drink and drugs and a girl I'm not going to even remember in the morning, and perhaps... perhaps that's an exaggeration, because I'm not good enough, and it's going to be one stoned guy who won't accept me for who I am."

"Frank, what are you saying-?"

"I am the worst person in the entire fucking world, and that's just for thinking that I ever even had a fucking  _chance_  with Gee Way, because have you seen how beautiful she is, and she doesn't want to believe it... maybe because I'm just the wrong person to tell her so... it's like when your mum tells you that she thinks you look good, and like you don't give a fuck and you don't listen, because it's your  _mum_ , but if your friend or your girlfriend says so, then, yeah, you listen and you say thank you or blush, or something, but no, I'm just like the mum, because she doesn't want to hear it from me."

"Frank, that makes no fucking sense-" Ray began, but once again it was really like Frank was having a conversation with himself here.

"Of course it does; she can do better, and she wants better, and I need to give up before I fuck up for real, and this is God letting me down gently, and this is me forgetting all about Gee Way about the 'connection' we have and how  _insanely_  fucking beautiful and perfect she is... like...  _fuck_ , Ray, you've seen her pictures, but they don't compare even slightly to the real version of her, I tell you that now-"

"Frank you sound like you're in love with her." And Ray didn't perhaps mean for his words to hit Frank as hard as they did, but Frank was barely in control of his head anymore.

" _Fuck_... maybe I am." He got up from the chair, and made his way over to the backdoor, turning to face Ray as he did so, "can we go out? Somewhere, anywhere, I need to smoke, clear my head, or something, and well, fuck you for not letting me smoke in your house, Ray Toro."

Ray shrugged, before getting up and following Frank to the door, the two pulling their shoes on before making their way out into the street, "you know why I don't let you smoke inside, Frank," Ray added as they did so, gaining only a raise of eyebrows on Frank's behalf, "the smoke alarm, and my parents  _will_  kill me."

"Gee lets me smoke in her house, in her  _room_  even... only cigarettes though, nothing else, but she doesn't like it, and she wants me to stop, and I say no every time, but I think for her I actually would try." Frank grabbed the packet from the pocket in his hoodie and met Ray's gaze as he put one to his lips, taking it out and between his fingers for a brief moment, "should I stop? Ray do you think I should stop?"

"I think you should stop overthinking everything, because you're fucked up and stressed, and as much as I hate to admit it, the cigarette is going to calm you down, so no, Frank, smoke away." Ray shook his head, half in disbelief of just what he was doing, "only  _one_  though, because if you don't worry about those lungs of yours, someone has to."

Frank let out a sigh, lighting the cigarette, and stashing the lighter and the packet back in his pocket. "I miss her already, that's fucked up, but I'm fucked up, and I-... I don't know what my head's doing at all, but I want to apologise... I want to  _kiss_  her, Ray, and that's the worst idea in the world, but I really, I just-"

"Then  _kis_ sher." And Ray said it like it was the simplest thing in the world, when in reality, it was, in fact, anything but. "That'd be easier than some apology anyway, I reckon, and girls like that, don't they?"

"I didn't - I wouldn't take bullshit like that-"

"Yeah, but Frank you're not a girl." Ray continued, as the two made their way down the road, neither entirely sure as to where they were headed.

"I was." Frank added, taking a drag of his cigarette, and watching Ray's reaction just a little too closely.

"Not in your head, though, not ever, what's between your legs is irrelevant." Ray reminded him, and Frank hated to admit that he did actually kind of need that right now.

"Yeah, I know... but...  _fuck_ , I have... I have no idea what to even say to her, because I walked out, and  _I've_  upset her, and she's going to tell Lindsey and I'm going to get brutally murdered, and stabbed many times, and-"

"Well, fix things before she can tell Lindsey, just... go the fuck back to her house and ring the doorbell and tell her you're sorry and that you fucked up, and that you're being shit, and then just kiss her, and see how it goes from there." Ray grinned, watching as Frank's eyes widened at even the possibility.

"And what if she doesn't kiss me back and hates me forever?"

"Then, Frank, at least you tried, and you can go back to mine and we can have a horror movie marathon and you can bitch all night, and I'll even take the batteries out of the smoke alarm and you can smoke all you like until you feel better, and I promise I'll help you find someone else to pine over obsessively."

"You had me at horror movie marathon." Frank's face turned up into a grin, as he came to realise just where Ray had led him, "this is her road, how the fuck did you know that?"

"I didn't." Ray admitted, honestly too. "It seems like God is just trying to get you back together here."

"Not that you believe in God." Frank added, rolling his eyes, "look, wait here, if I don't return in ten minutes then you can assume it was a success and leave, but if it fucks up then I need you for moral support, you got that?"

-

Gee forced a smile, having tried her best to masquerade her tears from earlier, and thankfully Mikey had been fixated with the events of his day and retelling them in excess detail to pay an awful lot of attention to his sister's face.

And the whole burying your face in a coffee mug technique was working excellently to her advantage, and also, coffee just made things better as well, and of course, the added fact that her parents weren't going to get back until late just made everything so much better.

"And,  _Gee_?" Mikey continued, making his way into the kitchen, and taking an extra cookie in a way that Gee totally didn't notice, "well, you know, Pete? Like  _Pete_ , Pete. Pete Wentz, yeah, my best friend Pete? Well, he punched this kid in the face again today - the guy didn't hurt me or anything like last time, it was... well... the guy was being... an  _asshole_..." Gee raised her eyebrows at the use of the word 'asshole', because okay, Mikey was thirteen, but he didn't tend to swear a lot, so this guy had most definitely deserved his title, "he was saying really homophobic stuff, and Pete told him to shut up and stop being an idiot, so then he called Pete a faggot, and Pete hit him square in the jaw, and he started bleeding from his mouth so bad that he looked at himself in the mirror and passed out, and  _god_ , it was horrible, but... but it was amazing. I think you'd like Pete... I like Pete."

"So, did Pete get in much trouble for this?" Gee asked, putting her coffee mug down, and continuing to listen intently, because she had heard an awful lot about Pete, but never something quite this intriguing.

"Yeah, he got suspended for a day, so I don't know what I'm going to do tomorrow, I mean... I feel like... people are going to be horrible to me when he's not there to 'protect' me, it sounds pathetic, but people are really scared of him, and he is kind of short, but... he has  _guts_." Mikey smiled a little, "do you think I could manage to skip school tomorrow?"

"Look, Mikey, I-"

" _Please_ , please, pretty  _please_ , just call up and pretend to be mum and tell them I'm ill, and I'll even get out of the house, I'll go and visit Pete, I promise, look, I'll even clean your room for a month, or whatever you want, please, Gee,  _please_." Mikey begged, his eyes going all wide, and Gee just couldn't say no to that.

"Fine, Mikey,  _fine_." She shook her head in disbelief, laughing a little, "but tell me one thing, okay?"

"Sure, sure, of course." Mikey exclaimed, perhaps just a little too overexcited by the prospect of missing school, but it wasn't like Gee couldn't relate.

"So, this whole... Pete standing up against homophobia thing, is there any particular reason that you know of, because it seems he feels quite strongly about it...?" Gee trailed off, blushing a little.

"Oh, are you asking if he's gay?" Mikey continued as if it was the most casual thing in the world, and really, Gee could have never been more proud. "Well, he doesn't know exactly, he's still figuring things out, you know, but he reckons he's probably not straight, but he'll tell me when he knows for sure, so there's no point pushing him about it."

"And you better be a good friend to him, because figuring yourself out is kind of difficult, and he needs someone there to support him, and you better promise me that you're doing that, Mikey." Gee's tone turned a little stern as she continued.

"Yeah, of course I-" Mikey was cut off as the doorbell rang, and perhaps just a little too forcefully, with a certain degree of impatience to the rings.

"Please tell me that isn't mum or dad back earlier." Gee let out a sigh, putting her coffee mug down, and getting up to answer the door.

She inhaled loudly as she unlocked it, perhaps having ran through every possible besides the one it truly was, because at that point, Gee was expecting to see an axe murderer on the other side of the door more than she was expecting Frank Iero.

"Hey..." He let out an awkward sigh, "I'm  _really_ , really sorry... I... I'm so fucking sorry, Gee, I just... I don't even know why I was being such an ass and I shouldn't have walked out like that, but I'm just... I'm sorry, I'm not good with words, I just-"

And that was the very point that Frank just thought fuck it, and pressed his lips against Gee's, and perhaps Gee still hadn't quite come to terms with the fact that Frank was here at all, and was barely able to process what was happening before Frank was pulling away.

"Ew, gross! Who's that?" The two jumped to see a very confused Mikey Way having found his way into the hallway to see just  _who_  was at the door, and had perhaps received quite more of a surprise than he had bargained for yet.

Gee let out a sigh, blushing a little, as she looked between Frank and Mikey, "Mikey, this is Frank, Frank, this is Mikey."

"Why you'd want to kiss her I have no idea, but nice Misfits shirt, Frank." Mikey added, before making his way back into the kitchen, and suddenly that was that.

And Frank still wasn't quite sure if he was breathing right.

-


	9. I LOVE PETE WENTZ

"Hey..." the two had just stood there in silence for what felt like several minutes after Mikey had closed the kitchen door back behind him, thinking very little of the weird little punk boy who'd rang the doorbell and kissed his sister.

Of course, Gee knew that this absolutely wasn't the end of it, and that Mikey would absolutely be asking her every single question on the planet later, but Mikey was nice enough to know not to embarrass her when Frank was here.

"Hey..." Gee blushed a little as she copied Frank, the two kind of stood there in an odd kind of silence: Mikey's interruption having ruined any chance of natural response, leaving the two kind of stuck, kind of just there, kind of just  _waiting_ , and wondering what could become of what was definitely  _something_.

"I'm sorry... I.." Frank was the first to break the magic of the moment and rush into a stupid, forced apology, only for Gee to reach out and hold his hand, because she too was at a loss for words then, and perhaps this would serve purpose for the time being: just the two of them, just then, just there, just each other.

"It's okay." She finally followed up her actions with somewhat of a conclusion, smiling at Frank as she did so, "you're not as much of a bad kisser as you look." She giggled a little, watching as Frank's cheeks seemed to burn up in embarrassment.

"I... shut up..  _I..._ " He stumbled over his words, desperate to find something endearing, and poetic, and meaningful, something good enough for Gee, but with that smile, it was evident the aforementioned was unnecessary, and Frank began to think the unthinkable: that Gee Way may actually like the weird little emo transboy who had a horrible borderline obsession with her.

"Come on, let's go upstairs, so Mikey doesn't listen in again." She smiled at Frank one more time before making her way upstairs, leaving Frank to follow: still just a little unable to comprehend just exactly what was going, and why he hadn't been slapped across the face yet, because he'd quite honestly been half way expecting it.

Gee gestured to the bed where they'd sat just hours before as she closed her bedroom door behind them, and left Frank sat awkwardly, just like he had been before, glancing at the mess of cigarette ash he'd made on her wall, and feeling awfully guilty about the whole thing, "sorry, about the..." He gestured awkwardly at the wall.

"Yeah, whatever." She shook her head, grabbing a cup from her desk and handing it to Frank, "use this as an ashtray at least."

Frank looked down into the cup, chuckling to himself, as Gee sat down beside him, "do I not have to ask to smoke anymore?"

"I've given up, Frank, I'm just expecting it now. Or maybe you've just put me in a good mood for once, how about that?" She smiled, watching with a slight amusement as Frank lit himself a cigarette: the whole procedure memorised and she reckoned he could probably do the whole hand in pocket, open packet, grab cigarette, cigarette in mouth, packet back in pocket, lighter out of pocket, light cigarette, lighter back in pocket, cigarette in hand manoeuvre with his eyes closed.

"A good enough mood to ignore the impending doom of my cancer ridden future?" Frank asked, raising his eyebrows as he put the cigarette to his lips.

"Stop it." She bit her lip, shaking her head, "stop making me worried about you, because I do worry about you, Frank, you know? Like... you don't just smoke, you do everything, don't you? I'm worried about you and the drugs, really, can't you try to stop snorting coke, at least? That must be really bad for your health, like...  _dude_."

"Didn't know I was speaking to my doctor." Frank let out a breathy little, half-hearted laugh, "look, I don't want to fuck things by getting into another argument with you - I get it, you're worried about me, you don't like that I do drugs, but that shit's addictive, okay? And it's not like I'm a complete junkie, okay? It's just... look, I'm sober now, aren't I? I'm fine, Gee, promise, but the moment you see me really fucked up, feel free to slap me until I sober up and demand I listen to you then."

"I'm sorry... I just... I don't want anything to happen to you, okay? I don't know what I'd do then, quite honestly." She admitted, leaning her head onto Frank's shoulder as she did so, and waiting a few moments before continuing, "are we going to talk about the kiss? Because it's not like we can ignore it, because Mikey's not going to shut the fuck up about it, you know?"

"He didn't seem to give much of a fuck, I thought." Frank added, glancing in Gee's direction.

"He's kind of shy, I guess... and he's nice, he doesn't want to be annoying or embarrass me or anything, but as soon as you're gone, I promise you, I won't hear the end of it." She laughed a little at that, before continuing, "it was nice though, wasn't it? It was a nice kiss, bit of a surprise, yeah, but it was... it was good..."

"So..." Frank put his cigarette between his fingers, turning to Gee, "so... good enough that you'd maybe consider kissing me again? Or something...?" He trailed off, blushing like hell as he did so.

Gee glanced down at the cigarette and shook her head a little, "not with your mouth covered in nicotine and tar, no."

Frank glanced down at his cigarette and shook his head, "fuck you," he said, almost speaking to the cigarette itself.

"Yeah, stop smoking and I'll kiss you." Gee continued, grinning a little: joking of course, because okay, she had faith in Frank, but not  _that_  much faith.

"You're gonna be waiting the rest of your life then, and I don't know if you can wait that long, what do you think?" Frank glanced at his cigarette, and stubbed it out in the cup Gee had handed him minutes ago. "That's symbolic, or something, I don't know."

Gee grinned a little as Frank turned to face her, the two meeting each other's gazes, and finding themselves in silence once more, "you're really beautiful," the words left Frank's mouth before he could stop himself.

And again Gee blushed, "shut up."

"I will if you kiss me again." He grinned like an idiot, leaning closer. "Like,  _make me_  shut up, yeah?"

"Stop being such a fuckboy, Frank." She shook her head in mock disbelief, waiting until Frank was somewhat distracted, his gaze distant, before she leaned in and planted a short, gentle, but so fucking important kiss on his lips.

" _Fuck_." Frank cursed, his eyes widening a little as he looked up at her, still somewhat in awe of Gee's existence in general. "Fuck," he repeated, "you're going to kill me, not the cigarettes, I fucking tell you."

-

Mikey's mother was actually going to  _kill_  him if she ever found out about this. In fact, she'd probably kill Gee first for letting this happen, making Mikey watch before she killed him, but perhaps Mikey was just putting way too much thought into something that might not even happen, because, after all, this could actually be fine; Mikey might spend a day with suspended Pete and no one would ever know.

Besides Gee of course, but she wouldn't say anything, honestly Mikey reckoned he couldn't  _pay_ his sister to optionally speak to their parents at all, and of course, he didn't know why he'd ever want to either.

He'd approached Pete's house and stood almost awkwardly on the doorstep, almost as if every step he took now was morally wrong, because okay, Mikey felt a little guilty, because he knew that if people ever found out about this, then Gee would definitely get in more trouble than he would, and it wasn't like their parents were Gee's biggest fans anyway.

But, it wasn't like he could turn back now, and he reminded himself of that as he rang the doorbell, and waited in silence, his whole body shaking a little as he did so, and in the silence, he even caught himself wondering what it'd been like for Frank who'd just rung the doorbell and kissed his sister yesterday, and Gee had done everything in her power to say very little about it, and the two definitely had  _something_  between them, but Mikey wasn't quite sure what.

Mikey even wondered if he actually wanted to  _know_ ; he was concerned for Gee, as her brother, of course, but there was always a limit with things little brothers should know.

However, Mikey didn't quite get enough of an opportunity to properly fret over his sister's love life, before the door opened, revealing a somewhat shocked looking Pete. "I thought you were  _joking_!" He exclaimed, his eyes widening to take in Mikey's expression.

"What? I  _said_  I was skipping school to come see you-" Mikey began, his tone just a little patronising, as it all seemed so obvious in his head.

"But you're goody two shoes Mikey, who wouldn't ever do anything bad or hurt a fly, this isn't  _you,_ oh my god, you're going to get into trouble, go the  _fuck_  to school-"

"Pete, are you  _telling_  me to go to school?" Mikey exclaimed, his expression frozen for a moment before he burst into laughter. "Look, this is your fault, Pete, anyway, it's not like I have any other friends to spend time with, is it?"

Pete shrugged in response, "school are going to notice that you're not there, you know?" He continued, his eyebrows raised.

"Gee called in and told them I was ill." Mikey exclaimed, smiling to himself a little as he did so, "now come on, let me in, will you?"

Pete shrugged, opening the door wider and letting Mikey in, before locking it behind him. "And Gee just agreed to this, did she? Or did you like,  _sell your soul_ , to her?"

"No, she's... okay, I had to beg a little, but she's just nice, you know?" Mikey smiled, standing there awkwardly as he kicked his shoes off.

"You're lucky that my parents are at work, you know?" Pete added, gesturing with his arms at the empty house, "they probably wouldn't be quite as happy to see you as I am."

"You don't look very happy: all you've done is grumble and tell me to go to school." Mikey corrected him, smiling a little as he did so, "I feel underappreciated."

"Well, how can I make it up to you?" Pete continued, leaning Mikey upstairs to his bedroom- not like that, they're literally  _thirteen_.

"I don't know." Mikey shrugged as he sat down they sat down on Pete's floor: the shorter boy grabbing his cellphone and reading Mikey's text over again and smiling to himself.

"I really didn't expect to see you on my doorstep, Mikeyway, I really did not." He sighed, throwing his phone down and leaning against the wall, before meeting Mikey's gaze with a smile, "you're not quite so innocent and perfect anymore, are you?"

Mikey blushed, turning away a little and keeping his head down, "I... I... did you  _not_  want to see me or something?" He questioned, raising his eyebrows at Pete.

"Don't twist my words, Mikeyway, that's nothing like what I meant." Pete let out a sigh, the conversation fading out into silence for a few minutes.

"Can I tell you about some stupid soppy thing that happened yesterday that sounds really weird, and like not my business, but it's really... I don't know,  _curious_..." Mikey trailed off, eventually moving his gaze to meet Pete's.

"Yeah," Pete nodded, "I care about everything you have to say, Mikeyway."

"I'm sure you don't." Mikey raised his eyebrows: unimpressed, "what about that time I was geeking out over Star Wars - you didn't listen then!" He protested.

"You'd eaten a whole packet of those weird blue sour sweets in like three minutes, you were on an insane sugar high - I was doing myself a  _favour_  by not listening to a single word you'd said."

"Whatever." Mikey let out a sigh, continuing regardless, "well, okay, yesterday after I came home from school, me and Gee were just sat in the kitchen, like talking, just casually, and Gee was kind of upset, I don't know why... I couldn't really place it, and she didn't go into an awful lot of detail, but then the doorbell rang and she got up to answer it, and I heard someone talking who I didn't recognise, so I got up just to look who it was, and there's this guy just  _kissing_  her. He has a good taste in music, though; he had a Misfits shirt on. But, she's like refusing to say anything of value about it: all I know is that his name's Frank, he's fifteen, and he's from school, and that he likes the Misfits."

"Well, it's obvious," Pete spoke up after a moment, "your sister has a boyfriend."

"No." Mikey responded instantly, "like, you don't get it; we're really close... she'd tell me about the majority of things, I'd have known before I'd even met him, but... I don't know, and well... she doesn't really date, and she doesn't really have many friends, and I'm pretty sure they're all girls, so I just don't know where the hell this guy came from, and I-"

"You're getting overprotective." Pete cut in, grinning his fucking head off, of course. "It's fine, just leave her be, Mikeyway, it's her life after all. I'm sure he's a nice guy, but the very second he does anything horrible, that's when you're allowed to get overprotective as fuck, okay? I promise you that."

"No... but..." Mikey shook his head, "I don't even know if he  _knows_ , and... I don't even know what kind of person he is, and I'm just very confused, and I just want her to talk to me about this, but she won't, and what if he doesn't  _know_ , what is he going to do when he finds out-"

"Finds out about what?" Pete asked, meeting Mikey with a look of confusion.

And that was the very moment that Mikey realised he'd never mentioned anything about Gee being trans to Pete.

Not that he'd really needed to, because it wasn't Pete's business, but, it was a little odd, because Mikey was so used to it, and-

"I don't know if she'd appreciate me telling you." Mikey went for the easiest answer at hand. "It's really kind of personal, but if she hasn't told this guy then- I don't even know how he'd react, like... I- if he's an asshole then he might freak out, and... she's going to get really upset, and I really don't want to see her like that,  _ever_... I-"

"Mikey, look, I really want to help you, but I can't help you if you don't tell me." Pete paused, thinking for a moment, "anyway, if she really cares about this guy, then he probably knows."

Mikey groaned, shaking his head a little, "I... I... don't mention this to anyone, okay? It's not like a bad thing, not at all, but... I... I don't know... just... I feel like it's not my thing to tell."

"It's fine, Mikeyway, I'm not an asshole." And Pete smiled, much like an asshole would- well, not a  _literal_  asshole, because they don't have mouths, but-

"She's trans, it's been like two years since she came out, so everyone who knows her is used to it, except our parents... because... because they're assholes, but- it seems like she just met this guy like recently, and... I just don't want her to get hurt, you know?"

"How about having the faith that she wouldn't date a transphobic asshole?" Pete raised his eyebrows a little, "anyway, if he does end up finding out and freaking out, then I don't give a shit, I'll  _punch_  him, I don't care if he's two years older and probably about seven feet taller than me, I'll fuck him up-"

"He's actually quite short." Mikey added, a smile growing on his lips.

"Well that makes things easier," Pete grinned, shuffling closer to Mikey, "but talk to her about it, just say one question and ask her if he knows about it, and then if she says no then we can deal with the problem, but if he does, then it's fine, isn't it? You don't need to stress yourself out over this, Mikeyway, if she hasn't told him yet, then I'm pretty sure she's doing enough stressing out for herself."

"Somehow, telling me that she's stressed out over this doesn't help me stop worrying, you know?" Mikey let out a sigh, leaning back so he was laid on the floor, Pete joining him moments later.

"Mmm..." Pete shook his head, "stop worrying, just think about something else, come on, it's not your life, is it? He's not your boyfriend - we can worry all about this if you ever have a transphobic asshole of a boyfriend."

"I doubt that's ever going to happen." Mikey let out a nervous laugh.

"Stop being so  _straight_ , Mikeyway,  _god_." Pete tutted, pretending to look only half as bothered as he actually was.

"I was talking about the 'transphobic asshole' part... actually..." Mikey paused, putting his hands behind his head. "I don't really know who I'm attracted to at all, but I know for sure I'm not attracted to transphobes."

"Why is everything you say quite literally the best thing I've ever heard?" Pete blurted out before common sense could kick in and stop him.

"Because I'm amazing." Mikey grinned like an idiot. "I'm the best person you've ever met."

" _Obviously_." Pete let out a frustrated, suppressed homosexual sigh, fixating his eyes on the ceiling for a few moments before continuing. "Did you think I was going to react badly... about Gee, I mean?"

Mikey paused before answering, "no, not really, I didn't know  _exactly_ what to expect, but you're like... you're like the opposite of homophobic... what even is the opposite of homophobic? So I reckoned chances were that you weren't transphobic, also I have faith in you as my best friend and couldn't bare to think that you were problematic."

"I think the opposite of homophobe is definitely homosexual." Pete said, grinning a little, "but I don't know yet, I could be gay, I could be bi, I could be pan... I could be  _anything_ , there are so many sexualities, Mikey, but I know I like dudes, that's one thing."

"Did you just come out?" Mikey asked, sitting up a little, a grin attached to his face.

"Not really, like come on, Mikey, was it  _really_  that much of a surprise?" Pete shook his head in disbelief, "I talk about dudes all the time, and gays, and I got myself suspended for punching a homophobic kid in the face."

"I guess." Mikey shrugged, lying back down, and smiling oddly at Pete as he did so, "so how did you like- when was the moment when you were like  _dude_ ,  _dudes_!"

"There was never a moment like that because I'm nowhere near as cringey as you, but... I guess there wasn't a moment really, just... it was gradual, like... I sort of realised it gradually, and anyway, I don't think my sexuality's much of a concern until I reckon I've figured it out or I start dating someone or something, like... I'm not that fussed, honestly."

"Don't you just want to  _know_ , like I do, but I don't really know what to even think about... I just... I don't know... but I don't know what it is... I'm just-"

"Impatient." Pete finished for him, "that's what you are, impatient."

Mikey rolled his eyes at Pete, "you're an asshole," he added, but there wasn't a single chance in hell that he meant it.

-


	10. The Sixth Sense Of Emo

It was at the point where Frank came over to Gee's house without asking anymore, or dragged her away from Lindsey, and took her home to talk and maybe kiss or something; they still hadn't quite defined what they were to each other, but needless to say, they were most certainly comfortable with one another, and to the extent that Frank knew exactly when Gee's house would and wouldn't be empty, so he knew exactly when to take her back to his or just to hers.

It was odd, but weirdly flattering, and Frank was all sort of kinds of awkwardly cute, and oddly fucked up, and seriously needed to stop getting into shit with people half a foot taller than him, but like, everyone was half a foot taller than him, and what he lacked in height, he also lacked in controlling his temper, so it wasn't exactly as if the odds were ever in his favour.

It amused Gee though, Frank himself amused Gee, even with his cigarettes, and even with those stupid combat boots that he claimed took four decades to take off, so he'd kept on, and trailed mud throughout her house, which Gee really wished she had a dog to blame on, because Mikey who never went outside wasn't quite as believable at all.

But Gee looked past that, and saw just the cutest, sweetest boy in the world sat on her kitchen countertop, trying to get his lighter to work when it was point black refusing to cooperate with him, which was perhaps more than a little amusing for the girl, leaning against the countertop to the left of him with a coffee cup in her hands; the two having lost track of time hours ago, and yes, this was exactly like every cliché, but they were happy with whatever the hell was going on between them.

"Are you laughing at me because my lighter won't fucking work?" Frank pulled his hands away from his face, and his lighter down onto the countertop, appearing to give up completely.

"Nope." Gee responded, grinning at him as she did so, and putting her coffee back down as she made her way over to him, and grabbing the lighter. "I bet I can get it to work, because I'm like  _magic_ , you know?"

Frank raised his eyebrows, unconvinced, "are you?"

"Mmm..." She continued, clicking at the lighter, and gesturing for Frank to put the cigarette back in his mouth, and at some point in the aforementioned manoeuvre she considered at just which point had she found herself not just accepting of his smoking habits, but 'actively supporting' them; she didn't say anything though, because Frank looked far too cute right now, and she didn't want to ruin the moment, or something equally as sappy.

And of course, by some miracle, she managed it too, which left Frank speechless and wide eyed, and nearly even choking on the cigarette as he pulled it away from his lips and choked out an awkward and disbelieving, " _motherfucker_ ".

And at that moment, the backdoor clicked open, leaving Gee wide eyed as she felt her gaze settling on the clock in realisation that they really had lost track of the last hour, and yes, Mikey really was making his way inside right now, and here was the smoking emo boy with muddy combat boots sat on the kitchen counter, that Gee didn't expect anyone to approve of.

Mikey paused for a moment as he stood in the doorway, clearly having not expected to see Frank today, but he made no comment, simply glancing between his sister and her boyfriend, waiting for someone to break the silence.

"Uhh..." Gee ran a hand back through her hair, as she found the responsibility thrown onto her. "You've met, so, yeah, Frank's...  _here_ , and..."

"Mum would  _hate_  him." Mikey commented, raising his eyebrows at Frank.

"I know." Gee's face seemed to light up with a grin at the notion of her mother's disgust. " _Exactly_."

Mikey rolled his eyes, throwing his school bag down near the door, and making his way over to the kitchen on an overly enthusiastic and highly motivated quest for coffee, or caffeine or some other sort. "I feel like mum could find a way to hate anyone though." He admitted as he grabbed a mug from the cupboard.

"She can and she  _will_." Gee let out a sigh, "which is why it's probably best that she doesn't know Frank even exists."

"Mmm... yeah, she'd flip, she'd probably have some sort of breakdown," Mikey continued, completely forgetting about Frank as the words seemed to fly from his lips, "like would she rather accept you as her daughter or be insistent that she'd have a gay son- wait, god, does he  _know_? I- I...-" Mikey nearly went as far as to drop the mug, his cheeks reddening, as he wasn't sure what the fuck he could do to fix the mess he'd made here.

"Of course he does- Mikey, do you seriously think I wouldn't tell him, I..." Gee shook her head, slightly amused by the situation, as she glanced at Frank, and mouthed a quick, 'can I tell him?', to which Frank nodded, still sort of vaguely detached from the conversation, and reality in general, which may or may not have had something to do with the coke he'd snorted before coming here, but there wasn't a chance in hell he was going to mention that to Gee, especially not with her brother here.

"I don't know, Gee, I mean I was just concerned because you wouldn't talk to me about it, so I talked to Pete about it, and he thought that you might not have told him so-"

"Mikey..." Gee let out a sigh, grabbing her brother by his shoulder, "Frank's trans too, like... that's why we started talking... and we're good, and he's really nice you know, like he looks all intimidating and shit, but he's an idiot, I promise."

"Okay..." Mikey let out a sigh, glancing in Frank's direction as he did so, "okay, now I feel really stupid- but like it was Pete who suggested it so I'm gonna ensure that Pete feels stupid on my behalf."

Frank giggled a little, "your brother's really damn cute, you know?" He added, directing his comment at Gee, who just rolled her eyes.

"I'm not cute, I'm- I don't know... I..." Mikey trailed off, "don't be patronising, okay? I'm thirteen, I'm like not a kid anymore." And yeah, Frank  _had_  to laugh at that, and there was no denying that Gee stifled a giggle too.

"Stop bullying him, Frank, he's nice, he's really nice, come on, and I told him you were nice too, you know?" She let out a sigh, leaving Mikey to roll his eyes as he made his way upstairs.

"I'm not nice, I'm really bad, you know? I'm like the devil, totally."

"You seem nice enough to me."

"You're so sweet and pretty I think it'd be impossible not to be." He added, blushing, just a little.

-

It wasn't like he'd been ignoring her calls and texts for no reason, was it?

In fact, Frank had all the reason in the world, even if only seemed to justify itself in his own head.

It still counted.

Because everything added up, and everything made sense and he couldn't control himself and she couldn't see him like this because she couldn't know, and he reckoned perhaps he'd rather chance her hating him for a while, than her seeing what he was really like.

It had been a bad day.

The worst.

They all were.

And that was no sort of excuse whatsoever, but Frank wrote it off as one nonetheless, because he was desperate, and he was prepared to accept that over the alternative of him just being a plain fucking  _addict_.

Even though the latter was just as true, if not more so, not that Frank would ever even let that thought cross his mind.

Because he was okay, and he was determined to be so, and today was just a bad day, and Frank should have been way more concerned about his mental health and Gee than he was, but as he pulled his hood over his head, he found himself worrying over nothing more than the success rate of snorting coke with a busted up nose.

Like seriously busted up, like Frank wasn't even sure if he had a left nostril anymore.

Okay, maybe that was a slight exaggeration, but it was a  _bad_  day, and the other guy was definitely worse, or at least that was the way Frank needed to see it, because it had been  _his_ fault, and not Frank's, because Frank didn't deserve this... this fucking  _shit_ , and he was done with it, he was done with it all, he was done with the fucking  _world_.

And dear god, he hated to admit it, but he  _loved_  cocaine, and his dealer wasn't even that much of an asshole, and there was one time he'd been short of cash and he hadn't even made him suck him off for it, and there'd been at least seven times where he  _hadn't_  been short of cash, but he'd still sucked the guy off, just out of gratitude, perhaps.

But that was a few months ago now, before everything, and even though sex cleared his mind, he couldn't deal with the reality of what was, or perhaps  _wasn't_  between his legs right now, and  _yeah_ , there was the matter of Gee, and there was  _something_  there, even if they'd only really kissed a few times and the only person that thought them to be dating was Mikey.

But Frank liked it, or at least he liked the idea of it, but he soon pushed it to the back of his mind as he made his way closer to the corner of the park near the river, where he'd agreed to meet the guy, who never really disclosed his real name, and Frank could understand, and he'd taken up the nickname of Freddie somewhere down the line, and it was the most ridiculous and unlikely name for a drug dealer, but Frank reckoned that was kind of the point.

" _Frankie_!" The guy forced a smile as Frank neared him; he was somewhat sober, vaguely so, but in this field, this was fucking extraordinary, but Freddie had always been one of the good guys, of those guys that could supply you with coke within a two hour period, but those had to be the  _best_  guys.

"It's not Frankie anymore." Frank grimaced a little, pulling his hood down as he approached Freddie, leaning back against a tree beside him.

"Fuck, sorry, I forget." He let out a sigh, zoning out for a moment.

Frank was entirely sure of much about Freddie, and all he 'knew' was only what he  _thought_  he knew, because the guy never spoke about himself, and was some sort of wizard at changing the subject when you suggested it. Frank knew he was over eighteen at least, but he looked no longer than twenty two or twenty three, and whenever he reminded himself of that he felt kind of weird about what they'd done, but perhaps he was just eighteen or nineteen, and perhaps Frank should just stop thinking about it, because it wasn't going to happen again, and Frank had been  _way_  out of it when it had.

He was certainly taller than Frank too, with this odd lanky frame that made him look like he might snap in half if you shoved him too hard, and Frank was pretty sure that he only owned two sets of clothes, but enough money to keep dying his hair every month or so, which baffled Frank, of course, but different people, different priorities.

"So, I've got the money." Frank broke the silence, and awkwardly at that, as he dug into his pocket and grabbed a few notes.

"Shame, kinda would have been more fun if you hadn't." Freddie grinned a little, and Frank wasn't sure if he was joking or not, "and I've got the coke, would have been awkward if I hadn’t, I know, and then you might have had to come back to my place and help me look for it-"

"Just give me the fucking coke, dude." Frank shoved the money into the older man's hand, and Freddie rolled his eyes in response, but placed the little bag in Frank's hand.

"What's up with you? I wasn't going to say anything about your face, but-"

"I've got a girlfriend, Freddie, and that has nothing to do with my face, or why I'm buying coke from you, but  _please_ , stop flirting with me." Frank pocketed the bag, wishing he could just  _leave_  right then and right there, but that just wasn't how things were with Freddie, and that was perhaps his only downside.

" _Oh_... so you don't like cock anymore?" He asked, almost personally offended.

"Look at me, it's... we  _never_  dated, it was... just... I forget money-"

"A lot, you did that a lot, Frank, and I like you, Frank, maybe not in that way anymore, but... whatever, you're confusing, you know that?"

Frank nodded, "I know, I confuse myself. I like  _girls_ , and you're not a girl, and- look... I was fucked up most of the time, and I was in a bad place, and can we just-"

"If you even know me at all, you're in a bad place, I'm a drug dealer, Frankie-  _fuck_ , sorry,  _Frank_." He cursed, shaking his head a little, "look, I'm sorry, I'll let it go, I'm just joking, I was just horny, you know, like... I don't do romance bullshit... I can find someone else's mouth to get around my cock,  _easy_. And I won't even say anything, because I know I'm some fucking secret, because you're a good kid, aren't you, Frank? That's what you say."

"Good and bad are subjective-"

"Come on, shut up, you wanna tell me about this girlfriend of yours?" He asked, pulling on a smile that Frank even found himself content with.

"Her name's Gee, she's sixteen, she's like seriously  _beautiful_ , and it's kind of... awkward, we're like... we're dating, but not officially, but we are, like... I don't know, but she's amazing, and she has this really sweet little brother, and she has the most terrifying friends, they're like a girl gang and they're seriously intimidating, but she's so lovely, and she just  _gets_  me, you know?"

"And does she know what you're doing right now?" Freddie asked, raising an eyebrow.

"No."

"Of course not." He cracked an awkward smile, "telling her about your vices would be an amateur mistake, of course. I'm not good with romance, but if you love her, make sure you don't look like a crackhead in the morning."

"If you love her, make sure you're an excellent liar?" Frank raised an eyebrow, unconvinced.

"Exactly."

"And you wonder why we didn't work out..." Frank trailed off, rolling his eyes, as he waved awkwardly in Freddie's direction and made an exit.

"I thought you said there was no 'we'." Freddie called after him, getting Frank to turn, just a few metres away from him.

"Exactly."

-

Gee was trying her best not to think about the fact that she hadn't heard from Frank for something like  _twenty four whole hours_  now, and like they were teenagers so that was seriously a lot, and she reckoned Mikey would probably stab her in her sleep if he had to listen to her talk about Frank anymore, so perhaps Lindsey had looked a lot like the angel Gabriel when she'd turned up at their door.

But like not in the sense that Gee was pregnant, because she wasn't like, she didn't even have a uterus, Gee was just something like as happy as the virgin Mary had been, and this seriously hadn't need to get so biblical- Lindsey Ballato had turned up at Gee's doorstep and offered to take her shopping, and Gee being frustrated with Frank and Mikey, was very glad to accept.

So they went shopping, and Jamia and Alicia had appeared out of nowhere at some point, they weren't going to be likened to biblical figures, because none of this was even vaguely biblical at all, and it wasn't  _relevant_.

Lindsey could of course tell that something was up, because Lindsey was just damn fucking clever, like she was-...  _clever_ , and her and Gee had been close friends for quite a while, and that certainly accounted for a lot.

"It's  _Frank_ , isn't it? What has he done now?" Lindsey had been reluctant to bring it up, especially in front of Jamia and Alicia, and the pair found themselves in the bathroom, because Lindsey had made some stupid excuse about eyeliner game and dragged Gee in there with her.

Gee still got just a little nervous about public bathrooms, but it wasn't bad anymore, and she could cope, because it had been two years, and okay, she'd gotten  _used_  to it, more than anything, but she was wearing a skirt and a face full of make up, and she doubted that would make anyone think even for a second that she didn't 'belong' here.

And of course, there was the fact that Lindsey would quite willingly  _murder_  anyone who was a bitch to Gee, which certainly made matters easier.

"What?" She jumped a little, having prepared herself for just about everything possibility besides the one of Lindsey somehow figuring out just why she was so awkwardly quiet.

"You're upset and it's his fault, I  _know_." She let out a sigh, applying her eyeliner in the mirror, because her eyeliner game had actually been slipping; it was almost like she had some sort of emo sixth sense.

"It's not his  _fault_." She shook her head, frantically, "he just... hasn't returned my calls or texts or anything, and I’m kind of worried, but he's probably just lost his cellphone or something, and I'll see him at school anyway, so I- I don't know why I'm so fussed, it's pathetic, ridiculous-"

" _Oh my god_..." Lindsey's eyes widened, as she shook her head in disbelief, "you're fucking falling for him, you  _are_ , Jesus Christ, Gee. It's Frank Iero of all people, he's nothing special."

"What if I don't want anything special What if I want him?" She asked, her voice hushed, and just a little shaky. "He's... I don't know, you don't really know him. Mikey likes him - not how much I go on about him, of course, but Mikey's met him, and Mikey likes him, and he's a good guy, I promise."

"Whatever you say, Gee, but please let me slap him at some point, because he should call you the  _fuck_  back." Lindsey groaned, brushing her hair back into place as she did so.

The two jumped a little as Gee's phone vibrated in her hand, and Gee basically died when she saw that she'd received a new message from no one other than Frank fucking Iero.

_'Sorry... I... I had a bad day, and a bad evening, and a bad night, and a bad morning, but I don't want to have another bad day today, and it would be horrible if you were mad at me. I want to meet you for coffee, like a date or something but like nothing serious. You know?'_

And then something like seventy seven kisses, and it was fucking cringe worthy, but there was of course no way that Gee was saying no.

"He asked me out for coffee, like a  _date_ -"

"You're going to ruin your life, you know? But if you're so insistent upon it, at least let me ensure you look flawless whilst doing it, because you should seriously get that black skirt."

-


	11. Actual Beautiful Baby Angel Mikey Way

"So he turned out to be okay then?"

Pete had always known, and deep down, behind layers and layers of concern and mistrust in reality, he had known too.

"Yeah." Mikey nodded, biting his lip, and avoiding Pete’s gaze, just praying that his best friend wasn't about to make some stupid 'I told you so' joke, but his best friend was Pete Wentz, so of  _course_  he was.

The two found themselves in Pete's back garden, with Mikey pulling at strands of grass absent mindedly, and Pete lying down on his front, and looking up at the sky, and Mikey's eyes in a totally heterosexual way, because of course, Pete Wentz was nothing  _close_  to a homosexual - it wasn't like he'd admitting to liking boys only a few days prior, was it? No of course not.

"Told you so." It had taken a minute or two, but the words had finally left Pete's mouth, and Mikey couldn't think of anything other than to shake his head in response, because Pete was certainly an idiot, but  _his_  idiot, or some other bullshit like that.

"Yeah." Mikey repeated, watching as Pete got up and sat beside Mikey, leaning his head on the taller boy's shoulder. "What are you doing?" Mikey asked, not that he was complaining, of course, and he made a point of that, as he casually put his arm around Pete, you know, in a  _friend_  way, but okay, Mikey was actually thirteen and a genuine piece of cute innocent shit and had no fucking clue how gay he was being right then and there.

And of course to very, very  _heterosexual_  Pete, this was certainly more than infuriating, but he didn't comment upon it, because he didn't dare even consider the risk of fucking things up with the actual beautiful baby angel that went by the name of Mikey Way.

"What does it look like I'm doing?" Pete asked, his tone sarcastic, but in a half-hearted manner, because he couldn't even  _pretend_  to be pissed at Mikey, because Mikey Way was fucking precious and beautiful and must be protected at all costs, and even at the age of thirteen, Pete Wentz was well aware of that.

"Being a little shit." Mikey put it bluntly, but with a  _smile_  on his face, and Jesus Christ, Mikey had never really smiled often, but he'd certainly taken more to it in the company of Pete, and more in the recent past, and every time he did so, Pete literally had a heart attack, but who wouldn't? It wasn't like Pete was overreacting,  _at all_.

Pete shook his head, grumbling in the same half hearted protest. "Don't swear - you're like eight."

"Pete, we're the same age-"

"I was born in June, you were born in September, therefore I'm older, and you're a little tiny baby." Pete, the actual emo gnome child, said, but like no one could see how short he was when he sitting down at least.

"I'm a  _tiny_  baby? Pete, you're like three feet tall..." Mikey shook his head, but leaned in Pete's side as he did so, which totally defeated the point of this entire 'argument', but neither boy seemed to mind much.

"Do you want me to  _punch_  you, Mikeyway? Because you've  _seen_  me punch, and-"

"You're not going to punch me." Mikey said with confidence, but he was absolutely right, because if Pete was going to do any punching here, it was going to be punching himself in the face for being so in love with Mikey fucking Way.

"What makes you say that?" Pete retorted, laughing it off nervously, and needless to say, with bright red cheeks and avoided gazes, Pete Wentz was far from being an even adequate liar.

"Because I'm your best friend, and I like wouldn't be your friend anymore if you punched me and then you'd have no friends, so even if you're thinking about it, you really  _shouldn't_ , like I'm just looking out for you here, because I'm such a good friend." Mikey giggled a little, falling into Pete's lap somewhat accidentally, but not finding the will to move, "oops, I'm really tired, and you're really comfy, so can I stay here?"

"Stay my friend and I'll let you." Pete answered immediately, attempting to hide the way his cheeks were burning up, but of course, failing spectacularly in the process.

"Of course I'm gonna stay your friend, Pete, you're my  _best_  friend, you're so important, I don't think I can imagine not being your friend, you know? We're gonna be best friends, best friends to the end."

Pete blushed a little, forcing the word 'boyfriends' out of his head, because it certainly had no place there, as it became evident that the concept of dating each other hadn’t even crossed Mikey's mind, which hurt, but on the bright side, at least no one had punched him. "Yeah," he forced a decently convincing smile, "best friends to the end."

"We should make like a promise, or... I don't know... something,  _official_..." Mikey trailed off, his cheeks flushing, "no forget it, it's a stupid idea, I-"

"No, I have an even more stupid idea, Mikeyway." Pete grabbed the younger boy's attention with that motherfucking shit-eating grin. "We could start like a gang: just us two,  _only_  us two-"

"Doesn't that defeat the point of a gang?"

"We can  _define_  the point of it, Mikeyway, come on, we could be the sweet little dudes!" Pete exclaimed, his smile so big it looked ready to detach itself from Pete's face and go off and start a life and a family of its own.

"What because you're little... and I'm  _sweet_?" Mikey raised his eyebrows at that: unconvinced.

"You're sweet as hell, Mikeyway. Just accept the name, it's cute, you're cute, I'm cute, it fits, doesn't it?"

"I don't think you'll let me say no." Mikey let out a sigh:  _half hearted_ , of course, because he and Pete Wentz perhaps had too much in common.

"Yeah, there's a point." Pete blushed, grabbing his cellphone, "come on, Mikeyway, let's take sweet little dudes selfies!"

"Are you serious?"

" _Dead."_ Pete met Mikey's gaze. "Mikey, I'm dead... dead serious."

"Alright, calm down, Sirius Black-"

"Don't you fucking dare!" Pete exclaimed, shaking his head in dismay, "just shut up, Mikeyway, and get in the damn selfie."

-

Frank's head was a mess, because,  _okay_ , this was just coffee, but it had the implications of a date, and Frank was a fuck up when it came to everything, and romantics in particular, but, of course, there wasn't a chance in hell he could let himself fuck this up, or even live with himself if he did, because Gee Way was way too good for him, and he was just utterly perplexed as to how she hadn't realised it yet.

He wasn't even sure what he was going to say to her in the form of an apology; he knew he was sorry, but that was about it, because she would ask, he would always be reluctant to detail how he'd spent the time with a guy who kept flirting with him, and some coke... more coke than she'd like to know about, well, he reckoned Gee didn't want to know about any coke, and in turn, she really did  _not_  want to know about Freddie, but Frank just didn't know what else to tell her.

At least the truth had that going for it; it was the  _truth_ , and it gave Frank a little more moral high ground, but not exactly in abundance, and he was well aware of it: this wasn't a good situation for him, whichever way you looked at it, but it was perhaps his only chance, and yeah, he had missed seeing Gee over the past few days.

Perhaps he'd just have to ride out the wave, wing it, so to speak, and flirt relentlessly, like an asshole, effectively making her forget what Frank was even supposed to be apologising for, but that would really make him out to be a fuckboy, wouldn't it?

And  _fuck_ , Frank just wished they hadn't made it illegal to smoke in coffee shops, because his anxiety was at the roof, and if his hands continued to shake, he might as well stab himself in the neck or something.

He'd been sat there, and exceedingly awkwardly so for something like ten minutes; Gee wasn't late, Frank had just been early, and he was only then realising that he had an awkward white stain on this shirt that looked like something it wasn't. He just  _prayed_  that Gee wouldn't notice it, but God would never be on his side.

And it wasn't like Frank had even done that much wrong, he'd just had a fucked up couple of days: some time to himself, and perhaps some coke and pills too. He hadn't cheated on her, he hadn't done anything of the sort, but still, he felt like public enemy number one, and maybe that had to count for something in terms of his morals, but perhaps it was just a reflection of what Gee's friends would think of him.

He was shit scared, to say the least. And even to the extent that he almost knocked his coffee off the table when Gee sat down opposite him, with the most beautiful smile, and a, "hey."

" _Fuck_." Frank cursed, shaking his head, and making a point of moving the cup away from the edge of the table. "I'm... I'm nervous, okay..." He let out a sigh, meeting Gee's gaze, "fucking doesn't help that I can't smoke in here, you know? My hands are all shaky and shit."

"It's just me, Frank, there's nothing you need to be nervous about." She raised her eyebrows, slightly amused by the situation more than anything. "I'm not pissed at you, I'm just... I don't know, confused, maybe confused is the right word. Just explain and we can finish our coffee and then we can go somewhere where you can smoke, and I  _promise_ , I won't even complain."

Frank scoffed at that: unconvinced by the last part, and with good reason, "sure you will, Gee, I'd be concerned if you didn't. I need you to keep me reminded about the on-going risk of lung cancer, like seriously, you make me think about quitting whenever you get pissed at me smoking, and thinking about quitting counts for something, doesn't it?"

"But you won't  _actually_  quit, ever, will you?" Gee leaned back in her seat.

"No, but- that's not the point." He let out a sigh, as a grin took over his face, "anyway, I guess, I make some effort in explaining...  _fuck_ , I kind of don't know where to start, you know-"

"Start with why you didn't return my calls and texts then." Gee proposed, still optimistic with something like a small smile on her face, which perplexed Frank immensely, because she seemed to have so much faith in him - fucking  _him_ : an asshole, an addict, and  _her_ : all kinds of perfect, and insanely beautiful.

"It was a bad day, I guess, that sounds like bullshit, but I was in a really bad state of mind, I guess I'm still getting away from it: like a hole I fell into that I've only half climbed out of now... I sound like an idiot, I know, whatever, look I'd gotten into a fight that day and that's the bruise on my nose, and I was pretty pissed... and it was one of  _those_  fights... from one of those assholes who are still insistent that I'm a girl, but, yeah, I was in a bad place, so I just walked off and I couldn't bare to speak to you in that state; you shouldn't know me when I'm like that."

"I want to know all of you, Frank, I really do-"

Frank just plain laughed in her face at that one, "no you don't, Gee, you really fucking  _don't_ : I can and I  _will_  promise you that."

"You should have spoken to me though, because then I could have helped you work things through, and you know I'd be able to understand, and that'd probably be a better coping method than whatever else you did... what did you actually  _do_?"

" _Fuck_." Frank let out a muffled curse, pulling his gaze away from Gee's, as his brain began to jump into action: grasping at every hope of a lie that would even make some sort of attempt at being vaguely believable, but of course, he was out of luck, and Gee was glaring at him with a look that reminded him of Lindsey Ballato, which really wasn't good news at all.

"Okay, you did something bad, that's obvious." Gee let out a sigh, leaning forward and grabbing Frank's hand across the table, "you were in a state - we do bad things when we're fucked up, okay, just tell me, just explain, and I'll try to understand."

"Long story short, I snorted a fucking  _hell_  of a lot of coke, and I had a fucking wonderful time." Frank exclaimed, his voice overdramatised and buzzing with spite, to which, Gee only narrowed her eyes, and shook her head a little. "Sorry..." he let out a sigh, "you don't like that side of me, but it  _is_  a side of me, and coke does make me feel better... it takes me out of this world, you get me? Like, I'm somewhere else, and I don't have to face reality and who I am... and I need that, and my dealer's... well, he's a friend, I guess, I needed someone who gets me to talk to, I guess?"

"So you went to a coke dealer?" Gee raised her eyebrows, but she wasn't one to judge; she asked a thirteen year old for help in her life, well, okay he was her brother, but he was just a kid.

"Yeah, well, he's not  _just_  a coke dealer, his name's Freddie, and he's a nice guy, and I've known him for a while... he told me to lie to you about where I was, though, perhaps I should have done... I don't know."

"You shouldn't have, Frank, look, I'm not angry at you, I'm just worried, you know? You should really stop resorting to drugs when you're upset or whatever, and I don't know this guy so I can't really make a judgement on him, but lying to your girlfriend isn't the best thing to do, is it really?"

Frank nodded, a grin spreading across his face, " _girlfriend_." He repeated, causing Gee to look at him like he wasn't far off being a madman. "We never really defined this,  _us_ , and I'm just...  _you're_  my girlfriend, I can't believe that-"

"Oh shut up, you fucking idiot." She rolled her eyes, blushing a little, "come on, shall we go now? You can have a smoke, and look this is me not complaining." She got to her feet, adjusting her hair in the window in a way that had Frank grinning like an idiot, because perhaps it was only then that things finally came into perspective: he was in  _love_.

He was fucking in  _love_  with Gee Way, and dear god help him.

"Stop staring like an idiot, come on, Frank,  _boyfriend_ ," she added, as she reached for his hand, perhaps just for the way he flushed when she said it, and Frank was pretty much dead as the two made their way out into the street.

"I don't think I need a smoke anymore, you know?" Frank said: his voice muffled, after the two stood on the sidewalk for a moment.

"Mmm?" Gee's eyes widened, "that's great, that's actually great- wait, are you just fucking with me?"

"No, I'm serious." Frank smiled, reaching for Gerard's hand, "do you want to go back to mine: it's an empty house- not in that way, but... you know? I just... I just..."

"Shut up." Gee laughed it off, holding her cellphone in her other hand, and giggling a little as she opened her instagram.

"What?" Frank asked, raising his eyebrows as Gee moved her hand to show him the photo open on her phone: a certain selfie uploaded by the instagram account 'pweezy420', which was of course the most ridiculous instagram name Gee had  _ever_  seen, which in turn led her to wonder just why she was following her younger brother's best friend on instagram, but perhaps it was for the selfie of Mikey and Pete, captioned with 'sweet little dudes' and a heart emoji.

"Are you sure they aren't dating?" Frank asked the question that was indeed on  _everyone's_  mind.

"Well, Pete likes dudes, Mikey told me that, but Mikey doesn't know about his sexuality yet, and that's okay, I mean, they're  _thirteen_ , like that's my little brother, god... I'd have to get all over-protective if he had a boyfriend, wouldn't I? I'm not ready-"

"Shut up, it's cute - they're cute together, whether they're best friends or whatever, or however that might change." Frank smiled as Gee put her cellphone away, "Mikey's really sweet, you know? He makes me wish I'd had a brother or a sister or something, but knowing me and my parents, they'd probably turn out like an asshole."

"My parents are class A assholes, Frank." Gee reminded him, as the two continued to walk somewhat vaguely in the direction of Frank's house, "and Mikey turned out great."

"So did you. You're what matters - he's all educated on sexuality and gender, and generally not being an asshole, and that's down to you." Frank added, watching as Gee blushed like an idiot, "whereas I'd could never do that, I'd end up educating them on pills and self-hatred-"

"Don't fucking say that, Frank," she let out a sigh, shaking her head, "anyway I bet you're glad you don't have a sibling now, because they'd probably be annoying as hell to the two of us, just trying to have some time to ourselves."

"Point." Frank added, shrugging it off, "you know time to ourselves sounds like-"

Gee simply laughed in response, "sounds like  _what_ , Frank?"

"I don't know..." He trailed off, his cheeks a bright red, "I just... I think now that you're officially my  _girlfriend_..."

"Dream on, asshole." Gee giggled, "make out, maybe, but... you know... I'm not exactly  _comfortable_ , I-"

"That's fine, I.. I wasn't suggesting you do anything you don't want to, I promise you that."

"Okay, then since you've proved that you are in fact  _not_  a fuckboy, then maybe I  _will_  consider kissing you, a lot..."

-


	12. You Don't Need A Dick To Be A Dick

Gee was curled up with her head in Frank's lap; the two lost in what they would call their own little world, with Netflix somewhat vaguely on in the background, playing something that either of them had never really much cared for, especially when they were like this with each other, both just as quietly ecstatic in regards to the newfound official nature of their relationship.

Because Frank reckoned he'd never be able to look at Gee and not do a fucking hundred double takes as he came to remind himself that this beautiful motherfucking princess was indeed his  _girlfriend_.

And well, Gee thought Frank was a fucking idiot, but a damn cute one at that, and perhaps the most important person in the world, although he'd have to fight Mikey for that title, because Mikey was ticking all the boxes with the cute, unproblematic little brother aesthetic he was forever repping the absolute  _fuck_  out of.

"You stopped kissing me." Frank noted, groaning a little, and moving so he was lying down besides Gee, "and this is me making a formal complaint."

" _You_  could kiss  _me_ , you know, just saying." She laughed it off, brushing her hair away from her face as she did so, "you've got lipgloss on your lips now," she added, after finally getting somewhat of a decent glance at Frank's face, "pink is totally your colour though."

"Fuck off." Frank groaned, wiping it off with the sleeve of his hoodie, and leaving an odd pink smudge against the black fabric, which of course he could give a fuck about later, at a time when the most beautiful girl in the world wasn't lying beside him, asking him to kiss her, which was indeed something Frank couldn't quite believe. "Is that better?"

"If we're going to kiss again, then it's going to get on your face again." Gee pointed out, smirking a little as Frank groaned and blushed to himself.

"You could just  _not_  wear lip gloss, you know?" Frank suggested as he lay down on his back, casually putting his arm around Gee.

"I  _like_  wearing lip gloss, it's pretty, it makes me look pretty-"

"You look pretty without it, Gee." Frank told her, and with genuine sincerity, not that Frank could ever really fathom lying to Gee about something like that.

"Yes, I know, and I look  _prettier_  with it, like unfairly pretty," she blushed, laughing it off, "but seriously, Frank, don't give me that fuckboy bullshit, I wear make up because I like it."

"Sorry." Frank smiled at her, "you're  _always_  beautiful. Anyway, don't you have to be a white straight cis boy to be a fuckboy?"

"You don't need a dick to  _be_  a dick." Gee told him, giggling to herself, "doesn't that sound  _snazzy_ , I came up with it myself, you know?"

"Snazzy." Frank shook his head, "you're a fucking idiot. But anyway, I'm not  _heterosexual_  either-"

"You're a guy that likes girls, Frank, you're  _straight_."

And Frank wasn't even sure that he'd realised it up until that very moment, when he sat up, and gasped to himself, "oh  _fuck_ , I’m a heterosexual...  _me_? A  _heterosexual_?  _No_ , no... no... that's not-...  _nope_ , I refuse to use the word 'heterosexual', Jesus Christ, Gee, I'm not...  _no_." He shook his head in disbelief, "god, I'm so fucking  _used_  to being called a lesbian, I just..."

"What's next? You're gonna tell me that you're not white because you're like one five hundredth native American-"

"I'm actually like a half Italian so-"

"Italian people are  _white_ , Frank." She shook her head, "look at your fucking skin, you're  _white_ , let the social justice warrior inside of you die, you're a straight white boy, Frank, how does that feel?"

"And you're... you're a  _white girl_ , huh, fuck you, Gee!" Frank groaned, leaning back against the sofa in disbelief.

"I'm a pansexual trans girl feminist princess,  _actually_." She giggled, grabbing Frank and pulling him closer, "can I kiss you or are you going to bitch about the lip gloss?"

"Fucking  _fine_." He groaned, almost unready when she pulled his lips against hers, and Frank was weak all over, dying and practically  _melting_  into the kiss, because  _holyfuckGeeMotherfuckingWay_  and goddamn it, he couldn't care less about lip gloss right then and right there.

She pulled away with a grin on her face, reaching out and wiping the lip gloss smudge: smaller than last time, away with the back of her hand. "There you go, you're good. My lipstick isn't anywhere near as messy, do you want me to wear lipstick in future?"

"Wear whatever you like." Frank let out a sigh, still not entirely sure that he was breathing correctly, as he lay back against the sofa, "you look beautiful whatever."

"Hmm... better." She added, curling into Frank's side as she did so, "you're a great boyfriend though, seriously, I like you a lot."

"I like you a lot too." Frank added, all red cheeks and words he stumbled over. "I hate how you're taller than me, though, I feel so fucking  _ugh_... I just... I'm too small and scrawny to ever really look masculine-"

"Shut up, Frank, there are  _tons_  of small and scrawny dudes, and there are tons of tall and chubby girls, girls without curves like me, but it doesn't matter, because I'm still a girl, and you're still a boy, and hey, if it makes you feel better, I can't fucking walk in heels if my life depended on it, so you never have to worry about that."

"But I just... don't you get that you just  _have_  to look like a boy or else I just feel like a  _blob_  that doesn't fit anywhere at all..."

"You don't have to look like how other people think a boy should look." Gee met his gaze then, "you look however the hell you want to look, and you identify however the hell you want to identify and the two shouldn't matter or change one another. You could be a boy who wears heels if you want to be taller, just saying."

"You don't  _get it_  because you already have a feminine face as it is, and people look at you and go, yes, long hair and make up, must be a girl, but me, I just look like some fucking scrawny tomboy lesbian-"

"Like I haven't been misgendered before, come  _on_ , Frank, you tell someone what gender you are, just like it's normal, because it  _is_ , if someone gets it wrong, then you just look them dead in the eye and tell them you're a boy, and they're probably going to be embarrassed, because they've made a mistake and people feel embarrassed when they do that, so you tell them it's fine, and they'll remember next time."

"I can't do that for every fucking person in my  _life_ , Gee!"

"Then right your fucking pronouns on your forehead, Frank, I don't know." She let out a sigh, "I'm sorry, I just, I shouldn't have shouted at you."

"That's not a bad idea actually, because I can write 'he/him' under my fringe and then just lift it up causally and like... it's both amazing and ridiculous."

"Like you then." Gee smirked.

" _Shut up_." Frank insisted, grabbing a marker pen off the table, as he lifted his fringe from his face.

-

"Mikeyway, you know how you'll always be my sweet little dude?"

"Yeah?" Mikey asked, looking up at Pete: the two walking back from school, neither sure to where yet, they at thirteen, of course, had the whole world open to them - they could go to the  _park_ , they could go to  _Pete's house_ , they could go to  _Mikey's house_ , goddamn there was just so much choice, it was indeed overwhelming.

"Will you be angry at me if I tell you something?" Pete's face was a horrible shade of red, which Mikey, of course, found oddly endearing, and his words were muffled, and directed somewhat at the ground.

"Depends what it is, isn't it?" Mikey continued, just a little stumped, and the two slowed their pace as silence fell over them: Pete stumbling for an answer, half regretting that he'd even said anything in the first place.

"I don't know... I mean... I don't know what to think about it, either, I mean, maybe you could help me, I guess..." Pete trailed off, looking up at Mikey with an oddly cute glimmer of hope in his eyes.

"Have you killed someone and you want me to help you bury the body?" Mikey raised his eyebrows, not entirely sure what to make of this weirdly apprehensive Pete.

"No," he giggled at that, " _I_  haven't done anything, well, not really, it's someone else, and I don't want you to get upset, because you're always going to be my number one sweet little dude, and you have to remember that, but did I tell you about the people that moved in across the road?"

"You mentioned it." Mikey searched back through his memory, "the house right across from yours... a family, right?"

"Well, yeah, they have this son, his name's Patrick, he's fourteen, and he's really nice, you know? And we're getting close, I guess-"

"You're asking my permission to be friends with someone else?" Mikey exclaimed, half ready to just laugh in Pete's  _face_ , but no, it was nowhere near that simple, fuck, it would be  _easy_ , if it was  _that_  simple.

"No, not really, no..." Pete trailed off, stopping at where their two journeys home split off and meeting Mikey's gaze, looking up, specifically, because Mikey had grown and was almost a whole head taller than Pete now, which was  _fucking ridiculous_ , of course, but Mikey would argue that Pete's height was the only ridiculous thing involved.

"Then what is it?" Mikey asked, his eyes slightly widened, and his lips parted, as if a whole other sentence was just on the tip of his tongue, but he couldn't quite muster the courage to set it free.

"Patrick and I talk a lot, because you know, he's really close to me, like physically, I can like walk into his room whenever, and I do it a lot at night when I have things on my mind, or I'm upset, because as much as I care about you, Mikeyway, I don't want to go to you when I'm upset, because I... I don't know, I don't want to upset you... it's just... anyway, me and Patrick talk quite a bit, and he's gay... and last night he told me he  _likes_  me... and I... like,  _like_  likes me... and I really... I don't know... I told him I'd think about it, and he looked sort of oddly upset and I just... I don't want to lose him as a friend."

"If he's going to stop being your friend because you don't want to d-date him... means he was never really your friend in the first place... just someone who wanted to date you, r-right?" Mikey was a little unsure of himself, and just as unsure as to why: Pete noticed, of course.

"Are you okay?" Pete asked, stepping closer to Mikey, "I  _promise_ , you're my sweet little dude, forever, best friends to the end, all that, you know? I  _mean_  that... it's just... I don't know... Patrick's pretty cute and he gets me, and how many gay guys am I going to meet that are into me? Like, we live in straightville, Mikeyway, I might not meet another guy for like four years, and I don't want to lose my virginity at seventeen-... I _suppose_  I could date a girl though, I mean, I don't know, I'm still confused about the whole sexuality thing, and I don't want to write myself off as gay because I just  _don't_  know, and I..." Pete let out a sigh, " _fuck_ , Mikeyway, I'm sorry, I... I just told him I'd make a decision when I got home and I just don't know what to do, tell me what to do, Mikeyway..."

"Do you want to date him or not? Yes or no... that's all there is..." Mikey trailed off, his cheeks slightly red, and his heart beating extra fast in his chest, and for a reason he couldn't quite place.

"I mean, yes  _but-"_

"But means no... if you're not sure, then you don't really want to date him, do you? It's like... you kind of  _do_ , but there's something else, come on, Pete, tell me the something else..." Mikey pleaded, all wide eyes and something reminiscent of a smile that had Pete under his spell within seconds, and  _god_ , it wasn’t even like Mikey was trying.

"Well, I like someone else more, a  _lot,_ I guess, I liked them first, pretty much from when I first met them, they're just... just  _you know_... but I don't think they like me back, in fact, they might even be straight, for sure, they're not homophobic, but they... I don't know... should I just let go of them, Mikey?"

"Maybe you should ask them, maybe not if they like you immediately, but if they like dudes, or something? Who is it, anyway?" Mikey asked, brushing his hair away from his face: the gesture fuelled by anxiety, and the odd weightless feeling in his stomach that he couldn't quite place the cause of.

"You wouldn't know them." Pete let out a sigh, his gaze falling towards the ground, "I'm just... just  _scared_ , I guess, because what if they say no, what if they make me feel weird, what if I can't be friends with them anymore?"

"Then they're a crap friend, aren't they?"

Pete let out a sigh, "I guess." He paused, glancing down his road, at his house, at  _Patrick's_ , and shaking his head, "can I go over to yours for a bit, I need some time, I guess, I'm sorry I'm not really the best person in the world right now, I'm just..."

"It's okay." Mikey  _smiled_ , the two making their way towards Mikey's house, "Gee's pretty good with advice, she says she isn't, but she's the  _best_ , and she really wants to meet you, you know?"

"Oh, do you talk about me to her?" Pete raised his eyebrows, blushing a little.

"Not... I... just..." Mikey stuttered out, burning up like hell.

Pete giggled, "stop blushing, Mikeyway, it's not like you have a  _crush_  on me or something, is it?"

And silence, as Mikey froze and Pete continued walking: the shorter boy cursing himself for taking it too far, and the taller in shock, in realisation, because  _fuck_ , that had been it all along.

-

Mikey wasn't quite sure what to do with this kind of realisation,  _fuck_ , he wasn't sure if he even wanted to know, especially with Pete having Patrick, and this other guy, and it was stupid, and  _oh god_... he'd remained silent, allowing Pete to talk: anxiety driven nonsense about his mum and what she'd said to him last night that was so 'ridiculous', and about school today, and about his instagram account, and the  _amazing_  name he'd chosen for it.

Mikey was so consumed by his own thoughts that he'd barely noticed when they made it inside, and in fact only seemed to come to terms with himself and reality as Gee came into view, practically killing herself in a pair of black heels that she could definitely  _not_  walk in.

"This was a  _bad_  idea." She groaned, making her way to the kitchen table, and throwing the shoes off her feet, "Frank dared me to, just to see how tall I'd be, he told me to walk to his house in these: that is  _not_  happening." She cursed, only then coming to notice the small emo gnome child beside her brother.

"This is Pete," Mikey gestured awkwardly at the small emo gnome child in question. "He needs your advice, which is not  _specifically_  why we came, but... you know, you  _are_  good with advice."

"Oh hey, Pete." Gee ran a hand back through her hair, throwing the heels onto the table, "I really don't know what to do with these, because  _fuck_ , if  _mum_  finds them... I'm...  _dead_ , we're all dead... everyone is dead..." She turned to Pete, "I'm sorry, I've made a stupid decision for a very stupid but very cute boy, I'm not the best when it comes to advice, Mikey is just biased, I'm sorry."

"It's fine." Pete blushed a little, "it's nothing, I guess, there's just this boy called Patrick who I've know recently who told me that he  _likes_  me last night, and I really don't know what to do about it, because there's this other...  _guy_... that I..." Pete trailed off, doing everything humanely possible  _not_  to look at Mikey, but it seemed like God really fucking  _hated_  him today, "I've had this stupid crush on for like, ever since I met him, but I don't think he likes me back... I don't know..."

"Ask him." Gee told it to him straight: of course, Pete's situation was anything  _but_  straight, but that really was besides the point. "Just ask him, if he tells you no, then okay, it might be awkward for a while, but if he cares about you, then he's going to stay your friend." Gee had of course figured it out the very instant Pete had as much as  _glanced_  at Mikey, "and anyway, if you don't really have feelings for this Patrick guy, because it sounds like you're just interested because he's available, then, I'm sorry, but if you don't really have feelings for him, then it's not going to work realistically."

"See, I told you, Pete, just ask the guy." Mikey added, obliviously doing his best to  _crush_  his crush, because Pete mattered more than the silly little way his heart fluttered for him.

Gee giggled a little, because Mikey really was a fucking sweetheart, and she  _had_  to tell Frank about this - heels or not. "Look, I'm gonna head to Frank's, so yeah, I wish you luck." She smiled, waving to the two as she made her way outside in her socks, heels in hand, planning to just put them on to walk into Frank's house with, because fuck it, she didn't want to break her feet for some stupid  _idea_.

It was then that realisation really dawned upon Mikey, and he took a seat at the table, unsure what to say, what to make of it, "so this  _guy_ , what's his name? I mean you told me Patrick's but you didn't tell me his."

Pete shrugged it off, his whole body shaking a little as he took a seat beside Mikey, because he was quite honestly seriously considering just spurting it out, because  _fuck_ , it was hurting his heart, and when things inevitably went to shit, he could go over to Patrick, and Patrick would tell him everything was okay, and he could date Patrick just for the fucking  _hell_  of it, and he could be okay, but... he let out a sigh and really met Mikey's eyes, watching the way he smiled as Pete did so: it was beautiful.

_He_  was beautiful.

"What's the point in telling you the name of a guy you don't know, Mikeyway, I don't want you to Facebook stalk him and like  _tell_  him, Jesus Christ!" Pete's voice wavered a little as he basically  _lied his motherfucking fuckboy ass off._

"I'm not gonna do that." Mikey smiled, vaguely amused by the idea.

_Fuck_ , so fucking  _beautiful_ : Pete was absolutely  _dead_.

"Look..." Mikey let out a sigh, avoiding Pete's gaze, "just text him, call him, whatever, to tell him right now, I don't even have to know who it is... you're all weird and sort of vaguely upset and I don't like."

"What the  _hell_  do I say?" Pete exclaimed.

"Just be like, hey, do you like dudes? Dudes like me, perhaps?" Mikey forced a smile, watching as Pete looked away and held his breath, before inhaling with so much vigour that it appeared as if he was preparing for the very last breath he'd have.

And the two sat in silence, Pete eventually reaching for his cellphone, but his fingers seeming to freeze, and his whole body shuddering a little: the silence overwhelming, and Mikey too just willing it to be over, so Pete could be happy, and he could be  _happy for him_ , which was far more important than  _stupid fucking feelings_.

Fucking feelings.

And  _fuck_.

"Hey, Mikeyway..." Pete trailed off, the words lodging in his throat, "do you like dudes? Dudes like me, perhaps?"

And then, Pete Wentz promptly had a heart attack and died at the age of thirteen.

Okay, not really, but with the way his heart was pounding in his chest, it sure as hell felt like it.

-


	13. Pete Wentz, Who Cares More About His Eyeliner Than His Dignity

Patrick had never been keen to move house: to move away from Joe and Andy, and to this whole new world in a whole new town, because Patrick wasn't exactly the most confident person in the world, and with that in consideration, it was pretty easy to see how a move to a town where he was completely alone and knew no one was hardly the best idea.

But of course, as parents tend to do, his parents had ignored his protests and even the most well thought out of arguments, and just moved anyway, because fuck what Patrick thought: fuck his friends, and fuck his life.

He'd heard quite a bit about Jersey, however it hadn't really lived up to the expectations he'd put upon it, in fact, Patrick had easily come to conclude that besides the people and the town, it wasn't that much different from Chicago.

Of course, the very important, and entirely unmissable difference lay in the boy who lived across the street from the odd little house with the intriguing attic bedroom that Patrick had moved into, and that boy went by the name of Pete Wentz; he was thirteen, a year younger than Patrick, but short, about as short as Patrick, and with an apparent lack of self control and rational thinking when it came to the concept of 'too much eyeliner'.

Pete was unlike anyone whom Patrick had ever met before, and it was that very first visit across the road to their new neighbours when Patrick had found himself utterly intrigued by Pete, who was something like a very emo enigma: an apparent anomaly, because try as he might, Patrick just couldn't make sense of the boy.

And somewhere down the line, he'd finally come to the conclusion that perhaps Pete's deal was not being figured out: being the asshole, being the mysterious piece of shit, and that perhaps he should just stop trying, and the very moment Patrick did, and that was stopping texting him, and making his way across the room to sit in Pete's yard and talk to the only person vaguely near his own age he actually knew in this town, that was the very moment that Pete cracked so to speak.

Because Patrick had been wrong, and for once in his life, he found himself happy to be so, because Pete didn't want to be a mystery: distant, and unapproachable, he was just nervous, always thinking: so caught up in his own head that he found it difficult to make time for and to think of others, especially people like Patrick.

Pete had been the one to come over that day: wearing a long sleeve shirt and a pair of skinny jeans, and Patrick had paid far too much attention to his appearance, because Pete had looked far too good, and Patrick wasn't quite sure what to make of that, or what to make of the boy that said very little until the two were sat in Patrick's attic bedroom with light streaming in through the windows and the door locked behind them.

It was then that Pete hadn't shut up, almost as if he'd sprung into life with millions of thoughts and feelings, and Patrick had listened attentively, with no questions asked, and that had been what Pete had really needed, always really needed.

Because that one day, when everything had changed, Pete's voice had been shaky at first, his eyes never meeting Patrick's, until the very end of it all, that was, and he'd spoken at first for perhaps ten minutes in one sitting, and somehow, every word had been a new adventure, to which Patrick had approached with the utmost interest and concern.

Perhaps Patrick was just an unfathomably good listener, but there was indeed no denying that something had changed for Pete, right then and right there as he'd detailed his whole world: his life at home, the boy called Mikey, so much about the boy called Mikey, about Mikey's sister Gee, and her boyfriend Frank, who Mikey had been apprehensive about, but had turned out to be fine in the end, as Pete had known, about school, about assholes, about the guy he'd punched in the face for the same Mikey, about his childhood, about Patrick and them moving in, and the way his head worked in the quiet, in the dark, when he was alone.

Patrick couldn’t place as to why Pete had told him such things: everything, and he was perhaps even scared to ask, but curiosity would always win in the end, and Pete had sat in a silent response for perhaps the three minutes that followed, because in all honesty, Pete himself wasn't quite so sure as to why he'd done that.

He'd just needed someone to listen, someone to care, someone he could tell it all to without fear of judgement, and he'd needed that for too long: an unfamiliar, but trustworthy face, and patience, so much patience, because Pete proved that he could talk forever, but in the same way, Patrick had proved that he could listen for just as long.

Pete had finally broken the silence and taken to explaining his emotions and the mess of a situation the two found themselves in, with a simple, and perhaps anti-climatic, "it felt like the right thing to do. I feel like I can trust you. Please don't prove me wrong."

And in that moment, Patrick had smiled, shuffled closer to Pete, and made a promise.

Pete had perhaps confessed his whole life story in the attic that day, when he'd been so eager to come and make everything clear, and had been just the same for so many days to follow, but it seemed as if the spell, the 'magic' was destined to break, and it did, come the very day Pete had promised to come see him after school, when it had most mattered, when Patrick sat in his attic, alone, unsure what to make of this change, and the boy who'd made it.

Because Pete wasn't a bad person; he'd made that clear, not explicitly, but in his words, in his actions, in his person, in him, generally, and Patrick was certain of it, but this wasn't Pete. He would have texted at least, and Patrick was beginning to worry: his mind spinning nightmare incidents that might have prevented Pete from making it home - all the result of an overactive imagination, of course, and little more.

And Patrick had figured it out: Pete hadn't met him, because Pete couldn't say yes; Pete was a nice person, a truthful person, he didn't want to hurt Patrick, but he couldn't quite understand that ignoring him would only hurt him more.

-

Mikey wondered if he'd ever been silent for quite so long as then in his kitchen, with Pete Wentz frozen, just as silent and just as still, by his side, with the remnants of a confession on his lips; the very confession that had brought the room to such a state of silence.

Mikey hadn't planned for this at all; the matter simply lay in the fact that he just didn't know what to say, how to react, what to do, what to even say to Pete in that very moment to stop him from looking like he was about to burst into tears, because fuck, Mikey had no idea how to begin, let alone where to end, or what even the middle was. He just needed Gee here, because she'd know what to do - Gee fucking always knew what to do.

Mikey didn't.

Because Gee had been right about Frank, right about everything, and perhaps Mikey should give her far more credit than he did, because she was quite easily the best big sister in the world, she just wasn't here right now, when he needed her, although he wasn't sure as to how Pete would have confessed such a thing with Mikey's old sister just stood there, watching.

Perhaps he just needed to text her, relay the situation and wait for a response, but he doubted Pete would take too kindly to that, really he had no idea, he just stood there, continuing to stare at his best friend like he'd couldn't quite accept their situation as reality.

In fact, Mikey was half expecting that in any moment he'd open his eyes and wake up in his bedroom, this nothing more than a dream, and things would go back to normal, because Mikey wasn't entirely sure if he was ready for this yet... for dating, for a mess, for Pete, because he just wanted to keep things as they were, to be best friends, to the end, as Pete himself had said.

But that was very apparently not a viable option.

Pete was far more impatient than he was nervous, and within a good few minutes, he was the one to break the silence with an awkward, and hopeless, yet oddly hopeful, "so?"

Mikey's breath caught in his throat: forgetting how to breath for just a moment then, which was really something he should have been far more concerned about, but the thought of concern in that regard didn't even cross his mind; his mind was far too preoccupied with Pete, and the act of forming a sentence together, any kind of sentence, just a response, anything, but it was like he'd forgotten the entire English language in that one moment.

And he really did not know how Gee and Frank had ever confessed their feelings to one another, or anyone for that matter, because now Mikey had first-hand experience, and this was fucking impossible, and Pete was grinning at him like the most socially awkward idiot and it really wasn't helping.

"Mikey?" Pete tried again, moving so he stood in front of the taller boy, locking their gazes in an odd gesture that neither boy could quite understand, "Mikeyway?" He tried again, of course, to that, Mikey finally forced a nod, and Pete couldn't help but smile, even in the situation, "come on, you don't have to like me back, you just wanted to know, now say something, it's starting to freak me out." And there was the forced laughter, and Pete's normal facade, suppressing everything inside, but Mikey knew Pete well enough to see it all far too clearly.

"Pete..." Mikey managed one word, and Pete seemed ecstatic at the notion, "I..." He began, but once again the words lodged in his throat.

"You don't know what to say?" Pete made a guess, stepping away from Mikey a little.

"Sort of." Mikey answered, brushing his hair away from his face in an awkward gesture. "I just... I can't explain..."

"You don't have to, if you don't want to, or you can later." Pete was somehow exceedingly calm throughout all of this; the guy had an immense level of patience for Mikey Way, and seemingly none for anyone else in the world, and no one quite knew what to make of that. "We're still friends, though, aren't we? You don't hate me? This isn't weird? That's what's important."

"Of course." Mikey smiled at Pete, letting out a half-forced sigh, "best friends, to the end."

"Yeah, I guess." Pete smiled back at Mikey, faking it for the most part, but there was indeed the part that was genuinely happy to just be in Mikey Way's presence, and Pete was so fucking lovestruck he actually felt like he was going to die right then and there, but he was certain that Mikey had no clue, and he didn't want to fuck things up further, however, of course, Mikey knew. He knew things, remember? Like Gee, she knew things too.

"Can we go sit outside?" Mikey asked, getting up from his chair, his body a little shaky as he did so, which was literally the most pathetic thing he'd ever known, besides Pete Wentz's entire existence, but Mikey was far too biased to count that as anything other than wonderful.

"Mikeyway, it's your house, come on," Pete laughed it off, watching as Mikey got to his feet and following him out through the backdoor and into the small, grass covered yard.

Mikey's garden wasn't exactly something to marvel at: consistently entirely of flat grass and one tree growing some sort of unidentifiable, perhaps poisonous, fruit in the corner, but it served perfectly well as a place to just sit and talk in the summer air.

And Mikey definitely found his headache wearing off as he and Pete sat down in the shade at the foot of the 'mysterious tree', he felt better outside, or perhaps it was just something to do with the way Pete had shut up and let him think for a couple of minutes: it was a silence, but a vastly different kind of silence to the one in the beginning of all this mess.

That silence had been the worst kind of silence.

This one was perhaps the best.

Although, Mikey was hardly some sort silence reviewer, and perhaps it was better if he just said something, anything of any kind of coherence to his best friend, Pete Wentz, who sat beside him, and put more effort into smiling than he should have; Mikey cared perhaps too much about Pete, but even that was nothing in comparison to the way Pete felt about Mikey, and perhaps that was the one thing that Mikey couldn't quite grasp the scale of.

"Can we talk about it?" Mikey was the first to speak, but he spoke with quite the lack of confidence, and well, in the circumstance, it wasn't exactly like you could blame him.

"It?" Pete smiled a little at that, "my crush on you isn't Voldemort, Mikeyway, it can be named."

"How are you just so casual? It's like this is easy for you." Mikey wondered if he should even ask that, but the words were out his lips before he could even consider stopping himself.

"Well, truth be told, I've ran this scenario through my head at least a thousand times now, and there are a great deal of outcomes that are far more worse than this one. This is a good one, I'm okay with this." Pete smiled, meeting Mikey's eyes like what he'd said was completely normal, and with the way Pete looked at him, Mikey was immediately convinced that it was; the two had this weird sort of connection, or something... neither could quite fathom explaining it.

"So you think about me a lot?" Mikey raised his eyebrows, grinning a little.

"Fuck off, Mikeyway." Pete let out a nervous laugh, "and well, you don't, even if in a heterosexual way, you think about me because I'm your best friend and we spend a lot of time together. Thinking about people is normal, Mikeyway, what else should I think about a lot of the time? Ways to efficiently grate cheese?"

"Well, it looks like you spend a lot of time thinking about applying eyeliner..." Mikey trailed off, giggling a little as he did so, "I'm sorry," he added, noticing Pete's expression, because yes, Pete Wentz did care greatly more about his eyeliner than his dignity, but that really wasn't news to Mikey, or well anyone, for that matter, "your eyeliner's cool, I like it."

"Cool." Pete repeated, snorting a little as he began to grin back at his best friend, "who the fuck do you think I am? The whole point of my existence is to not be cool, I have to reject the stereotypes and the social norms, and embrace my uniqueness, and the eyeliner, the eyeliner is an important symbol, because I'm a dude wearing makeup, and yes, that does make people think I'm gay, which is just putting me on the gaydar, but it's like a statement, that I don't care about gender roles and the way people think I should dress, so I'm standing up against gender roles everyday, and it's not cool, it's a type of revolution-"

"Yes, Pete, that may be what you think it is, but to everyone else in the world, it's some black make up around your eyes." Mikey smiled at him, raising his eyebrows, and leaving Pete to look disappointed in a sort of half-hearted manner.

"Anyway, I thought you wanted to talk about my crush on you, and not, well, my eyeliner, if that's what we're even talking about right here?" Pete did a great job of changing the subject, because well, perhaps Mikey just needed Pete to make this normal, and he really seemed to have a knack for it.

"Yeah..." Mikey let out a sigh, leaning back against the tree, and pulling his eyes away from Pete's, instead focusing upon his house, and Gee's bedroom window: closed, and the make up she hid from mum and dad behind the curtain, on the windowsill; Gee wasn't trying to make a statement when wearing make up, she was just trying to be herself. "You're just being yourself, well trying your best to..." Mikey somehow found himself on the subject of eyeliner again, "the eyeliner, you've made up this... all this statement nonsense, because you want to make it vaguely amusing, because you're Pete and that's what you do, but that's not it, you're a guy that wants to wear make up, because that's who you are, and you're nervous about just accepting that at face value, because you can lie and you can fake, but you're not entirely comfortable with yourself."

And silence, as Pete's gaze hit the floor, and he exhaled deeply, "how do you know?"

"You think I don't know a lot of things about you, but I do, of course, not everything, but... this crush thing is a big deal to you, and you want to brush it off as no big deal, and half of your smiles are faked, and I hate this, I just want you to be happy, stop lying, tell it me how it is, be truthful with me, and... I... I'll do the same for you: I'm scared, Pete, so are you, and it's fine."

"I'm pretty sure..." Pete trailed off, unable to quite believe he was doing this, but of course, he'd do anything that Mikey Way did as much as even vaguely hint at, "it was that first day, first meeting you, and you've always been so beautiful, and it was the first moment, I was fucking- I fell for you, right then and there, and I was instantly ready to punch fucking anyone in the face for you, and now you're like the most important thing in the world to me, and I still feel the same, just more strongly, and I don't want to loose you with these stupid feelings, so I'm tiptoeing around the subject, because I don't want to... I don't know... I'm scared, scared that you'll leave me."

"Why would I do that?" Mikey looked at Pete like he was an idiot, and in a way, he was. "This is all too fast for me, I think perhaps it was there, but I only realised what it was when you were talking to me about Patrick, and I offered to let you go over to my house, and I still don't know how to process this, because, come on, Pete, I have no idea what I'm doing."

"You?..." Pete trailed off, unable to process just what Mikey could possibly be saying.

"I guess, I guess, I like you too."

-


	14. Pete Just Loves Fucking Things In The Ass

"You're never going to shut up about her, are you?" Ray let out a sort of half-defeated sigh, looking at Frank with a half-hearted false kind of disgruntled look, because he could never _really_ hate the guy, and quite honestly, it was all rather sweet, and he was just happy to see Frank happy about something, even if he never did seem to shut up about the aforementioned something.

The two boys found themselves sat on the roof of some guy's apartment block, which sounded obscure and unreasonable at first, but initially there'd be some sort of party involved - an invite from a friend of Ray's friend, and Frank had been free that night, and Ray thought fuck it, because his Netflix subscription had run out for this month, and he had approximately twenty cents in his bank account.

They could even hear the party from up here - it had been all too loud, full of rowdy assholes with too many drugs, well, it had been Ray that had complained about the excess of drugs, whereas Frank had just gone along with it, and taken the six pack of beer up to the roof with Ray, because he didn't need anything too illegal tonight, but more importantly, he just didn't want Ray to know.

It was already too much having Gee know, but Gee was biased to him, always seeing him in a good light due to their relationship, and how perfect she'd made Frank out to be in her head, whereas Ray was far less biased, and a much more down to Earth person, with a better sense of morals and common sense.

Fuck, Frank couldn't even imagine what Ray would say to him if he knew about, well _fuck_ , even the personal connection he had with Freddie, his drug dealer, who he quite thankfully, hadn't spoken to in about a week now. Freddie wasn't a bad guy, bad things just seemed to follow in his shadow, and Frank didn't want to get caught up in a mess like that again, or at least he was trying this time.

Trying for Gee, mainly, because what one girl thought of him seemed to dictate his entire life and decisions, and dear god, he was such a fuckboy, but he'd never come to accept that, of course. He was probably the nicest fuckboy out there, though.

But there was no denying that Frank longed for more than the cigarette in his hand, the six pack of beer between them, the midnight air, Ray's pointless conversation, and the sounds of one fucking overdone party downstairs.

Frank didn't quite know what he wanted, he doubted he ever would, but at the back of his mind, hidden, but stepping out into the limelight only as Frank pondered upon it, there was this odd notion that whatever he wanted, Freddie could give him. And perhaps that was just the addictive side of Frank's head talking, _fuck_ , Frank hoped it was, because as much as Freddie wasn't a bad guy, he still wasn't the kind of guy Frank wanted to be spending an abundance of time with.

Ray was probably his best bet for company besides Gee, and her parents were in all weekend, and they really would not like the idea of him at all, so he knew for really everyone's sake, he should just keep their conversations to text messages for a few days. Not that he didn't doubt that one day Mrs Way would go crazy enough to read through everything on Gee's cellphone, he was only so fucking glad he didn’t have his girlfriend's parents at all.

Ray's parents were probably the best parents in the world, and they were definitely largely something to do with Ray turning out to be the amazingly decent human being he was. Frank did kind of wish he had two mums like Ray, or even two dads, or just queer parents at all, because they were most definitely so much more understanding than any other parents he'd met.

Ray's mums: Hailey and Rachel, had only been welcoming to Frank from the very moment he'd met them, acknowledging and respecting his gender, and Jesus Christ, they were just great parents in general, because Frank did not know anyone else in this world that would let their kid and his friend sleep over after coming in at something like three in the morning, vaguely drunk from a really dodgy party.

They just didn't like drugs that was all, and Ray had spoken for Frank as well as himself, saying they were good kids who wouldn't dare do that, and that was truly what Ray thought as he took another sip of his beer; his lips moving but not a single word making sense in Frank's brain.

He felt like he was living a double life: there was the person he felt he had to be for everyone, and then there was the strong side of him that succumbed to addiction, yearned for some fucking coke, and even wished he was spending this night with Freddie as opposed to Ray. Frank hated that side of him, but it was as much a part, well really, it was a bigger part of him than the side he wanted to be.

"Earth to Frank?" Ray's voice grew louder, clicking his fingers in front of Frank's face, and soon grabbing the younger boy's attention with his actions. "God, were you even listening to a fucking word I've been saying?"

"I'm just..." Frank let out a sigh, fighting the urge to shake his head, "I'm thinking."

"What about?" Ray asked, concern becoming evident in his voice, in that fucking Ray Toro manner, because Ray would always care, even when you didn't want him to, and that was either the best or the worst quality in the world; Frank just hadn't figured it out yet.

"Myself, not in a narcissistic way, I just... I have this secret and I hate it - it's like a burden, but I can't tell anyone, and I can't fix it on my own, and Gee knows but I hate that she knows, because as much as she tries to deny it, she hates it too. It's the part of me that she hates, that I hate, that everyone will hate, and it's... I don't know what to do, Ray, I honestly don't."

"I can't really help if you don't tell me." Ray let out a sigh, meeting Frank's gaze, "I'm not gonna judge you, I promise you that, Frank."

"Fuck, I guess... I guess I'll just have to fix it myself-"

"Can't Gee help you?"

"She doesn't know the extent of it... she just knows the basics, and she thinks that's all of it. I can't bear to tell her, fuck, don't even suggest it."

"You can't keep it locked up inside you forever, Frank, or it's going to swallow you whole."

But Frank couldn't shake the notion that it already had.

-

It was one of those nights where the house didn't feel like home, and the four walls of Mikey's bedroom appeared as arms closing around him, constricting him, as if he was destined to die right there in his bed, with the covers pulled up over his head in a useless attempt to protect himself from the world and its horrors, because Mikey wasn't that little anymore.

He was outgrowing this all, despite how much he just wanted to stay little, to lie there forever, he wanted to be safe inside his own head, inside his own room forever, he wanted to keep lying to himself, he wanted to cling onto youth, to cling onto to sanity, to the monsters under his bed, and not the ones undercover out there in the real world, because the latter were far more dangerous and he was learning that the hard way.

He wanted this all to stop, he wanted the world around him to fade away into familiarity, he wanted to be okay, he wanted to make sense of nonsense, and even stay naive if it meant staying sane, because Mikey didn't reckon he was ready at all: hating every glimpse of what was to come of the real world.

Tonight had been a horrible night; a horrible meal with a horrible family, lies told by the dozen at the dinner table, only outdone by the number of times his parents said 'Gerard'. Gee was used to it by now - long used to everything to hate about the world, and she could make it through, she was okay, okay with herself, and she had Frank and Lindsey, and all of those other insanely cool goth girls that Mikey didn't quite know the name of.

She was used to it all.

Mikey just wasn't used to himself, and the way his head was working in the dark alone, under the covers, scared without cause - instinct, when you're on edge, but you can't pinpoint why, when the place just feels wrong, what tells you to run, but Mikey didn't reckon he could move from his bed at all.

It was different now; everything was different now.

He felt vulnerable, he felt scared, scared of himself and what would become of him, and it shouldn't feel like this, because everything was okay in the ways that it mattered, but it wasn't, because he was scared of the whole wide world out there and what they could possibly think.

What would happen should they know, what people would do, how things would change, how the world around him would morph into one of horrors as he lost the race to accept and come to terms with himself, because none of this was his fault, but it was all too fast, and he had no time, he wasn't like Gee, he didn't have experience, he didn't have responses in the back of his mind, he didn't have a safety net.

He had nothing, this was the freefall, the beginning, the moment he'd only come to realise his fall, and now everything was a desperate panic to make it out alive.

Because tonight was the first night. His mother had spoken her usual nonsense, she gone onto the topic of homosexuality, she'd gone on to speak of the 'faggots' and how disgusting they were, and Mikey didn't just know that she was wrong, Mikey knew in her words that he was wrong too.

Because tonight was the first night when Mrs Way had spoken directly to spite the youngest of her two children, because as important and wonderful as this thing with Pete was, it held like a burden weighing down on his heart, a secret locked away, and the look of hurt in his eyes as he came to realise that today she was talking about him too.

And she wouldn't change, she wouldn't care, neither would his father, because they hadn't with Gee, and Gee was okay with herself now - she'd had two years and more of this kind of hell, and she'd made herself the armour to withstand the heat, but Mikey lay there at night wishing he could undo this all.

Because there could only be more to come, and the world would never understand.

Mikey jolted up in bed, movement suddenly stretching to all parts of his body, his frame shaking a little, his eyes adjusting to the sudden light flooding into the room, and into his eyes like daggers, the world coming to harm him, but nothing like that at all, as he came to realise that the figure in the doorway was his sister.

"I heard you crying." She offered as her only explanation, closing the door behind her, before making her way towards Mikey's bed and getting under the covers with him, and in that very moment, the world seemed just that little bit less terrifying.

"What's wrong?" She asked after a few moments of silence, "tell me why you're crying, because you're still crying, and it's horrible. It's really horrible, I love you Mikey, you're my little brother and I love you so much."

"I love you too, Gee." He choked out, wiping his face and forcing himself to exhale; the exchange of air, the act of breathing almost feeling foreign in his throat. "It's just... I'm really scared, and I shouldn't be, but I am, because everything is changing, isn't it? Everyday everything changes just a little more and I can't stop it, I can't stop the world turning, I can't stop living, and I just want everything to be okay, but I'm so scared that it's not going to be."

"Mikey," Gee let out a sigh, holding her brother close, "talk to me, please, just what is it? Everything will be okay, I promise you."

"Pete..." Mikey let out a sigh, with no clear where to start, even though Gee was the one person who would understand, who would always understand, who would care and always care. "Pete's crush from the other day, and then you left to Frank's house, you remember that?"

"Yeah, of course I remember..." Gee trailed off, unsure of just what could come next.

"It was me, he had a crush on me, and I-"

"I knew that." She added with a small smile. "It's obvious, Frank knew it too, and he's only heard about you and glanced at Pete's instagram on occasion."

"I didn't." Mikey admitted, exhaling loudly, "I didn't even know I had a crush on him either, but I do, and I have for a while now, and it's obvious and it makes sense, and this sounds so weird, but it was like I didn't really know what a crush was, what it felt like, what it was supposed to feel like, because I thought that was just... Pete being my bestest friend, but it's not, because he was talking to me how he felt about me, and I feel the exact same way about him. And I think maybe I never noticed and never realised because everyone keeps telling you that if you're a boy crushes are supposed to be on girls, and I knew that was wrong, of course, but... I just... I never thought about it."

"I love you, Mikey." Gee let out a sigh, hugging her brother again, "whoever you're attracted to you, whoever you are, whoever you become."

Mikey smiled, letting out a sigh, "I know, Gee, I do, and I thought it was all okay from then on, because we're like a thing now, and he makes me really happy, but... but then, what mum said at dinner, and how it's all different this time, because what she's saying about the people she hates is something she's saying to me."

"Nothing either mum or dad says about anything like that matters, Mikey, they're idiots."

"I know." Mikey let out a sigh, "you're just used to it, I'm really not."

"And I hate to say it, but you will get used to it, and that doesn't sound like a good thing at all, but things will get better, things always get better." Gee smiled, "and I promise you that."

"Will you stay with me tonight?" Mikey asked.

"Of course I will, Mikeyway."

-

"Mikey." Patrick repeated in the darkness of his bedroom, the room only illuminated by the moon shining in through the rooftop windows, and the screen of Pete's cellphone, put on full brightness, because Pete, being a dude who likes dudes, liked fucking things in the ass, and that included his cellphone battery, it seemed.

"Mikey Way." Pete added, his eyes still fixated upon his cellphone screen, not because he didn't care for Patrick and what he had to say, but because he was scared of that look in the older boys eyes, and even what Patrick didn't say.

Patrick let out a sigh, leaning back against his bedroom wall and just thinking for a moment, because this was perhaps the worst situation in the world, but still, it could work out so much worse, and Pete didn't hate him, and he didn't hate Pete, and he didn't hate thirteen year old Mikey Way, with the glasses and the brown hair and the sister called Gee who was something like the epitome of awesome, either.

"I'm glad," Patrick began, not even fully sure as to what he was even glad about, because perhaps he was glad about everything, the circumstance, the world around him, because Patrick was an optimistic person, and he was trying everything he possibly could not to hate this town and instead forget entirely about Chicago, and Joe and Andy, and Joe in particular, and Joe who he might not ever see again, and this made no sense, because he was just lying to himself, because Pete was amazing, but in no way a replacement for Joe, in the same way that this town was in no way a replacement for Chicago, but this town and Pete Wentz was all he had.

"Glad about what?" Pete asked, finally daring to interrupt the silence.

"Glad that you're happy, glad that it didn't work out how I said I wanted it to, because I didn't want that, not really - you're not a replacement, Pete, you're better than that."

"Replacement for what?" Pete asked, his eyes widening in the darkness, and Patrick was just glad that the very same darkness masked the look on his face; the one you got when you were just about to cry.

"Back in Chicago," Patrick let out a sigh, threw his mind back there, back into where he belonged, and the streets he knew, and the people he knew everything about, and the best friends, and everything and everyone they'd grown to hate together, and that one night when Patrick's parents told him that he had to move, and he'd told Joe first, Joe before Andy, and that had meant very little but all so much. "I had this... friend called Joe, Joe Trohman, and..." Patrick trailed off, shaking his head.

"He wasn't quite just a friend?" Pete guessed, filling in the blanks with ease.

"Something like that, and when I had to move, we just cried forever and it was just pathetic and we both knew it, but because, we'd never admitted to each other how we felt until that night, and we had like two weeks, we had two weeks, we could have had almost a year, if I... if we just... just said something, because I took him for granted in a way, because I thought we'd be friends forever, and now we're states away, and he promised me he'd come visit, but I don't know if he will, and I don't know if I can wait."

"I think he will." Pete added, moving closer to Patrick, "if he feels the same way you do, then he most definitely will, and I'd even promise you that."

"You're lucky." Patrick let out a sigh, "I don't hate you, I don't hate Mikey, I'm not jealous of him, I'm jealous of you both, because you two are so happy together, it's perfect, I reckon."

"Nothing's perfect."

"Well, then as close to perfect as you can get."

-


	15. Pete Dies In This Chapter

Things were different, and oddly so, Mikey just couldn't quite figure out as to whether it was in a good or a bad way yet, or perhaps more likely neither, somewhere in between, some mess he couldn't even fathom figuring out, because it seemed as if the world just lived to make things complicated.

Nothing could ever be easy, it just didn't work like that. And Mikey was learning that, and learning it fast, with every word, suddenly far more personal, from his parent's lips, from kids at school, from everyone he knew besides Pete and Gee; he hated that, this fucking isolation, only allowed to be himself in such a small space, and for fear of everything, because he knew what would happen if he 'came out', or even if he just expressed a slightly homosexual opinion, and he didn't want to chance it.

And perhaps only in that moment did he understand the significance of Pete punching that kid in the face for him on that first day so many moments ago, that had been everything, that had been Pete setting it 'straight' from the very first moment he'd met Mikey, that he did cared so much more for him than he did for what people thought of him.

Mikey wondered if he'd ever truly come to realise just how lucky he was when he saw Pete by his side, with that smile on his face, and his eyes on his, and everything just sitting right, when they were alone, when they could be themselves, and when every worry in the world seemed to dissipate, because, fuck, when Pete was there with him, Mikey couldn't care, and he couldn't care less.

But in that moment, he didn't find himself at such peace with himself, but instead in a classroom, with Pete in another, his eyes focused on a worksheet that made very little sense, and his mind a million miles away; he felt alien, more than ever before, like he didn't belong here at all, like he was spending his life constantly pretending, but there was no better alternative, and he hated it all, and he couldn’t even begin to imagine as to how Gee did this everyday, and how she was always so strong and so nice to people, of course, she wasn't that nice to the assholes, but Mikey really fucking needed to yell at someone right now.

He just wanted to be with Pete, because Pete made it all okay, in the weirdest fucking way, and with his eyes moving to the clock on the wall, counting down every second of the last two minutes, with every sound just floating over his head, nothing in that classroom feeling real at all, and seriously, fuck that maths worksheet, and fuck all it stood for, because Mikey didn't care at all.

Pete was waiting for him outside; Mikey wasn't sure how he always did it - getting out of class quick enough to be there to wait for Mikey, or how he even always seemed to know exactly what classroom Mikey was in at all times, but Mikey appreciated the gesture nonetheless.

"You look a little..." Pete began, a little unsure how to put it, "a little out of it, I don't know, just, are you okay?" He stressed, meeting Mikey's gaze, to which the taller boy forced a smile.

"It's just this place, you know? And I just, I don't know what to say or how to explain, but everything's different now I'm dating you- not that I regret it, because I really don't, I just, I feel like everyone's out to get me for being who I am, and I hate that." Mikey confessed, glancing away from Pete as he did so.

"You know I'll punch anyone who even so much as looks at you in the wrong way." Pete spoke without a moment's thought, leaving Mikey smiling for a moment as the two made their way out of school.

"I think I'm scared of people even looking at me in the wrong way in the first place." Mikey continued to admit, his cheeks a light pink. "It's ridiculous, I know, I just, I didn't even know I liked dudes at all until... it was all really sudden, and I don't regret it at all, I’m just struggling to adjust-"

"You shouldn't have to adjust at all. That's who you are, just be who you are." And Pete made it all sound so fucking easy, and Mikey wondered what it was like for him, and how he could ever even possibly come to ask.

"Is it easy for you?" He asked before he could stop himself.

"No." Pete answered with a laugh, "course it isn't, I'm just used to it, I guess. And I'd rather be myself than pretend to be someone else."

"Yeah, I guess," Mikey nodded in response, pausing for a moment as his mind brushed over a topic that had gone ignored in their conversation, "what happened with Patrick? Is he okay?"

Pete stopped at that, the two boys standing still on the road outside the school, "I think so, I don't know, it's kind of complicated."

"How so?" Mikey asked, stepping forward and gesturing for Pete to walk beside him. "What did he say?"

"Well, I don't know what difference there is between what he said and what he actually means, because he told me that he didn’t' really have a crush on me, he was just trying to compensate for this guy called Joe back in Chicago who he had to leave. I don't know what to make of that, though, because he didn't mention it until I mentioned what had happened with you."

"Not everyone in the world has to be madly in love with you, Pete." Mikey added with a smile.

"Not everyone." Pete began, "just a decent amount of people, come on, Mikey, let's be realistic here."

"What about me?" Mikey exclaimed, his eyes widening a little.

"I only have eyes for you, of course." Pete put his arm around Mikey, even if just for a second, "I'm just saying, I'm pretty damn hot. And I can't imagine that I'm the only person who thinks you're cute either, I bet there's some girl at school who would kill me if she ever found out I was dating you."

Mikey laughed a little, his cheeks bright red, "I doubt it."

"Oh come on," Pete shook his head in disbelief, "you're the prettiest dude I know. You're a sweet little dude, the sweetest dude. I'm the littlest dude, not that I'm proud of it, but-"

"Pete shut up." Mikey let out a sigh, glancing around to make sure they were alone before leaning forward and pressing a small kiss to Pete's lips. "I like you, you like me. That's what's important."

"Thought I was gonna be the one to kiss you first." Pete exclaimed, still a little stunned, "fuck." He added, before promptly dying because Mikey Way's existence was just too fucking much.

-

Good morning texts seemed to lose their sentiment when they came from drug dealers, especially ones that you were trying to avoid, but still, it was better than nothing at all, and Freddie wasn't explicitly a bad guy, but it was nine in the morning, and Frank was curled up at the end of Ray Toro's bed, and he most certainly should not be thinking about cocaine right now.

'Don't ignore me Frank. Good morning!' Freddie felt some odd urge to text Frank again, leaving the fifteen year old shaking his head, but responding regardless, because he could think what he wanted about Freddie, but really, the guy got him cocaine for a decent rate, and hadn't try to kill him or sell him into prostitution even once, so really he should be grateful for that.

'Morning.' He texted back, before locking his phone and glancing over at Ray, who still lay there, half asleep, leaving Frank with the predicament of whether to wake him or not.

However his cellphone lit up once more before he could really consider what to do, displaying yet another text from Freddie, this one reading: 'You want anything today?'

'No.' Frank texted back before he could change his mind.

'Don't lie to yourself.' Freddie knew him too well, and dear god, he fucking hated that.

'Later. It's 8am for fuck's sake.' Frank held his cellphone in his hands that time, because it was clear that Freddie was eagerly waiting his every response.

'Come on Frank. I'm short on rent money and I can't pay my landlord in coke.' And Frank hated the fact that he cared, because he couldn't live his day knowing that Freddie might be kicked out, because that guy didn't deserve to be homeless, even if just that.

'I can't meet you right now, but later, I promise.' Frank let out a sigh, because in doing all he could to save Freddie's ass, he was going to end up ruining his life, but fuck, at least he wasn't selfish, was he?

'You keep that promise and I'll give you a discount, also because you're a good guy, Frank.' And Frank found himself smiling at that, because Freddie was a better guy than expected, and Frank didn't know why, but he expected Freddie to slip up and misgender him at some point, but that point had never come, and Frank didn't quite know what to make of the fact that his drug dealer was doing a better job at respecting him than his mother was.

It wasn't like his mother wasn't trying, of course, because she was, and Frank was lucky that she wasn't a transphobic asshole, but she just didn't quite get it, and Frank could always feel that around her.

'You're a good guy too, Freddie. Noon at the park?' Frank responded, too caught up in the matter of messaging his drug dealer to notice Ray stir at the other end of the bed.

'Yeah. Thanks Frank!' And then a string of several emojis that made very little sense whatsoever, but that time, yeah, Frank appreciated the sentiment.

"Who are you texting?" Ray asked, sitting up and giving Frank at least seven heart attacks at once.

"Fuck!" He exclaimed, glaring at Ray, "when did you get up?" He let out a nervous laughter as he texted Freddie a quick 'gtg', before locking his phone and putting it back into his pocket.

"Like a minute ago." Ray let out a yawn, stretching a little, "my head fucking aches, man!"

"I know." Frank rolled his eyes, "I've had worse though, come on, Toro, we had some beer that's it."

"Well, I'm sorry, what did you expect, Frank, that I take you to a drug den or something?" Ray laughed that one off, completely oblivious that Frank had indeed just been texting his drug dealer. "So who were you texting? Gee, wasn't it?"

"Yeah... Gee..." He trailed off, lying.

"You two are so head over heels it's ridiculous." Ray continued, getting out of bed, and changing his shirt to one that didn't smell quite so much of nicotine.

"Yeah, sorry about that." Frank let out a kind of half-hearted laugh, biting his lip as he did so.

"You want anything for breakfast, because if you don't we're gonna need to run out the backdoor before one of my mums shoves a piece of toast down your throat." Ray laughed, and Frank got up, grabbing his jacket from where he'd thrown it on the floor at something like four am.

"Deeptoasting." Frank grinned as the two made their way out into the hallway, dashing downstairs as quietly as they could.

"Gross. You're gross." Ray groaned as they made it to the living room, grabbing their shoes from the bottom of the stairs and kind of half shoving their feet into them as they made it out the backdoor without either mum noticing. "Success!" Ray exclaimed once they'd made it out into the street, high fiving Frank as he did so.

"Fuck, I need more cigarettes, do you know anywhere round here that doesn't care?" Frank asked, patting his jacket pockets, and finding no more than an empty box.

"No," Ray let out a sigh, watching as Frank proceeded to die right then and there, "but," he added, watching as Frank's eyes lit up insanely, "there is a place, run by this really nice woman, total idiot though, totally convinced I'm like nineteen."

"I love you." Frank proclaimed, practically throwing a five dollar bill at Ray.

"You need to calm the fuck down." Ray let out a laugh as the two made it down the street.

"You need to understand what it's like to look like a fucking twelve year old." Frank grumbled, brushing his fringe away from his face, "I look like I stole a leather jacket from my dad, I want a fucking growth spurt already, goddamn!"

"I'm nearly six foot, you know?" Ray grinned, just rubbing it in Frank's face now, but he could not care less.

"And I'm nearly ready to punch you in the face." Frank retorted, rolling his eyes, clearly finding this situation nowhere near as funny as Ray.

"Oh, but you wouldn't dare!"

"Would I not?"

"No, because then I wouldn't buy you cigarettes."

"Motherfucker"

-

Come noon, Frank found himself at the park, with too much cash in his pocket and what was probably Ray's hoodie on, because it was way too big for him, but whatever, it was kind of comfy and Frank wasn't going to go running back to Ray's house to complain.

As the minutes ticked by, he light a cigarette, leaning back against a tree and watching the skyline, waiting, wondering just what the fuck Freddie could have gotten caught up with; he'd assumed this sale would have been important to him, considering his rent, but Frank didn't know, fuck, Frank should just stop making a mess out of nothing.

The guy was two minutes late at most; Frank needed to grow the fuck up, it wasn't even cold out, and here he was, stood there being a whiny bitch because his drug dealer was two minutes late.

He got his phone out, checking it to see a text from Freddie, hoping that it would explain the great mystery of him being so fucking late.

'Can you come to my place? You know my address.'

Frank looked at his cellphone in confusion, before pressing the call button and holding it his ear, already beginning to walk in the direction of Freddie's place, before he'd even picked up; Frank was a fucking junkie, but a fucking nice one at that, because Freddie didn't fuck about, so there had to be a pretty decent reason.

"Hey, Frank," Freddie began, picking up the phone, "are you coming to my place?"

"Yeah, I'm walking there now, I just, what's going on?" Frank asked, smoking his cigarette as he walked.

"My landlord wants his money now for some fucking reason, so I told him that you owe me money, and I'll pay it him as soon as it get it, and then he doesn't fucking trust me, thinks I'm gonna run off, so he's not letting me leave the building. Don't mention anything about coke okay? You just owe me money, be ambiguous, you don't have to say shit. Do you have a jacket?"

"Yeah?" Frank answered, a little confused.

"Take it off when you get here, just put it on the floor, I'll pretend to hang it up or whatever, I'll put the coke in the pockets. And then you just put it back on when you leave." Freddie explained, "guy's gonna come back any moment, he just went for a smoke, he really fucking wants his money, okay? Be quick."

"Okay, I'm like two streets away. See you in a few minutes." Frank's heart was racing as he put the phone down; he wasn't entirely sure as to what exactly was going on here, but whatever it was didn't feel exactly legal, and it didn't exactly help that he never looked any older than about twelve, but still, Freddie was a good guy, and he had to do this shit for him - it was one time, and that was it.

Frank soon reached the block of flats, finding the front door open, which already led him to believe that this was entirely safe, but fuck it, it wasn't like he had to stay around for a particularly long time was it?

"Frank?" He looked up to see a guy stood outside Freddie's door, he presumed him to be the landlord, or at least hoped him to be, because he'd be seriously fucking creeped out if everyone in this place just happened to know his name.

"Yeah?" He asked, stepping closer, "that's me."

"Freddie says you owe me some money." He added, his tone growing stern.

"No, I owe Freddie money. I'm going to give that money to Freddie, and then he can gave that money to you if he wants." Frank stood his ground, but he was seriously freaking the fuck out, "I don't know you, you could be anyone. I'm not giving you money."

And with that, Frank made his way inside, finding Freddie sat on his sofa, clearly stressed the fuck out, he jumped up at the sight of Frank, and Frank couldn't help but feel a little better to see him too.

Frank took his jacket off as instructed, jumping a little as the landlord followed him inside, but Freddie just nodded, and Frank handed him his jacket, well it was technically Ray's, and Frank wasn't entirely sure just how Ray would take to the news that his hoodie had been used to smuggle coke, but Frank just wasn't entirely sure that Ray had to know at all.

"Didn't think it was that warm in here." The guy noted, his eyes fixated upon Frank's jacket.

Frank swallowed, thinking quickly to divert his attention, "didn't think it was any of your business as to whether I take my jacket off or not." He raised his eyebrows, causing the landlord to chuckle a little at that.

"Yeah, whatever kid, I don't give a fuck what you say to me, you either have the money or you don't." His tone grew snappier, and Frank found himself gravitating to Freddie, as if somehow the guy with the body of a string bean was somehow capable of defending them.

He reached for his pocket, grabbing the money, and handing it to Freddie. "I'm sorry about not coming with it quicker." He added as Freddie counted the money.

"Well, it's here now, isn't it?" Freddie spoke up, meeting his landlord's gaze, making his way across the room to give it to him.

"It is." The man let out a sigh, "looks like your ass just got saved by some kid that looks about twelve. Congratulations." And with that, the man slammed the door behind him, making his way downstairs.

"Thank fuck!" Freddie exclaimed, falling back into the sofa, and handing Frank his hoodie back. "It's in the pocket," he added in reference to the coke, "seriously, thank you so much for this, it won't happen again, I promise."

"It's no-" Frank was cut off as cellphone began to vibrate in his pocket. "One sec," he added, before turning away, and answering the phone, not getting a chance to look at the contact name before he did so.

"Frank? Where the fuck are you?" Gee's voice seemed to explode down the phoneline. "You said we'd meet, didn't you? You said- fuck," she let out a sigh, "just tell me where you are, I'll come and meet you."

"It doesn't matter, I'm coming over now."

"Frank-"

"I said I'm coming!" He raised his voice, regretting it instantly.

"Where are you-" Gee's voice was cut off as he hung up the call, glancing back at Freddie, who raised his eyebrows a little, before pulling the hoodie on, and simply making his way out, with no desire to make Gee any angrier than she already was.

-


	16. shit goes down down in an earlier round

Gee was stood in her front garden, leaning back against the porch fence as she remained fixated upon the street, her eyes lighting up a little as Frank came into view, but not by a significant amount at all; she was pissed off, and that wasn't going to be wished away by some boy with a pretty face, even if she wanted it to be.

Frank broke into a smile as he saw her, relieved that she hadn't started screaming at him within the instant, but she only nodded, not really bothering to return his smile as she tucked her hair behind her ear.

"You look really beautiful today." Frank added as he approached her, nervous to reach out and even hug her, because it was clear she wasn't in the best of moods, and it was even clearer than it was Frank to blame.

She blushed a little, truth be told, she couldn't stop herself, "yeah?" She raised her eyebrows, meeting Frank's gaze, "do I not look really beautiful all the time?"

"Oh for fuck's sake, Gee, you know that wasn't what I meant." Frank snapped, rolling his eyes and letting out a sigh, before reaching for a cigarette before he could think; the act of doing so practically second nature.

"Sorry, it's just that there's what you say and then what you mean." She continued, her tone laced with an odd kind of spite, "like when you said you'd meet me like half an hour ago. But that wasn't what you meant, was it?"

"Gee, I'm sorry. Something happened that I couldn't have known about, I had to do a favour for a friend and I didn't think it was going to take that long." He met her eyes with conviction, because technically he wasn't lying, he was just omitting a great deal of the details.

"What kind of favour?" She asked, her face lightening up a little.

"I owed a friend some money, and he needed it today instead of when I was going to give it him." Frank explained, again moving awkwardly around the subject of cocaine, and in turn, the bag of coke his- Ray's hoodie pocket.

"Could you not have texted me?" She raised her eyebrows, reaching out for Frank's hand, "I get worried about you, you know."

"I know." Frank nodded, smiling, because maybe he didn't deserve to be forgiven like that, but it wasn't like he was going to argue against it. "I'm sorry, I thought I'd make it on time."

"It's okay." She let out a sigh, "now come on, tell me about how beautiful I look today or were you just trying to get on my good side?"

"Shut up." Frank giggled a little, "red lipstick looks really good on you."

"I know," she smiled, "I was just feeling that punk rock aesthetic today and pink lipgloss just wasn't cutting it." She let out a sigh to express the tragedy, "you think I should wear it more often?"

"Fuck yeah." Frank nodded, "if you got a leather jacket and that lipstick, you'd look like you could kill a man."

"I'd look like Lindsey?" Gee raised her eyebrows, smiling a little, "I prefer the whole pink aesthetic, also like no one would see the brutal murder coming, so this is smarter."

"Please don't murder me." Frank added, laughing a little.

"Wouldn't dream of it." She leaned in, pressing a kiss to his lips, laughing as she pulled away. "you've got-"

"Knew it," Frank shook his head in disbelief, attempting to wipe his lips with the sleeve of Ray's hoodie, "fuck you and your lipstick," he let out a sigh, "are we going inside or?"

"My dad's home, so no. You do not want to meet my parents, we'll just go to the park, or whatever? If that's fine with you?" She asked, leaving Frank to nod in response as the two made their way down the street. "My dad's such a fucking idiot, it's like, I'm wearing lipstick and a skirt and he still wants to call me Gerard... doesn't make fucking sense."

"Sounds like an asshole." Frank added, reaching for Gee's hand, "I'm sorry you have shitty parents."

"It's fine, I'm used to them, it's just Mikey- oh my god I didn't tell you about Mikey!" Gee exclaimed, her eyes widening as if she found it almost impossible to believe.

"What about Mikey?" Frank asked, perhaps far too interested.

"He and Pete are dating, and it's really cute-"

"And I totally called it!" Frank exclaimed, grinning at Gee, "I totally fucking did."

"Whatever," she rolled her eyes, shaking her head a little, "but it's just the whole being casually homophobic, and I don't think he's ever going to come out to them, he just feels so... uncomfortable in his own skin. I was like that two years ago, but it gets better, you know?"

"You make me feel better about myself." Frank admitted, avoiding Gee's gaze, "I hope Pete does that for him. If Pete does then he's really lucky."

"Stop being so cute, stop it," Gee insisted, laughing a little, "last night I had to sleep in his bed because he kept crying about it, I mean it wasn't any problem, I just hate that it has to be like that. I barely got any sleep, I just kept thinking about how fucked up it all is."

"I barely got any sleep either." Frank added, "I was out until four in the morning."

"Four?" Gee exclaimed in disbelief, "why?"

"I was with my friend Ray and he took me to this really shitty party and well I couldn't see you that night so I had nothing better to do, but it was a horrible party, so we just sat on the roof and drank a whole lot of beer."

"Just beer?" Gee asked, narrowing her eyes, "no drugs?"

"No, Ray's a good guy, I mean, he doesn't even know that... I..." Frank trailed off, "but he's a cool guy, he looks older than he is so he buys me cigarettes sometimes, because you know, I look like a four year old. It's ridiculous, he's so tall, and this is his hoodie and that's why it's so big on me."

Frank gestured to the hoodie, pulling it out a little to show just how big it was, however in the process of doing so, he dislodged a certain item inside the pocket, causing a little bag of cocaine to fall out onto the pavement, right beside Gee's foot.

-

There was something about this that had indeed just screamed bad idea, but Mikey, being Gee's brother, was somewhat well acquainted with terrible fucking heart wrenching ideas, and well, Pete thought he was too cute to say no.

Mikey wasn't even too sure himself as to where the thought had come from, but the more he focused on it, the more important it seemed to become, it just made sense and Pete was a little nervous, but that was understandable, and Pete was pretending that he wasn't nervous at all, and Mikey just found himself laughing at him, because Pete was too fucking cute.

But yes, Mikey wanted to meet Patrick.

As odd as it sounded, Mikey wanted to meet the guy with a crush on his boyfriend and attempt to have civil conversation with him - was he insane, maybe? But he was pretty sure Gee and Frank would be home right now and he felt awkward just going to Pete's house when Patrick could probably see them from just across the street.

Also Pete talked about the guy a lot, and well, he couldn't help being curious, could he?

And Patrick was a nice guy from what he'd heard, so things would turn out alright, wouldn't they? Wouldn't they? Well, Mikey was kind of fucked if they didn't, but he suspected that perhaps he was just overthinking things now.

"I'm kind of nervous now." He admitted aloud, catching Pete's attention as he did so; Pete had been previously drifting off into some sort of weird dreamland, unsure just what could possibly come of a situation like this, but still, he was curious to find out.

"Patrick's nice." Pete reassured him, linking their hands and walking a little closer to Mikey, "you're nice, it's just too nice people. You're both nice and cute - you have a lot in common."

"We both also like you..." Mikey added, laughing nervously, "I just, I want to meet him, you know? Not because I'm being weird about anything, I just, I want to meet him."

"It's fine." Pete promised him as they approached his house, grabbing his cellphone and asking Patrick if they could go to his house. "He has a really cool house," Pete added as he waited for a response from Patrick.

"That's cool," Mikey added, glancing around nervously, feeling as if the whole world was watching when he had Pete's hand in his, and he knew he should just calm the fuck down because it was an empty street in a quiet neighborhood and they hadn't seen anyone in at least four minutes, but still, Mikey was terrified.

"We're just going up to his bedroom - it's in the attic, it's really cool." Pete put his cellphone back in his pocket and seemed to lead Mikey over to Patrick's house, "his parents aren't home, and I usually just climb through this window so-"

"Pete." Mikey stressed, his eyes widening, unable to tell if Pete was being fucking serious or not.

"Stop being such a princess, Mikeyway, come on." Pete giggled a little, leaning back against the wall and just watching Mikey pout for a moment or two.

"You're not being serious." Mikey shook his head in disbelief.

"I'm never serious." Pete added, smirking, "Sirius is dead."

"Go to hell." Mikey let out a sigh, leaning against the front door as he did so, and stumbling a little as he came to realise that it was open. Pete burst into laughter. "You knew this was open, didn't you?"

Pete shrugged, still laughing like a motherfucking asshole as he followed Mikey inside, "didn't know anything."

"You're horrible." Mikey let out a sigh, glaring at Pete for a moment.

"Mikeyway, come on, don't be angry with me." Pete pleaded, pulling Mikey over to him by his hands, "you're too beautiful to be angry-"

"Yeah, and you're too beautiful to be a dickhead but you proved that wrong." Mikey snapped, rolling his eyes as he turned his head away.

Pete leaned forward, kissing Mikey's cheek, taking the taller boy by surprise as he did so. "Mikey," he began, his tone no more than a whisper, "you can be beautiful and a dickhead, don't be so judgmental. I expected better."

"You're an asshole." Mikey shook his head in disbelief, blushing as he did so, because his whole body was buzzing with an energy that seemed to radiate from the spot on his cheek where Pete had kissed him.

"Okay so I'm either being burgled or you two are like fucking in the living room," A voice seemed to appear from nowhere, making Mikey jump a little.

"Neither, but the latter could be arranged- we could also burgle you, actually, not that we were planning on it. Do you have anything you want stealing?" Pete asked, grinning like an asshole again, and Mikey wondered just how such extreme levels of simultaneous hate and love for a person was possible.

Patrick appeared down the hallway, well, Mikey assumed him to be Patrick; he was shorter than him, about Pete's height, a little chubby, with glasses and ginger hair - he was pretty cute, truth be told.

"So this is Mikey Way..." Patrick trailed off, looking Mikey up and down before smiling, "I'm Patrick Stump."

"Hey," Mikey offered a smile, "it's nice to meet you."

"Patrick, come on, tell me, do you want anything stealing?" Pete interrupted the lovely sentimental greeting to carry on some stupid joke in typical Pete Wentz fashion.

"Not really." Patrick admitted, raising his eyebrows at Pete, "stop smiling like such an idiot." He added, rolling his eyes and making his way towards the stairs, "come on, I didn't know you wanted to hang around in front of my front door all day."

"He was trying to convince me to climb thorough your window, you know?" Mikey began, following Patrick up the stairs.

"Pete." Patrick shook his head in disbelief, "be nice to your boyfriend."

"I am nice." Pete continued, "I'm fucking lovely. All the time."

"Are you now?" Mikey turned to Pete, raising his eyebrows in disbelief, "I find that hard to believe."

"I totally promo the fuck out of your instagram, you're like in every selfie I take - that's nice." Pete continued, totally fucking serious.

"Why do you assume I need a promo? Do you think my account is crap or something?" Mikey's tone was just as serious.

"Mikey, your instagram name is 'mwayzy420' you literally just copied me-"

"You made my instagram for me and forced me to use it-"

"You can just change your name, you know?" Patrick added, finding himself amused by their conversation.

"Can you?" Mikey's eyes lit up, getting out his cellphone, "I'm going to change it to 'ihatepetewentz420'."

The '420' for aesthetical reasons, of course, also because Pete would probably kill him if he didn't have some stupid joke in his username.

-

"Are you fucking kidding me, Frank?"

The two were somewhat frozen in shock, just staring at the coke for a good minute, before Frank thought it was probably best to put it back in his pocket and not just leave it there for everyone to see.

"What?" Frank retorted, blushing a little, shoving his hands into his pocket with the coke.

"For fuck's sake!" She yelled, "you fucking lied to me- you said no drugs-"

"That was last night, and I did no drugs last night, and I've done none since, I just happened to acquire some coke between then and now." Frank blushed a little, wondering if he could just shrug this off, but judging from the look in Gee's eyes, he most definitely couldn't.

"That's why you were late, isn't it? Oh my fucking god, Frank, it's the fucking coke over me now, isn't it?" She shook her head in disbelief, "you owed a guy some money- for drugs?"

"Well, I owed a guy some money... the guy just happened to be my drug dealer-"

"Oh for fuck's sake, Frank." She turned away from him, "so you lie to me, you can't keep away from cocaine, what the fuck else is there? Are you fucking cheating on me as well- I wouldn't be fucking surprised-"

"Gee!" Frank exclaimed, even the notion of doing so hurting him inside, "I'm not fucking- fuck, why would I do that... I love you, Gee, I really fucking love you, I just I fucking... I have this addiction, okay?" He yelled, looking down at the slight bulge in his pocket from the coke, and in that moment, he was certain he despised it.

"Then fucking stop. Me or the coke? Who the fuck do you pick?" Gee continued, having lost all chill long ago.

"You." Frank stepped forward, "obviously. I love you, Gee." He reached out for her hand, only to find her pulling away.

"Fucking stop it, Frank." She let out a sigh, "if you mean this, then give me the coke and let me get rid of it, let's go dump it in a fucking river, delete your drug dealer from your phone, and just don't do this shit again. Like I don't like you smoking, but I put up with that, because I'm a reasonable fucking person, but there's a whole load of difference between cocaine and cigarettes." She trailed off, shaking her head, "you could die, Frank, you could go to prison. Do you want that? I don't fucking want that."

Frank nodded, because yeah, she had a point. "It just makes me feel better, you know, I just..." He trailed off, "it's just coke, it's not like I'm doing heroin-"

"Not yet anyway." She shook her head, taking Frank's hand and leading them towards some grass where they sat down. "Do you remember a time when someone freaked out at you for smoking weed and you said something like, it's just pot, it's not like I'm doing cocaine?"

Frank paused for a moment, his head stuck about six months ago, when he'd known this girl with pink hair, who'd thought Frank was cute, and it hadn't been anything serious, but she'd said the very same words to Frank as Gee just did, and he sat there for a moment, his head stuck in that one night when he'd screamed up at her and they'd broken up, and he'd laughed at her, because it was just fucking weed.

"Yeah." Frank nodded, letting out a sigh.

"See, there you go, that's what I'm thinking, Frank I'm not trying to make shit up here, I'm just worried about you." She met his gaze, before pressing a kiss to his cheek.

Frank let out a sigh, still fixated upon the girl with the pink hair; trying to remember her name, he reckoned he'd been too out of it to remember... something beginning with a J, maybe?

"Frank?" Gee continued, noticing his silence and the expression upon his face, "are you okay?"

"I just... about six months ago, there was this girl and I can't quite remember her name but she had like bright pink hair and she was really fucking cute. She even thought I was cute too, and we had like this shot at something but she said... she said that exact same thing to me and I didn't take her seriously, I just laughed at her, we ended up breaking up and that night I just shook my head because it was just fucking weed." He paused, biting his lip, "I don't want that to happen with you."

Gee moved closer to him, putting her arm around his back, "hey, I'm sorry about her, but you know? You understand now, don't you?"

Frank nodded, "I just... it's complicated still, because Freddie, my dealer, is a friend of mine and he needed the money today or he'd be kicked out of his house, and nobody deserves to be homeless."

"Are there not other people he can sell to?" Gee asked, "you don't have to make everything that happens to him your responsibility. He can still be your friend, but just not your dealer, and if he doesn't like that, then he's not a good friend, is he?"

"I still fucking paid for this coke, I don't want to dump it in the river-"

"Sell it to someone else then, and with the money you get, you should take me out somewhere to say sorry." Gee smiled, rubbing his arm, "look I'm here for you, Frank, I just, you need to cooperate, please just try, for me."

"I will." He nodded, kissing her, "can we go sell this now? I know this guy, he's called Bob, he's a bit of an asshole but he'll buy anything. He doesn't live far from here."

"Fine."

-


	17. this is irrelevant but i love matty healy so much he's ruining my life

Gee had perhaps been a little hard on Frank, but still, they both knew it was for the best, and she'd much rather that he was angry at her temporarily than he died of an overdose or got stabbed by some crazy fucking crack dealer or something, but still, there was just a little tension between the two, which she hadn't helped by texting him at ten that night asking whether he was going to be going out that night and whether he'd be near drugs, to which Frank had responded with some comment about Gee not being his mum, before replying with a _'no, I'm just going to fucking sleep'_ and had then ignored Gee's texts afterwards.

She'd stayed up quite late that night, scrolling through tumblr, but not really giving the social injustices reported upon her dash her full attention, as she found herself glancing at her cellphone screen at least once every few minutes, just to check if Frank had texted her back, or even seen her messages, because yeah, at about midnight, she'd come to realise that perhaps she shouldn't have done that, been so persistent and finicky, but still, there was no way of knowing what Frank was doing behind her back.

She should be able to trust him, that he wouldn't lie to her, and as she thought about it, she came to realise that the notion of Frank lying about anything serious was kind of ridiculous. She found herself back in the afternoon, with Frank, yelling at each other, and Frank telling her he loved her, and how she'd just brushed it off at the time, because she wasn't quite sure how to react, but several hours later, she found herself quite adamant that he'd meant it.

So she could trust him, of course she could, but still had the right to be worried too, everyone had the fucking right to worry about their boyfriend, but she definitely didn't have the right to be an annoying bitch about it.

Gee bit her lip, reblogging a picture of Halsey, before picking her cellphone up and opening the messages app. Frank still hadn't seen the message; she brushed off all thoughts of him ignoring her, because it was fucking obvious to absolutely everyone with an ounce of common sense, that Frank had just gone to bed, like he said he would.

She shook her head at herself, knowing that she should also go to bed so she could stop overthinking things, and Frank would probably text her something cute in the morning, and they could go on being okay. She texted him a quick _'I'm sorry'_ followed by two kisses, before turning her phone screen off and putting it back on her bedside table, and turning back to tumblr, reblogging some quality memes until her phone vibrated on the table beside her, and she had something reminiscent of a heart attack.

Gee picked her cellphone up, her eyes widening at the possibility of it being a text from Frank, and dear god, she really hoped she hadn't woken him up, however she found herself surprised to see a text from Lindsey, who she hadn't really spoken to much in the past week or so.

_'I know you're awake. You're on tumblr. So you're awake and bored and so am I.'_

Gee laughed a little, because yeah, Lindsey knew her too well, _'yeah, you got me.'_

_'Do you think you could sneak out? We haven't hung out in a while.'_ She ended her message with a sad face emoji.

Gee bit her lip, closing her laptop and getting up, peering into the corridor, finding herself relieved to hear that _yes_ , both Mikey and her parents were indeed asleep. _'I've never done that before.'_ She admitted.

_'Oh my god! If your parents are asleep, it's easy.'_ And Gee knew this was the worst fucking idea in the world, but if Frank could snort coke on a regular basis, then she could fucking sneak out once at midnight.

_'Ok fine. Meet me at the top of my street.'_ She put her phone back down, cursing under her breath and apologising to anyone who could give a shit, probably Mikey - Mikey wouldn't be proud of her for this, but still fuck it, she decided, as she pulled on a black skirt and grabbed a denim jacket to throw over the shirt she had already been wearing.

Gee noticed an _'ok_ ' in response as she picked up her phone and put it into her jacket pocket, along with about four dollars, which was the sum total of her 'riches', before making her way out into the hallway and holding her breath as she made it down the stairs, and then by some miracle, out the front door.

She spotted Lindsey, well a girl with black hair in pigtails, bright red lipstick, a leather jacket and a tartan skirt - it _had_ to be Lindsey, making her way down from the top of the street, Gee nodded at her, increasing her pace, still shaking a little, because she really wasn't used to this, but it gave her this odd kind of rush for sure.

"So, how'd it go?" Lindsey asked as she approached Gee, "how many times did the stairs creak and exactly how many heart attacks did you have?" She laughed a little as Gee continued to blush.

"I think you're a bad influence." Gee bit her lip, giggling a little.

"And Frank isn't?" She raised her eyebrows in response, and Gee felt herself blushing, wondering just what Frank could have been thinking just a few hours ago.

"But he needs me to be the good influence." Gee added, her voice a little shaky, "but yeah, I mean, I don't know, I'd rather not talk about it."

"Hmm..." Lindsey let out a sigh, "okay, but if he's being a dick to you, please tell me, and tell _me_ first because I want to punch him personally."

"He's not done anything to me." Gee protested, " _please_ don't punch my boyfriend."

"God, Gee, you're such a spoil sport." She laughed, "so, where in the world do you want to go at midnight?"

"I have absolutely no idea."

"Me neither." Lindsey laughed, and really, Gee had missed hanging out with her so much, and it was only then that she began to realise just _how_ much fucking time she spent with Frank.

-

The two had found themselves in Alicia Simmons' living room, with all the lights off bar this weird spinning rainbow coloured desk lamp that looked like it was designed either for eight year olds or for suicidal epileptics, thankfully neither of the three girls had died in all of the fifteen minutes that they'd spent sat, chatting about everything that most certainly wasn't worth their time.

Alicia's parents were out of town, and Lindsey had gotten some shitty cheap beer from the local shop that didn't give a fuck, or it was just that the lanky twenty something year old with severe acne and shitty half grown sideburns behind the counter was far too intimidated by her to even consider asking her for I.D., whatever the case was, she didn't care, and Gee was beginning to stop giving a fuck too, which was really something new.

She was really having fun, sneaking out and getting drunk with people who were way too cool for her, but still liked her, and Frank was nowhere in sight, fuck, Frank wasn't even on her mind as she finished her first beer, giggling a little, and this was all new, and this made her want to make this a regular thing as Alicia started bitching on about one of her ex-boyfriends from two years ago that she couldn't even remember the name of.

Gee wished she could be like that: with ex-boyfriend stories for people to laugh at, and not be the girl who was really enough of a girl for any dude to really notice; she was lucky to have Frank, and she cared about Frank, of course she did, but she was sixteen, still a virgin, and it didn't look like she was comfortable with that changing any time soon.

And fuck, really more than anything Gee wished that she could wear crop tops without looking like a seven year old trying on their mum's clothes, because truth be told, it was one am, Alicia was drunk, and still she was fucking _killing_ it.

Gee couldn't _help_ being jealous, it was only natural, of course; she reckoned she could pass as some kind of girl if she wore skirts and make up, but she could never pass as a _hot_ girl, one of those girls who looked like they could fucking cut you open with one stare, wearing a leather jacket, somewhat oversized, that they'd probably robbed from the corpse of their dead misogynistic ex-boyfriend. Alicia fucking _rocked_ that aesthetic. So did the entirety of their lesbian skate witch cult, (one of their many names that all sounded vaguely similar) and Gee wondered if she'd ever be happy with the way she looked, _really_.

"Gee?" Alicia asked, her words beginning to slur a little, "are you dead or something?" She asked, giggling.

Gee blushed a little, falling back to reality, "I'm alright, not dead, promise," she laughed a little, sitting up properly and opening another beer.

"She's thinking about Frank." Lindsey piped up with an accusation that she might not have been so confident in making sober.

Gee blushed a little, brushing her hair from her face, "I'm not. I know I think about him a lot, but I'm not."

"Okay," Alicia asked, "what _are_ you thinking about?"

Gee shrugged, blushing, "just some personal shit. It's not that important, nothing can be really done about it."

"Mmm... tell us." Lindsey shuffled closer to Gee, meeting her gaze with that typical Lindsey look, "look, even if we can't help you, it just helps for people to hear your shit out, and anyway, chances are we might not even remember it in the morning."

"Yeah, Gee, I can't even remember that guy's name, what the fuck _was_ his name, Lindsey? Do you know, I'm seriously curious I want to facebook stalk him-"

"Alicia, that's really not a good idea." Lindsey shook her head in disbelief, "but what the fuck, go for it, I think it was Jason something," she burst into grin as Alicia pulled her phone out.

Gee smiled a little too, only half as amused by the situation, as she'd not really paid all so much attention to the entirety of Alicia's story about this Jason guy, but still, Alicia was fucking fearless and Gee didn't doubt that she'd fucking roast this guy for the hell of it.

Again, something Gee found herself lacking.

She glanced at Lindsey, then at Alicia, and then down at her lap, biting her lip, before speaking up, "what I was thinking about, well, I feel like I'm not good enough, I mean, I care pass as a girl if I try, and dress up all feminine, but what if I don't want to look feminine, what if I want to wear a fucking t shirt and jeans and barely any make up, maybe even no make up, but I can't fucking do that, because then I get misgendered, and I'd rather not fucking get all dysphoric, and it fucking sucks because there's nothing I can do about it. And I don't feel like I'm as much of a girl as you two are, even though all there is to being a girl is identifying as one, but I have no funny dickhead ex-boyfriend stories or even ex-boyfriends and I feel like I'm not cool enough, regardless of gender issues, to fit in with you, but still, you like me, you always want to hang out with me, why is that? Do you feel sorry for me or something? Okay, fuck, that sounds really... I don't... I just... I-"

Alicia sat the fuck up, putting her cellphone down within an instant, and with Alicia, that _really_ was an achievement. "So what do you want to look like?" She asked.

"I mean, it changes based on the days, but I don't know, I mean I _like_ wearing skirts, but not all the time, and like-"

"Buy the fucking clothes you _want_ to wear and fucking wear them, and if you get misgendered, act really pissed off and tell them you're a girl, because hey, a lot of cis girls can look really masculine, and hey, it doesn't fucking matter, and you know we'll fucking kill anyone who's a dick to you, and I actually want all and any excuses to fuck up some assholes, so please, go out there and be you and fucking piss people off." Alicia finished her somewhat dramatic speech with a small bow as Lindsey clapped, "also you really pull off the small tits, I haven't really done puberty very well yet look quite well. I think it's your face, you have a feminine face-"

"Alicia shut the fuck up." Lindsey let out a sigh, "but yeah, she's right, and you _know_ she is, don't you, Gee?"

Gee paused for a second, biting her lip, " _yeah_ , yeah she is." She began to smile, "I mean I'm never going to look good naked, but I can look as fucking cool as I want with clothes on."

"Hey, I'm sure you have a lovely cock, Gee," Alicia was perhaps a little too drunk for the whole sentimental life advice thing, "and hey, there have to be people who are into that. What's it called- _pegging_! Pegging, that's where the guy gets fucked in the ass by a girl, and hey, you wouldn't even have to buy a strap on!"

Gee laughed, shaking her head, "it's not even a particularly nice cock, though."

"Don't be mean to your cock, I'm sure it has feelings too." Alicia exclaimed, giggling like an idiot, as Gee just sat there, smiling to herself, kind of in disbelief, because this was all so casual, and fuck, she'd really overlooked Alicia up until now, but it was as if she seriously had some magic powers or something (either that or the alcohol) because suddenly, Gee didn't feel like she was so trapped inside her own body anymore.

-

Gee made her way back to her house at about five in the morning, just as the first glimpses of sunlight was beginning to stream into the world, she was a little hungover, having slept a little at Alicia's, curled up on her sofa between the other two girls, with some shitty horror movie having been on once in the background, but still, she felt oddly invincible, and this had been easily both the best and worst idea she'd ever had.

She made her way inside, locking the front door behind her, content in the silence as she made her way into the kitchen, jumping a little out of her skin to see Mikey sat at the table with Pete by his side.

"Oh, so you're not fucking _dead_." Mikey snapped, it evident immediately that he'd lost all of his fucking chill with the use of the word 'fucking', because Mikey didn't often curse, and especially not so strongly.

"Mikey, I-" Gee stammered out, brushing her hair out of her face as she made her way over to the table, sitting down across from the two boys, "I just," she paused for a moment, unsure what the fuck she was supposed to say, if she was supposed to lie to Mikey, if she even could, "I couldn't sleep, and neither could Lindsey, and I was kind of upset, so I went out to see her, and hey, now I'm not upset."

She had forgotten all about Frank and the messages until that moment, getting an urge to check her cellphone, but forcing herself not to, as Mikey continued to glare, and she came to remember that it was like half five in the morning and Frank was human.

"So I needed to talk to you, I needed you, Gee, because I'd had this dream and I was freaking out, but no, you're not there, and I start to freak out more because what had happened to you, and I don't know, and I can't tell mum and dad, because that'll just be more mess, so I had to call Pete, and I-..." Mikey burst into tears, burying his head in his hands, leaving Gee to bite her lip, leaning back in her chair as she met Pete's gaze.

"Okay, I should have texted you to tell you I was going out or something-"

"I texted you. Like so many times!" Mikey exclaimed, and Gee pulled her cellphone out, cursing as she saw all the messages from Mikey appearing on her screen.

"I had my phone on silent, I'm sorry, and I didn't check it, because we were talking a lot, I was distracted, I'm sorry." She let out a sigh, "you have Pete, though, he was here for you. You can't rely on me _all_ the time. Sure, I'm your sister, but I'm not here _all_ the time, and of course I love you, Mikey, but I have my own life, and it so happened that in my own life I was upset and I was out with Lindsey to make me feel better."

"Still, you shouldn't have snuck out without telling anyone-" Pete began, but Gee narrowed her eyes, and Pete remembered that, oh yeah, this wasn't his house. "Okay, I... look, hey, how about next time you tell Mikey and check your phone?"

Gee nodded, as Mikey met her gaze, evidently still pissed off, "Mikey, come on, I'm sorry, what else can I say?"

"I worry about you, you know?" Mikey snapped, "so stop acting like I'm just this little kid just because I'm a few years younger than you, doesn't mean I'm incapable of feeling things and getting upset like you, and _hey_ , why didn't you come to me when you were upset? Because I'm just a kid, and I can't _possibly_ help you, because I'm just thirteen and I'm not 'good enough for you'." Mikey got to his feet, making his way out the backdoor and into the garden, leaving Gee to glance up nervously at Pete, as he got up.

"I'm gonna go after him, he's just worked up, he'll calm down." Pete added, before making his way out after Mikey.

And as Gee leaned back in her chair, cursing at the motherfucking world, her cellphone vibrated on the table where she'd left it: a message - _Frank._

_'It's alright for you to go out at night and get fucked up? But not for me? Doesn't make sense, Gee.'_

-


	18. i am too emotionally attached to this fic im ruining my own life

Gee hadn't replied; she didn't give enough of a shit to - she was well and truly done with everyone and everything in the world by that point, simply making her way upstairs and pulling the covers over her head as she did all she could to drown out the world anyway possible.

She closed her eyes and rolled over, cursing a little as she found sleep unable to come to her, and eventually settled upon the second best thing in the world next to sleeping, music. She plugged her earphones into her phone and put on some Lana Del Rey, closing her eyes once again and doing all she could to wish the fucking world away.

She wondered just how long it would take her to respond to Frank, and whether regardless of how long it took her to, her reply would be just as shittily constructed. Frank was in the wrong, though, she knew that, and she knew that going out and drinking literally two beers with her best friends was vastly different from snorting coke at every fucking available opportunity, but she knew it'd only start another argument, and that really wasn't going to get them anywhere.

And fuck, Gee had been trying to be 'reasonable', and dear god she was beginning to wondered just how faded the line between 'reasonable' and 'brain dead' was, because was Frank seriously asking her to not shout at him for continuing to fuck his life up with a cocaine addiction, and to just let him yell at her for going out with her friends for one fucking night.

Of course, how Frank had even found out what she'd done was a completely different fucking story, and one she didn't even want to think about in that moment, but as she attempted to drift off again and still found herself wide awake, like hell, Wide Awake by Katy Perry even started playing, as if just to fucking _spite_ her or something, and she soon found herself giving up on sleeping all together and unlocking her cellphone.

She found herself directed to her messages application, seeing yet another message from Frank, most likely in response to the fact that she'd seen it and hadn't replied: ' _Talk to me, ignoring me isn't going to get us anywhere.'_

Gee knew that, of course, but she knew that arguing (which was what they would inevitably do) wouldn't lead them in much of a different direction. She decided to push the levels of passive aggressiveness to an extreme and not respond to that message either, looking through her other notifications and as she found herself faced with nothing significant, she ended up on Snapchat.

Lindsey had updated her story, and this caught Gee by surprise, finding herself tapping upon it, and practically losing all her chill as she saw her and Alicia practically cuddled up together, acting far drunker than they actually were, and then Alicia attempting to give herself scene kid make up, and Gee just stopped watching at that point, because Frank had gone and gotten the wrong impression from fucking _Snapchat_.

She didn't blame Lindsey for it, because there was no way she could have predicted how Frank would react to a story she posted while slightly drunk. She didn't blame Frank either, though, because yeah, he'd overreacted, and he'd overreacted like a dick, but it wasn't his fault and it wasn't hers either: just a misunderstanding.

Gee came to conclude that letting her boyfriend think she was ignoring him couldn't possibly have any kind of positive results, and opened her messages app back up, texting Frank something as neutral as possible.

_'I'm not ignoring you, Frank. I just feel like we're gonna argue and we should talk about this later when we're not so pissed off at each other.'_

She pressed send before putting her phone down as she heard a knocking on her bedroom door.

"Gee?" What was undoubtedly Mikey's voice called out: his tone muffled by the door but distinguishably sheepish and perhaps apologetic in nature.

Gee may not have time to deal with people and misunderstandings right now, but she most certainly _always_ had time for her brother, "yeah? Come in."

Mikey closed the door behind him, sitting down on Gee's bed beside her, "Pete had to go home so his parents wouldn't realise he was missing," he explained before letting out a sigh, "I'm sorry, I overreacted, didn't I?"

"A little." Gee admitted, putting her arm around her little brother and pulling him into her side. "What I did was stupid, though. It was a stupid idea."

"Yeah," Mikey laughed a little, "you have a lot of stupid ideas."

"Shut up," she rolled her eyes, glad that Mikey had forgiven her, because she most certainly needed him right now. "So are we good? Just move on?"

"Yeah, that's best." Mikey nodded in agreement, "I'm sorry for not listening to you, I mean, Pete just said the same thing that you did, but I don't-"

"The _way_ people say things matter too." Gee offered in explanation, "or maybe it's because you're so totally in _love_ with him," she added, teasing him.

Mikey raised his eyebrows at his sister, "you can talk, have you even _seen_ you and Frank together?"

Gee blushed a little, her tone suddenly growing very nervous, "y-yeah... I guess."

"What's up?" Mikey asked, picking up on the change in her voice immediately. "Did Frank do something, because Pete said he'd-"

"No, it's just," Gee let out a sigh, knowing it really wasn't best to talk to her thirteen year old brother in detail about Frank's coke addiction, "there was a misunderstanding, about something Lindsey posted on Snapchat, he took it the wrong way, I think he's a little pissed at me, but it'll be fine, we'll talk it out, he's a good guy."

"Yeah," Mikey nodded, because Frank was a nice guy and he certainly loved Gee a lot, regardless of how disgusting Mikey thought it was, "he loves you."

Gee nodded, biting her lip, "he told me that the other day."

Mikey's eyes widened, "oh? What did you say?"

"I... I didn't really say anything, I mean, he _meant_ it, and you know I wasn't prepared I... I didn't quite know what to expect." She admitted.

"Do you love him? Yes or no?"

"Oh come on, Mikey, it's a little more complicated than that!" Gee exclaimed, laughing it off.

"Is it?" Mikey asked, getting to his feet, "is it really?"

"Mikey, you're thirteen, I think I'd know a little more about love than you." She raised her eyebrows, laughing it off as Mikey made his way out of her room with a wave.

She leaned back against her bedroom wall, because yes or no, was it _really_ that easy?

-

Frank didn't know what to think at all, he just had this ever looming sense that this just wasn't _fair_. He felt scrutinised, he felt constantly put under pressure and expectation, unable to fuck up just once, and by the very girl that just didn't seem to give a fuck anymore.

Perhaps he'd overreacted, just a little, but this was Gee, and she didn't do that shit, and it freaked Frank out, because it was all relative, wasn't it? Gee never snuck out, Gee never really drank, and that was perhaps her extreme, but still Frank felt like he'd fucked up completely, like everything was just a spiral: a constant attempt to keep up some sort facade for himself.

He put his cellphone down, no longer interested in what his 'girlfriend' had left to say to him, because surely, in the scheme of things, this moment didn't matter, because this was just one day in hundreds of thousands, just one day in his life, the one day in which he'd had one fight with one girlfriend, and sure, Frank hated to think it, but probability said that maybe he wouldn't be spending the rest of his life with the girl he'd fallen in love with at fifteen.

And soon enough, this moment and this feeling in his chest would be a memory, something he found himself thinking over at four in the morning with a cigarette and a friend he hadn't met yet a few years in the future, and he'd think to himself and remember everything about this _beautiful_ girl he'd met at fifteen with the bright pink lipgloss smile, and he'd wonder what went wrong.

Fifteen year old Frank met his reflection in the mirror, now with a sudden weight upon his shoulders: a weight brought on by the realisation, the realisation that he, right then, right now, dictated exactly what did or didn't go wrong, exactly what he'd find himself thinking over, regretting those few years on from now. He could change it all.

And still, even with such revelation in him, he found himself at an end, at a loss for what to say or what to do, because there were no fucking magic words, or eight step instructions, no fucking nothing, this was him and this was her, and this was him trying his best not to fuck up.

But that was hard, and it always would be hard, even harder as his cellphone began to vibrate upon the table, displaying an incoming call from Freddie. Frank glanced back at his reflection: at his hair sticking out in the wrong places and getting a little too long, at last night's shirt that he'd owned for a good two years now because seriously, he didn't seem to be fucking growing at all, and those jeans with far too many holes in.

He glanced back at his cellphone, and thought of Freddie, thought of what kind of hell he could have gotten himself into now, he thought of Gee and how she'd told him that he didn't have to feel responsible for everything Freddie, but still he thought of being a decent friend, a decent person, and not ignoring someone when they were trying to contact you, because surely there was a fucking reason.

That was something Gee hadn't seemed to get.

Because she wasn't 'perfect' and Frank was perhaps only just beginning to see that.

"Hello?" He asked, holding the phone up to his ear as he looked over his reflection once more, pulling at his shirt, cringing at his frame, at his body and the way it stuck out in places he didn't want it to, and the way he found himself lost in his own reflection, seeing a different person to the one he thought of himself to be in his head.

"Frank, thank god, fuck, I was worried you weren't gonna pick up!" Freddie exclaimed, his tone fast paced, tripping over and making a mess of his words: nerves, narcotics, perhaps a combination of the two, whatever, it wasn't Frank's business.

"Well, I did." Frank let out a sigh, biting his lip, and turning his back to the reflection in the mirror, and focusing instead upon the various posters upon his walls: bands, some having been there so long that the colour upon them had faded a little in places, especially from where the sun had streamed in from the window.

"Yeah," Freddie's words were exasperated and over-emphasised, and Frank was simply growing more concerned by the second, "thank you."

"So, what's up?" Frank asked, "why are you calling me?"

"I have this _problem_." He began, his speech beginning to deteriorate further: nerves, Frank eventually ruled it, although, it was Freddie, so it was highly unlikely that he was completely sober.

"Mmm?" Frank continued, raising his eyebrows, and finding himself glad to remember that Freddie wasn't there to see it.

"Yeah, the thing is, you know my landlord, you know the dick he is, you know... he said I need to pay some bullshit deposit, he said I-"

"You want me to buy more drugs from you." Frank let out a sigh, his head conflicted, and focused upon himself a few years down the line, and what kind of guy he'd be.

"Yeah, I'll give you a discount, you know, cause you're a good guy, Frankie, you're a good guy."

"It's Frank," He let out a sigh, just a little agitated, turning back to his reflection once more, and thinking back to himself at the start of the year: confused, fucked up, drugged up, the scrawny little emo butch lesbian, who no one took serious, fuck he hadn't even taken himself seriously. "My name's Frank."

"Yeah, yeah, sorry, you know, I just said it wrong, fucked up, mistake, don't mean it!" Freddie began, turning on all the pleading tones in his voice, and it was at that point exactly that Frank lost all patience.

"You know when we first met?" He began, turning away from the mirror once again, thinking back several months.

"Y-yeah..." Freddie trailed off, unsure as to where this could possibly be going, "I remember, why?"

"It was at this fucking party, you remember? And I was sat in the corner with a cigarette, and I-"

"You looked like you hated the whole fucking room, the whole fucking world and everyone in it, and that intrigued me." He continued, his tone suddenly becoming clearer, "so I sat down with you, and we were both a little drunk, and I asked you what your name was, and-"

"And you were this weird fucking lanky guy, much older than me that had just sat down with me, and I was like who the _fuck_ is this asshole, and you asked me what was up, and I looked you in the eye and told you bluntly that I wanted to escape reality, that I wanted to kill myself, and I should have known then from the fact that you offered me drugs instead of help, that you acted like it was nothing, that you made it all feel normal, because no it wasn't normal, I was a fourteen year old girl, and you never thought bad of that."

"You never thought bad of me neither, it's not all you, Frank, and you know I need the help, and you're one of my best friends, I-"

"I should have known you were a fucking bad guy, Freddie, you're not my fucking friend, you're just this asshole, this fucked up, manipulative asshole, even if you don't exactly see it, even if I didn't see it before, because I do now."

"Frank?" Freddie exclaimed, his tone breaking a little, "what are you saying?"

"I don't want you in my life anymore."

And with that, he ended the call, holding his cellphone in his hands as he bit his lip: his head on fire, burning with something, regret, perhaps, he couldn't quite tell yet - that was the thing with bad decisions, you didn't tend to know they were the worse of the two choices as you made them.

Frank jumped a little as his cellphone began to vibrate again, this time an incoming call from Gee, and that was certainly something he answered without a doubt.

"Hey-"

"I'm outside your house, can I please, I need to, I'm sorry, just _talk_ ," her tone was worlds away from what Frank had imagined, nervous, quavering a little, but this really wasn't the time to ask her exactly what was going on.

"Yeah, just ring the doorbell, my mum will let you in - she likes you." Frank offered, desperately running his hands through his hair in an effort to make himself look a little less like some sort of emo zombie.

And as Frank was about to end the call, he was certain he heard her voice, muffled slightly, spoken to herself, "thank god _someone_ does."

He bit his lip, sitting down on his bed and running every possible thought in regards to the situation ahead through his head, only then noticing the messages coming in from Freddie, he sighed, shaking his head, turning his phone on silent and placing it face down on the table.

"H-hey..." Gee began, opening the door, brushing her hair from her face as she closed it behind her.

"Hey..." Frank got to his feet, his eyes widening a little as they fell upon her face, "have you been crying? Fuck, Gee, I'm so sorry-" He exclaimed, pulling her into a hug, as close to his chest as possible, almost as if he was indeed terrified that she'd disappear into nothingness if he let go for even a fraction of a second.

"It's not your fault, fuck, this isn't..." She pulled away, turning to Frank's bedroom mirror, "fuck, I look..."

"Beautiful?" Frank offered with a small smile.

"A mess." She corrected him with a sigh. "This is a different thing, this isn't to do with you, I'm sorry, I just had to see you, fuck, I just, you have this impossible way of just making everything better just by being there."

Frank laughed a little at that, "I'm not quite sure that's true, but go on, tell me what happened, please," he sat down on the bed, leaving Gee to follow, leaning into Frank's side a little as she let out a sigh.

"My parents, they're dicks, you know that, everyone fucking knows that, but yeah, I can't fucking deal with them, I just, my grandma's coming to visit at the weekend, and I love her, and I was sat there with Mikey thinking that was the first thing my parents had said to me that had ever really made me happy for years now, and then they say that they need me to look 'normal'... that they don't... they don't want me to 'embarrass them'. They want me to look like a guy, and then my dad said you can look like the gayest fucking guy in the world I don't care, just a _guy_ \- and then Mikey gets up, and looks my dad straight in the eye and tells him to go fuck himself before storming out into the garden, and I don't think anyone breathed for the next thirty seconds, because Mikey's so quiet, and Mikey's the 'good kid', and he's the one they're proud of. And suddenly they're not quite so proud of him anymore, and of course, like everything else," Gee let out a sigh, "it's my fucking fault."

" _Fuck."_ Frank choked out, holding Gee close, pressing a kiss to her lips, "fuck, I... I'm so sorry, I fucking... I could _kill_ them."

"Fuck, please do." She exclaimed, falling back onto the bed with a sigh, one hand still grasping on tight to Frank's. "I don't... I don't even think my grandma would mind, you know? She lives really far and she's not exactly very mobile so we don't see her often, so she's never met me like this, but she's a whole lot of a better person than they are."

"I think you should act like the most womanly woman ever, fuck, you should paint the trans flag onto your forehead just to piss them off."

"Yeah," Gee smiled, "I'd love to do that, but I don't want to make things worse than they already are, because well, I've got to think about Mikey as well, whatever I do, affects him. I guess I just... have to go along with it..."

"No, no you fucking _don't_ , fuck, you can stay at mine that weekend, and you tell Mikey to scream at the top of his lungs the fucking truth when your grandma asks where you are."

Gee smiled, meeting Frank's gaze, everything changing in her head, because it was no longer sorrys and misunderstandings and messy arguments and right and wrongs, it was just simple, yes or no, and that was that.

"I love you, Frank."

-


	19. Who Needs Anyone When You Have A Dog?

Gee had tried her best to avoid all contact with her parents since the incident involving her grandmother and Mikey, well, breaking the illusion of being the 'perfect child', which was, of course, entirely her fault, as things tended to be.

And as Frank found himself busy, with something Gee sincerely hoped didn't involve his drug dealer, or really anything illegal, and Lindsey out with some girl she'd met last week who she definitely had absolutely _zero_ feelings for, Gee found herself sat out in Alicia Simmons' back garden, with Alicia herself, and Alicia's dog.

Alicia's dog was certainly something special, the dog was still insanely cute despite being the dumbest thing in existence and with one those weird messed up crazy dog faces, that made her very unique.

Alicia said she loved her dog more than anything but she was a fucking gross looking idiot; she also said that was precisely why she'd called her dog Jessicka. Jessicka, however, didn't quite agree with Alicia's reasoning there, but Gee, much like everyone else, found it rather amusing.

"I really should get another dog." Alicia seemed to think aloud, focusing upon the sky: in that odd stage where the sun had pretty much set, but the sky wasn't quite _dark_ yet - just an odd shade of dark blue grey. "I mean, who needs a boyfriend, or a girlfriend, or _anyone_ , when you have a dog?"

Gee nodded, scarlet lips parting into a smile, "I should get a dog."

"Yeah, I mean, I'm pretty sure you could count on your dog _not_ to get addicted to cocaine." Alicia had no chill whatsoever, and Gee found herself utterly taken aback each time she was reminded of the aforementioned.

"Yeah..." She let out a sigh, "I could," because yeah, Alicia had a point - there was no way around that, "can't count on a dog to understand me and what it's like being trans - that's something only Frank can do, I reckon."

"You also can't fuck a dog- well you _can_ , but you really shouldn't." Alicia burst into laughter, leaning forward to rub Jessicka's head, Jessicka as in the dog, and not the person.

"Me and Frank haven't fucked yet." Gee added, sighing a little.

"So you can't fuck Frank either! Do you think maybe your boyfriend is actually a dog-"

"It's not him with the fucking thing," Gee interrupted her with a sigh, biting down on her lip and smudging her lipstick in the process, but it was dark, so whatever, "it's me. I really, I'm really fucking uncomfortable with my body, like naked."

"So you're giving up sex because you're scared of what someone who's in love with you is gonna think, like seriously when you're fucking someone, it's far more focused upon the actual fucking than exactly how good you look naked, or how good _you_ think you look naked-"

"I get that, Alicia, I just..." Gee cursed a little as she leaned back against the wall, "it's the whole trans thing, I look like a dude when I take my clothes off. I have a cock, no boobs, no curves, and I can't hide that without clothes."

"I'm pretty sure Frank knows that, and I'm pretty sure he doesn't care, and if he did, he probably would have let you know by now, and anyway, surely, he'd get the same about his body, like you're in it together?" Alicia brought up a good point, as she often did, but Gee shrugged it off, continuing to blush.

"I'm not comfortable with myself at all - I can't look myself in the mirror naked, let alone let someone else look at me naked, and for like a long amount of time, and then there's the _logistics_ of things, like I'm the one with a dick here, so I have to fuck him, and I-"

"Hey, hey, _hey_ , penetrative sex is _not_ the only way to have sex. Also _strap ons_ , also oral sex. There's a million ways around it, and hey who says you have to have typical sex - it's just about having fun and orgasms, and you do that however you feel best." Alicia paused for a moment, "it's not really about the positions thing, is it? You just... you can't bare to see yourself naked, or let him see you naked."

Gee nodded, "and it's fucking stupid, and I fucking know it, and I feel so fucking stupid because I'm still a virgin, and at this rate I feel like I'm gonna be a virgin forever, and not that there's anything wrong with that, I just-"

"You overthink things." Alicia finished for her with a small smile.

" _Everything_." Gee corrected her with that an odd kind of self-deprecating smile.

"You've gotta get comfortable with your own body first, before you're gonna be comfortable with him seeing it. It sounds stupid, but you're gonna have to stop hiding from your naked self - embrace nudity, so to speak."

Gee cringed a little, "fuck I _can't_ do that, I-"

"You can't take your clothes off and sit there alone for maybe an hour? Like not even looking at yourself, just being _naked_?" Alicia asked, finding herself determined to help Gee with this, because hell, Gee was great company and she really had nothing better to do.

"I have a little brother - I can't just sit in my room naked, casually." Gee rolled her eyes, cringing at the notion of Mikey seeing her naked, even of anyone doing so.

"You're making excuses." Alicia noted, "hate to say it, but you are, even if only subconsciously, but yeah. You could sit naked for an hour somewhere else if you're really never home alone."

"What? With Frank? Because that kind of defeats the point of this all? Because if I'm not at home, I'm with Frank." Gee shook her head, trying to shake the idea of this all off completely, but Alicia was deadly stubborn and there was simply no chance in hell that that was happening.

"Where are you now? Because I'm pretty sure you don't live here, and I'm pretty sure neither me nor Jessicka are your boyfriend." Alicia raised her eyebrows, smiling a little.

"You want me to get naked in front of you?" Gee exclaimed, unable to focus properly, "I can't, I- isn't that weird, I mean, I-"

"I'd get naked in front of you. I mean, we're just friends, Gee, it's nothing weird. You have Frank, and I have my dog, so like. And I mean, it's a whole new level of friendship and trust, like Lindsey's seen me naked millions of times and I only made out with her once."

"It's easy for you, though, you're confident, and you look how you want to-"

"Gee, hate to break it to you, honey, but you're not just automatically confident - I had to get comfortable with myself, I had teach myself confidence, and no, I don't look exactly how I want to, but it's unrealistic for me to be perfect - we always find something we don't like about ourselves."

"Stop making this sound like a good idea." Gee let out a sigh, shaking her head.

"Why not? It is one."

-

"I cannot _believe_ you, Mikeyway, that's fucking legendary, oh my god!" Pete exclaimed, finding himself unable to shut up about just what Mikey had yelled at his parents in response to the whole grandmother argument with Gee, ever since he'd first heard about it, in fact, Mikey was getting pretty sick of it by now, but Pete looked so beautiful when he was smiling, even if he was smiling like an idiot - a beautiful idiot, Mikey's beautiful idiot.

"Yeah..." Mikey rolled his eyes, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips; the two sat in Pete's bedroom with some terribly cheesy playlist on in the background, which Pete insisted that he hadn't put together himself, but by this point, nothing was easier for Mikey than figuring out when Pete was lying.

"You don’t sound _quite_ so enthusiastic." Pete noted, fixating his gaze upon Mikey's with an unnecessarily high level of concern. "Is something wrong, come on, Mikeyway-"

"Well, _Pete_..." Mikey let out a sigh, laughing a little as he did so, "it was fucking great the first time you said it, but now I'm kind of tired of hearing you scream on about how great I am, and well, I never really thought I'd say that, but it's true."

"Oh my _god_!" Pete gushed, leaning into Mikey's side, "stop being so fucking _modest_ , you're like a fucking hero, god your dad's face though, I would have paid like serious fucking money to see that- like a _million_ dollars-"

"Pete, you're thirteen, I seriously doubt you have a million dollars hanging around just to throw in the face of time travel or whatever." Mikey let out a sigh, but felt himself unable to stop smiling; there was something addictive about that idiotic smile of Pete's, he reckoned, not that he'd ever tell him so.

"You don't know me, Mikeyway, what if I do?" Pete raised his eyebrows a little, his expression growing a little sterner as if he actually believed that he could get Mikey to believe him. "What if I do have a million dollars?"

"If you _do_ have a million dollars then I'm really going to complain about that shitty card you made me last week - with all the goddamn _glitter_ , man, I think I still have glitter all over my bedroom." Mikey exclaimed, shuddering a little as he remembered the card Pete had made for him at like eleven at night because he 'cared so much about him'.

"It's the thought that counts, not how much money I put into that card, anyway, not like I had to make you it-"

"You were bored." Mikey narrowed his eyes, hitting Pete with what was indeed the truth.

"Well, _yes_ , but that wasn't the only reason, I also made it because you're Mikeyway, and I like you a hell of a lot, and also because I really fucking _love_ glitter-"

"You know what?" Mikey let out a sigh, running a hand back through his hair, and _of course_ , finding a little bit of fucking _purple_ glitter as he did so, "I don't, not anymore at least. I'm beginning to think that glitter's actually even more annoying than you."

Pete pouted a little in response, before continuing to laugh, "didn't think that was possible, Mikeyway. Then again, didn't think it was possible for someone to be genuinely perfect, but then I met you, didn't I?"

"Pete, you're such an _ass_." Mikey shook his head, failing to listen to a single word Pete was saying, and realistically, that was doing him some good.

"Oh, but you _love_ ass, don't you?" Pete laughed his head off, leaving Mikey bemused, more than anything, but still feeling horrifically blessed just to be in Pete's presence.

"God, you're vile." Mikey rolled his eyes, "and no, I don't love vile-"

"Mmm... okay..." Pete let out a sigh, leaning back against his bedroom wall as he considered suitable puns to use in his current situation.

"I think something's going on with Gee." Mikey said out of nowhere, after barely a minute and a half of silence had passed.

Pete jolted up immediately at that moment, meeting Mikey's gaze with a whole new level of concern, "why?"

Mikey shrugged a little, biting his lip, "more of a feeling than anything logical, I mean, instinct I don't know. I know her well though, and just _something's_ off."

"Off how?" Pete continued to ask, biting his lip as he rid all thoughts of puns in order to help Mikey through this; he reckoned it was probably nothing - Mikey had this habit of overworrying, but still, he was going to be there for him.

"I just..." Mikey shrugged again, blushing as he found himself unable to form any kind of explanation, "there's something _weird_ going on, like that night, you know that night- like I mean, I know I overreacted, but she just wouldn't _do_ that, and now she's spending hardly any time at home and I just, she's pissed off all the time too-"

"Maybe she's on her period?" Pete suggested.

"Pete, she doesn't..." Mikey blushed a little, "she doesn't have a period."

"Oh _fuck_ , sorry, I mean, I forget sometimes, but that's not necessarily _bad_ , is it?" Pete exclaimed, speaking entirely too fast, rendering himself nothing short of an apologetic mess, but he meant well, fuck, Pete always meant well, and Mikey didn't know what he'd done to deserve a boyfriend like him.

"It's fine." Mikey smiled, reaching out for Pete's hand.

"Maybe it's the trans thing, like I mean, I don't know exactly what's going on in her head and I can't relate, but I mean with your parents and the whole grandma thing, and well, do you think she's gonna be happy and want to spend much time around them?" Pete brought up what was a surprisingly valid point.

"Yeah, but it started before that." Mikey sighed a little, "I mean I _could_ just ask her, but I doubt she's gonna want to answer me - she's been weird like that lately, like she's purposefully _hiding_ something."

"You could ask Frank, I mean, I don't think there's anyone in this world closer to Gee than Frank." Pete again came up with a perfectly valid suggestion, shocking Mikey.

"I thought myself, I mean, I'm her _brother_." Mikey let out a sigh, "I'm just worried - it's okay to be worried, isn't it?"

"Course it is." Pete nodded, "I'd be worried about you."

Mikey smiled, leaning into Pete's side as he grabbed his cellphone, sending Frank some sort of casual text message, that vaguely conveyed the meaning of what the fuck is going on with my sister, without sounding too weird, or causing alarm if Gee looked at his phone or something.

"You're such a good brother, you know?" Pete added, running his fingers through Mikey's hair, "I'd be a fucking _shit_ brother."

"Yeah, you'd be giving people fucking glitter all the time. Your hypothetical sibling would probably behead you." Mikey laughed a little, leaving Pete to pout in a state of insanely overemphasised protest.

-

Frank was wondering if he was perhaps spending _too_ much time around Ray.

The thing was, Ray had this odd kind of grounding effect upon him, for a start, Ray was generally just a really fucking calm person, and Frank was in dire need of those kinds of vibes right now, but it had occurred to him, even if only recently, that Ray had a life of his own, and perhaps didn't entirely appreciate Frank spending all of his time around him.

Frank just couldn't sit at home, sit in his bedroom, sit at home, in his bedroom, and _think_ , because it was the act of thinking that usually gave him the stupid kind of ideas that went and fucked his entire life up, and Frank really wasn't quite so much of a fan of those anymore.

And there was also the fact that his mum had found this guy who she _insisted_ wasn't her boyfriend, just a friend, this is Eric, he's a sweetheart, what a lovely best friend, don't you think my friend Eric has a lovely figure- _yeah_ , Frank wanted to get the fuck away from that, and 'Eric' and whoever the fuck he thinks he is.

Frank also spent a lot of time with Gee, but Gee had fucking demon parents and a little brother to look after, and well other friends, and they didn't spend really as much time together as they used to, of course they still texted a lot, but maybe Frank thought this was in some way for the better, especially after the initial head over heels mess feeling had dissipated a little, and he found himself seeing Gee as more of a person and less of this angelic being who had blessed Earth with her ethereal presence and taste in short skirts.

And well, Frank wasn't even that accustomed to being fully conscious for so much of his day, fuck, for literally _all_ of his day, because the small amounts of weed he'd managed to smoke when he'd had some time to do so hadn't nearly had the same effect as the coke had had. But, being off the coke was for the better, and Freddie could hate him for all he fucking cared - perhaps he was better off without him too, fuck perhaps Frank didn't know.

But what he did know was that he was getting severely fucking twitchy, _all_ the time, on edge - sober wasn't fun, and Ray wasn't even the kind of person that was down for getting shitfaced drunk at every opportunity, but Ray actually still had some form of patience for him, which Frank definitely reckoned was some form of modern miracle, because he was even beginning to annoy himself.

Needless to say, he'd gotten through about seven packs of cigarettes in the past two days.

"Dude, seriously, calm down with the smoking," Ray laughed a little as he made his way back into his bedroom to find Frank curled up: knees to his chest, on the windowsill, with the window slightly open at the end opposite to the one he was curled up against, cigarette in hand, and one leg from the knee down dangling out of the window in a way that really wasn't safe at all, but by this point, Ray had entirely given up when it came to getting Frank to act like someone without a death wish.

Frank made a sound akin to that of a dying cat as he narrowed his eyes at Ray, exhaling a puff of smoke as he locked eyes with him, "I think I'll die if I stop smoking-"

"I think you'll die if you don't." Ray added, raising his eyebrows a little as he attempted to move some of the mess from his bed, in order to have somewhere to sit as he grabbed his laptop.

"Hey, so then it's good, I die either way, I'd rather smoke, thanks for the advice, though!" Frank exclaimed, leaving Ray to roll his eyes a little.

"There's definitely something up with you." Ray noted, having come to such a conclusion at least three days ago, but Frank hadn't really stopped talking long enough for him to actually voice it.

"Hmm..." Frank let out a sigh, raising his eyebrows slightly, "perhaps. What kind of thing were you thinking?"

"I don't know, man, you're on edge as hell." Ray pointed out the blatantly obvious as he started his laptop up, "did something happen with you and Gee or-"

"No, nothing really, it's just _fuck_ , I'm fucking pissed off at everything, man, my mum, fucking 'Eric', Gee, Freddie, fucking Lindsey motherfucking Ballato-"

"Lindsey Ballato?" Ray laughed a little at that - _everyone_ had heard of Lindsey Ballato. "What the fuck did you do?"

"I didn't do anything, she just fucking seems to think that I'm a bad boyfriend, and it's like _excuseme_ , I'm dating Gee, and just because she's your best friend, does _not_ mean she's you." Frank rolled his eyes in disbelief.

"Your girlfriend's best friend is Lindsey Ballato?" Ray fucking laughed at that, "good thing you don't have balls, dude, because if you did, the moment you even so much of thought of fucking up, she'd come over and chop them off."

"Very fucking helpful." Frank narrowed his eyes, finishing his cigarette, and of course, immediately lighting another, "Gee's not like Lindsey, though, she's just... fuck, I think she _is_ becoming more and more like Lindsey... _man_. I love her like fuck, though," Frank sighed a little, "she told me she loves me, did I tell you that?"

"Only like seven times."

"And I think there's something up with all these fucking people, like man, maybe there's something up with, I mean, I'm kind of a difficult person, aren't I? But like, Eric has no right to come and fucking act like he's my mum's boyfriend or even knows her, and Lindsey has no right to act like she controls Gee's life, and Gee has no right to act like she controls mine, and Freddie..."

"Who actually _is_ Freddie?" Ray asked.

Frank let out a sigh, "just some guy, some _fucking_ guy. I don't know him anymore."

-


	20. vague levels of emotional trauma rn

Gee just couldn't take being around to take the blame for every fucking thing, and to be misgendered even more so than before, and although she knew she had to be there for Mikey, she had to think of herself, and her own sanity, and what she could take.

And for the past two days she'd left the house at six in the morning, before anyone else had woken up and returned close to midnight, avoiding contact with her parents and Mikey too. She'd sent a text to Mikey this time, explaining it all, but still she felt guilty, because although they didn’t blame Mikey, she couldn't imagine that he had much of a good time with parents like that.

She'd spent her time outside, fuck, a shocking amount of time outside, either with Lindsey, Frank, or Alicia, having grown very close to Alicia recently, and also finding herself idolising her in an odd way too. Still, she felt guilty that she couldn't be there for Mikey all the time, but she knew by this point that she couldn't take much more of her parents' bullshit, and that this was the right thing to do, well, perhaps not the _right_ thing, but the only option she had that made sense.

She found herself outside Frank's house that morning, come something like eight am, not expecting Frank to be awake, of course, but Mrs Iero knew her well enough to just let her in without question, she felt as if Frank's mother felt that something was up, especially with all the time she was spending at Frank's as of late, but she hadn't said anything, and for that, Gee was grateful as fuck.

Gee made her way up to Frank's room with little more than a 'good morning, how are you?' from his mother, and a concerned smile that reinforced Gee's suspicions that Mrs Iero was beginning to wonder just what was going on in her life.

She brushed it off by the the time she reached his bedroom door, knocking once and receiving no reply before pushing it open to reveal Frank and another boy she didn't recognise asleep on the floor. She rolled her eyes a little, closing the door behind her and making her way over to them.

The boy beside him was taller than Frank, with a brown afro and a trail of saliva dribbling out of his mouth, which was indeed a wonderful first impression. Frank himself had his head against the other boy's shoulder and his hair sticking up in tufts at odd angles.

Gee let out a little cough, reaching for Frank's head and moving it so he was pointed vaguely in her direction, " _Frank?_ " She tried, tapping his cheek a little, " _Frank_?" She tried again, raising her voice a little, but of course, _nothing_.

The boy beside him, however, "wha-... _fuck_?" He peered up at Gee, his eyes widened a little, rubbing them before stretching and accidentally punching Frank in the side as he did so, and at that point, Frank finally woke up, falling onto Gee's leg and letting out an undecipherable mess of syllables and incomplete words.

"Frank?" Gee asked again, laughing a little as she brushed his hair from his face.

Frank leaned back, yawning a little and finally seeming to make sense of what was happening, "Gee? What's happening?"

"Dude, that's your _girlfriend_?" The other boy interjected before Gee could really think of what she was supposed to say, "goddamn- I-..." He then looked up, meeting Gee's gaze and a pair of raised eyebrows. "I'm Ray... Gee, isn't it?"

"Yeah," she nodded, tucking her hair behind her ears, "and exactly when did you go to sleep last night?"

"Like two hours ago." Frank mumbled, reaching for Gee's hand and stumbling to his feet, "did my mum let you in? Fuck, I look like _shit_." Frank groaned, fixating upon his reflection in the mirror.

"Cute shit." Gee corrected him, smiling a little, "but yeah, you could have done with more sleep."

"We went out to this really cool park on the other side of town, at like midnight, yeah, but yeah I ran out of cigarettes and I got bored, and Ray refused to buy me anymore like the _asshole_ he is-"

"Dude, you've smoked about seven thousand in the past couple of days!" Ray exclaimed, getting up and rubbing his eyes, "it's kind of concerning, like seriously, I am your lungs telling you to calm the fuck down."

"Let him smoke," Gee let out a sigh, "I don't like it either, but it's better than the alternative."

"What alternative?" Ray asked, his eyes widening a little, leaving Gee to glance at Frank and raise her eyebrows.

She shrugged, deciding it was better not to start an argument right now, "him being a bitchy little shit, you know what I mean."

"Hmm..." Ray looked unconvinced, pulling out his cellphone to check the time, "I should probably go, I mean, I guess you two want some time alone, I realise I'm the third wheel. Thanks for letting me sleep on your floor." Ray shot Frank a smile before making his way out the room and down the stairs.

Gee stood there for a moment, before making her way over to Frank: still far too caught up in his appearance, unable to take his eyes away from his reflection. She placed a kiss to his cheek, successfully grabbing his attention, "I didn't get much sleep either. We could just cuddle and go back to sleep if you want."

"Yeah," Frank smiled, blushing a little, "can't look at you with my eyes closed, though."

"You're ridiculous." Gee rolled her eyes, making her way over to the bed and gesturing for Frank to follow, "you can't look at me either when you get so sleep deprived your eyeballs fall out."

"I'm not quite sure that's how it works." Frank raised his eyebrows but followed his girlfriend nonetheless. "When did you get that jacket?" He asked, watching as she put the leather jacket she'd been wearing at the end of Frank's bed. "Looks good on you."

"Oh, it's Alicia's." She explained, blushing a little, "I spent a lot of time at hers yesterday and then it was raining when I was about to leave and I didn't have a jacket, so, yeah."

"God, why are all your friends incredibly punk rock and even more intimidating?" Frank let out a sigh as he curled up next to Gee.

"Am I not punk rock and intimidating?" Gee asked, raising her eyebrows a little.

"Nah, you're a cute little princess who couldn't hurt anyone-"

"Little? Says you, fucking Frodo Baggins over here!"

"Shut up." Frank rolled his eyes as he buried his face into her chest.

-

And with the less Mikey was seeing off Gee, the more he was seeing of Pete, and it wasn't like there was anything between the two of them, truth be told, he hated being alone, and he hated being alone with his parents, because despite how quick they'd been to pin the blame on Gee, he couldn't help but feel as if they suspected something else was up, and something else in the lines of the truth.

Something in just where Mikey was spending all his time, something in just with who Mikey was spending all his time. And it wasn't like they could execute him on the spot on suspicion only, and it wasn't like they were going to follow him around, but still, Mikey found himself uneasy and unable to give Pete his full attention as his boyfriend told him what had happened in his maths lesson earlier that day.

Mikey hated it, because he wanted to give Pete his full attention, fuck, Pete _deserved_ his full attention, but he had a lot going on his head as of late, and especially with Gee being gone all the time, he had his concerns as to where exactly she was, and who exactly she was with, and what exactly she was doing, and whether she was okay or not.

Because yeah, their parents had taken it too far this time, and Gee had the right to time to herself, but as her brother, Mikey most definitely had the right to worry too. They'd exchanged text messages, but only a few, and it just wasn't enough to stop Mikey from freaking out, from overthinking everything, and from being continuously determined that this was all his fault, despite how much Pete and Gee had made it clear that what he'd said to his parents was pretty awesome.

The thing was, however, that Mikey just didn't feel awesome at all.

And it was visible, fuck, Pete had even noticed. "You okay, Mikeyway?" He moved closer to his boyfriend, reaching out for Mikey's hand and linking their fingers, cursing a little as he felt how cold Mikey was. "Fuck, you're cold- do I need to _warm you up_?" He broke out into a grin, meeting Mikey's gaze, however receiving little in the way of a response from the taller boy.

Mikey simply shrugged, and before he knew what was happening, Pete was pulling him up from where he was sat on his bed and into a hug, "Pete?" Mikey exclaimed, a little startled, but soon finding his arms around Pete as he just sat there for a moment.

"You're cold and upset, fuck, I failed on two counts, didn't I?" Pete let out a sigh, rubbing Mikey's back a little and pressing a kiss to his cheek, "what's wrong, Mikeyway? Because there _is_ something wrong."

"Yeah," Mikey nodded, moving so he was sat beside Pete, knees pulled up to his chest, before continuing, "your heating's not on."

Pete laughed a little, rolling his eyes before getting up and grabbing a hoodie from his cupboard, "there you go." He said, throwing it at Mikey, "it's not even that cold, dude, are you _sure_ you're not sick?"

"Sick of you." Mikey commented, laughing a little, smiling at Pete to ensure he knew he was joking. "Wow, this actually isn't too small for me," he commented, staring down at himself in Pete's hoodie.

"Yeah, because you're lanky as fuck." Pete grinned, pressing a kiss to Mikey's lips, "keep it, it looks better on you than it does me."

"Are you serious?" Mikey raised his eyebrows, not quite sure what to make of that.

"Okay, truth be told, maybe there's just _something_ about seeing you in my hoodie." Pete admitted, blushing as he leaned his head into Mikey's side. "Granted, it's not my favourite hoodie. I mean, you're cute as fuck, Mikeyway, but like my _favourite hoodie_. I wouldn't go that far."

"I wouldn't expect you to." Mikey smiled, leaning back against Pete's bedroom wall and exhaling loudly, just thinking for a moment. "I'm worried about Gee."

"No offense, Mikey, but you're literally _always_ worried about Gee." Pete smiled a little, looking up at his boyfriend, "and you know the last seven thousand times, she was _always_ alright. I have a sixth sense about these things, don't you think? Gee's fine, and you should stop worrying about everything."

"It's just with my parents, you know, and she's out of the house _all_ the time now, like I don't even really know where she is, who she's with, what she's doing, I-"

"Mikey, you sound like you're her mum and not her brother, calm down," Pete sat up a little, taking  what was a totally necessary moment to adjust his fringe, before meeting Mikey's gaze and continuing, well, you see with his fringe as it was usually, he couldn't really see Mikey properly, and he was trying to make a vaguely serious point here, so he might as well go all out, fringe and all- _anyway_ , "she's fine, I'm ninety nine percent sure that she's fine. She's probably just staying at Frank's, look come on, you don't want to be at home, so you go to mine, your boyfriend's, so she'd go to Frank's, and we've come to conclude that Frank is a nice person and not an axe murderer by now, so there's nothing to worry about in regards to Gee being at Frank's house."

"But I just, I feel like she's upset somehow, and I-"

"And you don't think Frank would be doing all he could to make her feel better and sort it out, you know, like I'm doing for you, right now," Pete grinned a little, "you're being just a little bit silly, Mikeyway, I'm sorry, but it's true."

"Yeah," he let out a sigh, "I just, care too much, I guess."

"And that's not a _bad_ thing, not necessarily, in fact, that shows what a lovely compassionate person you are, I mean, not everyone gives so much of a shit as you do - it's vaguely impressive, and I know that if I ever went missing you would absolutely give all you had to ensure I got found, even if you ended up crippling your mental state with worry-"

"Pete, _please_ don't talk about that." Mikey sighed, leaning into his boyfriend's side, "thank you, you're too nice to me, and I'm sorry because I really wasn't listening to what you were saying before, like _at all_ -"

"Wasn't anywhere near as important as your problems, don't worry about it." Pete smiled, reaching out and brushing Mikey's hair from his face, "you're really beautiful, you know that?"

Mikey found himself blushing instantly, "shut up."

"You shouldn't silence the _truth_." Pete continued, grinning to himself, "should you now, Mikeyway?"

-

Gee was perhaps not as alright as Pete had insisted.

But at least Mikey thought she was.

At least Mikey couldn't see her sat in Alicia's bedroom having some form of mild mental breakdown, having made her way out of Frank's house with him still asleep and no form of explanation, something she knew she shouldn't have done, but she was having a fuck ton of trouble when it came to thinking rationally.

She'd been woken up by a text, a text from her parents, a text about coming home, an angry text, about what her grandmother would think, but of course, 'her' wasn't the pronoun her parents had used, and that had made it all so much worse, and she couldn't handle Frank seeing her crying, and she looked like a mess, and she was a mess, and she was barely even certain of what was happening anymore as she sat on Alicia Simmons' bedroom floor and cried.

Alicia was sat beside her, not entirely sure as to what to do or say, but pulling her into a hug, and for the time being, for Gee, that was enough.

"You know, I wish you'd let us beat up your parents," Alicia began, speaking for the first time in the ten minutes dictated entirely by Gee's sobs. "They fucking deserve it. And we totally could, although I think Chantal might find moral issues with it, but Chantal can find moral issues with drinking water."

Gee looked up at that, laughing a little: an awkward kind of broken, short-lived, giggle.

"You think I'm over exaggerating, but _no_ , that happened, that fucking happened, Gee Way, I tell you." Alicia exclaimed, smiling as Gee continued to laugh a little more, "we were eating lunch like two months ago and Chantal was going on about how drinking cheap bottled water was unethical because taking it from rivers disrupts habitats and ecosystems, and 'kills animals', like honey, have you heard of rain?"

"She doesn't need to worry, with the amount of crying I've been doing recently, no little badgers are gonna die of thirst." Gee let out a sigh, wiping her eyes and even more of her make up off with it, she groaned as she met her reflection in Alicia's mirror. "Fuck it, do you have some make up wipes?"

"Yeah," Alicia nodded, grabbing a packet off her desk and watching as Gee attached to clean up her face in the mirror.

"I'm a wreck." Gee confessed, "a serious fucking wreck. I don't know how to deal with myself, I don't know how I expect other people too."

"Hey, don't say that, you're lovely, and we care about you, I for one, do not give a shit as to how many times you've cried recently, I mean, scientifically, isn't it that crying makes things better? I don't know, I'm not clever, but like doesn't do something to your brain?"

Gee shrugged, "I don't know, I guess, I can't help it really. I just, my parents are dicks, Frank... you know he has issues, and I have to be there for him, and then I feel so obligated to make sure that Mikey's okay, and my parents aren't helping that, and with all this, I'm still so fucked up and insecure in myself." She groaned, meeting her reflection in the mirror, "and I hate how I look without make up, seriously look at me, I look so much more masculine, and it's the _worst_ thing in the world."

"Nah, you know what the worst thing in the world is?" Alicia asked, brushing her hair away from her face.

"What?" Gee asked.

"The fact that you're so insanely beautiful and still so unsure of yourself, and all this self hatred. I just don't get it - it's horrible. You're such an amazing person, Gee." Alicia let out a sigh, "you're not make up and you're not skirts, those don't define you, those don't define your gender, and your gender doesn't define you. You're Gee Way and you're a person, you're a beautiful person with hazel eyes and dark brown- wait, is it black? I don't know, _dark_ hair, you're five foot seven, you're creative, you're kind, you have patience, and a wonderful fashion sense, also you're like an angel, I swear to God. You're so much more than what you think you are."

Gee nodded, pausing to think for a moment, before her cellphone began vibrating in her pocket, "I'm also someone who forgot to tell her boyfriend where the fuck she went." Gee quickly came to realise, accepting the call from Frank and preparing to practically shower him in apologies.

"Okay, so where the _fuck_ are you?" Frank exclaimed, his tone making it evident that he'd been freaking the fuck out.

"Sorry, I just, I kind of had a breakdown, and I didn't want you to see me in that state. I'm with Alicia, at her house, and I'm okay now, I'm just, not okay generally, Frank, I mean I guess I'm just figuring that out now, but you get it, don't you? I fucking hate myself, Frank, and I'm trying not to, but I do, and everything's a bit too much right now and I don't quite know how to handle myself."

Frank followed her words with a painstaking few moments of silence, "I love you," he uttered, "I'm so sorry. I _love_ you, Gee. I don't want you to feel like this, I just, why didn't you want me to see you crying?"

"Truth be told, I look horrible without make up on." She laughed a little, gaining a shove and a glare from Alicia, who made it well known that she didn't agree.

"Oh, Gee, that's not true," Frank let out a sigh, "you're beautiful whatever."

"Alicia said that too, goddamn it, why are you both so fucking cringey?" Gee let out a sigh, "I love you too, though. Are you alright if I stay at Alicia's for a couple of hours?"

"Course I am, whatever's best for you."

But perhaps that wasn't quite true, perhaps Frank was a little more jealous than he'd ever let on.

-


	21. It's Not A Bad Dick

Gee found herself laid on her bedroom floor; her head most definitely elsewhere, off in some other universe as time ticked by: the world getting away from her, and the muffled sounds of her father yelling at her mother downstairs.

But none of that mattered, because come tomorrow she'd be staying with Frank, and they'd struggle to explain just where she was to her grandmother, who would ask, because she had indeed always liked Gee, well, she'd like Gerard, and from that, Gee hoped to god she'd like her the very same regardless of her gender.

Unlike her parents, evidently - she wondered how they could even call themselves parents if they could hate their children for being themselves. Gee was a girl, Mikey had a boyfriend, and that was for them indeed all the trouble in the world, and it was all so fucking _trivial_ : nothingness, irrelevant, especially in the scheme of things and the universe and _everything_.

And Gee laughed.

She laid her head back into carpet and laughed.

Because she was beyond the point of feeling sorry for them: certain that they no longer deserved any form of sympathy, because as obvious as it sounded, understanding required understanding, and if they weren't willing to understand her gender and Mikey's sexuality, then she wasn't willing to understand that perhaps things were hard for them, and that perhaps they'd find themselves in an uncomfortable situation with grandma tomorrow.

Gee just laughed.

Because somehow she reckoned that this was going to change things, and she'd been so fucking bored of this all: this house this mess, and in that light, change was the most welcome thing in the world.

But of course, none of it would matter come tomorrow when she was in Frank's bedroom, in Frank's arms, listening to his stories, and smiling at his mother, because Frank's mother, unlike Gee's actually _tried_ , and sure, Gee had heard her slip up and call her son 'Frankie' once or twice, but it was accidentally and she'd corrected herself, apologised, felt embarrassed, whereas, not once in the past two years had Gee heard anything but 'Gerard' from her parents.

She laughed, because they were stupid, and they were wrong, and she was sixteen, and in another two years she'd never have to see them again; she imagined running away with Frank the very moment she became an adult, and just waving this fucking world good bye, but she didn't know if she could quite ever bring herself to leave Mikey.

It was bad for Mikey here, but it was bad for her too.

She let out a sigh, brushing her hair from her face and sitting up: meeting her reflection in the mirror: bare faced for perhaps once in the past few years, because suddenly she found herself so used to the bullshit that it was insignificant, and she looked herself in the mirror and smiled, because it didn't matter at all - this was just a face, and she never had to be perfect, she should never have striven to be.

And it certainly wasn't the products she put on her face that defined her gender, or the clothes she wore, or what was between her legs, but what was in her head: what she felt was right, and she'd _known_ that, but she'd never really _felt_ it.

Because suddenly everything was so small and insignificant and the world just meant nothing at all, because her whole life, her whole existence, _everything_ was all temporary, all in her head, and her gender, her fucking parents, what people thought of her, her virginity, everything meant nothing in the scheme of things, because it was less of what happened to her and more of what she made happen.

And in the silence as her parents stopped arguing downstairs, she laid back and really thought, thought about herself, the future, the world, everything, and Frank, and Mikey, and Lindsey, and Alicia, but not her father and not her mother because they didn't matter in the slightest at all. She just wanted to be happy; she wanted things to work out with Frank, and she wanted to turn about on herself in perhaps five years time and laugh like she had before, because it was all fucking meaningless and all fucking temporary.

And make up was just make up, and a mother was just a mother, and a father was just a father, and a dick was just a dick. And it was obviously so, but not quite as obviously so simple, because they were indeed nothing at all, they didn't define her, they didn't affect her, as long as she stopped them from doing so at least.

And such a realisation was unbelievable, as she sat there in her room and drowned in the obvious nature of it all, and glanced back to face herself in the mirror, and smiled, and remembered herself two years ago: scared, scared of this all and what could become of her, and two years later, everything was just that little bit better, and two years further forward, things would again be just that little bit better.

It was with that that Gee got up and looked at her reflection in the mirror: properly, staring herself down, letting minutes pass and remembering every intricate detail of her appearance that she'd lost in forgetting herself and forming this hateful image of herself.

And for the first time she seemed to find herself comfortable in her appearance, in her existence even, and indeed how little it mattered.

Minutes flew by of simple eye contact with herself, and then, Alicia's voice in her head, and Gee dared herself to do it. Dared herself to look further, to pull her shirt off and _look_ at her chest, look at the definite absence of curves: everything flat and oddly angular besides her stomach, which protruded slightly, and still it didn't matter, and then her skirt, and she glanced at her legs, just as curve devoid as her torso, and then what lay between her thighs.

Her dick.

And it wasn't a bad dick.

But it was a _dick_.

And she didn't like that.

She didn't like it at all.

But it certainly didn't matter as much as she seemed to think it did.

-

Frank had been a little shit already, and that was _before_ he was trying to quit snorting coke, so imagining just how much of a shit he was now... well, let's just say that Frank was a _colossal_ shit when he was trying to quit snorting coke.

But he was trying, and he really did deserve credit for that, even if Ray was unaware of all of that, because Ray was still stuck with this image that Frank did nothing worse than smoke some pot once in a while, and Ray was really quite wrong indeed, but Frank would let him be wrong, let him be innocent, because he needed that one person who remained unable to judge him.

Because as much as he knew Gee loved him, he couldn't shake the feeling that somehow his every move and every action was under her surveillance, and that everything suddenly mattered much more than it should: skewed out of proportion into one hell of a mess: a fucking hurricane like mess, and Frank was right there at the eye of the storm.

Because he really just wanted, more than anything to give up, to ring Freddie, apologise, bring him back into his life, and drown all of his problems, and all of his worries out as he let consciousness slip from him. Because fuck, Frank was forced to resort to actually talking to people now, and he really wasn't sure as to how he could possibly be expected to do that.

He _trusted_ Ray, and yeah, he trusted Gee, but he barely even trusted himself with what went on inside his own head, and needless to say, he was most certainly nowhere near comfortable with uttering it aloud. But here he found himself, doing just that.

And Ray, as Ray did, always seemed to care.

Even as Frank continued to bite his fingernails, even as Frank continued to fuck up his life, even as Frank continued to be a pretty shit friend, even as Frank continued to lie to him, lie to him about what kind of person he really was, Ray still cared, but Frank was doubtful that Ray would think all that much of him if the truth ever came out.

Because Frank was a coke addict, and there was very little way around that.

Sure, he was trying to quit, but his main basis for doing so was just how much he didn't like seeing Gee angry with him, and truth be told, he really didn't have all that much faith in himself, and it more or less seemed like that he was either going to die as a result of his cocaine addiction, or die trying to quit.

Because he was lumped with this awful twisting feeling in his stomach and what seemed like a constant headache, and it really felt like it was killing him, and of course, his first result when it came to anything like this, or anything he wanted to avoid really, was... was coke.

Fucking _cocaine_.

And then pot.

And then cigarettes.

And then beer.

And then just whatever else he could find that would get him out of it.

Fuck, he didn't reach actually talking to his best friend or his girlfriend until he came to something like plan G. Funny that was. Plan Gee. The plan he could never quite get round to because his whole existence seemed to revolve around what Gee Way thought of him, and he felt himself constantly treading on glass in order to ensure he didn't fuck that all up, because if he did, he just didn't know what he was supposed to do at all.

Go back to cocaine, he assumed.

Get something stronger.

Because that's what he seriously craved right then.

Hell, he'd never tried heroin. And wasn't there always a first time for everything?

But he doubted that Ray would much appreciate him storming out of Ray's bedroom in order to go inject himself with heroin, especially since Ray was waffling on about the importance of talking to and trusting people, just right as Frank found himself certain that _any_ alternative was the better alternative.

He was a mess, and Ray knew it. Ray knew it well, Ray was just too polite to say what he really thought a lot of the time, and perhaps that was the main reason as to why he and Frank were still such good friends.

Frank found himself laughing a little at that: amused, in an odd kind of self-depreciating way, because what had he left other than self-depreciation?

"What?" Ray raised his eyebrows, meeting Frank's gaze, and it was only then that Frank really processed the fact that the curly haired boy had been speaking and most likely of something with some sort of vague importance, and well, Frank had been laughing: laughing at something inside his own head, but laughing nevertheless.

"Oh... I..." Frank trailed off, pulling his knees up to his chest as he leaned further back against Ray's bedroom wall. "I kind of got lost in my own head... a little out of it, you know?"

"Yeah." Ray nodded, letting out a sigh as he moved closer to Frank. "You've been 'out of it' a lot recently. It's worrying, you know? And I feel like Gee knows why, well she either knows why or she doesn't give that much of a shit about you, and well, she _obviously_ gives a shit about you, so..." Ray trailed off, pulling his gaze up to meet Frank's.

"So what?" Frank asked, biting his lip a little, because Ray was definitely onto him, much as Frank had suspected that he was. "I'm worrying you? Sorry, I guess... I... I didn't mean to, I-"

"Frank, fucking cut the shit...." Ray shook his head, pausing momentarily. "What is it? What's going on? Come _on_ , you can tell me, can't you?"

Frank shrugged, because he quite honestly didn't know if he could. "I... I.. don't-"

"You _can_." Ray assured him, reaching out and placing a hand on his shoulder, "there's definitely been something up with you recently, and it has to be something big, because you can see it physically too."

Frank nodded, slouching back against Ray's wall, and exhaling, spacing out a little, raking his gaze over the numerous posters upon his best friend's bedroom wall, upon the way some of them appeared to have been there for years: old, and peeling at the corners, the colour bleached away by the sun in places.

"Well..." Frank let out a sigh, turning away from Ray, "I'm trying to _quit_... like an addiction... thing..."

"An addiction thing?" Ray looked a little skeptical, but tried his best not to put Frank off make him feel particularly uncomfortable; Ray was just a fucking nice person like that.

"Yeah..." Frank nodded.

"An addiction to what?" He dared to ask, wondering if Frank was at all prepared to give him any form of response, wondering whether Frank was at all obliged to give him any form of response, wondering what he could even do for him if he knew, _sure_ , he could be there emotionally, as a friend, but Ray knew for sure that he was hardly an expert when it came to addiction.

"Doesn't matter," Frank shrugged, sitting up a little.

"Talking to people about things is a good way to get rid of stress, you know-"

"Doesn't matter," Frank reiterated, getting up and rolling the sleeves of his hoodie down. "Doesn't _fucking_ matter."

"Where are you going?" Ray asked, concern in his eyes as he sat up a little more.

" _Home_."

"Frank, I, I'm _sorry,_ I-"

"Doesn't fucking matter, Ray, does it?" And with that, the shorter boy slammed Ray's bedroom door behind him, and Ray was left there, sat on his bed, not at all sure as to what he could do besides go to sleep, it was late, and Frank was hardly in the mood to listen, let alone cooperate with him.

-

Mikey sat at the kitchen table the next morning, staring intently into his cereal, doing an impeccable job when it came to pretending not to know where his sister was, as his mother and father continued to argue, and yell, and well, really do anything besides worry for Gee's safety.

He hated this.

He really did.

And part of him wished he could go and stay at Frank's for a while too- well, okay maybe not in the same house as his sister and her boyfriend, but really anywhere but here, because he fucking _hated_ his parents, and he knew how conceited it sounded when he said that, but really, even at the young age of thirteen, Mikey had run out of fucks to give, and he blamed that very much upon his parents.

And they deserved that blame.

Just as much as they deserved the stress of this whole situation, of not knowing where their 'son' was when grandma was coming over soon, grandma who hadn't seen them in years, and grandma who would utter overenthusiastic comments about how much much Mikey had grown, and ask him harmlessly as to whether he had a girlfriend yet, and really, all of that fucking heteronormative bullshit that Mikey wanted to destroy with all of his being. But still, he loved his grandma, because she didn’t mean to be an ass about things like this, but Mikey was more than fucking certain that his parents did.

And they reinforced that certainty with every time they uttered the name 'Gerard'.

And even though Gee wasn't around to hear it, Mikey still hated it with every fiber of his being, with everything he had, and with everything he didn't, because most of all, he cared about his sister.

"Mikey, dear, are you sure Gerard didn't say anything to you about where he went?" His mother sat down beside him, tapping him upon the arm and facing him with what was seriously the worst question he'd ever heard.

And he wanted more than anything to argue with her, to fucking kill her, to fucking do whatever it took to get the fact that her name was Gee and that she was a girl into her head, but he sat there and shook his head sighing, not in the mood to cause more mess than was necessary.

"Are you _sure_?" His father continued, his tone stern, his eyebrows furrowed a little, and Mikey wondered if they thought that he and Gee were involved in some sort conspiracy against them and that everything they knew was a lie, and well, that was partly true - true to the extent, that yes, Mikey was lying for Gee, and that yes, Mikey did it with no qualms, because his parents were easily the worst people he'd ever met in the world.

"Yes." Mikey nodded, meeting his father's gaze, "I don't know where she is. I already told you."

"She...." His father trailed off, shaking his head, "he's gotten that bullshit into your head too, dear god, I think maybe it's better you stay away from your brother, Mikey." Mr Way turned to his wife, continuing to shake his head.

Mrs Way let out a sigh, "Gerard's just... I don't know what's going on with him, I hope to god it's a phase, and I appreciate that you're trying to be nice to him, Mikey, I do, but you can't encourage him, and I know you're not supposed to be setting the example, but he needs the help."

And at that point, Mikey wanted to scream, lying back in his chair and considering the possible consequences that might come with punching his mother in the face. "She's a girl. And I know you don't want to, and _won't_ admit that for some godforsaken reason, but... she's a girl and her name is Gee."

"You're too young to understand this yet, Mikey, but some people are just a bit messed up in the head," Mr Way let out a sigh, glancing between his wife and his son, "and I think your brother is one of those people."

"Well, fucking good for you, because I don't have a brother." Mikey got to his feet, "I have a _sister_."

And it was at that point that the doorbell rang, signifying that his grandmother had arrived.

-


	22. Alicia The Condom Balloon

Gee felt awkward and oddly out of place at Frank's house, and it most certainly wasn't anything pertaining to a notion suggesting that she didn't want to be here, because she did, more than anything, but she felt like she didn't quite belong in a house where everyone was nice to each other.

And she knew how fucked up it sounded but still she couldn't quite believe how much effort Mrs Iero put in with Frank, how she always tried with his gender, and was perhaps not understanding about everything but ready to listen, and the contrast from her own life almost made her head hurt. Which was bad, and she knew it was bad.

Gee knew a lot of things were bad, and still, she did very little about them.

She was trying with Frank's coke addiction, though, and indeed, so was Frank, so perhaps she was getting somewhere on that front at least, because if she couldn't have a brilliant life she'd do all she could to ensure that Frank had one.

"Are you alright, dear?" Frank's mother sat down beside Gee at the table, Frank having gone out briefly to, in his mother's words, 'make his room look less embarrassingly messy', not that Gee cared, of course, and she was pretty sure that Mrs Iero know that too, but still, there was just something about a perfect excuse to get your son to actually tidy his room that you just couldn't waste.

Gee nodded, biting her lip a little as she felt herself pulled out of her head and back to reality, back to Frank's kitchen, and Frank's mother's face, and the reality of it all and everything happening in her home right now.

"Frank didn't tell me why you're here this weekend." She began, giving Gee a comforting pat on the shoulder, "and I respect your privacy, Gee, of course I do, but I'm not stupid, and I do understand that perhaps that there's something going on, and I want you to know that you can talk to me whenever you need to, and that you're welcome to stay here whenever. You're a lovely girl, I think you're one hell of a good influence on Frank too, I mean I'm pretty sure you're the only friend of his that doesn't look like they'd sell out their entire family for a bag of dope." She laughed a little at that.

Gee nodded, sighing a little, "yeah, I don't smoke or anything." She added, forcing an awkward smile, just to return Mrs Iero's gesture, "thank you for letting me stay. You're really lovely, both to me and to Frank, you're a wonderful mother."

"I'm sure I'm by no means spectacular, but I _try_." She smiled, leaning back a little and watching the way Gee's expression flickered.

"My mum's not quite that good. She doesn't try." Gee let out a sigh. "My dad doesn't either."

Mrs Iero let out a sigh, "I'm so sorry for you."

"Still insistent upon calling me Gerard. I think they'll be calling me that, calling me their son even when the day comes that I actually get my very own vagina." Gee's eyes widened at that, laughing a little. "I just worry for Mikey, my brother, he doesn't deserve to have to spend so much time in that house and being so young and influential, and he needs his parents at his age, and-"

"You need your parents at any age." Mrs Iero interrupted, "well _good_ parents. Ones that will try with you. I'm very sorry that you don't have that."

"It's okay. I mean, I'm gonna be an adult in two years, then I don't have to see them again."

"Two years is a long time." Mrs Iero noted, her eyebrows raised a little.

"It is." Gee nodded, "but I've lived through two years of them misgendering me and being horrible about my gender. I can live through two more. Well, I mean, what else can I do? I've got to."

Mrs Iero let out a sigh, about to say something, but cut off as Frank made his way back into the room, standing behind Gee and placing a hand on her shoulder, causing her to look up and for her face to instantly break into a smile: Mrs Iero noticed that, and the way Frank's face mimicked hers, and the way that there was evidently something worthwhile between the two of them. She was happy for Gee, she was happy for Frank too of course, but Gee specifically needed something good, some real kind of love in her life, and perhaps for those reasons, Mrs Iero was prepared to run the risk of the two having sex in her house that night.

"You cleaned your room?" Mrs Iero asked, breaking the little moment between Gee and her son.

"Mmm..." Frank nodded, blushing a little. "Spotless. Perfectly clean."

"Is it?" She raised her eyebrows in response.

"Yeah." Frank nodded, continuing to smile. "It's not like a spec of dust is going to kill Gee, is it? Honestly, your conversation is going to kill her first, so really I should be saving her from that-"

" _Hey_." Mrs Iero narrowed her eyes. " _Frank_."

"Sorry, I-"

"She wasn't boring me." Gee added, glancing up at Frank, "but I've also seen dust before in my life. I'm not that important you don't need to be worrying about my every need."

"Yeah, mum." Frank added, narrowing his eyes.

"I was talking about you too," Gee added, grinning a little as she got out of her chair. "Is it alright if we go upstairs? I promise you, dust is fine." She asked, her question directed at Mrs Iero.

Frank's mother nodded after a moment, a smiling overtaking her lips. "Not like I can really tell you 'no' at this point, is it?"

"Of course not!" Frank exclaimed, reaching for Gee's hand and leading her up the stairs, whispering, "okay, I didn't actually clean my room, I just sat on my bed and took selfies for like ten minutes, but shush," once they were out of earshot.

Gee shook her head in disbelief, "the _dust,_ Frank. What will I do with you?"

Frank shrugged, "kiss me?" He suggested.

And well, Gee was more than inclined to take him up on that offer.

-

"This is the worst thing I have ever experienced."

"I'm so sorry."

"Sure you are, in bed with your boyfriend, all happy, with people who love you."

"Mum and dad still love you, Mikey."

"Doesn't really seem like it, does it?" Mikey's voice came: ringing truth down the phoneline.

And Gee hated to admit it, but Mikey was right, because they really did seem to, in fact, they really didn't seem to care about anything besides how they looked: the great skill and art of keeping up appearances, and what grandma would think, what the whole world would think, and Gee couldn't help but find herself amused by the fact that now they were thrown in the deep end of reality, the deep end where they found that if they weren't ready to accept that they had a daughter, they didn't have two children anymore, and of course, how to explain that to poor grandma.

"Doesn't matter what it seems like." Gee finished, having paused for a moment in order to piece together some form of response.

"Does to me." Mikey's tone sounded a little disappointed: half hearted, perhaps, or perhaps Gee's skills in reading and understanding her brother with ease just didn't transfer through the phoneline.

"One day it won't." She promised him, getting up from where she was sprawled out at the end of Frank's bed, cellphone to her ear, and Frank downstairs talking to his mum - he'd said he'd be back in five minutes, but it had been something closer to seventeen now, and it wasn't like she was worried for him; she could hear them downstairs, just a normal conversation, if not an extended one.

"I'm only going to believe you, because it's you and you're always right about things." Mikey let out a sigh: sat on his bed at home, despite it being barely six pm, but really, he wanted to get away from the mess downstairs: the forever concocted, spinning themselves and entrapping them like spiders' webs, and the arguments, the yelling, the mess - the mess that Gee had be nothing but right to avoid.

"Not right about _everything_." Gee insisted, letting out a sigh as she made her way over to the windowsill, idly walking around Frank's room as she spoke. "But about this, yes."

"I think you're still clever, you're the cleverest person I know. Pete would argue that that's him, but have you ever heard him speak?" Mikey exclaimed, his tone suddenly becoming all the more dramatised and animated as he came to speak about Pete; he really felt something for him, and Gee knew that, and she was happy for him, because Mikey deserved this.

"There's a difference between being clever and knowing everything. Not anybody knows anything." She added, and of course, she just happened to be perfectly correct in her point, which went just a little to disprove Mikey's point about her not always having the answers, but she didn't care quite so much about that, all in all.

"Whatever you say." Mikey let out a sigh.

"Yeah." Gee nodded, glancing over the possessions collected upon Frank's windowsill: an ashtray, another ashtray, a makeshift ashtray, a broken ashtray, and a piece of paper with a small zombie wearing a Justin Bieber shirt on it - the zombie appeared to be attempting to destroy itself.

"You having a good time?" Mikey asked, genuine concern in his voice, "Frank being a nice boyfriend, yeah?"

"He _is_ a nice boyfriend." Gee insisted, moving the curtain to the side to reveal a few more objects upon the windowsill: a candle - half burnt and red in colour, another candle - black, and seemingly untouched, a lighter, and then a photograph: old in nature, and not just edited to be so, but evidently having been around for a good ten years at least.

"Is he?" Mikey continued, coming off all protective younger brother out of nowhere.

" _Yes_." Gee insisted, "you've met him," she continued, glancing down at the photograph, before picking it up, despite the voice at the back of her head that insisted that perhaps she shouldn't.

"Still, is he still being nice?" Mikey laughed a little, perhaps having realised that yeah, Frank was Frank, and he was a good guy.

"Yes." Gee repeated, shaking her head in disbelief, "and what about you? How are things...?" She let out a sigh, biting her lip, and finding herself looking over the photo in the silence that followed.

The photograph she held in one hand depicted a child - no older than six, perhaps, and a man appearing to be in his thirties - the two holding hands.

"Shit." Mikey admitted what was the truth, because there was no way around it, and Gee didn't need it censored, fuck, Gee didn't _want_ it censored, what she didn't want was for Mikey to be there, but he was, and in fact, lying to her was perhaps the worst thing he could do.

"I'm sorry." She found herself saying for perhaps the thousandth time that day, her words not holding quite as much meaning, though, finding herself distracted: her gaze captivated and her attention drawn away from the rest of the world by the photograph and the word written on the back in Frank's handwriting - ' _Dad_ '.

"They just keep arguing, lying too. Grandma doesn't believe them, but she's being vaguely civil. I told her that you're okay at least, but I also told her that they're lying and that she should talk to you. Maybe I shouldn't have done that, but I think you two need to talk."

Gee paused for a moment, biting her lip as she found the photograph perhaps frozen in her grasp. "Y-yeah..." she stuttered out, having not really listened to half of what Mikey had said, and not even out of intention, she just found herself lost by this photograph - Frank and his father - something Frank didn't really talk about, and for reasons that he didn't tend to talk about either. "I guess."

"Gee?" She jumped at that, because the voice hadn't come from the phone, but from behind her and with a slam of the door: _Frank_.

She found herself turning before she could think, photograph still in hand as she nodded at Frank, before continuing to say goodbye to Mikey, "hey, Mikey, I've got to go, I, hey, love you." She stuttered, her voice entirely too fast, and she ended the call before he could respond, sliding her phone back into her pocket, and only then coming to realise that she still held the photograph in her hands.

She came to realise this at perhaps the very same time Frank did.

"I..." He began, not sure how or what to say, just overwhelmed by everything that photo was, and how she held it in her hands like it was nothing. "Can I...?" He reached out for the photograph and Gee found herself blushing as she handed it over.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have, I just-" She shook her head, brushing her hair away from her face. "I don't know, I'd realise what it was-"

"It's fine." He told her, looking over the photograph, before letting out a sigh and moving past her to place it back on the windowsill. "I made such a shit kid."

Gee raised her eyebrows at that: not having been at all sure as to what could follow this in the terms of conversation. "I guess I did too."

"Nah, you're all sweet and shit." Frank laughed a little, stepping closer to Gee and pressing a kiss to her cheek, "it's fine, by the way, don't worry about it. I just left it hanging around, didn't I? And then I was gone for about seven years, sorry about that... you know my mum likes to talk. She started talking to me about you, god you can't even believe what she-..." Frank shook his head in disbelief, grabbing his jacket from where he'd thrown it on the bed and getting a cigarette from the pocket, lighting it, and pushing the window open, leaning back against the windowsill as he smoked into one of the several ashtrays.

Gee sat down at the foot of Frank's bed, looking up at him, just a meter away from her, perhaps. "You ever gonna finish that sentence?" She asked, raising her eyebrows a little.

"Oh yeah, _fuck_." Frank cursed, blushing a little, "I got a sudden urge to smoke and then.. I don't know, I mean, well it was a sudden discomfort and then, well, I wanted something stronger, truth be told, but I'm doing good, aren't I?"

"Yeah," Gee nodded, smiling, "you are. So, the end of your sentence?"

"Yeah." He nodded, his cheeks turning scarlet. "I think my mum just gave me some shitty condensed version of the sex talk, Gee, and dear god it was... it was... weird..."

Gee burst into a fit of laughter, nearly falling off the bed as she did so. "You what? _Why_?"

"I think she thinks that we're gonna fuck tonight or something." Frank admitted, his cheeks growing red as he did so. "The whole trans thing didn't make it easier either, and I didn't think she'd thought about that at all either, because I'm pretty sure we got half way through that conversation and she couldn't remember who had the dick and who had the vagina out of the two of us."

"Oh god." Gee exclaimed, leaning back in Frank's bed. "Does that mean your mum has thought about my cock-"

"Granted sometimes I forget you have one too." Frank found himself admitting, "you're very feminine, you know?"

"I think I'd give anything to forget." She admitted, forcing her laughter, and finding that it came out more self-depreciating than anything.

Frank sighed a little, finishing his cigarette and stubbing it out into the ashtray before joining Gee on the bed, "she bought some condoms if you want them." He added, perhaps all too causally.

Gee's eyes widened in disbelief, "you want me to have the condoms your mum gave you-"

"It's not like I have a dick, is it?" Frank exclaimed, "I actually think she forgot that for a minute there, you know, that's weird, but it's also, it's also fucking amazing. She thinks of my like a boy, like an actual fucking boy, a _real_ boy-"

"Okay, calm down Pinocchio, you _are_ a real boy." Gee laughed a little, leaning into Frank's side, and kissing him, "but really, what could I do with your condoms?"

"Have protected sex." Frank suggested, "or make a really weird lubey balloon," he added on second thought.

"I'm not going to be having sex without you, idiot." She laughed a little, "or blowing up condoms into lubey balloons, either."

"Both of them sound like wonderful activities we could try." Frank added after a moment, blushing like hell, "I mean, my mum said, and I've just _got_ to listen to my mum-"

"So you want to have sex with me?" Gee asked, her eyes widening a little as she sat up.

"No, I want to blow up condoms into balloons with you-" He cut himself up, "I don't know. We could do both. If you want. I wouldn't _mind_ having sex with you, I mean, okay, fuck it, I'd like it, I'm just... I don't want to make you do anything you don't want to do."

"It's okay. I know what you mean." Gee let out a sigh, leaning onto her back, looking up at the ceiling and the odd stain upon it, and the walls of Frank's bedroom, and Frank himself. "I've thought about it, you know? Having sex with you."

" _Oh_." Frank blushed, nearly dying as he did so.

"I talk to Alicia a lot about it, really, I'm surprised she hasn't gotten bored- I don't talk about it in like a weird pornographic way, not like that, I'm just nervous, about the whole thing, because I'm only starting to be comfortable with myself, but I'm just as uncomfortable with myself as I am uncomfortable with the fact that I'm still a very pure virgin. Also you're hot. I talk about that sometimes."

Frank blushed a little. "We don't have to do anything. Just whatever."

"Yeah." Gee nodded, "I think what we _have_ to do is blow up a condom into a balloon though. Can we draw a face on it? Give it a name?"

"What name are you thinking?" Frank asked.

"Alicia." Gee concluded, "we should name it after her in honour."

-


	23. Suck My Dick, Literally

Gee was pretty sure she loved Frank.

That realisation came at about ten that night, with the two just in bed together, not in that way, not yet anyway, just sat there, cuddled up, with some punk record Gee wasn't quite edgy enough to recognise on in the background, as Frank scrolled through facebook on his laptop and Gee made sarcastic comments about the statuses that came up.

It wasn't Frank laughing at her stupid jokes, and Frank not laughing at her now somewhat embarrassing taste in music, although she would very strongly argue that Little Mix were quite good, although Frank was having none of it at all, or the way Frank seemed to fit perfectly into her side, or the way they just seemed to finish each other's sentences and just generally _fit_ with one another, or perhaps the fact that Gee had gotten used to Frank smoking, and Frank had gotten used to making an effort not to when Gee was around, but it wasn't any of that, not at all.

It was simply the way she felt inside: warm, fuzzy, buzzing a little, like you felt after perhaps two drinks of something posh enough that meant you really had stolen it from your parents, and something that actually didn't taste like arse, but vaguely edible, like the world was on fire and everything really meant something, and everything felt stronger, more real, like someone had simply turned up the contrast on the world.

That was how Gee felt, sat there: deadly sober - the both of them were, because they didn't _need_ to be intoxicated around each other.

And she was certain that Frank's eyes had never looked brighter when he laughed at some comment she'd made, one she couldn't even remember now, about some girl's eyebrows, or the lack of them and the excess of what looked to be _purple_ marker pen, but suddenly some girl and her shitty eyebrows were the least important thing in the world, because Frank Iero had the most beautiful laugh, and the most beautiful smile, and the most beautiful personality, because he was indeed the most beautiful person.

And before Gee even really knew what she was doing, she was kissing him, and knocking his laptop down the bed as she moved closer: his arm wrapping around her back and pulling her in as their lips met, and everything, everything just _worked_. And she hadn't expected it to, but it did.

There was just _something_ there: something that even Mrs Iero could hear.

Gee just hoped Mrs Iero _didn't_ hear what happened from then on. What happened as Frank let out a quick, "fuck," smiling at Gee, before pulling away slightly and putting his laptop down on the floor before they could end up breaking it accidentally or something, and reaching over to turn the music up a little - not enough as to arouse suspicion or piss his mum off, but just loud enough to make sure nothing else could be heard, not that Mrs Iero was clueless to what might happen at all, she _had_ encouraged it, after all.

"So... this..." Frank let out a sigh, turning back to his girlfriend and brushing his hair away from his face, "this is happening..."

Gee nodded, blushing a little, "yeah," and with that, she leaned forward, kissing him again, because kissing Frank was seriously something she could never get bored of, and seriously, she knew how fucking sappy that sounded, but still, it certainly beat spending time doing homework, or being at home with her parents.

In a weird way, her parents being transphobic assholes had gotten Gee laid, because she wouldn't have been staying overnight at Frank's if it wasn't for them being the worst people in the world, and of course, her grandma deciding to come over, and if she wasn't staying overnight at Frank's, then they wouldn't have the opportunity to have sex.

So Gee made a mental note to thank her grandma the next time she saw her, because really, after she told her that she was indeed a girl, what more could really shock her?

The two continued to kiss: Gee with her hands running down Frank's back, and Frank with his hands in her hair, and perhaps tugging a little harder than was comfortable for her, but she was perhaps just a little too caught up in making out with her boyfriend on his bed to care about how her head hurt a little bit.

Because, _fuck_ , fuck, _fuck_ , holy fuck, this was happening. Somehow, it hadn't quite sunk in yet, despite the fact that Frank pretty much had her pinned down against the bed now, despite him being smaller and skinnier than her, but then again, she wasn't really protesting, but why would she be?

Frank pulled away a little, grinning down at Gee: the two just sharing the silence and their heavy breathing for a moment: heartbeats pounding in chests, and Gee was pretty sure that Frank could feel hers with him pressed up against her chest like that.

"So..." Frank began, blushing a little, you know, just to confirm that he was _excellent_ at dirty talk. "Hickeys... I assume... your neck... not a good... thing... your parents... I... so maybe... you'd need to... take your shirt off... so... I could give you hickeys... because it's only.... polite... isn't it?"

And there was Frank smooth as fuck Iero in action.

Gee rolled her eyes at him, giggling a little, but pulled her shirt over her head regardless, blushing a little as she did so, because suddenly it was blaringly obvious just how masculine she was, and she was blushing, and _fuck_ , Frank knew, but he _already_ knew, but still that didn't make it any better, but... but Frank didn't seem to care.

Fuck, all Frank seemed to care about was giving Gee hickeys: connecting his mouth to her collarbones, not that they were really that visible, as Gee was a little chubby, which was also something she found herself suddenly incredibly self-conscious about, and again, something Frank couldn't give less of a shit about.

Fuck, perhaps, Alicia _had_ been right.

"H-hey..." Gee began, her tone kind of breathy as she realised just how hard it was to form a coherent sentence whilst your boyfriend was giving you hickeys.

Frank looked up instantly, pulling away a little: concern in his eyes, "w-what's wrong?" He asked, sounding almost panicked, which Gee couldn't help but find oddly cute.

"Nothing's wrong." She smiled, reaching up and tucking a stray strand of hair behind Frank's ear. "You've just still got your shirt on, and I don't think that's fair."

Frank blushed a little, sitting up and turning away momentarily before pulling his shirt off, and then suddenly, that was that, and it was clear to Gee, because she didn't give a fuck about Frank's binder and what was under it, and the way his hips protruded a little, and the way there was a slight curve to his chest, or even the way he was far skinnier than her, because they weren't fucking doing this to over analyse each other and make comments in their heads, or even aloud, they were doing this because they loved each other, and Gee found herself wondering as to how the fuck she hadn't figured that out yet.

Well, she _had_. She'd known it all along, but she hadn't quite believed it. It was Frank who'd made her believe it - that and many things, such as that she was beautiful, and that someone would love her the way she was, and that it was possible to be about four feet tall and still be vaguely intimidating at times.

"Uhh... you're staring..." Frank found himself tripping over his words as he tried to avoid Gee's gaze, but felt it almost impossible to do so.

"Fuck..." She cursed, because she had been, "sorry... I mean, sorry if you don't want me to stare... I just... I'm not staring in a bad way. You're beautiful, Frank."

Frank laughed a little, pressing a kiss to Gee's lips, "you're sweet. Really fucking sweet, really fucking hopeless too."

"You _are_ beautiful." Gee repeated, pulling away from Frank a little: insistent upon the fact that he met her eyes, and that he came to an understanding regarding how important it was for him to know it.

Frank laughed, sitting up a little, glancing down at Gee, her chest, and then her face, and the odd way in which she appeared somewhat like someone had sewn the wrong head onto the wrong body - Frank hated himself for that thought, because it didn't matter, and he loved her just as much - he would always love her just as much.

"Maybe I don't want to be beautiful." Frank sighed out, running his hands up through his hair, "I'm already beautiful, and that's this body, and I don't like it at all. I'm too awkward, skinny in all the wrong places and curvy in all the wrong places."

"Doesn't matter." Gee sighed out, "it doesn't fucking matter. Maybe it matters to you, but it doesn't matter to me at _all_. I love you, Frank, you're not ugly."

"I'm not ugly, I'm just not 'right'." He finished, holding his bottom lip between his teeth momentarily, "you'd change your body. You want to change your body. You get what I mean."

"Doesn't mean I'm 'wrong'. Doesn't mean that either of us are wrong..." She sat up a little, "hey... are we... going to argue about bodies or... well..."

"Fuck." Frank finished for her. "Have sex," he tried again, "fuck sounds a bit crude," he added, somewhat like an afterthought.

"You're a bit crude." Gee smiled, leaning forward and kissing Frank, "you have really nice lips," she commented, pulling away, "you're a good kisser, I mean... that came out a bit awkward, I just-"

"You have really nice lips too." Frank laughed a little, leaning in and kissing her again. His hands made their way through her hair and to her neck, "you also have a nice neck," he mused, pulling his lips away from hers and down her neck once again.

"A nice neck-" Gee laughed a little, "don't give me hickeys on my neck, I swear, I-"

Frank found something else with which to distract himself, and that was Gee's thighs and the matter of trailing his fingertips perhaps too _far_ up them.

" _Frank_ ," she let out an awkward, sort of exasperated sigh, reaching for his free hand and linking their fingers.

"What?" He asked, looking up, _smirking_. "I'm not even doing _anything_."

"Your putting your fingers up my skirt, I-" Gee was cut off as Frank led his fingers further up her thigh.

"I'm not putting them anywhere, not yet, I mean," Frank laughed, "how would you feel about that?"

"Feel about what? How are we even going to-"

"Gee, come on, relax," Frank smiled, moving closer to her, before suddenly pulling his hand away and feeling her shake as he did so, "what do you wanna do?" He asked, pulling his jeans off and throwing them to the bedroom floor.

"I don't mind, I just..." She blushed once more, " _my dick_." She uttered, her cheeks a bright red, "my dick is hard, Frank."

"I'm flattered." Frank smiled, pausing for a moment and looking Gee over, and indeed, the slight bulge under her skirt confirmed that she was right, "I'd honestly be upset if you weren't even a little turned on right now."

"It's just... it's my dick." She sighed out, "it's so _there_. My _dick_... I just..."

"You don't have to take your skirt off if you don't want me to look at it." Frank offered, giving her hand a little squeeze. "Whatever you want."

"God... this... this feels so awkward." She cursed, blushing a little.

"It's your first time, what do you expect?" Frank asked, laughing a little.

"And it's not yours. That's what makes me feel awkward, as well as my body," she found herself admitting, despite how certain she was of the fact that admitting such a thing was evidently a bad idea.

"It's my first time as a dude." Frank offered, "I'm not judging you, Gee. Anyway, I've never had penetrative sex so if you want to get all arsey about things then technically I'm a virgin too, but-"

"But you're not because... you've... what have you done?" Gee asked, blushing still.

"I've had lesbian sex, bit of fingering... I've been eaten out, I've eaten people out, I think I sucked a dick once, I-"

"Could I eat you out?" Gee asked, a little out of nowhere, blushing and tucking her hair behind her ear rather innocently after she said so.

And for a good ten seconds, Frank honestly couldn't convince himself that she'd really just asked that. " _Fuck,_ I-"

"I just... I wanna focus on you, I think that'd make me feel better." She blushed _again_ , "only if that's okay, of course."

" _Fuck."_ Frank repeated himself: generally at a loss for words. "Please." He added, "do you know what you're doing?" He asked, sitting back a little.

"I've watched porn." Gee offered, still blushing.

"Porn." Frank scoffed, "porn and real life are very different."

"I know." She nodded, "just... tell me how I'm doing... okay?"

"Yeah, come on then," He laughed a little, only to freeze into silence as he felt Gee moving forward, and her hands at his boxers.

She nodded up at him, before pulling his boxers down, leaving Frank to awkward kick them down his calves, as she found herself staring at him for a moment, which she knew didn't help in making him feel any less awkward, but it was by no means intentional - she just couldn't help it.

And then before she really knew what she was doing, she had her face between his thighs, and fuck, she would only laugh if her parents could see her right now - well, perhaps not laugh, well perhaps, she really shouldn't be thinking about her parents when she was eating her boyfriend out, but she had to think about _something_ , didn't she?

"Fuck," Frank choked out, lifting his thighs a little, and reaching out for hair, tugging at it and pushing her closer, "fuck, fuck- I really haven't done this in a while," he groaned, leaning back in the bed, and feeling Gee shift in position to adjust to him doing so. "You okay? Go faster if you're okay," he laughed at himself there. Gee went faster.

And he found himself wondering how she seemed to be so good at this, or then again, maybe it had something to do with the fact that he hadn't done anything sexual beside getting himself off in months, not that Gee was anywhere near bad, of course. It was simply a mixture of the two, although Frank did reckon himself to be a little bit preoccupied, and not exactly in the best state to weigh up the two options.

It really wasn't the place, and it really wasn't the time.

He felt his gaze drifting over to Gee, to his beautiful fucking girlfriend and what she was doing to him, and _fuck_ , fuck, fuck, Frank was even surprised he'd been able to speak at all, and found himself now just focused upon guiding her head with one hand on her neck.

"You're really fucking good at this." He let out a breathy kind of sigh, well, it was kind of more like a gasp with words, but he doubted that Gee was really judging him for his annunciation of words right now. Gee wasn't judging him for anything at all - he reckoned he was finally getting that, or perhaps it was just some blissful sex revelation with her head between his thighs.

"Gee... I... Gee...." he stuttered out, grasping her by her hair, "I'm close to- do you want... like do you-"

She pulled her head up at that: all wide eyed and beautiful, and Frank wondered just what the fuck he'd done to deserve her. "Do you want me to stop, or?"

"I don't think I can tell you to stop, honestly, I just... do you not want to like... do 'proper sex'?"

She rolled her eyes, "penetrative sex isn't 'proper' sex. Sex is whatever you want it to be." And with that, she threw her face between his thighs once more, gripping his thighs tighter than he thought her capable of as she spread them apart/

"I'm really- fuck... I..." And within a minute, Frank was moaning, his thighs contracting as his whole body shuddered against Gee, coming as Gee pulled her face away, sitting up between Frank's thighs as wiping her mouth a little with the back of her hand and watching as Frank seemed to lose his mind laid there.

"Where the fuck did you learn that?" He asked, disbelief in his voice, and his tone rather jittery and breathy in nature.

"I didn't." She told the truth, placing a hand on Frank's thigh, and smirking a little, "I'm just so _hot,_ aren't I?"

"Yeah. You are." Frank nodded without a second's thought.

"You wanna....?" She paused... "like.. suck my dick or something....?" She blushed, looking away from Frank momentarily.

"Wouldn't sucking it require looking at it?" He asked, raising his eyebrows a little. Honestly, he kind of wanted to look at his girlfriend's dick, just to _see_ it, because there was still a part of him that couldn't quite believe she really had a dick under that skirt, but he kept that to himself because he knew Gee wouldn't quite like that, even though it was only ever intended as a compliment.

"I guess," she spoke up after a moment, leaning back a little, spreading her legs, "excuse me being 'crude', but I'm hard as fuck, Frank, suck my dick."

He giggled a little at that, taking a moment to compose himself enough to get up and make his way over to her, getting between her thighs, placing one hand on her knee and sighing. "So we're saving the condoms for another time then?"

"I guess so." She nodded, biting her lip, "when would this other time be?"

"Whenever." Frank smiled, "whenever the fuck you want, honestly, Gee, you're beautiful also fucking good at eating people out, I don't think I deserve you."

"Shut up," she rolled her eyes, watching as Frank's fingers trailed up her skirt, shivering a little as he pulled her underwear down to below her knees, and lifted her skirt a little.

"You okay?" He checked for one final time, receiving a nod from Gee, before going fuck it, and positioning his head between her thighs and at the base of her cock, which was just about average sized - not spectacular, but not a bad dick, which was probably for the better, because Frank didn't exactly call himself a world class deepthroater or anything.

" _Fuck_ -" She spluttered out as she felt Frank's lips around the tip of her dick, "fuck, don't be a tease, you ass."

Frank laughed a little, placing on hand far too high up her thigh as he took more of her into his mouth, bobbing his head up and down as he attempted to make this not spectacularly shit, because he knew for sure that he was nowhere near as good at this as Gee had been, of course, it had been slightly different, but- but what... what did matter?

"Does it make me sound like the world's biggest virgin if I say I need to come already?" Gee asked after about two minutes or so had passed.

Frank laughed a little, looking up and winking at her, before taking as much of her dick into his mouth as he could manage, and then find himself gagging and choking as she came into his mouth, which was not something he had accounted for, and found himself spitting out her come onto his carpet, which was easily the worst decision he'd made since getting addicted to cocaine.

"Sorry," she laughed a little. "I'm a massive virgin."

"Not really anymore." He added, leaning back against the bed and reaching for her hand, "love you."

"Love you too."

-


	24. the actual plot is happening fuckedy fuck

Mikey couldn't sleep.

And neither could she.

Perhaps that was why she did it.

Because she cared about her brother more than anything.

More than Frank: the boyfriend, asleep beside her, in his bed - a gesture which was indeed endearing, but not practical in reality. Gee just wasn't good at sleeping in places other than her bedroom.

And the fact that she simply wasn't tired certainly didn't help.

It was something stupid like one in the morning.

They'd stopped arguing by now - her parents, that is, but only because they'd gone to sleep, or so Mikey had said. And she felt so guilty, so sorry for this all, despite how many times everyone in the world continued to insist that this was anything but her fault, and she did understand where they were coming from, she just didn't understand how she couldn't take the blame for a mess she'd caused.

So she got up, out of bed, and stood in the darkness of Frank’s bedroom for a moment: her face only illuminated by her phone screen and the message she'd sent in response to Mikey.

The message in question, being a simple: _'I'll be a minute.'_.

Because Mikey had asked her to come back and keep him company for a while, and she'd felt obliged too.

It didn't matter - Frank wouldn't even be asleep while she was gone, and not that he should ever have any objection to Gee talking to her brother, of course, but there was just perhaps something in sneaking away in the middle of the night without explanation. It didn't matter, though, she assured herself, as she pulled on what she discovered to be Frank's leather jacket on top of her shirt and skirt from yesterday, but honestly she couldn't care all that much in the moment.

She made it downstairs successfully: sneaking out of someone else's house was not something she was particularly accustomed to, or something that even made sense in her head, because she was free to leave, it was just the fact that it was one in the morning.

But it was just the fact that Mikey was easily the most important person on the whole fucking planet for Gee, and the hour on the clock did very little to alter that in any way.

She made it out the front door with success, biting her bottom lip as it came to making it down the few streets back home at one in the morning, in the darkness and the unnerving atmosphere that the night time gave her, but the journey wasn't particularly long, and she did indeed survive it, if only be walking as fast as she could manage and cursing periodically under her breath.

She texted Mikey to let him know that she was outside, biting her lip and hating how her own made her nervous, and how she'd grown to hate her parents, how she'd grown to become all they despised in the world, and again how she sometimes found herself taking pride in such a thing.

It was all very odd.

The front door opened about a minute later, revealing light streaming in through the hallway, and an evidently sleep deprived Mikey, with his fringe sticking up in random directions and a shirt that Gee highly suspected was Pete's on, but now really wasn't the time to interrogate her little brother in regards to his clothing choices.

"You alright?" Gee asked, making her way inside, and in the light actually managing to make out her appearance, and in turn discovering that this was also Frank's shirt - she was pretty damn sure this was her own skirt, though, seeing as Frank didn't own a single skirt, hey at least she could be sure of something.

Mikey shrugged, his eyes widening a little as he seemed to notice Gee's- _well_ , Frank's shirt and jacket, and really he was a fucking hypocrite for it, because Gee was now absolutely certain that it was the Slayer shirt that Pete had been wearing in that selfie he took with a dog outside Walmart for his instagram. Mikey had also reposted this photo, mainly because he thought it was the best thing in the world; Pete had of course criticised him for 'stealing his aesthetic' but seriously appreciated the extra followers it got him.

"I guess." Mikey went for in response, brushing his hair out of his face as the two made their way down the hallway a little. "They've been arguing non stop, it's getting _boring_ , actually. Like it's not even bothering me that much anymore, it's just tiresome."

Gee laughed a little at that, "I'm really sorry you're stuck with this shit," she paused for a moment, "I had a great time at Frank's, though, if it's any consolation."

"Not really," Mikey rolled his eyes a little, "okay, well, I'm glad you're happy, though, for real. You deserve to be happy, Gee."

"His mum's really nice, you know?" Gee said after a moment, "she restores my faith in humanity, like she tries with Frank so hard, with the trans stuff especially, it's lovely, I'm a bit jealous even, but I'm really happy he has her. I mean, she doesn't quite understand it fully, but she's just... she's good about it."

"So yeah, she's just basically a decent human being." Mikey added, rolling his eyes, "Today has pretty much destroyed my faith in humanity."

"I can imagine." Gee let out a sigh, "so, how has grandma been? I mean, like generally, also, what did she say?"

Mikey shrugged, "I don't know really, she just... didn't say much other than general chatter, I mean she acknowledged that you're not here, obviously, but I think mum and dad put a hell a lot of effort into their excuses, so maybe she believes them, I don't know-"

"I don't believe them."

The two basically had a heart attack as they turned around to see none other than their grandmother herself stood in the kitchen with a glass of water. "I gave birth to your mother I can tell when she's lying," she added, looking between Gee and Mikey.

"Uhh..." Gee trailed off, blushing, unsure of what to say, how to even begin.

"I guess you've got some explaining to do, haven't you, Gerard?" She smiled, gesturing for the two to sit down at the kitchen table beside her. "I wasn't eavesdropping, I just came down for some water, and then I saw you two, didn't even recognise you at first," she directed her words at Gee, "you really have changed."

Gee nodded, biting her lip, "yeah... I... grandma... I'm called Gee now, not Gerard." She began, glancing at Mikey for reassurance, "I'm a girl as well."

"That makes sense." She said after a moment, leaning back in her chair, "and now they're trying to hide that, trying to hide you - _unbelievable_. Where even were you? Are you alright, honey?"

"Yeah," she nodded, "I was at my boyfriend's house."

"You've got a boyfriend?" She exclaimed, looking even genuinely pleased.

"Yeah..." Gee trailed off, "his name's Frank."

"And he's nice to you?" She continued to ask.

"Gran, please, you want to stop now, because she'll never stop talking about her boyfriend if you get her started," Mikey interjected, cringing a little, "but yeah, Frank's nice."

"That's good. If he ever stops being nice to you, you get rid of him immediately, you _understand_?" Her tone grew insistent, leaving Gee nervous, and more than just a little confused as she glanced at Mikey, who really held no much of an explanation as she did.

"So... so you..." Gee stuttered out, unsure of how to begin, how to explain, what she was even supposed to say. "You aren't going to... to-"

"Act like your parents did?" She let out a sigh as she sat back in her chair, "no. I want to talk to them in the morning. Have a _serious_ talk to them, because that's abuse, Gee, I know you might not want to think it, but they're abusing you."

"They are." Mikey added with a sigh, "they're bad parents in general."

"I always knew that. They had you just six months into their marriage, it wasn't a planned thing, they wouldn't admit that, of course, but their marriage was because of you - all very fast, honestly. They insisted they'd thought about it before, and that they wanted to do it 'properly'," she rolled her eyes at that, "I doubted they were going to last, honestly. They're unhappy with each other, I reckon. Nothing's your fault, or yours, Mikey."

"They didn't force me to leave while you were here." Gee said after a moment, tucking her hair behind her ear, "They just wanted me to act like I was a boy. Pretend nothing had changed, like my gender was embarrassing to them. I couldn't do that. They didn't think you'd understand, I didn't even think you'd understand, but you're... you're... _understanding_."

Their grandmother let out a sigh, continuing to shake her head, "I don't understand this fully, I've heard about it: boys becoming girls, girls becoming boys, all that, I'm just trying to be a good grandmother by supporting you. You're still my grandchild, just my granddaughter now, and I love you."

"Love you too, Gran," Gee uttered, biting her lip a little.

"Mikey, I think you should go to bed, you know?" She said after a moment, turning to her grandson, "it's late and I'd like to talk with Gee in private, if that's okay?"

Mikey groaned, rolling his eyes a little, but got up and made his way upstairs, seeming to be just a little more comfortable with the knowledge that not everyone in the world seemed to be against them.

"So..." Gee let out a sigh, breaking the silence after the sound of Mikey making his way up the stairs faded out into nothingness. "What's this about?" She continued to ask.

"I want you to talk to me about this. How did it begin? What's happened? And what have your parents done or said?" She went on to say, "I imagine this was hard for you."

Gee nodded, looking down, "I mean, I'm kind of used to it all now - well, I mean, as used to it all as you can ever be, but it's been two years. I came out as transgender to my parents and Mikey when I was fourteen. Of course Mikey was the only one who'd ever tried to understand. Mikey's lovely - he's the best brother anyone could ever ask for." She smiled a little in response to that, "my parents never liked it. They refuse to acknowledge it, honestly. They still call me Gerard, they still refer to me as a boy, and honestly, it's infuriating, because they're so stubborn and they're making fools out of themselves by being so. Some people at school were mean about it, but they were generally just mean people, you know, the kind of people that take the piss out of everyone and everything, and just for the hell of it, but I mean, my friends are supportive, and Frank is, of course, I mean, Frank's trans himself... he was born as a girl. That was how we got to know each other, and then we started dating, but things are okay as long as I'm not at home for the most part."

"That's still not a situation you should be in - you need support from your parents, especially with you being transgender. Mikey needs support from parents who aren't going to force him to pick sides between them and his sister. It's not a good home environment, and I don't like it that you're stuck here. I'm going to talk to them, and I may yell- in fact, I _will_ yell, but they're stubborn people and I doubt they'll change..." She trailed off, letting out a sigh.

"It's okay, I mean, I've only got two more years until I'm an adult and can leave, and take Mikey with me-"

"It's damaging for you to be here for any time at all, let alone two more years." She interrupted her granddaughter with a sigh. "Don't mention this to anyone, Gee, not for a little while yet anyway, but I'm thinking that you and Mikey could come and stay with me."

"Gran, you live like half way across the country!" Gee exclaimed, her eyes widening in disbelief, because more than anything, she wanted to get out of here, out of this home and this shitty family, but she most certainly couldn't leave people like Frank, Alicia, and Lindsey behind.

"Only in California. It's sunny there, you could get a _tan_." She added, laughing a little, before her face returned to a more serious expression. "I have the space for you two, and you can have a fresh start at a new school. I think it would be good for Mikey before he gets to high school, don't you think?"

"And good for me? To make me leave my friends and my boyfriend behind half way across the fuck- _goddamn_ country?" Gee exclaimed, her face burning up as she realised that she'd just said the 'f word' to her grandma.

"I know it sounds cliché, but you're going to have new friends, another boyfriend, Gee. And the chances are that you stay just here with those same friends and that same boyfriend would be very slim regardless." She let out a sigh, "I could get you on hormones, as well, if you lived with me. All those medical things. I guess you'd want that?"

Gee nodded, biting her lip, "it's a lot to think about, you know? And I'd need to talk to Mikey, and I... you can't just expect me to make this decision, I-"

"Would you rather I make it for you, because you _know_ what I'd chose." She met Gee with a stern look in her eyes.

"Can you even just take us away from our parents?" Gee asked, leaning back in her chair.

"With your consent, I assume." She shrugged, "I don't care what they say, because they're abusing you in how they're treating you. It'd be much better for the both of you if you stayed with me."

"And how are you even going break that to them?" Gee went on to ask, "they'll freak out."

"I don't care how they react. They should have thought more about their parenting if they didn't someone else to feel morally obliged to look after their kids." She let out a sigh, "not that it's just that, of course, I love you two."

"I know you do."

"I'm just trying to do what's best."

"I know you are."

"You should get some sleep, Gee, I'll talk to them in the morning," she gestured for her granddaughter to make her way upstairs.

"I'd... I'd need to go back to Frank's. I'm staying there overnight. I only left briefly because Mikey needed me." She explained, stammering out. "He and his mum would worry. I didn't tell them that I was gone. I mean, I didn't think they'd notice," she pulled her phone out of her pocket and checked it just to make sure, "yeah, they're still asleep."

"Come back in the morning, though," she let out a sigh, "is it far? Or do you want me to drive you?"

"Gran, it's like two streets away, I think I can manage."

"Can you?" She narrowed her eyes, laughing a little.

"I can." Gee promised her, rolling down the sleeves of Frank's jacket and brushing her hair away from her face as she made it to the door.

-

Mikey was about to cry.

About to cry as the door slammed.

About to cry with the weight of it all.

About to cry.

About to hate himself for it.

Because there was a reason he shouldn't have heard.

She'd asked him to go upstairs, go to bed. He'd done one of those things.

Mikey, in true edgy thirteen year old style had sat at the top of the stairs, listening into his grandmother's conversation with Gee, and at first he hadn't thought much of it, and he'd even rationalised it with the fact that he was waiting to talk to Gee before she left, but then it wasn't so casual.

Because Mikey knew he couldn't leave.

He should.

Fuck, of course he could.

His parents were terrible parents, he felt scared to be himself around them.

But he couldn't _leave_.

Pete, in particular.

He couldn't leave Pete.

He thought of Patrick and Joe, and how that had faded out into nothingness as Patrick had moved away, and he quite honestly couldn't stomach the concept of that with him and Pete. Because he _loved_ Pete - they were young, and they hadn't been dating long, but he was pretty damn sure he did.

And he sat there with his knees pulled up to his chest: pretty fucking sure that he was having a panic attack, because this honestly could _not_ be happening, fuck, this just couldn't, he just fucking _couldn't_ leave Pete.

And then he couldn't fucking breathe.

And he fucking hated Gee in that moment for how almost accepting she'd been of the idea, for how she hadn't given so much of a fuck about Frank, like she just didn't _get_ it somehow, but then again, she was going back to her boyfriend's house right now, to sleep with him for the next few hours, and Mikey was locked inside his head with his own company until Pete woke up.

And then again, he didn't even want to tell him.

He didn't want to upset Pete. He wanted to talk Gee out of it; he wanted to stay, despite it all, he wanted to stay, he just _needed_ Pete, and it sounded cliché as fuck, and he knew it, fuck he reveled in it, but Pete was everything to him, and he couldn't bare the thought of change.

He needed to talk to someone though, and he quite honestly couldn't face Gee, for the first time in his life he didn't want to talk to his sister about his problems, because although she always had the best advice, and always would, he needed someone that would _understand_ , and Gee wanted to fucking _go._

But then again, Mikey knew it was worse for Gee, and he knew he couldn't even imagine how it must be to have your identity thrown in your face like a joke by your _parents_ multiple times everyday, but still, he couldn't stomach the concept of change, and especially not in this state of mind: already fucked up, and feeling a little dizzy.

Maybe he needed to talk to the one person who'd been in this situation, this _mess_ : Patrick. Of course, Patrick hadn't had that much of a choice, and still, Mikey wasn't one hundred percent convinced that Patrick actually liked him and didn't just act nice around him because he was a decent person and also cared too much about what Pete thought.

He didn't even know if he could trust him enough as to not tell Pete, but honestly, Mikey just needed to make sense of what the hell was going on in his head right now, and with that in mind, he dragged himself to bed and lay there, his heart pounding in his chest, and with his only consolation that he'd wake up early, go talk to Patrick, and most importantly sneak out before his grandma confronted his parents and everything went even more into shit.

-


	25. hahhahahahhahaha fml emotional pain ahhahahahaha

Mikey had gotten up ridiculously early in aid of this whole affair, and well the matter of escaping it in particular. But he honestly would rather die than face this all: the mess, the fallout, yet more yelling: something he reckoned he simply couldn't take anymore, like seriously, he'd endured enough yelling and arguments for an entire lifetime at thirteen.

This was the first time five am had felt worthwhile. And part of him hated that it had to be so; that it had to come to an extreme such as this to find himself appreciating early morning light and bird calls and the rest of the world whilst it was still asleep and a certain chill in the air: half light and not being sure whether it was worth turning the light on or not; the fridge light illuminating a small corner of the kitchen - last nights dishes still left out. The world seemed alone, but in reality it was just asleep.

He'd grabbed a cereal bar from the cupboard before pulling on a jacket and making his way out of the backdoor, taking a moment to admire the sunrise from his garden: a world peaceful devoid of light and noise, a world that didn't even seem real - something he felt deserved much more appreciation, but circumstantially, appreciation was simply something there wasn't time for.

Mikey hated that.

He'd found himself hating a great deal of things as of recent, and it wasn't the best of sensations, as hating was never something he'd found an appeal in. Hate had always been a strong word, and a largely unnecessary one at that: hate caused all the problems in the world to some degree, and Mikey, even at thirteen, found himself well aware of that, and stubborn when it came to striving away from it all.

He wanted to be the positive contribution; he wanted to make a change, no matter how small, but existent nevertheless. He wanted to be everything he couldn't be in his current circumstances, and still, found himself hurt and defensive whenever someone suggested change - especially now, fuck, right now more than ever, because his whole body seemed to ache all over with a lack of sleep and an excess of thought - physically seeming to weigh down on him, even.

It was indeed a thought he struggled to brush off as he made his way through the back gate and out onto his road.

Patrick had a habit of waking up earlier than Mikey - really, _most_ people had a habit of waking up earlier than Mikey, but still, at half past five, he wasn't exactly happy to wake up to five texts from him, but still, it was Patrick, and he aimed to see the best in people, and down to what Mikey largely suspected to be _entirely_ that, he agreed to let Mikey come over, before the sun had even properly come up, and let him talk away all his problems, or at least try to, because Mikey did try to be optimistic, but it was like he was just _broken_ today or something.

That sounded entirely far too poetic for reality, though, and he brushed it off as he placed his cellphone back into his jeans pocket and continued to make his way down the road and towards Patrick's house.

Oddly, for easily the first time in his life, he found himself making a specific effort as to not encounter Pete Wentz, because as much as he cared for him, as much as he loved him, he didn't want to talk about _this_ , not yet at least. Perhaps not ever, _perhaps_ , he could just postpone it all and then maybe eventually it'd never happen, but... but it would. With the way Gee had looked, Mikey _knew_ it would.

Gee called the shots, as much as she or anyone else might insist that she didn't and that it was down to them both, Mikey knew it all far too well, because she was older, and this mattered to her most of all. It wasn't entirely a trans thing, but it was definitely largely so; Gee really did need hormones and a proper environment where people accepted her for her, and she was _not_ going to get that here. Hell, she might not have fully known it yet, but Mikey knew that Gee _needed_ to move to California, and he knew that he cared about his sister more than anything, and that with time, it would happen and they _would_ go, but right now he needed to freak out and run off at five in the morning and cry to a boy who was too nice to say no to him.

He knew Gee would miss Frank, he knew Gee _loved_ Frank. He knew it was a lot like how it was with Pete, but the thing was that Gee was sixteen, nearly seventeen in fact, and there was a whole _world_ of difference between sixteen nearly seventeen and thirteen. Because maybe Gee and Frank could work long distance, because they _could_ travel to see one another, but with Pete and Mikey, there wasn't a chance, because they were 'just kids', and this was just 'first love' - sappy and cliché, and suitably heartbreaking when it came to an end, but it _wasn't_ , and it shouldn't.

Mikey didn't want it to be like that at all.

He didn't have much of a choice though.

And as he neared Patrick's house, it all began to sink in, because, fuck, he could convey his entire life story to Patrick and it wouldn't change a single thing when it came to the reality of this all. He could _yell_ at Patrick, he could scream, he could cry, he could break down, he could really fucking do _anything_ , and still, still it wouldn't fucking change a thing.

And still, despite that all, he found himself intent on making his way inside, intent upon babbling onto to Patrick in search of sympathy, because this, it was a temporary thing, because sympathy and reassurance, no matter how false or how flimsy would make him feel that little bit better for a while, and he needed that, fuck, in fact that was all he had.

And hey, it certainly beat the alternative of sitting at home and standing witness as the whole world as he'd known it broke down in an argument and the suggestion of a move: a suggestion that would soon become a reality - on Gee's terms, but still, Mikey knew that before Gee did.

-

Frank was the one awake this time. A smile upon his face as he rolled over and took note of the beautiful angel that was his girlfriend lying curled up next to him in the sheets.

It was something like half past eight in the morning, and a vague notion of sunlight was streaming in through the gaps in the blinds at Frank's window, and it was generally _way_ too fucking early for him, but there was something that had worked to completely alter his perspective upon what time constituted as too early to be worth seeing: Gee.

With Gee in bed beside him, every moment of the day seemed worth being around for. And Frank _knew_ , he really did know how sickening that sounded, but it was early, and it wasn't like he'd woken up as the fucking Shakespeare of weird love metaphors, was it? He had that in his defense, at least.

Gee looked beautiful when she was sleeping.

She looked beautiful when she was asleep, also, but Frank found himself more distracted in the daytime with conversation and music and an intoxicated body, whereas now, in the morning light and the silence, well not complete silence, but the quiet. Frank reckoned he preferred the quiet over the silence anyway, because silence came to the point of coming off eerie, and this moment was indeed nothing less than beautiful.

However, the beauty of it all seemed to fade a little as Frank began to notice the little things in the situation that didn't quite add up right: his door open a little when he'd left it closed the night before, his wardrobe open slightly also, and Gee beside him, having fallen asleep in Frank's jacket, and Frank knew for sure that she'd been wearing significantly fewer clothes last night.

He bit his lip attempting to make some sense of what lay before him, before eventually giving in, and rolling over in bed, patting Gee a little in order to wake her up, despite how beautiful she looked sleeping - anyway he didn't know when she needed to go back home so he could use that as his excuse if she reacted in a manner that was less than spectacular.

"Mmm...." She let out a sigh, stretching a little as she moved in the bed, before forcing her eyes open, squinting a little as they adjusted to light, before finally settling her gaze upon Frank who lay just a few centimeters away from her face, "h-hey..." she began: a small smile on her lips.

"Hey," Frank responded, reaching out and tugging at his jacket a little, "what's this?" He asked, a smile upon his face: the matter one that suited a light hearted approach - it was no big deal, really, just a little perplexing, also Gee had this blissful kin of smile upon her face that ensured it was practically impossible for Frank to be mad at her.

"Oh..." She looked down, her cheeks heating up a little, "your jacket..." She trailed off.

"Yes, I know it's my jacket." Frank laughed a little, reaching out and placing a hand against Gee's cheek, leaving her to look up and face him in response. "Just wondering why you're wearing it. In bed as well."

"Yeah," She blushed a little more, "I.... well... I..." She began, tripping over her words a little, " _fuck_..." a reminder of what had occurred in the early hours of the morning really hit her, leaving her a little stunned, "fuck, I just..." She trailed off again, gazing off into the distance, "Frank, _fuck_... I..." She met his gaze once more, leaning in and pressing a kiss against his lips, "fuck.." She found herself muttering once more.

"You're not doing an excellent job of explaining here, Gee, I've got to say." Frank noted, raising his eyebrows a little.

"I kind of..." She bit her lip, deep in thought as she glanced around Frank's bedroom, and came to realise just how little she wanted to leave, leave this moment in particular, because then she'd found herself having to face things: her parents in particular, when all she wanted to do was waste forever away in Frank's arms. "I kind of fucked things up."

" _Oh_..." Frank didn't quite know how to respond to that, and it honestly didn't help that she was being so fucking _vague_.

"Mikey texted me late last night. He said he was upset because of all the arguing but now they were asleep so I left and went back home for a little while to keep him company - that's why I'm wearing your jacket, I couldn't see it was yours in the dark, so I just went back home for a while, but then... then my... then my grandma was awake and we didn't know, and I... we talked..."

"Oh my god, Gee, I-" Frank choked out, pulling her into his arms, "did she react badly? Fuck, I'm so sorry, _seriously_ , that family, it's just not right: you shouldn't be there, I-"

"No." Gee shook her head, "She was actually really great about it... it was honestly so weird, I mean... she kind of guessed something had been up since my parents' lies made very little sense and then seeing me in lipstick kind of confirmed something, I guess, but-"

"Wow, fuck, that's great, I'm so glad you have someone in your family there for you, I'm so fucking glad, Gee, _honestly,"_ Frank continued to babble on amidst his naivety, as Gee felt her body freezing up a little as she considered was was to come.

"Well... she..." Gee bit her lip, reaching for Frank's hand, "she knows it's not good for me at home and that my parents shouldn't treat me like that, but of course that there's very little chance that they'll change, and well... well she wants me to move to... to California with her... me and Mikey..." Gee looked away, holding her breath for a moment as she waited for a response, but just as it seemed as Frank was beginning to respond, she felt herself compelled to speak again: to prolong the inevitability of it all, really. "She's really supportive of the whole trans thing, and she knows I can’t get support for it here, and she wants to get me on hormones and like all that stuff, and I want that... but I just... it's California... and I..."

"That's literally the other fucking side of the country." Frank snapped out before he could stop himself: his inside contorting as her words began to echo throughout his head; he was going to be sick. He needed a smoke. He needed something stronger. Much stronger.

"It's not the other side of the world, at least, and I mean, it's the same country, and we could still talk and meet up and like... I mean I don't _have_ to go, it's still unconfirmed, I-"

"But you _are_." Frank finished for her, narrowing his eyes, "because it'd be fucking _stupid_ if you didn't," he laughed a little, rolling over and onto his back, "I'd go," he said without thinking: looking up at the ceiling, "I'd kill for hormones."

"But you'd be able to get them here, because your mother understands and she's nice, and-"

"And it's not covered by our insurance and it's fucking expensive." Frank let out a sigh, "so it's not really plausible, but if I had a grandma who was supportive and the capacity to get me on them, I'd probably move to Mars if that was where I had to go-" It was only amidst his waffled speech: a product of his anxiety, in which he realised, that he'd done little more than second guess himself, because he really wouldn't go and he didn't know why he'd been so sure of it, because he loved Gee more than fucking anything, but perhaps she didn't feel exactly the same.

He should never have expected her to.

"It's not final." She added, glancing across at Frank: his distress evident - it fucking hurt Gee, and she was the one getting something good out of it.

"Fuck," Frank laughed a little, rolling his eyes: with very little else to say, he repeated himself, " _fuck_. Gee, fuck. What the fuck..." He got out of bed, making his way over to the windowsill and grabbing himself a cigarette, sitting up on the windowsill, having opened the window as he began to smoke. "What the fuck..." he echoed again into the silence.

Gee lay there still: in bed, Frank's bed, perhaps for the last time, letting the whole world slip out of her grip as she wondered what would have become of this all if she'd simply gone to sleep instead of caring so much about Mikey.

_Fuck_ , Mikey, she had to tell Mikey too.

Of course, Mikey already knew, and Mikey had already fucked his head over by all of this, but at least Gee didn't know that, at least not yet.

"I'm sorry..." She stuttered out, sitting up in bed and pulling her hair away from her face. "I'm really sorry. I fucked it all up, didn't I?"

"Not your fault." Frank laughed again: his voice shaking, nervous, false in all manner, devoid of meaning, devoid of truth; he couldn't meet her eyes, she didn't ask him to.

"Kinda is." She let out a sigh, "I love you, Frank, I'm fucking sorry, I _love_ you."

"What the fuck does that matter when you're in California having your fucking great life on your fucking hormones, and I... I... what the fuck do I matter anymore?" He found himself laughing again: a product of the mess unravelling inside of him, "I'm circumstantial. We're circumstantial. It's cliché, fucking stupid, fucking cliché. I'm the local transboy TM, and you're the local transgirl TM, and we get each other, and we're each other's best bet but only here, only right now. Fucking circumstantial," Frank took a drag of his cigarette, "you're gonna meet someone in California, and don't even fucking say anything, Gee, because yeah, fucking long distance relationships, yeah, whatever, what the fuck, Gee, because does that even matter when you see the most fucking beautiful person over there and suddenly everything's perfect for you, and you know what? I want you to be happy so I want you to go and fucking get your hormones and meet that person, and I... but I'm going to be unhappy, Gee, and you know that, you know that like you know that it's _not_ your fault."

"Frank, please, you're-" She got up, making her way over to him, "you're overreacting, you're talking bullshit, honestly, what the fuck is this about a perfect person - that's you! Why would I need anyone else when I've got you? I've got you," she reached for Frank's free hand, entwining their fingers. "I've got you," she repeated: her tone softer, yet held easily twice the meaning, "if you really can't handle a long distance relationship then I won't leave, because it's _my_ choice, so I'll tell everyone to go fuck themselves and-"

"No, you _have_ to go." Frank shook his head in disbelief at the prospect of Gee staying here, and missing out on her 'perfect life' for _him_. "If you don't go, I'll kill you, I swear to God-"

"Then, you have to, you have to act rationally, fuck, Frank, it's not the end of the world, like soon I'll be able to drive and we can visit, we could see each other often, and we can text and Skype and everything, fuck, Frank, I _love_ you, don't make a mess out of this when there isn't one!"

Frank sat there in silence for a moment, biting his lip. "I fucking hate cigarettes," he commented, glancing down at the cigarette in his hand, "they don't do shit. I just smoke them because they're legal, easier to get hold of. Circumstantial."

Gee shook her head at that word, "you're overreacting."

"Whatever," he rolled his eyes, "I'm not the one leaving, am I, Gee? Not the one leaving this state, not the one leaving the other. Am I?"

-


	26. this fic's gonna end soon lmao

Frank had made some stupid excuse about needing to take a shower; it had all been an excuse not to talk to Gee, and not to talk to his mum, who sat at the kitchen table, with an odd knowing look in her eyes the very moment Gee walked in.

Gee offered her an awkward smile as she lingered in the doorway, unsure as to why she even found herself in the kitchen in the first place - she really wasn't hungry, after all.

"Sit down," Mrs Iero offered, gesturing towards the chair opposite her as she sipped on a mug of tea.

Gee nodded before following her instruction, biting down on her bottom lip as she pondered over Frank and just how long he could spend in the shower, and just what he could possibly say to her when she got out, and then what he'd say as she left, because she did need to go home - she needed to sort this shit, and she needed to decide.

She'd tried to text Mikey four times by now, but there was absolutely no response from him at all - she wondered if he was still asleep or something, but he was usually awake by now. Maybe she was overthinking things. Overthinking everything. Maybe Mikey was fine. Maybe it would all be fine. Maybe Frank would think about things rationally for once. Maybe he'd get out of that shower and manage to look at her like he didn't hate her. Maybe Gee could hope.

"What's wrong, love?" She asked after a moment, letting out a sigh, and Gee knew that somehow she just _knew_ more than she was letting on, and that for that very reason there was no use to lying and hiding the truth or making it out to be nothing, no matter how much Gee felt herself inclined to do so.

She let out a sigh, glancing down before responding, "a lot," she said, honestly, because she didn’t' know where else to start. "It's kind of a mess."

"I've gathered that." Mrs Iero nodded, meeting Gee's gaze, "it involves Frank - he's angry or something, and you're upset but you didn't have a fight specifically because you'd be angry too then. You're just apologetic."

Gee nodded a little, "can you read minds or something?" She asked after a moment.

Mrs Iero shook her head, "no, dear," she pulled her lips up into a smile, "I'm just good at reading people. Frank especially. If he's been in the shower more than three minutes then he's officially brooding."

"And what happens when he gets out?" Gee asked, her tone rather tentative.

"Depends how long he's been in there really. Less than ten minutes and he'd be slightly agitated but over it soon enough, less than twenty and he'd avoid everyone, less than thirty and he'd start a fight, less than forty five and he'd probably storm out and spend the night with someone else without an explanation, less than a hour and... well then... if he spends more than a hour he probably doesn't plan on getting out ever."

"It's been ten minutes." Gee said after a moment.

"Well, then we can hope it won't be much longer," she sighed a little, "what exactly happened, if you don’t' mind me asking?"

"Well... I... I... my grandma wants me to move in with her, me and Mikey, because my parents aren't good for us, and she would take better care of us, and I know that, and she wants to get me hormones and I really want them, but she lives in California." Gee trailed off, "and Frank thinks that's the end of the world. The end of us, even, but things like Skype exist, and I could visit and- I might not even go, I haven't decided yet-"

"You have to go, Gee, and you _know_ that." Mrs Iero met her eyes, "don't change your mind over Frank, he's just a boy. He's not the pivotal point of your life." Gee nodded - she knew that, but sometimes she didn't quite feel it.

"I don't know. I really don't. I mean, I have to talk to Mikey, because if he doesn't want to go then I won't go because I can't just leave my little brother or make him more across the country when he doesn't want to."

"You have to think about yourself though, your needs. You are a lovely person, putting others first, but sometimes you shouldn't. This is one of those times. If you didn't have Frank, you'd go wouldn't you? In a heartbeat. It's not the end of the world, and Frank will come around." She said it like a promise. "He'll get out of the shower soon, and he'll probably be apologising to you by tonight. He loves you."

Gee nodded, "I know. I just- it's a lot to stomach. I mean I have to go home and actually face my parents and god there's going to be one hell of an argument and I don't want to witness it but I have to, and I don't want to be a part of this mess but I have to. It'd be easier if Frank wasn't pissed off with me as well, but he is."

"I'll talk him round, Gee, I promise you." Mrs Iero met her with a smile, "you should go home if you need to talk to your brother and have an argument."

"Mmm..." Gee nodded, brushing her hair out of her face, "wish I didn't have to though. Wish I could stay with you, honestly."

"And I _love_ to have you, but it's not practical or legal, I'm sorry," she reached for Gee's hand, "I'll talk some sense into him, you go, okay? Wait- do you want any breakfast?"

Gee shook her head, "no, I'm fine." And with that, she made her way out of Frank's house and into the morning air and the rest of the world, and suddenly reality came crashing down on her, as Frank's house and a conversation with his mother had been a little bubble of safety and prolonged consequences of sorts, but now, that bubble had officially popped.

And Gee was officially fucked.

But it was for the best that she'd left, because like that she didn't know just how long Frank had spent in the shower.

Fifty three minutes. And he'd come out still crying. Because to him it was the end of the world.

-

Patrick knew it was something serious that was up, and something that he couldn't tell Pete, because Patrick wasn't the one to lie to himself about things like these - it was obvious and unarguable that he most certainly wasn't Mikey Way's first person to go to when he had something on his mind.

This meant it was something he couldn't tell Pete, or tell his sister either, or perhaps several other people, but still, Patrick found himself focusing on the fact that he couldn't tell Pete, because he knew that Pete and Mikey were pretty open with one another, and that they loved and respected one another wholeheartedly, but this thing, whatever it was, seemed to defied all of that, and Patrick wondered if he should find himself scared, nervous even, when it came to bearing the weight of it all.

He didn't have much of a choice now, and he knew that as Mikey Way sat at the end of his bed far too early in the morning and managed to smile up at him as his fidgeted with pulling at his shirt, and generally looked uncomfortable and out of place.

And Patrick wanted to tell him that it was all okay, because Patrick was just a nice person, and that was just what he did.

But Patrick wasn't a liar either.

And something about this all just seemed like it _wouldn't_ be okay.

And Patrick was sorry. He really was. But he also knew that there was little he could do about it, besides sit there, and listen, no matter what kind of hell was thrown at him in the form of Mikey's life problems.

"So..." he let out a sigh, sitting down beside the taller boy on the edge of his bed.

"So..." Mikey bit his lip, glancing down at the floor, then across at the window, then back at Patrick, and really taking in his appearance, and how he might not ever see him again come very soon.

And how that wasn't fair.

How this all wasn't fair on him.

But how what was fair on him wasn't fair on Gee.

And he reckoned he cared more about Gee than he did himself.

He was just struggling right now: struggling, freefalling, screaming in his own head, as Patrick Stump looked at him with concern and sympathy and struggled to ask him anything directly.

Mikey pulled himself together, or at least made a decent effort in doing so, and stood up from the bed, making his way over to the window and glancing out across the street, at Pete's house across the street, something he might not see again, a whole world he'd just leave, even if just to California, but when you were thirteen, the other side of the country was the other side of the universe.

"We're moving." He finally said, his words somewhat muffled, but Patrick heard them perfectly clearly.

"Oh... I-" He began to stumble out some form of response, but suddenly Mikey didn't want him to fill the silence with bullshit sympathies, he just wanted to scream, wanted to let it _all_ out.

"We're fucking moving to California. Soon probably. Because... it's me and Gee. We're going to live with our grandma, who lives in California, and we're probably leaving when she leaves and she never was supposed to be here long."

"Why?" Patrick managed to squeeze in: his eyes wide as he attempted to comprehend how Pete might react, and what might come of this, because he didn't want to say that Pete overreacted and made a big deal out of everything, but Pete overreacted and made a big deal out of _most_ things, and there was little avoiding that.

"Because my parents are pieces of shit." Mikey said rather abruptly, wondering whether he might come to regret that, wondering whether he might come to regret this whole conversation, fuck his whole life even, but that was too much right now. "My parents are pieces of shit. I don't know if you knew, but well, my sister, Gee's transgender, and they're pieces of shit about that, they're just generally shit parents, homophobic, transphobic, scum of the earth people, and my grandma just saw how they were treating here, and she's being lovely about it all. So she asked Gee if she wants to live with her, and that involves me, of course, so, there we are going to fucking California and I don't get a choice, and it doesn't matter because I know I should choose Gee regardless, because her getting hormones and proper treatment and being accepted is far more important than me and my fucking friends and my fucking life and my fucking boyfriend at fucking thirteen."

Patrick paused for a moment, coming to realise that he was perhaps not just out of his depth, but had stepped into the middle of the pacific ocean, thinking it was a paddling pool. "I'm sorry- I don't know what to-"

"I'm just... I don't want you to tell me whether to go or not, because I know that already: I'm going, of course I'm fucking going, but tell me about you and Joe and how that was." Mikey met his gaze, "and tell me how you think Pete will react, because I can't-"

And then suddenly there was a voice in the doorway, "how I'll react to what?" Pete asked, making his way into Patrick's bedroom and looking between his boyfriend and his best friend in confusion, "what's going on?" He softened his tone, noting the expressions upon their faces and the general tone of the conversation.

"Fuck..." Mikey trailed off, brushing his hair away from his face, and just meeting Pete's gaze, and thinking, _fuck_ _it_ , because he had to find out, didn't he? "We're moving. Me and Gee. To California. Soon."

" _Fuck_." Pete exclaimed, his eyes widening and flickering through a series of at least seven thousand emotions before he finally managed to compose himself enough to say anything else, "fuck, fuck, fuck... so what is this? Are we... are we breaking up? Is this you breaking up with me, because I love you, Mikeyway, I-"

"I don't want to break up with you." Mikey let out a sigh: his voice somewhat strangled and his head one hell of a mess. "I just... I don't know if we could work, but I love you and I-"

"You could try." Patrick added, looking between the two of them, "you love each other and you can try."

"You and Joe." Mikey added, narrowing his eyes a little.

"We still talk." Patrick shrugged, "we just weren't as close as you and Pete are, look I think, I think you two could do it."

Pete nodded, "and you're stupid if you think I'm not trying and just fucking _forgetting_ about you, Mikeyway."

To that Mikey's face lit up into a grin, rushing across to his boyfriend and pulling him into a hug.

"I'll just... just go..." Patrick awkwardly excused him, making a point of closing the door behind them.

"Why are you going?" Pete asked: his words whispered into Mikey's shoulder as he seemed unable to let go of him, and more than content with him pressed up against his chest.

"My parents are dicks, you know that." Mikey let out an awkward laugh, "and my grandma found out, and she's apparently lovely and good with all this stuff, so she wants us to live with her. And it's gonna be good for Gee because she's gonna get hormones and stuff, and she needs them, well she doesn't- you know what I mean... it's what Gee needs, also I really don't think I can live in that house until I'm eighteen without going insane."

"I know what you mean. You shouldn't be expected to." Pete pressed a kiss to Mikey's lips, "fuck, I'm gonna miss you, though, Mikeyway."

"I know," Mikey nodded, "gonna miss you too. Course I am. But we can- we'll call and text and Skype and shit... like everyday."

"Yeah!" Pete exclaimed, nodding as his face lit up a little, "and you can tell me all about your adventures in California- hey, isn't weed legal there? Because if so you're gonna have a wonderful time-"

"Pete, I honestly don't know-"

"Tell your grandma she's planned her living appropriately-"

"Pete, I highly doubt the reason that my grandma lives on the other side of the country is because of weed, and you know what, if it is, I will... I honestly don't know what I'll do, but I-"

"You'll tell me that you know I'm amazing and always right about everything, because I'm just so beautiful and perfect-"

" _Right_..." Mikey rolled his eyes, "as I was saying, it's highly unlikely."

-

The very moment that Gee made her way inside was the perhaps the exact moment that her own world war III started in her own home, because from the very second the door slammed behind her, she heard her father yelling in the kitchen, and her mother quick to defend him, and she knew immediately that she didn't want to go into that room, that she didn't want to be in this house anymore, because this was how it was, and how it was going to be, and she had this chance - this chance of stopping that, this chance of having a good life, even if at the other side of the known universe.

She let out a sigh, bracing herself before making her way into the kitchen, and feeling the room fall into silence as her parents laid their eyes upon her: gazes not far off hatred, and the feeling was honestly fucking mutual, because they suddenly only cared, because she had somehow fucked up their bullshit little perfect life with the children who despised them because they despised their own children and, of course, for the world's most ridiculous reasons.

"I'm going." Gee said, before she could stop herself, having only perhaps come to conclude such a thing subconsciously, but suddenly no part of her wanted to argue, because she could make it work with Frank, because Mrs Iero would talk to him, and because she couldn't live with these people anymore, and most of all that she didn't want Mikey to have to go through hell when they found out that he wasn't straight, when they found out about Pete, and when they tore him down for it.

"Gerard, you can't be serious, why on-"

"I think you fucking know." She spat, meeting her mother's gaze, "if you're gonna keep calling me that, even now, then you sure as hell know _precisely_ why I'm going."

They were suddenly very quiet at that.

"So, you've decided then?" Her grandma asked, turning to her with a smile.

Gee nodded, "haven't talked to Mikey about it, yet, but... I don't think he wants to be here with them at all." She turned back to her parents, "I hope you're happy, you know, because both of your kids hate you, and you know why, because you hate them, even if not _directly_ but you do, you hate who they are, and you won't accept me and you won't accept Mikey, and you won't change. You know you won't, because it's been more than two years and you've never once made an effort to call me Gee, or your daughter, or even _she_ , even once."

"Well..." Her father trailed off, "okay... Gee... we can-"

"It's too fucking late now." Gee narrowed her eyes, "I thought you'd gotten that. Obviously not, because you just don't _get_ anything, do you? Honestly people like you shouldn't have kids, because okay you're not hitting me or Mikey, but you're abusive. And I don't care if you don't want to listen, because great news, you don't have to ignore me for much longer seeing as I'm not gonna be around all that much longer." She then turned to her grandma, who looked oddly proud of her for completely thrashing her parents, "when can we leave?"

"Three days time. Maybe two."

-


	27. There's A Lot Of Crying In This Chapter

Ray just somehow, magically, always seemed to understand, and Frank was beginning to question if Ray Toro was the only truly kindhearted understanding person in the world, but most of all, he was just generally insanely thankful to have the guy as a friend. And of course, that Ray wasn't moving to the other side of the fucking country.

He was always going to have Ray. He just wasn't in love with Ray, so that seriously sucked, because the person he was in love with, was indeed about ninety percent sure that she was going to fuck off to California.

And sure, it wasn't like it was Japan or anything, but still, it was too fucking far away. Frank sometimes struggled with Gee living in a different house to him, as fucked up as that sounded, and honestly he didn't know how the fuck he was supposed to cope with California.

He was fucked up, more fucked up than usual. It wasn't Gee's fault by any means, but he hadn't fucking needed this, perhaps he'd had some hope of getting to a place where he was both doing well mentally and being okay with himself, but that was now all thrown back into his face, due to fucking _California_.

But still, it wasn't Gee's fault. And Frank knew that.

And Frank knew he shouldn't have been pissed off with her, but it was hard to control his fucking head sometimes, a lot of the time, truth be told, and he was fucking sorry, but he kept slipping up - it was like he was desperately trying to get everything together but all the pieces of his life kept slipping through his fingertips, and _goddamn_ he fucking wanted to relapse, goddamn he fucking wanted coke more than anything in his life.

And as heartless as that sounded, it was one of the main reasons he was hanging out with Ray, because Ray didn't know, and he didn't _want_ Ray to know, and therefore, as long as Ray was with him, he could be certain that he'd do nothing more than some pot, and even still, chances were that Ray would tell him it was a bad idea.

Ray was a fucking good friend.

And Ray wasn't moving to California.

And Ray's parents were nice people.

Frank didn't even think he'd ever really met Gee's parents. However, he didn't really want to, but still, meeting someone's parents meant something, the significance of a relationship, like sure, it seemed like Gee was even closer with Frank's mum than he was, but _fuck_ \- fuck, fuck, what relationship did they even have anymore now that California was involved?

Of course, they hadn't specifically broken up, and Frank didn't want them to, and he didn't think Gee wanted them to either, but still, his head was all intrusive thoughts and ridiculous worries, and he'd smoked at least eight cigarettes since he'd ran out the house and over to Ray's.

They were sat on Ray's roof.

Something Ray had told him was the worst idea in the world, but Frank had seen the ladder up to his attic, and had asked, and Ray had explained that you could get onto the roof from his attic and one of his mums had reached up there to get a football off that some kid had kicked onto their roof.

Frank had been intrigued by the idea, and practically rushed up there, disregarding all health and safety and leaving Ray to follow after him and hope to fuck that this wasn't how they died.

At least, it wasn't entirely a total death trap, in that the part of Ray's roof his attic led out onto was flattened off and was actually okay to sit on top, as long as you didn't really get up and start moving, so they were fine or something like that, anyway, the sudden risk of death seemed to take Frank's mind off Gee a little, so Ray reckoned that maybe it was for the best.

Frank had really worked himself up, and Ray didn't blame him; he loved her and it was a lot to take in, and maybe him sitting on his roof and smoking the whole world away was a much better alternative to yelling at Gee until she went away to California with a determined hatred for him.

"It's nice up here," Frank commented, lighting his _ninth_ cigarette, and Ray really thought to stop him, but he really didn't want to get in an argument on the top of a roof, because he did actually value his life to some degree.

"Yeah, fucking dangerous, though," Ray commented, _looking down_. He wasn't exactly scared of heights, but he wasn't the fucking number one fan of sitting on top of roves, but it was indeed apparent he did a lot for Frank Iero.

"Mmm..." Frank shrugged, putting his cigarette to his lips and inhaling, "what isn't? Living's fucking dangerous. Life is a risk of death. Who cares?"

"Don't tell me you want to fall off a roof now, because of this?" Ray looked at him in disbelief, knowing that Frank was just overreacting a little, but still, he wanted to make certain that everything was okay.

Frank scoffed a little, "fucking might hurt less."

"Yeah, you want to be paralysed for life?" Ray shook his head at him, "bad idea, Frank."

"Don't give me that you'll get over it bullshit." Frank snapped, meeting Ray's gaze, "because I honest to god don't think I will. I'm in _love_ with her."

"I know." Ray nodded, offering Frank a sympathetic smile. "I know you do. And I know it's not easy for you, but you _have_ \- what you should do is try to make the best out of every bad thing, because look, face it, you can't change that she's going to California, and sitting around hating everything is going to help it, or help yourself. You have to try and stay positive, maybe think about how it's good for her, and how you're happy about that, because you love her and that she deserves a better chance in life-"

"What I fucking hate is that, because I _love_ her and I should be happy for her, shouldn't I? But no, I'm fucking selfish, a fucking asshole, because all I can care about is myself." Frank shook his head, "maybe she's fucking better off without me."

"Don't say that." Ray let out a sigh, "you _know_ , she loves you too."

Frank's cellphone vibrated in his pocket, interrupting his chain of thought before he could quite piece together a response. He held his breath as he reached for it, toying with the idea of it being Gee and how that was either certain to be the best or the worst thing that evening so far.

It was Gee.

_'Hey. I'm really sorry Frank. I love you, I'm just telling you that we're leaving in a few days. Can I come over or meet up with you soon? Please? It's okay if you're mad at me. I love you though.'_

"Fuck." Frank cursed, putting his cellphone back in his pocket without replying.

"What?" Ray asked.

"A few days. A few _fucking_ days!" He exclaimed, biting his lip, "she's leaving in a few motherfucking days..." And then, Frank was not just an angsty mess on top a rooftop with his best friend, but a _crying_ angsty mess on top a rooftop with his best friend.

-

Mikey felt even somewhat ambushed as he made his way back home, after the mess with Pete and Patrick, and the promises to Pete and himself that it would all be okay, but Mikey, honestly didn't know at all. It wasn't like he'd been in this situation before, after all.

Patrick had, and he'd seen how well that had gone, no matter how many times Patrick insisted that for some reason it _had_ to be different with him and Pete.

Mikey didn't see why it should be.

Sure, he thought he deserved that it be as such, but he knew that the world wasn't on his side; the world wasn't on anyone's side - it wasn't about teams and favour, it was just fate and luck, and at times like these, a lack of it, and then, you had to make up for luck with hope. Favour and preference didn't go into it at all.

Mikey just didn't even know if he was particularly hopeful either, sure, he tried to be, but he knew the permanence walking into his home would add to it all, and he also knew that facing that permanence was just as inevitable as the move itself, because if Gee was seriously picking Frank over herself, especially when it came to this, Mikey didn't know who to yell at first.

They had to go.

Mikey would be okay.

Mikey and Pete would be okay.

He had to be hopeful, for Gee, if not for himself, and on that note, he found himself drawing up the courage to make his way inside, and perhaps even force a rather casual smile onto his lips, because after all, at this point still he wasn't 'supposed' to know, well it wasn't like it was a spectacular secret or anything, it just hadn't been mentioned to him, and when he had come to discover it, he had just been listening into Gee and his grandma's conversation.

As he made his way inside, he expected to be met by an argument and yelling of some form, simply because that was what he'd come to expect as of recent, with their grandma over, but of course, everyone knew where Gee was now, and everyone knew where Gee was going, where he was going too. However, he was met with quiet, not _silence_ , but quiet, an odd peace, even.

Cautiously, as if any sudden movement or mistake may break the spell of the peace, Mikey made his way into the living room, looking between his grandma and Gee, sat on the sofa, with something on idly on the TV in the background as they drank coffee and engaged in an odd kind of quiet conversation.

"Hey..." Mikey announced himself, looking around the room momentarily, before glancing back to Gee and his grandma, "what's going on? Where are mum and dad?"

"They're out, your dad's at work, and your mum, I don't know, honestly," His grandma let out a sigh, sitting up a little. "We need to talk about something serious, Mikey-"

"I know what's going on. I heard you last night. I know-," his words jarred in his throat, "they took things badly, didn't they? I... Is everything okay?"

"You _know_?" Gee looked up at him in disbelief, her eyes widening a little.

Mikey nodded, "yeah," he brushed his hair away from his face and made his way across the room.

"And you're just... just _okay_ with it?" Gee exclaimed, "moving to California... _California_ , right like you- you know how far that is, you know what that means, and I-"

"I... I... yeah I'm alright with it. It's not the ideal option, but it's the best one in the situation. They're bad parents, and you need hormones and a proper chance and support, and so do I, because they're transphobic on top of being generally bad people and bad parents. And I mean, I am going to miss it here, and miss Pete and my friends, but I... I can make it work, there are cellphones and the internet, and honestly, Gee, you're much more important than all of that."

And that was when Gee started to cry: the first time properly that day, because before she'd been angry more than anything, now she found her _touched_ , because honestly, Mikey was the world's best little brother and she was so fucking glad to have him.

"Gee, honey, are you okay?" Grandma put her arm around Gee, pulling her into her chest, and Mikey just stood there awkwardly for a good few moments, letting the permanence and the reality of the situation really dawn on him.

"Yeah," she nodded, "just, just you're taking it so well, you're the best brother in the world, god, I love you, Mikey."

"Love you too." Mikey smiled, but knowing he hadn't been quite so enthusiastic about the idea in the first place, and had perhaps even gotten angry with her about it, but he knew now that it wasn't her fault, fuck, it was anything but her fault.

"Frank didn't take it that well." She let out a sigh, "think he's still pissed at me. He doesn't hate me, he's just... just angry. His mum said she'd talk to him for me, and she's good at it, she knows what she's saying, so it'll be okay, I just... I don't know, I don't think this was a good time for him - he has a lot on his plate as it is-"

"It's not _about_ him, though." Mikey reminded her, "it's about you."

Gee nodded, "yeah, it is, isn't it?"

"Yeah," Mikey nodded. "I was just at Pete's, well I was technically at Patrick's, but I was telling Pete, and I mean he wasn't happy, but he's okay, I mean we're going to be okay, like us, like-" Mikey then realised his grandma was in the room. "Uhh..." he blushed a little, his gaze hitting the floor.

"Yes, Mikey?" She met his gaze with an oddly warm smile.

"I... uhh... I..." he blushed even more so, before glancing at Gee for help.

"It doesn't matter, Mikey, it's not-" Gee began to speak for him, but he shook his head.

"No, it does matter." He met his grandma's gaze with a sudden courage and determination, "Pete's my boyfriend. I'm gay, I think, I'm pretty sure anyway."

And he was met with smiles, because suddenly, it was all okay.

-

After not being able to get hold of Frank via his cellphone, Gee had resorted to texting his friend Ray, who she'd barely spoken to before, but she was pretty sure that Frank would have mentioned what was going on, to at least some degree, to Ray, and that he'd understand if she wanted to find him, and maybe talk some sense or any form of apology into him.

Ray replied to her text message after a few minutes, saying that he'd been at his house until twenty minutes ago, and that Frank had said he'd gone home, but that Ray didn't really know if that was true or not.

Gee let out a sigh, and decided to make her way over to Frank's, regardless of whether he was there or not, because her next call would have been Mrs Iero anyway. It wasn't a long walk anyway - that was the good thing about living here, just a few streets away from Frank - it only took a few minutes to get to his house and see him.

It wouldn't be much like that very soon.

And Gee hated that, but she knew that there wasn't a realistic way around it. This was how it should be, for her at least, and perhaps she really should start thinking for herself, even if only just this once.

She made her way to Frank's house, and Mrs Iero let her in, smiling and telling her that Frank was actually in, but not in the best of moods, and maybe even crying, to which, Gee had said a thank you and returned the smile, before making it upstairs, and standing outside Frank's bedroom door and holding her breath for a good few seconds.

She was scared.

And it didn't make sense, but, of course, it did.

Of course she was scared.

This meant something, this dictated how she left things, because she really didn't want to be on bad terms with him when they were at opposite ends of the country, but she honestly didn't know how to achieve that: how to make everything 'magically better', because honestly, she didn't think it would be - this time it just didn't work like that.

She let out a sigh and pushed the door open, her eyes immediately locking with Frank's, who sat cross legged in the middle of his floor, not crying, but rolling a joint.

"H-hey..." she stuttered out, closing the door behind her, and sitting down opposite Frank, who was still yet to say a word. "I'm sorry, I am, I know you're upset, I think we should talk, because I don't want to leave on a bad note, okay? I want this to work, I really do."

Frank nodded, lighting the joint and inhaling, before speaking, "so do I, I just- I don't know, I'm being realistic here, I don't- I don't... I don't know, fuck, Gee, I'm in love with you, and I don't want you to fucking _leave_ , fuck, but you have to, don't you?"

"Yeah," Gee nodded, reaching for Frank's hand, "this is gonna be good for me. I need this."

"Know you do." Frank bit his lip, "god, I'm gonna- I'm gonna fucking miss you, baby, I fucking-"

"I know, I am too." Gee let out a sigh, "this must be hell for you-"

"God, I'm not the one who has to leave everyone they love behind, and then have people react shittily and act like it's your fault," Frank looked up at her, awkward and apologetic. "I didn't react well, I only hope other people did better."

Gee shrugged a little, "Lindsey was just upset, she wasn't angry with me, I mean, she's my best friend and she knows I need this, but she was upset, because we're not gonna be as close, and Alicia I think hugged me for six minutes straight and tried to pretend she wasn't crying. And the others said they'd miss me loads, but Lindsey and Alicia are the only two I'm really close to. Mikey took it insanely well, honestly, I don't-... I don't know how he's thirteen and more mature than me."

"He's a great brother," Frank smiled a little.

"Yeah," Gee nodded, "he really is. I mean, he's leaving behind Pete, and he just- he's thinking more about what I need than that. He spoke to Pete about it, and they're gonna be alright, and I'm really glad because Mikey doesn't deserve to be broken up with other this."

Frank nodded, "relationships are just that little bit simpler when you're thirteen, though, aren't they? I mean, sure he's mature, but like... I mean... you know what I mean?"

"Sex?" Gee asked, her eyes widening a little.

"No, not entirely, sort of... you just-..." He shrugged, "kind of. Kissing more than sex, I mean, physically having you here with me. But sex too."

Gee nodded, pausing for a moment, "we could, you know... do you want to? Now, before I leave... fuck, I mean... have sex, you-"

"You're blushing," Frank smiled at her, "you don't have to, just because I-"

"No, I want to, I'm going to miss it too - intimacy, that's it, isn't it?"

Frank nodded, "yeah, intimacy," and with that, he leaned forward, kissing her.

Because maybe things weren't as bad as they seemed.

-


	28. it's the end and i am crying

Gee had initially detested the whole idea of this: making a big fuss out of it all, but Alicia had really put so much effort in, and as she stood somewhat awkwardly in Alicia Simmons' living room, she came to realise just how much she mattered to these people.

It wasn't much, it wasn't anything _spectacular_ , but for Gee, who hadn't expected nor wished for anything, it was more than enough.

It was a leaving party: Alicia’s idea, and organised by her, Lindsey, Jamia, Jessicka, Chantal, Kitty, and Frances - they'd gotten shitty party food and even shittier alcohol, and those cliché plastic cups, and Alicia was even sacrificing her punk rock only attitude to listen to Lana Del Rey, and all for the benefit of Gee.

Who could never have really anticipated just how much she could be missed by some girls she always thought were much better than her.

It was weird, and Gee didn't know if her head was spinning from the situation as a whole or the fucking dodgy ass alcohol punch in her hand - they really had put effort into this, because it honestly didn't taste _that_ revolting, still, it wasn't top of Gee's list of things she most wanted to drink in the world, but she really appreciated it - she appreciated it all.

She was going to really fucking miss them; she was going to miss everything, and the more she felt about that, the more she didn't want to go, but she knew she had to - Frank had gotten that into her head at least.

She'd spent the morning with Frank; the two just sat together in bed, and Frank had smoked at least six cigarettes and Gee hadn't complained once - just simply sat there and watched the way his cheeks hollowed out a little as he inhaled, and watched the way the light caught his eyes and they seemed to turn golden: _beautiful_ , so fucking beautiful.

He'd given her his jacket: the leather one that didn't quite look right on Gee with her rose pink lipstick and fucking shimmery silver eye shadow, but that didn't matter at all, because it was _Frank's_ and it smelled like him and she was never going to take it off, and she was never ever going to wash it, as fucking disgusting as that sounded.

"You alright?" Frances seemed to appear out of nowhere, standing beside Gee, taking a drink from a can of beer in her hand. "Come on, honey, don't get all soppy right now."

"Fucking watch me." Gee laughed a little, brushing her hair away from her face. "I'll get as soppy as I can."

"That's no way to spend your leaving party, though, come on, Gee, _smile_ , fucking smile because you're getting the fuck out of here and a good chance in life." Frances told her; her tone stern, and suddenly it sounded so simple and easy, despite the fact that it was really anything but. "California is gonna be great, I promise you- hey, maybe you'll get a tan and stop looking so fucking _pale_ , hey, how about that?"

Gee laughed, "I don't think I'd look good with a tan- god, Mikey's gonna... I think Mikey would rather die than get a tan," she smiled a little, "he'll get used to it, though. I guess I will too. I guess that's just what you've gotta do, because you can't stop and breakdown and hope the world's going to wait for you... doesn't work like that."

"No," Frances let out a sigh, "doesn't. Gonna miss the fuck out of you, Gee."

"I'll miss you too." Gee met her with a smile.

"You want me to keep an eye on Frank for you, seeing as he's in my year? And I see way more of him than I'd like to." Frances offered, groaning a little to dramatise her words.

"Don't like fucking stalk him - I think I can trust him." Gee shook her head, laughing.

"I don't mean like that, just to make sure he's okay and you know, be there for him." Frances explained, "he's gonna miss you."

"Fuck, I know, I feel like a shitty girlfriend for fucking moving to the other side of the country, but like, fuck, it's a tricky situation, isn't it?"

Frances nodded, "it is."

"God, Gee, you look so _sad_ ," Lindsey placed her hand on Gee's shoulder, laughing a little as she did so, "Frances, what the fuck are you saying to her?"

"No," Gee shook her head, "Frances is cheering me up, promise."

"She's not doing a very good job, evidently." Lindsey's eyes widened, glaring at Frances jokingly. "Seriously, you alright, though?"

"As alright as I guess I can be." Gee shrugged it off, "so still a little shitty."

"Come on, Gee, have some more to drink - that's the obvious solution here." Frances added, finishing her can of beer.

Gee shrugged, "not much a fan of drinking, honestly, I don't know, it's just... I'm not sad, just perhaps overwhelmed, emotionally, if you know what I mean?"

Lindsey nodded, "I do. It's gonna be okay, though, it's not like you're dropping of the face of the planet, is it?"

"No," Gee shook her head, "not anything quite like that, not yet. Fuck, I'm going to miss you so much, you know?"

"Hell, you better," Lindsey exclaimed, before pulling Gee into a hug, and taking a moment to truly appreciate her because she was truly a wonderful person who deserved everything in the whole world, and deserved a better leaving party than this, but they'd managed to put together something like sixteen dollars between all six of them, so with that, this was the best they managed.

"Don't worry." Gee smiled, pulling away, "just gonna get something to drink," she made an excuse to get away from them and into the kitchen before she could start crying.

"Fuck," she muttered aloud, leaning back against the fridge and putting her hands into her pockets as she glanced up at the ceiling, however she felt her hand come across something in her pocket - Frank's jacket pocket.

She pulled out a folded up piece of lined paper with 'Gee' written upon in Frank's handwriting: initially confused, she unfolded it and began to read it to find that it was a letter of sorts.

_'This is everything I'm too fucking scared to say to your face, but what I can't keep inside. I love you so much, you're so beautiful, you're my favourite person in the whole world, the entire universe, and I don't know how I'm going to manage with you so far away but I'm going to try really fucking hard for you, because you're the best thing to ever happen to me, and I think I could live to eighty five and that'd still be true. Everyday I look at you and I still can't believe that you love me, that you'd date me, and that I'm so lucky to have you, and you moving away is fucking me up, but it's going to be amazing for you - I know that, so don't you dare let me stop you. Have the best time in California, don't get too tanned or you're not going to be goth enough for me anymore - joking. I'll love you whatever. I'll love you forever. And I'm going to visit as often as I can - that's a promise. Frank.'_

And if Gee's eyes were watering before, now they were fucking flooding.

-

Pete had insisted, and even promised that he wouldn't cry.

But he was.

It was okay; Mikey had expected him to, not because he thought Pete as weak or like the kind of person who just _would_ cry, he just knew that Pete cared, and he hoped Pete knew that it was okay, and that Mikey needed him to care, even if it ended up hurting him.

Mikey didn't like the idea of anyone hurting, let alone Pete, but still, it was something he bore for Gee's sake, as they sat together, in Pete's bedroom, with some shitty TV on in the background - a show neither of them paid any attention to, and honestly how could they with their hands entwined, and Mikey was even something like ninety percent sure that Pete hadn't taken his eyes off him even once in the past fifteen minutes.

"I'm not crying, by the way, my eyes are just sweating." Pete burst out of nowhere with the sudden need to make sure Mikey was certain of that.

Mikey raised his eyebrows a little, looking at Pete somewhat oddly, with concern, and with _love_. "It's okay, Pete, you can cry, I don't expect you not to."

"I'm _not_ crying." Pete went on to insist, wiping his eyes a little, "it's hay fever-"

"Yes, with all the fucking nature in your bedroom, Pete," Mikey rolled his eyes at that, giving Pete's hand a little squeeze, "it's okay, honestly if you weren't at all affected by me moving to the other side of the country I'd be upset."

"Just don't want to cry, don't want to upset you." Pete let out a sigh, leaning into Mikey's side a little.

"You're not upsetting me." Mikey told him; his voice stern. "Go on, _cry._ "

"So what? You _want_ me to cry?" Pete exclaimed, laughing a little as he met Mikey's gaze.

"No, I'm just saying..." Mikey trailed off, "it's okay, whatever you wanna do, it's okay."

"So can I kiss you?" Pete grinned a little, leaving Mikey to nod and turn to face him as Pete pressed his lips against Mikey's, "I'm gonna miss you," he let out a sigh, pulling away.

"I'm gonna miss you _more_." Mikey leaned into Pete's side as he pulled away.

"No you're not." Pete shook his head, "but let's not get into a fucking argument about that."

"Yeah." Mikey nodded, entwining their fingers, "you _have_ to text me literally every second."

"Fucking believe me - I will." Pete smiled a little, "I'm gonna text you so much that you'll be asking me to stop."

"That's never going to happen." Mikey told him, shaking his head. "I'm never going to get tired of you."

And yes, Mikey meant that; he meant that with all his heart in that moment, but that was only that moment amongst many in a life consisting of many years, and as much as he hated to even enlighten himself with such a possibility, he knew, even if just at the back of his mind, that he might not feel that way forever.

It was a harsh reality but a reality nonetheless, but not something he was under any obligation to think about it that moment as he sat on Pete Wentz's bedroom floor and gripped his hand tighter than he'd ever gripped anything before.

He gripped it like he feared Pete just slipping away from him, but the fact was that the fear was nothing more rational, except he was the one slipping away from Pete.

And he was sorry, but it _honestly_ wasn't his fault.

And he was just glad that he could recognise that, because the last thing he needed now was unnecessary guilt, because it wasn't anyone's fault - it was just a bad situation, and he was trying to make the most of it, and he reckoned Pete understood that on some level at least; he knew for sure that Pete was understanding better than Frank was, which he was quietly thankful for, because as nice of a guy as Frank was, Gee just didn't need this shit right now - she was moving to the other side of the country, and Frank didn't seem to quite imagine that would affect anyone other than himself.

Mikey stopped himself, because he knew he shouldn't hate Frank, as honestly there were far worse people for Gee to date, and he was just thankful that Frank was decent, loved her, and really understand her, especially being trans too, and it was a relationship Gee was happy and safe in, and therefore, it was of course none of Mikey's business.

But he did wonder if they were really going to last, because he knew that Frank was impulsive, his demeanor volatile and even unreasonable, and he knew that Gee definitely did something to ground him, and help him make sense of himself and his emotions.

To an extent, they really did _need_ one another.

"Stay safe there, won't you?" Pete said after a while, clearly in as much thought as Mikey, "I mean, I'm not gonna be there to look out for you and-"

"Pete, I'm older than six," Mikey narrowed his eyes a little, "I'll be alright, and I'll tell you everything about my wonderful life in California, I promise."

"Mmm..." Pete nodded, "promise me something though, Mikeyway?"

"Course." Mikey said, before even knowing what he was agreeing to here, and well, Pete could be asking him to shove a garden gnome up his ass, so maybe he shouldn't have been so instant and confident in his response, but whatever, who knows, maybe Mikey just really wanted to shove a garden gnome up his ass.

"Promise me that you'll always be my sweet little dude?" Pete asked, Pete fucking _asked_ like there was a question about it; Pete asked like he might say no, and honestly the notion of such a thing was indeed ridiculous.

"Of course, Pete, I promise you, sweet little dude."

Pete didn't say anything in response to that, just _kissed_ him: kissed him for a good minute or so, kissed him like it was their last kiss, and it was, for some time at least.

-

Frank hated everything about his existence in that moment.

Because it was that morning.

That _last_ morning.

Four in that last morning.

And he was sat in Gee's living room, with her curled up under his arm, in a house he felt unfamiliar with, and out of place in, and of course severely uncomfortable with.

But nowhere near as uncomfortable as he felt with the knowledge that soon enough he'd have to wake Gee up, and he'd have to wake her up so she could get in her grandmother's car and drive to fucking California and possibly never see him again.

Frank knew that they'd see each other again, and that it was an exaggeration, but not nearly enough, and it seemed as if that was physically digging into his heart as Gee curled up into his side: dark hair framing her pale face perfectly as she slept, and then, as there had always been - there was no denying that she was beautiful, and incredibly so.

Frank considered himself lucky to even have the honour of being alive in that moment, just to hold Gee Way in his arms as he felt the whole world collapsing around him.

He wondered if that was too soppy, but soon came to conclude that he didn't give a fuck, because it was four in the morning and it was the last morning he'd be spending with his girlfriend in far too long.

And he thought back to the very day when he'd first laid eyes on her, in the fucking nurse's office at school, and he'd been more sure than anything that he'd never have a chance with her, and yet, there they were, going through hell together, as she slept silently, beautifully in his arms, and he wondered if he'd get any sleep this week at all.

A few minutes later, came a knock at the living room door and Frank looked up to see Gee's grandmother in the doorway, looking between Frank and Gee with an unreadable expression in her eyes. "You've got to wake her up now." She told him rather simply; her tone quiet, as she suspected that Frank had sat there for hours with Gee in his arms, and he _had_ , and he reckoned she didn't know what to think of that, and honestly Frank didn't know what he expected her to either.

"Okay..." Frank ignored how his voice cracked a little, and began to run his hands through Gee's hair, placing a hand on her cheek before speaking, "Gee, you've got to get up."

She stirred a little, jumping in his grasp as she managed to sit up, relaxing as she caught Frank's gaze, and then panicking again as she met her grandmother's, because she suddenly remembered: remembered that she had to leave, remembered what would come of today, and the whole new world she was about to be thrown into headfirst.

She hated the idea of it all, but she knew that it was best for her.

"I'm awake." Gee mumbled, running a hand back through her hair.

"Mmm..." Her grandmother nodded, "are you ready to go? Mikey's in the car."

"Already?" Gee exclaimed, glancing at Frank: wide eyed, and a little teary.

"It's a long drive." Her grandmother told her, glancing then at Frank, "do you two want a minute? I'll be outside."

Gee nodded, biting her lip and watching her grandma leave, before turning back to Frank and pressing her lips against his before she could even think. "I fucking _love_ you." She mumbled against his lips, her hands shaking a little as she ran them back through his hair.

"L-love you too." Frank choked out, trying his fucking best not to cry, or at least not to cry until Gee was in the car and couldn't see him do so.

"I'm going to miss you so much, _fuck_ , I'll call you like seven hundred times, I promise." Gee got her feet, pulling on what was technically Frank's jacket, but now hers, from where she'd left it on the sofa. "I found that note you left in the pocket of this, fucking cheesy motherfucker," she let out a sigh, "it was lovely though."

Frank smiled at that, getting to his feet too, and pulling Gee into his chest for the last time in far too long, "come on, you've got to go. Call me when you can."

"No, not for a while, you need to get some sleep." She insisted, blushing a little, "I know you didn't sleep all night, don't lie to me, not now."

Frank nodded, biting his lip a little. "I don't know if I can sleep, honestly."

" _Try_." Gee let out a sigh, grabbing her bag from the floor, "try for me, _please_."

Frank only nodded in response, the two remaining in silence as they made their way outside, leaving Frank to stand awkwardly as he watched Gee make her way to the car.

"Gee- wait!" She turned at his voice, her eyes widening a little as Frank rushed over to her, and pulled her into one last kiss. "I love you. So much."

Gee smiled into the kiss, pulling away as she realised that Mikey was watching from the car, "love you more." And then she got into the car before Frank could even argue with her.

And then all it took was the start of an engine and a wave from a car window to leave Frank stood alone on Gee's porch, _crying_ , except it wasn't Gee's porch anymore, because she didn't fucking live here anymore.

But Frank couldn't go home; he couldn't go to bed, not yet.

So he pulled out his cellphone, intending to just wake Ray up ridiculously early and apologise later, however to see something he hadn't been expecting at all: a text from _Freddie_.

And in that state, Frank was too fucked up to think rationally anymore.

-

 

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Zero Percent](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5306171) by [Rionaa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rionaa/pseuds/Rionaa)




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